Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the Naruto franchise. I don't even make any money off of this which is a drag. I could use some coins ya know! Wine isn't cheap (well it can be but it adds up lol)!

Rating: This story is M. That means strong language, violence, and adult situations. If those things make you squeamish I don't think you should read my story. Back out now and go to the K+ sandbox. For the rest of you heathens, you may continue.

CCNote: Since today is the last day of school I had no classes to shuck and jive in front of. So I had tons of time to work on 'Being'. If you haven't read 'Becoming' then back out now and go read it, otherwise please enjoy and don't forget to leave a REVIEW! The more reviews this story gets the more new people will check it out. They also motivate me to keep writing! So REVIEW!

Being Alone

It was dark when Hinata found herself regaining conscious but was she really awake this time?

She licked her lips and grimaced at their chapped state. When was the last time she'd gotten out of bed long enough to take care of herself? How long had it been since…her heart ached at the train of thought that her mind was hurtling down. The calendar on the wall of her old bedroom was turned to August, two weeks worth of days had been crossed off by a hand that wasn't her own.

Fourteen days.

It had been fourteen days since the last time she'd spoken to him. She said that she would return to him soon. She'd tried to see him but every time she thought she'd been on the cusp of consciousness, a dreamlike trance would drag her back under.

She shouldn't be in the Hyuuga compound surrounded by eyes that kept watch over every breath she took. She should be in their bed. She should be with him but instead, she was by herself. At that moment, a small whine at her side reminded her that she was not alone, not completely. Turning her head to her right she saw their puppy curled up desperately against her side for warmth. Beige fur shivered in the darkness and whine at her insufficiency. The warmth she gave off was nowhere near as much as Sasuke as he was the one the puppy preferred the most.

Hinata reached out a hand to the shivering pup and gently stroked its fur. Sasuke must have brought the pup over. He had only tolerated its existence to please her. The fact that he'd parted with the puppy as well as her meant that whatever affection he'd had for her had been cast out. He hated her…

"I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice cracking from disuse. "I'm so sorry."

'Uchihas don't apologize.'

Uchihas didn't apologize but then again she wasn't one. She would never be. Hinata squeezed her eyes shut and focused all of her efforts on not crying. She never thought that it would hurt this much. She'd failed plenty of times in her life. She'd failed missions before. She'd failed to receive acknowledgment from her father and clan for most of her life. However, this…this failure was different. She had failed him. She'd broken his trust and now he didn't want her back.

Void. Their marriage contract was void. As the head of the Uchiha, he had the power to do such a thing. He didn't want her and as a result, she was unable to protect him. Sitting up, Hinata buried her face in her knees and wrapped her arms around herself. Sasuke didn't have to like her. She didn't agree to the marriage because she believed that he might come to care for her. In fact, in the beginning, she hadn't thought the man to even be capable of such a thing. She didn't like him much either.

Yet, she had a duty to her family to honor the contract and she couldn't allow Hanabi to take her place. Sure he had helped to save Konoha but he was the most important person to Naruto. She had to help for his sake at least. Without her Sasuke would be subjected to the whims of the council, none of which ended with him still breathing. She'd agonized over her decision well after the ink had been dried. It was clear that he despised her with every fiber of his being. He pushed her away and said hurtful things. He threatened to kill her and yet every night still curled into her side as if she were the only thing keeping him anchored to reality. She was supposed to protect him. She was supposed to do her best. In the end though…her best wasn't good enough.

He hated her now, didn't he? He hated that she hadn't told him about the sealing but if she had would the outcome have been any different? Hinata sniffed and shook her head over her knees. No. Sasuke would have still voided the contract but at least the dojo wouldn't have caught on fire. The structure had been on the compound grounds since before her father had been born. It was a permanent fixture of her childhood. A countless number of Hyuuga had spent many days sweating and bleeding within its walls. It had been there before their time and would surely remain long after. Yet, in the blink of an eye, it had gone up in flames.

She hadn't seen the incident herself. She just remembered the blurry image of the scroll on fire in front of her. However, she'd heard the whispers in the hall from the branch members when they stopped in from of her room during her fleeting moments of lucidity. When her bedroom window was open she could smell the remnants of the fire, sharp and pungent in her nose. The smell still lingered two weeks later.

"Nee-chan." A soft voice called through the door of her room. "Are you up? Father says you should be. It's me."

Hinata sniffed but didn't reply to what she imagined was an attempt by her sister to make amends. She wasn't angry with Hanabi for telling Sasuke. She just didn't have anything to say. There was a soft sigh of defeat just outside her door before soft feet padded away down the hall. She'd be back in a few hours to try again. If her little sister was nothing else it was determined. Sighing, Hinata lifted her head up and stared at her bedroom door.

She'd lived in this room all her life but at the moment it felt wholly unfamiliar. Everything remained within its four walls just as she'd left it. The pictures of her teammates remained dust free and the clothing that she didn't take with her were still hanging in the closet. Old scrolls had been neatly arranged on her desk and appeared as if they hadn't been touched in months. The only thing she'd touched herself were the sheets she was currently lying in. They were her sheets but at the same time, they weren't.

This wasn't her room. This wasn't her home. She wasn't supposed to be here.

An odd feeling of adrenaline rushed through her veins and for the first time in weeks, she found the desire to leave. She shivered when her feet touched the cold hardwood floor but ignored the chill. Quickly she made her way over to her desk chair where her old lavender jacket hung over the back. She then grabbed the sling for the puppy and wrapped it around her neck before going back to the bed. The puppy whined a bit at being moved but otherwise went into its sling without much of a fight. It was getting a bit too big for its sling though. Hinata frowned at the thought. The puppy was growing so quickly.

When the time came she would have to return him to Kiba. At that point, she would really be alone. Shaking her head of the thought, she made her way to her bedroom door. Once she opened it she looked both ways to ensure that the coast was clear. Closing her eyes, she then activated her bloodline limit and scanned the area for the best route out without being seen. It was against the rules to use one's eyes outside of training but that the moment she couldn't be made to care. If anyone saw her up and about they would try to stop her. They would bring her to her father and he was the last person she wanted to speak to at the moment. Taking a deep breath, she stepped out of her room and swiftly made her way through the compound.

….

Darkness blanketed the villagers, only the pinpricks of light from the moon and stars was able to pierce it. She wasn't afraid of being out alone at this hour though. Her feet took her to the Uchiha District without much thought on her part. She should have walked this path two weeks ago. She should have made her way back to him. Hinata bit her bottom lip as she kept her eyes trained on peeling blue paint of the Uchiha District gate. Was he still angry with her? What would he say when he saw her? What could she say to him?

'It was either me or you?'

No.

'I'm sorry?'

That was even worse.

Frowning, Hinata picked up her pace to an almost jog up to the gates. Whatever she was going to say it wouldn't really matter. She had to say something. She had to explain-

Her breath caught in her throat as soon as she made it to the gates. Yellow tape was spiderwebbed a between the aged arches, impeding any who wished to go any further. The grounds beyond the tape was bare. All of the trees had been removed and the one house that had remained…their house…was gone. There was nothing left but dirt. Not even the crows had been allowed to remain. The gravel stung her knees as her legs gave out from under her. The reality of the situation set in and made her blood run cold.

Everything was gone.

Sasuke was gone and it was all her fault. Her eyes burned as hot tears welled up and freely streamed down her cheeks. Dark eyes flashed briefly in her mind. Stoic. Annoyed. Amused. Upset. Angry. Happy. She'd never get to see him like that again. Sasuke was gone. He was gone and she…she had failed.

….

By the time she'd arrived back to the Hyuuga compound, the sun was already peeking out through the treetops. She didn't even bother to sneak past the guards who appeared alarmed to see her out of bed. She blindly dragged herself and her puppy into the house, ignoring the shocked looks of her clansmen. She knew that she wasn't supposed to be out of bed. Her father would know about her escapade in a matter of moments. He'd likely question her whereabouts and reprimand her for her reckless behavior but she didn't care. For the first time in years, she couldn't find the will to care.

All she wanted to do was get to the bed- her bed- and sleep. Alone. Hinata bit her bottom lip as tears welled up in her eyes, blurring the hallway before her. Despite the concerned looks of her clansmen, she pressed on. When she got to her room what awaited her was not silence but an irate little sister that sat on the edge of her bed.

