chapter two, TOS animated episode "The Jihad"

disclaimer: the same as last time, although now I own a monitor that has little mosquito splats on it... icky.

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The wolf lady –who still has no name– does her I Dream of Jeanie, crossing her arms and nodding her head. Everybody glows, then is transported to the argumentative planet, next to a handy little Flintstones car that only has four seats. Volcanoes and giant mountains of ice dot the background, and the soil is rough and desert-like.

"I cannot feel the soul! We are nowhere near it!" Char cries.

"Wow man," Kirk mutters, "way to go with the negative waves."

Sword, suddenly with an orange jacket, (it was green before now) growls that he likes the planet, because "it's got variety!"

M3green groans that he can drive the vehicle. Of course, they let the convict handle the machines, including the handy-dandy Soul Homing Device(tm). Predictably, the Soul HD explodes, leaving them only with a vague sense of where to go.

"Why do they call this a 'mad' planet?" Kirk asks Laura.

She snorts. "Means nothin'. I can tell the way." She turns her head, revealing Grinch-like eyebrows and a widow's peak that would make Dracula jealous. "That way!"

"Are you certain, human?" calls Char windily.

Spock, annoyed by Char's constant tendency of speaking as though he is flying at 60mph, takes a moment from his contemplation of being FOURTH! to answer. "The Vadala would not have chosen Laura if her abilities were not perfect."

"Fer sure, Bird-man. My kind don't get lost."

Kirk, having now recovered from the idea that Laura is actually human, tells Char to fly, so there will be room in the car.

Spock says he will 'acquaint himself with the supplies'. Poor Spock. This fourth thing has him so flustered that now he'll cheat on his diet!

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Once again, Kirk can't fit his big head into the shot. Really, it just looks like he's standing directly in front of the camera! Couldn't someone have told him to stand back a little? All we can see is an eye, ear, eyebrow, and receding hairline.

"I don't really like Vulcans. Cold-blooded critters, all of them." Laura tugs down her fur Vampira-dress so more of her cleavage shows.

Kirk swallows nervously. "Ah.. I wouldn't say that. Mr. Spock has a...unique personality."

"Well, on my planet, there's a lot of females, not so many males. Come we find a man attractive, we say so...I'm sayin' so. How d'you find me?"

"Errr.." Kirk looks around quickly for escape, but Laura has him cornered. "Fascinating," he says weakly.

Spock, having looked up from behind the potato chip bag and seeing Laura advancing on Kirk, quickly steps in between them, hiding the chips behind his back. "There are weapons in the supplies, Captain."

"But there is no life on this planet!"

"But there is, Captain...Ourselves."

Sword interrupts this 'Lord of the Flies' moment so they can get in the golf cart and go. One must wonder why they don't just stop over at the Fortress of Solitude in the background there and ask Superman for a hand!

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Poor Sword, they stuck him in the trunk.

It starts hailing, and one particularly big hailstone knocks M3 on the head. "We'll all die here!" he moans.

"That is a statistical probability," Spock (FORTH!) intones.

Laura rolls her eyes. "You ever quote anything besides statistics, Vulcan?"

"Yes, but philosophy and poetry are not appropriate here."

Char suddenly remembers he is supposed to be reporting and calls down, "I can see something! Look, it is there!"

A random volcano erupts, lava follows them, and suddenly they are in a canyon. Kirk tells them that to escape the lava flow, they will have to divert it. When Spock scoffs at this idea, Kirk says that they'll use all the power to make the car go fast. Instead of just getting out and walking out of the way.

So, while the volcanoes fix their smoke-afros, M3 and Spock rewire the car, and the others (except for Char, who points and laughs) try to block the canyon with big rocks. It seems that Kirk, Laura and Sword have enough time to climb to the top of the cliff, find perfectly round boulders, and push them in. Ahh, that's what Sword's job is, Rock-pusher!

ALLY-P: Look, it takes both Sword and Kirk to push a rock, while Laura can push one the same size by herself! HA!

KIRK FANGIRLS: GRRR! –start advancing, armed with phasers, spoons, and pointy, perfectly manicured nails, aiming to kill–

Spock waves to distract the Fangirls. "It's re-rigged!"

SPOCK FANGIRLS: –sigh– He's so smart!

KIRK FANGIRLS: – Lose sight of Allyp in the hordes of Spock Fangirls and give up the hunt in favor of Kirkwatching–

Char watches smugly while they Flintstones-walk the car, trying to get out of the way of the lava, which is now flowing uphill. Then Spock, who was driving, runs over a rock and falls out of the car...yeah... Kirk runs back to him.

"I'll never let go, Jim! But I can't survive if I'm only Fourth!" The anguish is apparent in his overuse of punctuation.

"No way," Kirk growls. "I'm not about to let you die and leave me alone with Sword and Laura!"

They rush over to the car and start driving again, only to get stuck halfway up the hill. So they get out and walk up the hill, avoiding the lava. They all strike their best paper doll poses, and Kirk, slouching to get his head in the shot, does his best Bill Nighy 'Popstar' pose. (From Love Actually). "Kids, don't buy drugs... Become a Popstar, and they give you them for free!"

Spock objects once again that Kirk saved him, and Kirk calls him the best science officer Star Fleet has ever had. Awww..

Sword interrupts this cute moment with a request to "Get on with it!"

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A/N – Sooo, here's the second chappie, finally! Sorry this took so long, but I finally got my Star Trek DVDs from ebay, only to have them totally not work, so now we have to wrangle to get my money back...urgh... right. So, hoped you liked it, review review review!

Here's something, if you read this far, hit the review button and type 'yo'. That's it, that's all I'm asking, especially you folks that have this on alert, and haven't reviewed yet! (You know who you are!) The more the reviews, the faster the chapters will come! Yay!

Allyp

Quote for the day:

"Can the world buy such a jewel?"

"Yea, and a case to put it into!"

-Claudio & Benedick, in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing