Hazel was gone now and somehow that made Cabin 13 seem smaller. It felt empty and unwelcoming.

I was the son of Hades and that made me an outcast. Better get used to it.

I sighed and looked at the clock for the fifteenth or so time. It was 10:45 p.m. That was still enough time for me to get enough sleep. If I could sleep...

I closed my eyes and waited for it.

The inside of the room was claustrophobic. It reminded me of the Alodai and the jar. The air had been miserably hot. It had been stifling and stale. Starving, desperate for water, losing faith, losing hope... Forcing myself to eat the last pomegranate seed even though I had all but given up on rescue.

I sat up and immediately laid back down again. I turned on my side. But that didn't last long either. I lay on my back and stared up at the rafters.

I moved to the bottom bunk and stared at the patterns in the plywood base above me. One of them kind of resembled a rabbit.

I looked at the clock again. It was 11 p.m. now. I turned on the opposite side and stared into the empty space of the next bunk.

I closed my eyes again and tried to slow my breathing.

Will Solace. He really got under my skin. Maybe I liked that. Maybe I didn't.

I felt my jaw tighten. The disapproving glare of a priest filled my mind's eye. I swallowed and tried to find a more comfortable position.

I was the son of Hades and that meant I was damned.

It was my father's fault. He was a demon in the eyes of my grandfather. An unclean spirit. Not of God, capital G. Impuro, that was the word he used.

It was my mother's fault. She brought misfortune on us all by laying with him. Was it any wonder that we were excommunicated?

It was my fault. I was deviante. Unworthy of His Grace. I was the reason why my family had to hide their faces in public.

It was 11:30. I moved three bunks down to see if it would help.

Five minutes later, I had my hands raised above my head, twisting my ring absently.

Chiron called that stimming.

So did Will.

I smiled, thinking of the way Will smiled.

My stomach flip-flopped at the idea. I put my hands over my eyes and shook my head. "Stop it," I scolded myself. I dug my fingernails into my palms until I drew blood.

Think of something else. Anything else.

What does it matter? You're damned anyway.

Was I? I had already been to Tartarus. Surely, there couldn't be a worse place.

The blood red sky, the jagged peaks, every kind of monster you could hope to meet. The giants discussed torturing me to near death to test the effectiveness of Phlegethon. Would I survive indefinitely or eventually succumb? Fortunately, I had been more valuable alive.

I opened one of the windows, trying to get some air. There was frost on the panes but I didn't care.

It was 12:05 now. I stared at my palms where I had made them bleed and thought of the way the early saints were said to have bled. I was no saint; I ought to have known that by now.

I sat down on a random bunk and wiped my hands off. I mentally shook myself. No one ever said this would be easy.

I tried laying down again and clearing my head.

"Just because you can enter the dreams of others doesn't mean it's the proper thing to do," Chiron had told me earlier in the day.

The proper thing... I shivered violently and not just from the cold. I felt nauseous. The way that the Sisters used to look at me... I wasn't proper. Everyone knew.

I was the son of Hades and if that wasn't bad enough...

Not true... None of it was true. I knew that now and yet, my old teachings and the familiar shame remained.

When Chiron said not proper, he meant not polite, not... that other thing.

I looked around the room. I wondered which bunk would Bianca have used if she hadn't joined the Hunters. If she had still been alive. She'd be sixteen now. If we had stayed in the 1930s she'd be married already. And I would probably be the dead one.

I was the son of Hades and that made me a target.

Zeus had killed my mother. So much for not interfering. He tried to kill my sister and me.

Where had my mother even gone? Elysium? Had Bianca and her met again on the other side? I dared to hope that it could be the same for me.

Or had she moved on too? One thing was for certain, Bianca was gone forever. I'd never see her again.

What if Hazel forgot about me too? Reyna certainly had...

I stood up quickly and rushed to the door. I froze when I got there. It was against the rules to leave the cabins at night. I wasn't allowed to leave. I turned around and forced my self to sit down on the nearest bunk.

I stared at my feet. And then I stared at the floor boards. I was getting tired of staring at things. And not sleeping.

It was nearly 1 a.m. The silence of this cabin was toxic.

I went back to the door and opened it. I forced myself over the threshold. I stood on the other side long enough to make sure nothing bad happened.

A harpy glared down at me from Cabin 12 but she made no move.

I was the Son of Hades and that me powerful.

Time to act like it.

I cautiously left the deck of Cabin 13. Still nothing bad happened. I glanced at the harpy again. She still hadn't moved.

I took a deep breath and sprinted between the cabins not stopping until I was at the Big House. I threw open the door and was inside before I had time to second guess myself.

Both Chiron and Mr. D were in the main hall. They turned to look at me. I hadn't expected to find anyone at this hour. I pretty much lost my nerve.

"Nico?"

My lips moved soundlessly. Not that I had any idea what to say or how to explain myself. "I can't sleep," I managed to say.