"Where have you been?!" Hanabi demanded, pouncing off of the bed as if she were ready to strike.

Hinata ignored her in favor of removing the puppy from its sling. The little ball of fur whimpered at being removed from warmth but quickly found a spot to rest on her pillow. Hinata then removed the sling from around her neck and silently walked over to lay it on top of her desk.

"Quit ignoring me!" Hanabi hissed as she followed her back to the bed. "You went to go find him, didn't you? You've been asleep for weeks and the first thing you do is go running to look for him-"

"And whose fault is that?" Hinata snapped back.

"Father thought it was best-"

"Of course he did."

"You would have gone after him! You would have tried to stop them."

Hinata tensed and turned to look at her sister for the first time. The light from the sunrise spilled into the room and painted their usually pale skin pink and orange. Hanabi stared back at her with narrowed eyes and fists clenched angrily at her sides.

"You would have gotten hurt."

"Hanabi-"

"How could you let yourself get sealed? How could you?"

The elder Hyuuga cupped the younger's cheek and while her touch was gentle her eyes were anything but.

"Hanabi. Where is Sasuke?" she asked and the girl smacked her hand away.

"Father and the elders took care of him. He's the council's problem now not ours."

….

She could hear the sounds of the festival from inside of her room. The drums and the horns were faint but still audible even at this distance. The Harvest festival had finally arrived to Konoha. The summer heat of the day had faded away, leaving a cool evening that drew everyone outside. She'd overheard the gossip of her clansmen. This was to be the largest harvest in nearly a decade. Not only was it a large haul but it was the first festival since the war. The energy around the compound had been heightened with anticipation for the celebration. Everyone, young and old, branch and main, were off tonight to enjoy the festivities. Everyone except her.

This night…hurt.

Sliding open the shoji door, Hinata made her way into the dressing room that had once held Sasuke. The broken mirror had been removed, in its place stood one that was nearly identical. The tatami that had been stained with droplets of his blood had also been replaced. One would have never known what had taken place in this room less than a month before. In the center of the room sat a low table upon which two large satin boxes sat. They'd been tied together carefully for easy transport and a scroll sat by their side.

Hinata pushed the scroll aside as she sat down in front of the table, it's message not meant for her eyes. It was a message of congratulations. It was a message meant for a woman that had been sealed and had succeeded in provided the assurances her clan needed to even give her such blessings. Instead, she untied the string that held the boxes together. She then lifted the lid of the top box and stared at the garment inside. There, carefully folded with gray tissue paper, sat her wedding kimono. White and pristine and absolutely perfect. When she lifted the material from its container the silk felt cool to the touch. Her eyes studied every stitch and search down the sleeve for traces of Sasuke's blood but of course, there was none to be had.

Frowning she placed her kimono to the side and opened the second box. Gray tissue paper was carefully encasing what Sasuke would have worn. A black monsuke greeted her, the Uchiha crest delicately stitched upon it. He would have looked handsome if he had the chance to wear it properly.

Would have….

Those two words hurt more than she could have imagined.

They would have been enjoying the festival tonight just like everyone else. He would have protested attending. She would have convinced him otherwise. She would have ignored the stares of others. He would have glared back. When the fireworks went off he would have kissed her. His kisses would have been insistent, his hands greedy. He would have wanted more than kisses. She would have given him more. She would have been happy.

Would have.

Would have.

Would have.

Their life would have been so much different. Hinata blinked as she noticed her tears fall onto the silk of Sasuke's kimono, ruining the silk. Thinking about the way things would have been helped no one. Crying wouldn't bring Sasuke back to her. There was nothing she could do to make this right. She'd failed. Sniffing she gathered up her own kimono and Sasuke's into her arms and dragged them out of the room. Down the dark hallway, she went until she reached a door that led outside to the Hyuuga gardens. There she was illuminated by the light of the full moon shining brightly in the night sky, it's glow casting a silver glint to everything it touched.

Outside of the sounds of distant drumming, the compound was silent. Still. Not even the wind disturbed the chimes that hung from the rafters of the covered walkways. Even after a month, the damaged dojo still stood in its same place. Ashen and crumbling. Everyone knew not to go near it until it was able to be repaired. Hinata wasn't sure when that would be nor did she care. There was very little that she cared about at this point. Grass crunched beneath her feet as she moved forward with a trail of silks behind her.

