div align="centre" bNecessary mistake ch6./b /div
(Raph POV)
Our first run seems to have been some sort of ice breaker. It's been been a few days now and we've grown a lot closer, not as close as we use to be, but a lot closer than we've been lately. At this point the likelihood of being kicked out gets less and less, though you never know, can't exactly make the decisions for him.
So for the past couple of nights we've been sparring and racing around the sewers, which has had an positive impact on Leo's sleeping habits. He's confessed to sleeping relatively peaceful lately, which is awesome. Other than that the two of us watch TV and have had a couple of normal conversations. It's still not without the usual growl or stern looks, but it actually feels like we're talking instead or yelling and lecturing.
Downside to it all though, he thinks I'm doing it because of the whole 'trauma' shit I've gone through with splinter. So the first seven days I've spent convincing him it's because I Iwant/I to. I'm pretty sure he finally believes me, he hasn't mentioned it any more since I growled at him last time. Damn turtle is about as stubborn as I am and that can not be good.
Oh! Another downside?
I am so incredibly frustrated! I have to keep myself in check every time I pin him to the mats, or the other way around, I don't really care. Having his ass within in my vision every time we're running is NOT helping either. Why is it so hard to control now?! I didn't have this much trouble before... It's because of the distance I've put between us. Fake anger covers up a lot of emotions, helped me redirect my focus and block unwanted feelings as well.
I am managing though! Haven't jumped him yet and I haven't said anything inappropriate either. It's hard, but I really want this to work so I try and keep my hormones in check as much as I can until I get the opportunity to hide in my room.
I really should just get it over with. Though, what should I even say? "Hey Leo, I am totally in love with you and I'd hate it if you'd turn me down, so just accept me so I can kiss you." Yeah... This is not going to go well, is it?
…
Alright! Change of subject!
We've adapted to Splinters absence relatively well. He wasn't around as much as we thought he was, it had mostly just been training and dinner, not much else besides that.
Training was the only thing Splinter actually still did, though more like Leo and Splinter, so it wasn't that big a change for Leo to take that over completely. Dinner has been more of a family gathering and stuff, so that doesn't really count. It does, however, not mean we don't miss him. His presence isn't really something you can just ignore.
He has a lot of rules as well, forcing us to sneak out regularly to start or finish an important mission he's forced us to abandon. Now we don't have to do that any more and now I can just let the others know I'm going out for a run and have my loud exit. Not that it's needed now, considering Leo and I hardly even fight nowadays. Like, we'd fight over Splinters orders, my mistakes on the field etc. So, now that the two of us actually talk to solve out problems, I don't have any reason to go on a rampage on my way out the lair.
Currently I only have to ask or let Leo know I'm going over to Casey's for a few drinks. Not that I've been seeing the guy much with how much time he's spending with April, though he does make some time for us to go out and kick ass. And the best part? I can go! As long as I don't go overboard and keep Leo updated, not to mention get back to the lair at the discussed time.
Have to say I really hate curfews, but as long as it allows me to go out without a lecture at my return or concerned calls throughout the entire night then I am not about to complain. Besides, I got him to tag along! He does kind of wait for them to do something worth kicking their asses for but he is joining us and that is just perfect. Got him to loosen up a bit as well and I really think he had fun too. I swear!
He scared the shit out of this punk when he tried to molest this poor woman. Hell, Leo even scared the shit out of Casey and me! It wasn't even the part where he threatens the guy, it's the fact that we know he'll follow through that is terrifying.
Oh! speaking of, Leo has been sleeping a lot better than he used to. He promised me he doesn't need Dons pill any more. All the running and sparring we've been doing really helps him calm down. It really helps him fall asleep when he doesn't have enough energy to stay awake, it's also helped him relax a lot more.
Now that I mention sleep...
I should probably do that right now... Everyone's already gone to bed about an hour ago.
Leo and I have gone on a run earlier and he went to bed about half an hour after that. I've been trying, without success, to fall asleep since then. My body managed to shut down, but apparently my mind seems to have other plans.
I keep thinking about the reactions my confession could bring and I can't seem to make them end peacefully... it this how anxieties work? Kind of makes you forget the good possibilities. Like, Leo harboring the same kind of feelings, or giving me a chance to see where things go. My god, is this why Leo has trouble sleeping? If so, he is handling it a lot better than I am.
