Chapter 5

Three weeks after the incident at the bar, Lily Lebowski was buzzing around the Morgue like a hyperactive bumble-bee on a mission. She'd found out it was Peter's birthday, after looking through his file. She'd been looking for a way to cheer him up after his return to work following the revelation of his brother's death.

Now, Lily had made it her mission in life to throw Peter the best birthday party ever. She'd set up a time for everyone to meet at the Pogue later that day, and harassed everyone at work into coming. Jordan had agreed to provide drinks and food, and hostess the shindig. They'd even compiled a tape of bloopers involving Peter, from several tapes Nigel had made, goofing off with a camcorder around the office. All in all, everything was going just as Lily had planned. There was just one loose end to tie up.

"What kind of cake do you like?"

Peter took the time to look up from the open body on the slab in front of him and look confused. "Huh?"

"What kind of cake do you like?" Lily repeated. "It's a simple question."

"Can we discuss this later, when I don't have my hands in entrails? I only have one other case after this today, and I'd like to punch out early."

Lily smiled, knowing that Dr. Macy had purposefully given Peter a light work load, as per her request. "Alright, but I want an answer within the hour."

"Aye, aye captain."

Lily giggled all the way to the break room. She had not been blessed with such a light workload today. She'd been up since 6 on five hours sleep and was in desperate need of coffee. Thankfully, though, most of her cases had finished up before lunch. She walked in to find Jordan and Bug contemplating a white box in the middle of the break table.

"Now, that's just embarrassing." Jordan commented.

Bug nodded. "It's pathetic really."

Lily rounded Bug to see what all the fuss was about. In the box lay a homemade cake, covered sloppily with whipped icing in the most violent shade of neon blue Lily had ever seen. In the center of the cake, the word "Rocky" was piped in jagged red icing.

"That's the ugliest cake I've ever seen." Jordan retorted.

"It's not ugly." Lily protested. Off the others looks, she shrugged. "Okay, it kinda is. Does anyone know how it got here?"

"I just opened the fridge and the box was in there. It wasn't labeled. So, I opened it to see what it was." Bug replied.

"What what was?" Peter asked, entering the room. He'd obviously scrubbed up and was absently rifling through the coffee creamer packets.

"Someone left a hideous cake in the fridge, for no apparent reason." Bug offered.

Peter looked over Jordan's shoulder in interest. As soon as his eyes fell on the cake, they lit up. He pushed between the others to get a better look, then broke out into a huge grin. "I can't believe it. She remembered!"

"Ok, who else is lost?" Jordan asked. Both Lily and Bug raised their hands. Jordan nodded, "Care to share your thoughts with the rest of the class, Peter?"

"Jessie," he muttered, searching for a knife to cut the cake with. The best he could come up with was a cheap plastic butter knife, which he waved around in victory. He began to cut the small, circular cake into wedges. "It's a tradition we have. Every year for our birthday she bakes red velvet cakes with blue icing."

"You're seeing Nigel's ex? I thought you two hated each other." Lily interjected. It was common knowledge around the Morgue that Jessie and Nigel had broken up. And all but a certain detective knew that Nigel and Jordan were now an item. But Peter and Jessie being together was news.

Peter shrugged. "Just call it a love-hate relationship."

"I'd say more hate, considering the cake." Bug retorted, "Looks like she's trying to kill you."

"That's just Jessie." Peter laughed, divvying up the blood-red cake onto several paper plates for his coworkers. "It's the only thing she can cook."

Just then, Nigel came up behind Jordan, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Allo, people. What's all the hubbub about."

"Apparently, Jessie baked Peter a birthday cake."

"Oh, crap!" Peter said slapping his forehead with his knife hand. He narrowly missed a dollop of icing to the eye. "I forgot to buy her a present! Lily, you gotta help me."

"Why would you buy her a present on your birthday?" Lily replied, trying not to laugh.

"They share a birthday, luv." Nigel replied. Peter nodded emphatically. He looked like in excited school boy.

"Alright, alright, I'll help you. Although, I don't see why you need my help."

"I've got to get the perfect present before nine, tonight. And I have no idea what to get."

Lily looked a bit panicked. "Nine? What's at nine?"

"Jessie and I are going out to meet some friends of hers. Why?" Peter replied.

"You didn't tell him about the party?" Jordan asked.

Lily let out a sigh of frustration. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"You guys were gonna throw me a party?"

"It was Lily's idea." Bug huffed indignantly, having been left with the tiniest piece of cake. "She thinks you're in a funk."

Lily swatted the back of Bug's arm hard enough to draw a yelp from the man. She shrugged at Peter's questioning look. "I just thought, we're all family here. It would be nice if we all did something for you on your birthday. It was supposed to be a surprise for tonight, but since you have plans..."

"No," Peter interrupted, "I'm touched, you guys. Really. Look...I'll just have Jessie meet me at the party a little later than planned."

"Or better yet," Nigel interjected, "You could invite her, mate." The Brit hadn't seen his ex since the night of their amicable break-up and he was anxious to see how she was getting on.