One step turned into two. Two into three. Until she finally reached the koi pond. The black water reflected the moon perfectly, it's surface unmoving. Slowly she sank down to the water's edge and her own reflection appeared. Her forehead unblemished. Pale, sunken in cheeks. Eyes red from crying. She looked just as pathetic as she felt on the inside. Tearing her eyes away from the sight, she looked to the silks that she'd brought with her. In only a few more weeks they would have worn these for the ceremony.

Would have…so many would haves.

Her fingers tightened around the silks as she brought them closer to the edge of the pond. Now that Sasuke was dea- …gone…her clan would want to make another match for her. They'd already been generous enough to allow her a month to grieve. They'd want to make a pair that was either just as or more advantageous to being with the last Uchiha. It was doubtful that they could accomplish such a thing. There weren't many men who were as powerful as Sasuke had been. Their genes would not produce the kind of offspring a mix of the Sharingan and Byakugan would have. Her heart clenched at the thought and released her hold on the black and white silk, allowing the material to be dragged down into the pond.

Her children would have been Uchiha. That fact had filled her with a sense of dread before. She was little more than a broodmare, an experiment. Now…now she felt a loss as if something important had been ripped away from her. The world that she had created, the world that she'd had with Sasuke, had been destroyed. The walls of their one-story house had been toppled and their possessions disposed of. Their books, all of those nights spent reading and laughing and arguing were now gone. Everything was gone.

Sasuke was gone.

Swallowing thickly, she pushed the rest of the silk into the pond before standing up and returning to the house. Her clan would want her to marry sooner rather than later. It was her duty to marry but this time….this time she just couldn't do it.

She wouldn't.

…..

The journey to the Hokage tower wasn't difficult. The few people that she passed were too drunk on their own merriment to notice her and how odd she looked. With the heavy pack on her back and puppy strapped to her chest, she looked like she was embarking on a long mission which should have raised suspicion. On a night like tonight, no one should be preparing to leave. Tonight was such a pleasant night too.

Pausing between a dango stall and an okonomiyaki stand, she watched the multitudes of people passing under the brightly colored lanterns. Men and women were dressed uniquely in yukatas shaded in more colors than she thought possible. Children weaved in an out of the crowds, underfoot but never in the way. Everyone was so happy. This was the peace that they'd fought so hard for. This was a peace that Neji would have loved to be a part of.

"Hey Sakura-chan let's play this one!" a familiar voice called out, his voice bright and distinct among all of the noise.

"Naruto you're just going to lose more money!" Sakura reprimanded but the man in question was undeterred.

"I have a good feeling about this one! I just know I can win!"

Hinata watched as the two came into view, taking a step back into the shadows so that they couldn't see her. The precaution wasn't necessary as the two were so engrossed with each other that they were in their own little world. They were a rather odd pair of pink and orange, a combination that should have been tacky but somehow worked on the two of them. Bright and happy. They were the personification of the summer that they were leaving behind.

"Don't whine to me when you lose!" Sakura huffed, her arms crossed under her chest.

"Just wish me luck!"

At first, it appeared as though Sakura wouldn't do it. She was right, Naruto really shouldn't participate in these carnival games as they were meant solely to make money and not to be won. If she was in Sakura's place would she have tried to stop him? Hinata felt the corners of her lips tug upwards as an easy answer came to mind. She wouldn't have stopped him. She wouldn't have said anything. She wouldn't have to because Sasuke knew better than to throw money down the drain. Shaking her head, Hinata watched with mild amusement as Sakura refused to wish Naruto the 'luck' he requested. Instead, she rolled up the sleeves of her yukata and marched over to the game booth that Naruto had been aiming to play.

"I'll show you how it's done. Give me the money." She said. Naruto trailed after her with a wide, goofy grin on his face and his frog wallet at the ready.

Hinata didn't stay to watch the rest of their interaction. This alone was enough. She smiled as a warm feeling spread from the center of her chest out to her extremities. It was good to see Sakura back to her usual vibrant self. It was a side of herself she rarely showed when Sasuke was around. Instead, she tried to be less pushy, less loud, less herself.

