Chapter 4

Peter hit the light to his apartment and nervously led Jessie inside. He'd never been one to care what other people thought of him. His father had desperately tried to instill in Peter and Zane some sense of social propriety and decorum. It had never really caught on though. Peter attributed this to the fact that he and his brother had only really lived with their parents for half of each year, growing up.

Every year was the same. The boys spent the school year being home-schooled in the beautiful, yet oppressive Winslow house. Then, they were shipped off to live with their maternal grandmother in San Francisco for the summer. Meanwhile, their parents went on exotic vacations. In those six months out of the year, he and Zane would run wild and forget all the manners and constraints pounded into their brains by their father. In spite of all this, Peter Winslow found himself suddenly embarrassed at the state of his domicile.

"Sorry about the mess."

"Oh, come on." Jessie laughed. "This is nothing. It's all big, and swanky. I remember your room at your grandma's being much worse."

He smiled, letting the tension drain out of him as Jessie literally threw herself onto his couch. She sprawled out on it like she used to when she'd crash in his or Zane's room, after a row with her foster family. Jessie had seemed to have momentarily forgotten that she was mad at him, and Peter savored the contented smile on her face as she locked her fingers behind her head. "See? Comfy all around."

"Can I get you anything? Something to eat? Coffee? A pillow?"

For some reason, this seemed to bring Jessie back to reality. She was pissed at him, damn it. The Gangrel girl crossed the room to look out the sliding glass doors that opened onto the balcony of his fifth floor apartment. She crossed her arms over her chest and Peter could see the tension building in her shoulders, even under her jean jacket with its silhouette of a howling wolf. It was then that it hit Peter how much Jessie had changed from the self-conscious tom-boy he used to know. She was Kindred now, a member of Gangrel Clan. The questions began to resurface in his mind.

"So, why did you leave?"

Jessie knew what he was talking about instantly. "Funny. That was going to be my first question."

She still had her back to him and showed no sign of turning around. Peter wiped his face with his hands and took a seat on the couch. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Start with the point where you stepped out to get some air and never came back." Her voice was calm, but chillingly so.

Peter took a deep breath and spoke seriously. "I watched you and Stevie together all night. You were so happy to be joining the Clan. And he was practically glowing every time he looked at you. And then, when you were on the bed and he was actually Embracing you, it hit me. Up 'til then you were mine, Jessie. You were mine and I was yours, and that's all we ever had to be. Once we were Embraced, we would've both belonged to Stevie and the rest of the Clan. You wanted so much to be part of that family. But I already had a family. All I wanted was you."

At this point, Jessie did turn around. She had tears of blood streaming down her face, a frightening sight to any who weren't privy to Kindred abilities. It just made Peter's heart ache more as he listened to her.

"You are such a jackass. You know that?" she cried. "I'd have still been yours. Hell, the only reason I caught Stevie's eye, in the first place, was because of you. He wanted us both, together. Don't you get that? You as much as me. Stevie-Ray wanted us because he knew that nothing could ever come between us, not even him. He knew that you were my family. He said that our bond would strengthen the Gangrels. Everyone in the Clan knew that was true. Everyone except you."

Peter shrugged not knowing the right words to say to describe his feelings. "I freaked out. Okay? All I could think, all the way to the airport, was that I wasn't ready to be tied down like that."

"Don't you think you could have...I dunno... Maybe, told me this, before running off?!"

"And what would you have had me say?... Honey, I know you've never had a real family, and this is your chance to have one. But gee, I'm not sure it's for me?!"

Their voices were gaining volume until Jessie's words came out in a harsh shout. "It would have been a hell of a lot better waking up the next morning alone!"

Jessie was so angry at this point that she began unconsciously pacing the floor while she ranted. "Do you have any idea, what it's like to wake up and find the one person you care about most has abandoned you? No! Of course you don't! If you did, you'd have picked up a fucking phone and told me what the fuck was going on! But instead, I had to find out from Zane that you apparently packed up all your stuff and split. Do you know how long it was before I could actually sleep alone? Without Zane, or Cash, or Lorraina there offering a shoulder to cry on? I swear, between watching over me and the Prince, Stevie didn't have a moment left to himself."