I really love the guy and it would kill me if he'd just shoot me down or tell me my feelings are disgusting... or freak out... or-
Gah! Shut UP brain! I could seriously scream right now if it wouldn't mean waking up the entire lair. Maybe another run might help? Well... at the state my legs are in? No, not happening.
So yeah, here I am, at the kitchen table drinking one of my precious beer, drowning my sorrows in alcohol like the big boy I am and what do you know? It's not working. Shocker. How am I ever going to confess to the bastard if I'm already freaking out the mere thought of it?! Maybe I should just let my control slip and jump him?
I groan out load and drop my head onto the kitchen table, pain be damned. Can my brain please just shut down already? Hmmm... Don might be willing to knock me out if I wake him up with one of Mikes bad pranks...
Nah, I'm not that mean, poor genius needs his sleep. Maybe I should take one of those pills?
As if on instinct, my eyes dart to the dojo. Maybe another workout? I did have that run with Leo, is more intense exercise really a good solution? I mean, I'd rather have sore muscles than a sleepless night, I have plenty of experience dealing with sore muscles than sleepless nights, so that is something I can handle. Drawback of falling asleep the second my head hit the pillow I suppose.
Alrighty, Dojo it is!
I jump up from my chair and make my way over to the dojo, bypassing my press bench considering I'm not willing to break my neck when my arms give out and instead strut over to my precious punching bag.
Starting out with a couple of slow punches I steadily start to increase speed and strength, managing a steady rhythm for my mind to focus on. Right, left, right. I think it's working! Left, right, left. Leo might just use me as a punching bag after I-
I cover my head in my hands an groan loudly in sheer frustration. Will my mind shut the fuck up already?! How hard can it be?! Mikey does it all the time! So, if I can just figure out how he does it than maybe I can-
"How are you still up?" The quiet voice comes out of fucking Inowhere!/I
No, I did NOT yelp or scream and I certainly did not hug my damn punching bag for dear life as my life flashes before my very eyes. I did not, so don't even picture it!
I don't know why they're closed, but I open one of my eyes to peek at whoever spoke, only to find Leo at the entrance of the dojo staring at me as if I'd just gone insane. It sure is a funny look on him!
…
Uh... is it just me or does he look smaller? No way...!
Looking down, I can see my feet are not on the ground any more and are in fact tightly wrapped around the base of the punching bag... so that did happen... Fuck... Did anyone see my dignity fly out the sewer drain? Yeah? Great! GO FETCH IT! I could seriously use it right about now...
I groan and plant my feet back onto the ground and step away from the bag, I'm just going to pretend this never happened.
Thankfully Leo seems to ignore it as well and allows me to keep whatever dignity I have left. He casually leans against the frame of the sliding door as if I'd just finished my routine normally.
"I thought you were about to pass out after we came back from that run earlier." The fuck? I was not about to I'Pass out'/I! I mean, yeah, I was tired, but not Ithat/I tired. I'd been the one to grab us a glass of water after he'd collapsed on the couch! I didn't even see him lift his head, he just blindly reached for it, successfully, but still blindly.
I shoot him a glare, showing him I'm definitely not impressed. He only rolls his eyes at me and it is ridiculous how he easily he can get me to ease up with just Ione/I small smile? Damn it fearless! Can't he just smirk or something? I'm trying to feel insulted here!
"No need to glare, I wasn't any better." Exactly! No denying it even if he tried. The both of us had slumped onto the couch the second it was within reach and I would not have left it either, if not for the desperate need to stay hydrated.
We seriously overdid that damn run... I couldn't stand another run spent staring at his ass, there is no telling when I'll break, but it is not happing during a fucking run. Unfortunately that dragged us both into a race... again... Well, at least it drove the bad thoughts away...
He casually walks over to my press bench and sits down on the end, patting the spot next to him in a silent order for me to sit down.
"C'mon sit down or you might fall over." Excuse me? Fall over? No way in hell, not from just a Irun/I. I can and will stay standing for all eternity if I want to, might just start proving it today. So instead of doing as instructed, I cross my arms instead, leveling him with a small glare. We might be in the Dojo, but we're not training so I have no obligation to follow any orders.
"No I ain't, I'mma walk 'nother mile if I have ta!" Leo just rolls his eyes and walks over to stand besides me, softly squeezing my shoulder as he shakes his head at my stubbornness.