'It's better this way.' Hinata thought as she returned to her journey. 'Sakura-san is an important person to Naruto-kun too.'

Silently she wished them both to remain just as they were tonight. Just as happy. Just as bright. The village needed more people like them. Against her chest, her puppy squirmed, disturbed by the loud noises of the festival. Soon the fireworks would be set off. She would prefer to be gone by then. Picking up her pace, she infused chakra in her feet and took to the roofs. It didn't take long for her to reach the Hokage tower which had all of the lights out save for one.

Instead of going through the building she easily scaled her way up to the only lit window and slid open its class. Kakashi sat inside his office, alone save for multiple towers of papers and scrolls to keep him company. He looked up at Hinata as soon as she slid open the window to his office, a look of mild surprise in his eyes.

"Hinata-san." He said, putting down the scroll he currently held in his hands. "What brings you here?"

"I-" Hinata started to say but she paused.

What she wanted to ask for was selfish. She was abandoning everyone. Abandoning her friends and family. Hanabi. Hanabi would hate her even more after she discovered that she was gone. However, no matter how everyone else felt she still couldn't remain. Not right now. Not when the heart she'd pieced back together had been shattered yet again irreparably.

"I….I wish to leave." Hinata said finally, her voice small but firm.

Kakashi stood up from his desk and approached her carefully as if she were capable of jumping from the window if he moved too quickly.

"You want to leave the village." He reiterated and Hinata nodded. "You will be a missing-nin."

Hinata bit her bottom lip and shook her head. She didn't want to be labeled a missing-nin. She wasn't a traitor but she couldn't stay either. If she stayed she would feel even worse than she did now. Every day she would be reminded of just how much she'd failed him. Every day she would get closer to the elders solidifying their plans for her to marry someone else…

"I was hoping that if I told you…you wouldn't mark me as missing." Hinata said sheepishly.

It was a fool's request, an innocent one but still a fool's. As Hokage, Kakashi had protocols to follow and she was no exception.

"Why do you want to leave?"

"I…I can't stay. Sasuke…" she whispered, choking on his name as it rolled off her tongue.

It hurt too much to say. Kakashi nodded his head in understanding before turning back to his desk and grabbing a scroll from the top of the stack. He then turned back to her and held it out.

"Tomorrow Akimichi Chouji will be heading from here to Kumo as an ambassador for the village.

He will need an escort to ensure that he gets there safely." Kakashi said and Hinata gave him a confused look. What did this have to do with her? Choji was more than capable of going the journey to Kumo alone. She opened her mouth to say as much but Kakashi shook his head.

"From there you should head to the Land of Snow. We have not had the shinobi to spare for a visit and their council finds to be a bit of a snub. A visit from one of the Leaf's most prominent clan's should soothe that over."

"Hokage-sama-"

"From there you will head to the Sand village and await my further instruction. Any questions?"

"Yes!" Hinata said breathlessly. "I don't understand. Why-"

"You are a kunoichi of the Leaf." He replied simply. "This is my mission for you. You will fulfill it. You will return."

Hinata gulped as she accepted the scroll from his still outstretched hand. It was simple enough. All she had to do was be an unnecessary escort and show her face in a small village. Any chunin worth their salt could handle the mission easily. She gave Kakashi a wary look but kept a firm grip on the scroll. His eyes were unreadable but it was clear what his intentions were. He wanted her to return without the shame of being a missing-nin. What he didn't understand was that shame had already wormed its way into the crevice where her heart used to reside.

"Chouji will depart from the main gates at sunrise." Kakashi said upon her acceptance of the scroll. "Show that scroll to him and the guards and then be on your way. I expect regular updates while you are away."

Hinata nodded and turned to leave. It appeared as though her departure would have to wait a few more hours. Just as she was about to leave, she turned back to Kakashi. It would hurt to know but Kakashi would be the only person with the answers. Clearly, Sakura and Naruto didn't know what had become of Sasuke. Perhaps it was a good sign that they didn't. Perhaps he was still alive.

"Hokage-sama…Sasuke…" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "What-what happened to him?"

To be continued…Being Aware