"So, what do you want me to do about it now? Are there really any words that I could say to make it alright for you? For Zane? Cause I kind of doubt it."

Jessie stopped pacing and stood rooted to the spot as Peter broke down into tears. She was still so angry at him. But somehow, she felt the malice she'd built up toward him wash away with his tears. "I've hated you for so long, Rocky. After Zane died, I even thought of hunting you down and gutting you like a fish. That's how much I hated you. I always thought that if you had just been there, you could have brought him to his senses and he might have lived."

Peter nodded and cried bitterly. "It's my fault he's dead. It's my fault everybody's dead. It's my faulty your heart's broken and that my life's a mess. It's my fault I'm a pathetic, lonely junkie. Everything's my fault."

"You don't get it." Jessie replied, shaking her head. "I've spent so much time and energy hating you and all it served to do was royally fuck me up. I left San Francisco after the Brujah killed Stevie and Zane self destructed. That was supposed to be my home for the rest of my life, Rocky. All it ended up feeling like after you left was a jail cell. I looked everywhere for someone, something to make it bearable. I even hooked up with Zane for a while, but we were both too screwed up by then to stay together. All of that couldn't have been your fault, no matter how much I wanted to blame it on you."

All he could do was weep and shake his head, and repeat the same phrase over and over. "I'm sorry."

Jessie stared at Peter for a while. She studied the way his shoulders shook as he silently sobbed into his palms. He looked older than she had ever seen him, and not just chronologically. He looked like the world that he'd escaped to had sucked him dry. He wasn't her Rocky anymore. His name kept popping back into her head. Dr. Peter Winslow, Medical Examiner. It sounded so cold, so harsh, as if it was a costume he'd put on once, and had never been able to remove. Nigel had told her about Peter and what happened with his wife, and the fact he was in NA.

How could the boy she had known and loved so much disappear so completely into this shell of a man? Rocky couldn't be all gone. And in the moment that this thought occurred to Jessie, she made a decision. She felt her animosity slip away and be replaced with an uncontrollable urge to find someone she thought she'd lost a long time ago.

Peter heard an audible huff come from Jessie's direction. He couldn't seem to blink his tears away and focus, even when he heard her speak in a determined voice he hadn't heard in years.

"Aw, fuck it," she muttered.

His mind registered the softness of her lips on his, before anything else. Peter then caught the scent of her hair, and felt the weight of her body leaning over his. He pulled back in shock, blinking back tears to look into her crimson tinted eyes. Yet another look he hadn't seen for a long time lie there. She was looking at him with a mix of hurt and passion that meant that she was laying her heart bare for him. He was filled with hope and gratitude and a wave of lust the likes of which he hadn't felt in so long.

Peter tried to convey all he was feeling with the kiss that he returned. He caressed her tongue with his own and tangled his fingers in her hair. He shifted Jessie so she was sitting in his lap. They stayed that way, kissing and caressing, for what seemed like forever. Jessie pulled back suddenly, and Peter felt a stab of panic and loss shoot through him. "What's wrong?"

"I want you." She whispered. At this point Jessie was fairly trembling with lust and emotion.

"I want you too." Peter breathed in a husky voice. His jeans were already beginning to grow too tight, and he was beginning to tremble as well.

"Do you?" She asked, trying to convey something with her eyes. "We aren't the same kind anymore. It would be...different."

Peter had to think a moment before it occurred to him what she meant. Sex between a Kindred and a human was not without consequences. The human usually took on certain abilities similar to Kindred powers. It also resulted in a bond between the two that allowed the Kindred to control the human to an extent. The bond grew stronger if the human was allowed a taste of the Kindred's blood. He wondered briefly if Nigel was Jessie's Ghoul in this way. Peter decided that Jessie wouldn't use such a bond against him. He stroked her hair and leaned in close to her ear so his breath tickled her throat as he spoke. "In that case..."

Without further warning, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted them both off the couch. When, they were on their feet, Peter grabbed Jessie around the legs and hoisted her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She squealed as he carried her into the bedroom like that. Peter tossed her onto the bed and stood smirking at her as she bounced slightly. "That different enough for you?"

Jessie glared at him in mock fury before rising to her knees on the bed in front of him. She reached out and caught him by the belt loops and pulled him to her. "That was a dirty trick."