"Of course, no doubt about that." He pats my shoulder again before moving his hand to the back of my shell to guide me towards the bench, not noticing or ignoring the shiver that just went down my spine. "So please, just humor me and sit down?"
I want to glare at him, but the moment I see that easy smile I instantly decide to humor him after all and allow him to lead me forward. Not without a grumbled "Fine". I can't believe how easily I cave.
It is all he needs to guide me towards the press bench and smiles as I plop down onto with only an annoyed huff. I almost didn't catch the "Thank you." As I inwardly groan once my body weight leaves my feet. They feel all heavy. Guess I probably was about to fall over after all.
I expect Leo to take a seat next to me, but he pats my head and takes a stand behind me. I am about to growl at him, but freaze as his hands settle only my shoulders and gently start to kneed the muscles he can reach.
"No wonder you had trouble falling asleep, you are way to tense." I really want to growl at him, though a groan is the only thing to coming out as his skillful hands move over my skin, forcing the muscles to relax.
It is silent for a while, outside of the occasional hiss or groan I'm not able to keep in. It feels amazing! I'm really happy Splinter taught him about pressure points.
My head is finally silent, calm and empty enough for me to hopefully be able to fall sleep- "Want to talk about it?" - Or not...
I groan loudly in frustration. I came here to shut my mind up. Not to start thinking more! I know it might help, but how is it supposed to help if it's Iabout/I him?!
"No." It's the only answer he gets, but at least it is an answer. He seems to relent the issue and refocus on a few of the stubborn knots. It earns him a hiss of pain and a groan of relief as the tension eases. God, I should have gotten him to do this earlier, might have helped me with my anger issues.
Nah, I doubt it.
"Is this about that guy you like?" Damn it Leo! Stop prying! I obviously don't want to talk about it!
"Wha if it is?" And there I go anyway...
"Then I'd say you have nothing to worry about." I freeze for a moment. What does that mean? Of course I have to worry! You see me as your younger brother! Most of those chick flicks April watches start with strangers or friends, not fucking relatives. Though we're not exactly blood related...
I try to turn my head so I can glare at him and to look him in the eye so I can attempt to read him, but the hand on top of my head prevents me from doing so. I settle back down and glare at the wall instead. Have it your way then!
"An why not?" His hands move towards the sides of my neck and he simultaneously presses his thumbs into the pressure points besides my spine and I nearly shriek out a moan. My body spasms as electricity seems to shoot down my spine and across the entirety of my body. If there hadn't been a shell attached to my body I would have arched so much I'd topple off the damn bench.
The hell was that even?!
"Oh come on Raph, don't be so negative. I already told you he'd be lucky to have you." He sounds neutral, as if hadn't just attempted to break my spine. I sigh, I really hope he'll still say that when he finds out.
And just like that his hands are gone. I think I might have even whined at the loss, but his presence shifts as he jumps over the bench to take a seat besides me and I can finally look him in the eye. Though, honestly, I was not expecting him to be frowning.
"I do wonder. When was the last time you saw him?" Saw who? Oh!... Can't really confess I'm looking at him right now.
"Wha do ya mean?" He sighs, scratching the back of his neck, he looks concerned, though there is a strange emotion in his eyes I can't quite seem to place. Not that it matters, it's only there for a split second.
"Well I haven't really seen you text or call this guy, unless you went to go see him when you said you were going to Casey's… Or maybe you did sneak out…" His frown seems to deepen as he thinks back to the last couple of days as it he's missed something.
Well, I have been calling him, ass well as text him. I kind of had too, he wasn't going to let me leave the lair in peace if I hadn't. I have definitely not been sneaking out, don't really have a reason too. It has also been a lot of fun to watch Casey go crazy trying to figure out who I was texting. Turns out I'd been smiling while I texting. It was hilarious.
"I did go ta Casey's when I said I did, Ya know I dun lie Leo, an no I ain't been sneakin out either. I promised I'd tell ya where I'm headin frem now on, though I still dunno why I promised that."I huff, happy to see him laugh a little, I'm sure Leo knows I'd never lie to any of my brothers, unless my anger gets the better of me. Good thing it's kind of obvious when that happens.
