Star Trek 'animated' episode #14 "The Jihad"

A/N – the summery for this episode says; "Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock join a team of aliens trying to recover a sculpture containing the soul of their spiritual leader before a Holy war breaks out." Riiight. Does anyone else notice how Spock is always "Mr. Spock", not 'commander Spock' or 'science officer Spock'? That's just rude, man. Also, 'Aliens'? Er, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Spock technically an alien from an Earthcentric view?

I also ask everyone to pardon me, my beginnings are always sketchy.

Oh, and I do not own Capt. Kirk, Spock, Scotty, or Uhura, etc, as much as I may want to.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Space, the Final Frontier. The Enterprise on her five year mission to seek out new life, yada yada yada.

Stardate 5683.1 (sometime in the second season)

- The Enterprise orbits a planet with five other ships, one of which looks like some strange kind of fruit.-

Kirk and Spock are standing on the transporters, waiting to beam down. They wait while the voice over of Kirk explains their mission.

"The Vadala are the oldest space-faring race we know. They say something incredibly dangerous to the safety of our galaxy is developing and they have sent for selected specialists, including Spock and myself."

AUDIENCE: 'Selected specialists'? What? What is it that they are so much better at then everyone else in the galaxy? Is there someone who needs to be seduced, or is there just a mechanical rice-picker involved?

ALLYP: SHHH!

Kirk looks at Sulu, who, despite the fact that he is the helmsman, only gets a profile shot, whereas Scotty is so special, he actually gets to do something. Namely, beaming down the Captain and Mr. Spock.

Before they transport, Kirk gives his orders. "Keep this position, Mr. Sulu. If we don't come back, you have your orders, Scotty."

Scotty nods gravely, trying to ignore the fact that the Captain is wearing his summer toupee, it being three shades lighter than his eyebrows. Scotty once again shows his amazing transporter skills, because when they beam down, Spock is on the other side of Kirk than he started out on.

They arrive in a circle of aliens on what looks like the Oopa Loompa's home planet. Colorful mushrooms and stripy plants straight out of Willy Wonka's factory surround them.

"Welcome, Captain James Kirk and Commander Spock." (See, she gets it right!) A white furred, wolf-like woman with a hunched back and wearing a pink jumpsuit blinks at them. She apparently is one of the Vadala. Forgetting to introduce herself, she starts with the orange bird-man on her left. "First, Char. Hereditary Prince of the Score and Master of the Aerie."

Char scowls as well as he can with a beak. We must assume that means 'hello'.

"Next is Sword–"

Sword is a giant lizard-like humanoid, with a tail resembling a kangaroo's. He is given no description, perhaps he is public relations?

The Vadala is interrupted by a small, green, insect-like being. He complains that he and his kind are cowards.

The Vadala rolls her eyes. "M3green, expert lockpick and thief. He was sentenced to this expedition. Next is Laura. She is a hunter and has excellent directional sense."

Laura is... possibly human. In the same way Vampira is human, maybe. She is sitting on a rock and is dressed entirely in fur. Seems a bit tacky, really. What if the Vadala was offended? Laura also is wearing a necklace of long bones that look suspiciously like fingers. Kirk nervously checks to make sure he has all his digits. "I wonder if she dated Scotty?" he muses.

Spock, the Vadala continues, was chosen for his analytical mind and metrosexual appearance. You never see his clothing disheveled. Spock doesn't have time to say anything, but he gets an eyebrow in. Kirk was chosen for his adaptability and leadership.

KIRK FANGIRLS: Awww, he's so special!

Char harumphs until the Fangirls shut up. Finally getting everyone's attention, he continues where the wolf-lady left off. "Two centuries past, my people the Score were warriors. We had advanced technology and could breed armies rapidly. But today we are a civilized people because of... Alar!" (Alar was evidently a curvaceous dancer, because Char moves his arms for the symbol of Alar in something like the alien version of the macarana.) "When Alar died, we placed his brain-waves in a sculpture, to make him immortal!" (Maybe this is where Jor'el learned it from? –see my Smallville fic–) "But the Soul, the soul of the Score, has been stolen!" Char is so upset that his wings move!

Mme. Vadala of the pink jumpsuit nods. "The Score are now preparing for war against the known galaxy. They are very upset."

Spock waggles an eyebrow. "It is a very real threat. In two years the Score could breed an army of 200 billion warriors."

Kirk grins. "Sounds like my kind of party."

Laura looks at him appraisingly and raises an eyebrow, smirking.

"The theft has been kept secret, but we must find the Soul and replace it before they discover its loss, and begin a Jihad."

While Char is explaining the meaning of 'jihad' to Kirk, Spock frowns. "But if they are already preparing for war..."

Once Kirk has grasped the concept of a Holy War, he decides to narrow the suspects down. "Who. Took... The. Soul?"

"That is unknown."

After a collective eyeroll, Spock asks, "Is there any clue to its location?"

Wolf-lady roars and makes a scary face. A glowing orange planet appears in their midst. "A mad planet."

"Dude, this'll be easy!" Kirk whispers to Spock. "Look at how small it is!"

While the Vadala neglects to explain how they know the Soul is there, she does explain that her race conveniently 'can't survive' on this petulant planet. "The first three expeditions have failed. You are the last hope."

Ahhh, they're the fourth choice. That's why they picked Kirk. After the third in a row failed they went for somebody expendable. Spock is still reeling in shock that he was the fourth choice when the Vadala asks if they accept the mission.

Everyone exchanges looks in an exceedingly dramatic way, except for Spock, who glowers at Laura in a way that could only mean "Step off, bitch!".

Kirk grins. "We agree."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A/N–-- DUN DUN DUUNNNNN!

Betcha can't wait to see what happens next! Go me, I haven't had to type 'McCoy' once! Yay!

Soo, it is wicked late at night and I wanted to get this out as soon as possible, so my Mum hasn't proofed it yet, and any errors you spot, please mention, thanksabunch. Also, thanks to Schematization, who has kept poking me until I wrote another one... ;

Go on, make my day, review, PLEAZZZZE?

Wow...my spellcheck really does not like the phrase 'Oompa Loompa'. ... can anybody tell me how to spell macarana? macaraina ...urg!