"It was, wasn't it? Well, what do you intend to do about it?"

An impish glint graced Jessie's eyes as she violently yanked him down onto the bed beside her. She straddled his hips and pinned his wrists above his head in one of her own hands. "Oh, I'm sure I can think of something."

Nigel blinked several times to clear his vision. When he finally could focus, he got very confused due to the fact he couldn't think of anywhere he might have fallen asleep that possessed a ceiling in that particular shade of lavender. "What the...?"

The next thing he became aware of was that his right arm was in bad need of circulation. When he turned to investigate the cause, Nigel Townsend's eyes fairly bugged out of his head. There, lying on said arm was Jordan Cavanaugh, sleeping like a baby. She also happened to be naked under the sheet that covered them both. To Nigel's further amazement, he seemed to be in a similar state of undress. He lay back down and took a few calming breaths in order to keep himself from hyperventilating. He was in bed, naked, with Jordan Cavanaugh.

Nigel kept playing this phrase over and over in his head, trying to figure out how he'd arrived at the rather unlikely state. He remembered dancing with Jessie. Oh God, what was he going to tell Jessie? He remembered Peter and Jordan arriving at the club. He remembered talking with Peter and dancing with Jordan. He'd said something to Jordan, or she had said it to him. What was it?

"Hmmm." Jordan moaned beside him, nuzzling the side of his chest with her face. "Morning."

"Uhh, good morning, luv." Nigel's voice cracked a bit. Then it hit him. Like a ton of bricks to his stomach, the realization came as to what had transpired the night before.

He had confessed his love to Jordan and she'd blindsided him by returning the words. Somehow, Jessie had figured out what was going on, and had left, followed in short order by Peter. Nigel and Jordan had continued dancing until the wee hours of the morning. At the end of the night, Jordan had invited him back to her apartment. They had made love all night and into the morning. It had run the gamut between sweet and loving to rough and fevered. It had been a night of magic for Nigel and he'd woken up with the woman he loved asleep in his arms. Or arm, as the case was. "Jordan, darling, could you move just a smidge? My arm's fallen asleep."

This earned him a hard slap to the chest. "If I didn't think you were trying to be cute, Nige, I might have to kick your limey ass for that."

Ah, now, that was the Jordan Cavanaugh he knew and loved. Nigel chuckled and pulled her into a tight embrace. "Just having a bit of fun, luv. Don't mind me."

She rewarded him with a kiss before pulling reluctantly away. "Want some coffee?"

"Only if you're making it, luv."

Jordan smiled genuinely at her lover. "I hope you like instant."

She grabbed Nigel's discarded t-shirt and pulled it over her head before going into the kitchen. She was able to rustle up some Taster's Choice, even in her half-awake state. Jordan mixed up two cups on the counter but, on the way to the microwave, she stopped short. The time on the digital read-out couldn't be right. "Shit!"

Nigel came into the kitchen wearing only his pants from the night before. "What's the matter?"

Even in her panic, Jordan took the time to appreciate the picture of Nigel's lanky physique. "I have to be at work in forty-five minutes."

"I thought you took the day off."

"No, YOU took the day off. Garrett only gave me 'til three to sleep in. What with Peter finding out about his brother and taking a short leave, and it being your day off, somebody has to pick up the slack. And I don't think Bug will be too happy if I leave all those bodies for him."

Nigel looked dejected for a minute before taking the cups from Jordan's hands. "Go get ready, luv. I'll whip us up some breakfast... or lunch, as the case may be."

Jordan broke out in a big grin. "Gee, if I'd have known I'd get a personal chef out of the deal, I'd have slept with you a lot sooner."

Nigel gave her a mock wounded look and popped the cups into the microwave. "Don't push your luck, Jordan."

"Alright, alright," she snickered, putting up her palms in surrender. "I'm going."

She ducked back into her room while Nigel gathered various food stuffs from her fridge for breakfast. While she'd gathered her clothes for work, Jordan thought of something. She arched her head around the bedroom door and called out to Nigel. He hit his head on the counter, under which he was searching for a pan. She snickered while he rubbed the top of his head.

Nigel glared at her, but his eyes danced in mirth. "What is it, darling?"

"I love you."