"I know you don't. I just hope you haven't broken contact with him after what happened." He looks uneasy, glancing at the shell cell neatly tucked into my belt. It must be killing to not know who he is, he's never been very fond of exposing ourselves, with good reason. The thought of not knowing if we can trust him or what his intentions are, must be hard on Leo, though I am very grateful he hasn't pressured me into telling him.
"Nah, Been talkin to em erry day." Which was not a lie, Leo and I have been communicating pretty much every day.
"Good." He still looks uneasy, even as he shifts his gaze to the ceiling, deep within his own thoughts. "Are you going to tell him?"
I close my eyes in frustration. I was half expecting him to ask me that question at some point. I shift uncomfortably as I have no way to answer that question. I mean I'll have to tell him eventually, before I do something I regret. I just have to figure out how first. After that I have to hope there is enough courage left to even do it.
"I... Dunno if I c'n." My eyes flash to Leo, before they quickly move to the other side of the room when I accidentally catch his eyes. Why am I so nervous?! It's not like he knows! Just calm down!
"It's not the matter of can or can't. It's Ihow/I you do it." I frown, snapping my head back towards him, but he isn't looking at me this time. His eyes are locked onto the tree in the middle of the dojo, deep in thought.
"What?" Is it his job to confuse me? Because he is doing it perfectly, like always.
"Well, knowing you, talking is not your strong suit." That earns him a glare, one he returns with a smirk, having obviously expected the reaction. Does he have to insult me? I thought he was going to help me! Can't I just hit him now?
"Stop glaring Raph, you know it's true." I huff, crossing my arms across my chest. Just because it's true doesn't mean I have to like it! I have been trying to improve on that, it's not that easy!
"Then what do I do?" I pout, glaring at a barbell littering the floor. When did I lose that?
"You have to follow the moment." Frowning, I turn back to Leo. He's smiling softly, looking as if he remembers seeing something like that before. Follow what moment?
I slam my hands over my eyes and groan loudly in frustration, before flopping myself backwards off the bench, landing on my shell with my legs laying on the bench. "Are ya gonna start makin sense Fearless?" Crossing my arms again, I glare at him, but he merely sighs and shakes his head.
"What I mean, Hothead, is that you wait for the right moment." Alright, that sounds like Leo when we're on stakeouts. Right?! There is no such thing as waiting for the right moment outside of our missions, but I'm sure Leo has a point, he always hoes. Guess I can humor him for now.
"Kay, Imma bite. When is that gonna be?" He smirks mischievously down at me, earing another frown from me in return.
"No idea." He lets himself fall backwards to join me on the floor, arms tucked underneath his head, smiling in satisfaction when I growl at him.
"Great! Lemme just set a timer on tha." I grumble. What is this guy trying to accomplish?
"Good luck." He laughs at my childish behavior, shakes his head and continues his explanation. "Raph, those moments can happen at any time. You just need the patience to see them and allow yourself to give in." That, actually made sense. Why go through all the trouble of planning it, when it can just happen naturally?
OOOOOOh! I get it! Dude... I wasted so many chances... We've been so damn close so many times, I could have kissed him a hundred times over by now. Damn... how sad am I?
"I mean, I worked for Mike and Don." What? Is that how those idiots got together? Damn! I should have asked Don how they got together when I talked to him about it, could have helped me earlier. I'm curious now though...
"How did they...?"
Leo laughs quietly, catching up on my curiosity. "Mikey wanted to cheer Donny up after one of his inventions malfunctioned again. The talked, shared a hug, went with the moment and kissed." Leo has a faraway look in his eyes as he talks about it. I could Imagen something like that happening. Sounds a lot like April's damn chick flicks though. Guess they might have something useful after all.
I smirk as a though crosses my mind. "An how would ya know tha? Been spyin on em? Or did ya stumble across em? Ya did say ya knew bout em gettin togetha." He shoots me a glare, nudging my head with his elbow.
"I did not! I asked them about it a few days ago." He rolls backwards and onto his feet, but stays besides me. "Anyhow, you should try and get some sleep." One of his feet plants itself onto my plastron, moving it back and forth so my shell rolls from side to side. He is struggling to hold his laughter, the longer I resist. My eye twitches, though I am determined to ignore his efforts and am failing miserably.
My resistance did not last long and snapped quickly to try and to grab his foot, but he was prepared for it and pulls away at the moment I try to unwrap my arms, laughing loudly. He offers me a hand up anyway and I grab it, contemplating on pulling him down or letting him actually lift me up. I decide on the latter as I don't have the energy for another spar at the moment.