Chiron gave me a slight nod. Mr. D said nothing, but stepped inside one of the rooms, leaving us alone.

"Sometimes it takes time to adjust to new surroundings," Chiron said.

I was on the edge of panic. I shouldn't be here. I didn't belong... anywhere.

Chiron took a step towards me. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Help," I said, before I could stop myself. I squeezed my eyes shut, mortified.

He called my name again. I hated the sound of concern in his voice. I pressed my back against the door, wondering what I was even doing here.

Shadows danced at the edge of my vision. The hallway swam before my eyes. "I shouldn't be alone," I said, hardly knowing why. I was vaguely aware of my knees giving way.

I dropped unceremoniously into the dreamscape. I sat down crosslegged and waited. I couldn't lose control of my thoughts again. Not here. Phobetor, god of nightmares was never far. He could easily trap me if I let my guard down too long.

Despite the danger, and my newfound reluctance to invade the dreams of others, there was something I could do. The dreamscape allowed me to communicate more directly with my dad.

I was the son of Hades and that meant a lot.

Dad... I sent my thought and intention into the endless gray and black.

He responded with a sense of annoyance. Words didn't come to me, so much as abstract images and feelings.

I'm still at Camp HalfBlood.

More annoyance.

I think something is wrong with me. I don't feel like myself.

Confusion and maybe even concern. It was hard to imagine he could be concerned about me. Images came of younger me facing him down just before we joined the Battle of New York, the two of us again in the Chapel of Bones, me leading Hazel to the surface and finally the blood on my hands: the gentle release of Daedalus, the horrifying death of Bryce Lawrence and Octavian's fiery demise. I wasn't sure what he was trying to tell me.

I might like Will Solace. He seemed interested so I pressed on. The son of Apollo.

That definitely got his full attention. I was hit with a wave of fury. Vivid images of him throttling Apollo, Apollo in the jaws of Cerberus, Apollo being killed in various ways, each of them more graphic than the last.

Alright dad, tell me how you really feel, I said before I could stop myself. I was kicked out of the dreamscape.

"Morning, Death-boy," Will was saying, when I sat up rubbing my eyes. He had a slight southern accent, I noticed for the first time. I felt my face turn red.

"I spent the night in the infirmary," I asked him. Anything to get my mind off of things.

"You did. You fainted in the great hall."

"I didn't faint."

"Yeah you did," he teased, giving me an easy smile. I looked away from him. It didn't matter what I felt for him. This was wrong. There was no way I was going down that path.

Besides Hades didn't even approve.

Of Apollo...

I shook off the thought. It wasn't going to happen. There was no way.

"Chiron is really worried about you. Maybe three days wasn't long enough," he said, his voice suddenly serious.

I shrugged. "It's nothing."

"What happened last night was not nothing."

"I'm fine. I had insomnia. That's all. He's over reacting."

He reached for my wrist but I recoiled. I just couldn't... I didn't want him to touch me. Several minutes passed in silence, neither of us moving.

"So that's it, then? You think you can leave," he asked.

I'd rather be anywhere else, in fact. "I'm fine," I told him, hoping I sounded sufficiently irritated. "I take care of myself. That's how it's always been."

"Have it your way." He turned his hands face up, as if to show me he wasn't hiding anything. "Can I see your hands though? I think you might have cut yourself when you fell."

"It's not a big deal," I told him, although I relented. I looked at the scratches. They weren't stigmata nor was I a saint. What stupid, childish notions.

Will cleaned my hands, first with water, then with something that burned like fire. "Sorry," he said, quietly. "The healing process can be painful." He pulled a roll of bandages from his pockets and started unspooling it. "You know, when I was eleven, about a year before I came here, my mom sent me to another camp. Back in Texas."

"Another camp? For demigods?" I was confused. Camp Jupiter had been enough of a shock.

"Not exactly. She, um, had certain appearances she needed to maintain and I just wouldn't fit. So she paid someone a lot of money and sent me away." He started wrapping my right hand. "Somewhere to fix me."

"Fix you," I said, frowning. "Did it work?"

He cleared his throat. "Unfortunately, for her, it did not. So when Chiron went to approach us, he sold her on the idea. As far as she knows this is the same kind of camp, but more effective. I haven't been home since. She thinks it's working. Everyone's happy. For now. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I turn eighteen."

Something about this conversation made my skin crawl.

Will switched to my left hand.

"I didn't cut my hands when I fell," I told him.

"I didn't think so. But I wanted you to say it."

"It helps me focus. Sometimes. When things are too much."

"Last night was too much?"

"Yes," I admitted. "Cabin 13 is really quiet."

He looked up at me. "I get that." I could feel the intensity of his gaze. "There's nothing wrong with you, Nico." He touched my shoulder briefly and I didn't pull away this time. He put away his supplies and left me alone with my thoughts.

I'm the son of Hades and I like other boys. Maybe I can be okay with that.