"Fine! I'm goin." He grins, seeing his little plan succeed and I jump forward, surprising him enough to catch him in a tight headlock. His hands reflectively jump to my arm, trying to dislocate them. At least that was what I thought he was going to go, I should have seen this coming...
One of his hands slides over my arm, towards the inside of my elbow and squeezes. A quick flash of pain shoots through my elbow and through my lower arm, it drops helplessly from his shoulder, completely limp. I try to keep him pinned with my only remaining arm, but I've lost my advantage. Fucking pressure points! I told you I hate splinter for teaching him pressure points! "Cheater!"
Laughing, Leo easily slips out of my grip and surprises the crap out of me by grabbing my wrist and jumping up and behind me in one smooth movement. It allows him to easily plant his hand against my head to shove it against the wall. Now, I don't like to say this, but with one arm trapped and the other pinned against my shell, I'm stuck.
"Not sure what you were trying to accomplish, but it seems you've lost." He snickers behind me, placing more pressure on my arm, though relents once he catches my wince, I couldn't help but laugh. "Say the words Raphie and I'll let you go."
Warm puffs of air ghost against my cheek as Leo leans in closer, placing a tiny bit more pressure on my arm, trying to come across a little more in control, because I am not one to admit defeat easy. I can't stop the sudden flash of heat that shoots through me at the situation. Fuck. The things he could do right now and I wouldn't even be able to resist, nor complain to be honest.
Fuck! This is not good. I need distance or he is going to figure this all out real fast and not in a good way.
"Ok, Okay! I give!" He immediately releases me with a gentle laugh, a stupidly adorable grin adoring his features and carefully grabs my useless arm. I repress the urge to get closer and instead try to glare at him through my own amusement. He squeezes my elbow again and I finally regain feeling. I pull the limb back from him and try to smack him with my hand, before he has a chance to step back into safety.
He skilfully dodges the attempt, laughing louder. "That was unfair!" I pout, crossing my arms again. As I make my way to the dojo entrance, Leo seems to pull me back, wraps a hand around my head to cradle it into his chest. His other hand gently pats against the top of my head.
"Aww you poor little Raphie, I'm sowwy." I manage to push the guy away, but can't resist the small smile. We are just playing around after all, just joking. It's nice to see this playful side of Leo again, but enough is enough, my self-control can not take much more.
"I'd attack ya again, but I've humiliated maself nough today." He grins, nodding as he moves towards the entrance.
"You're right. I'm going back to bed again, you coming?" I nod and follow him out of the room, slowly making our way to our rooms and vaguely wonder how Leo even knew I was up anyhow. I wasn't yelling or anything, was I?
"Hey! Why were ya up anyhow? I thought ya said ya could fall asleep any minute!" Leo turns his head towards me and nods.
"I did. Fell asleep the second I found my pillow." He closes his eyes for a moment, remembering how tired he must have been. I've been at that point a lot, but I never woke back up until hours later.
"Then wha 're ya doin up?" He smirks and pinches my cheek quickly and lets go before I had the thought or opportunity to smack his hand away myself.
"You're continued groaning and endless lamentation woke me up." With that Leo steps into his room, closing the door behind him and snickers when I growl and smack his door.
Bastard makes me look like a fool! Not like I can do anything about it, I'm way to tired now. Grumbling to myself, I shuffle my way towards my own room.
It sure has been a strange conversation if I do say so myself. I've never been one for the mushy stuff like 'giving in to the moment'. I mean come on! If we'd been human or the opposite sex it would have been just like Aprils precious movies.
If what Leo said was true then I all I have to do is find the right moment to show him how I feel without having to come out and say them. If I play my cards right I might get a kiss out of just like Mike had.
I mean, if I am going to confess then I might as well get something out of it before he avoids me for the rest of my life, which can be a looooong time. Turtles do live long lives after all.
I freeze as I reach my door handle as a though hits me. How many of those 'moments' have I already missed?! Glancing over at Leo's door, I realize i've gotten a lot of them and yet I chickened out.
That somehow stuck me as odd. How did I get so many chances anyhow? How have I managed to get myself into those situations?!
I sigh and enter my room, jumping up into my hammock with practiced ease, before falling asleep to the though of Leo kissing me instead.