Peter gave Lily a questioning look, to which she nodded. "Sure, if it's okay with Jordan. She's providing the venue."

"Just as long as any slapping of any kind is reserved for the bedroom." Jordan smirked.

Peter glared at her good-naturedly as the rest of them laughed. Dr. Macy picked that moment to burst into the room. "What is this, a coroner's convention? The least you people could do is look busy."

"Aw can it, Garrett. Have some cake." Jordan said, shoving a crimson slice at him.

He let out a sigh of resignation, pushing the dessert away. "Maybe later. Right now I need your assistance in Autopsy #2, Peter."

"Okay, I'll be right there." Peter called as his employer left the room. He gave Lily a pointed look. "So, about later?"

"I'll help you gift shop." She replied indulgently. "I've got about an hour of paperwork left. So, just come and get me when you're done."

He smiled back at her. "Thanks, Lil."

Exactly one hour later, Peter appeared in Lily's office in street clothes, ready for their outing. It took the two of them the better part of two hours running around town to find the perfect gift. As they exited one of Lily's favorite New Age stores in downtown Boston, Peter clutched the small gift wrapped box excitedly. "So you really think she'll like it?"

"I don't know, Peter." Lily laughed. "She's your girlfriend. But from what you told me about her personality, and her likes and dislikes, I think a rune pendant is a solid choice."

"And it's in jade. She loves green. Yep, you're right," Peter nodded, putting the box back in his pocket, as they began to walk toward his car, "she'll like it.'

"I don't mean to pry, but why are you so nervous?"

"I dunno." Peter shrugged. "I guess it's because I really want to make it work with Jessie this time. Before, we were just kids. I screwed up really badly when I left that whole world behind. It was the only place I ever really belonged, and I just left. Now, she's like the only link I have left to it, the last of my real family."

Lily's brow furrowed. She put a hand on his arm, stopping them both mid-stride. "You know, you do have a place like that with us at work. You're a part of that family now too."

"I didn't mean it that way. It's just..." He looked up at the sky, trying to find the right words. "You guys are all great, don't get me wrong, but the people I was around back then were so tightly knit. I don't know, I guess you'd have to see us all together to understand."

Lily looked about to protest, but then decided to let the subject drop. Peter had called his girlfriend during their shopping trip and Jessie had agreed to attend the party at the Pogue. By the time Lily and Peter got back to work, almost everyone had gone home to change for the party. Pretty much all of the cases had been taken care of for the day. The general consensus for those that weren't was that they could hold off until after the celebration. Peter went home to change while Lily opted to head straight to the Pogue.

Because of a delay in bringing in one of her bail runners, the party at the Pogue was in full swing when Jessie finally got there. Nigel was the first to spot his ex and smiled at the unusual picture she embodied. Jessie had traded in her usual skin-tight pants, tank top, and motorcycle jacket for a slightly more feminine look.

She entered the bar carrying a huge gift bag and wearing a deep green flowing broom skirt, a delicate peasant blouse and a jean jacket. Her hair was fixed in possibly the first up-do that Nigel had ever seen on her, and was bedecked in several bangle bracelets. She looked like an auburn haired gypsy throwback to the 80s. It was a look he'd have expected to see on Lily, but was certainly unexpected on his bounty hunter ex.

Jessie waved at Nigel and went up to the bar where Jordan was serving drinks. The two women smiled at each other nervously, both still a little awkward over their respective relationships with a certain Brit. "So, what'd I miss?"

"Not a whole lot, actually." Jordan replied. "Garrett told some pretty bad jokes, Bug's been trying to get up the nerve to ask Lily to dance, Nige has been channeling various members of Monty Python, and I've been doing my best impression of a good hostess."

"And the birthday boy?"

The boy in question was stealthily sneaking up behind Jessie and Jordan just smiled enigmatically. When Peter caught his girlfriend around the ribs, Jessie didn't even have the courtesy to look shocked. She simply gave him a peck on the cheek and snickered, having heard him coming from several feet away. Peter looked nonplussed for a moment then got a mischievous glint in his eye and began tickling Jessie mercilessly. Her squeaks and giggles started everyone laughing and gravitating toward the bar once more.

Nigel ducked behind the bar and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend from behind. "Well, now that we're all here, we can get this shindig off to a proper start."

"Okay, food or gifts first? That is the question." Garrett retorted.

"Food" Bug replied, "I'm starving."

"No, present's first, food second. That's how birthday parties are meant to go." Lily insisted, giving Peter a conspiratorial smile.

Peter gave Jessie a questioning glance. She shrugged. "Ask the hostess."

Jordan looked incredulous for a moment before Nigel produced a gold pound from his pocket, giving her a wry grin. "Flip away, luv."

"Oh, you're a big help, Nige."

"One of a myriad of reasons you love me."

Giving Nigel a playful swat in the arm, Jordan let out a long suffering sigh. "Okay, someone call it."

"Heads." Bug called, at the same time Lily cried out, "Tails!"

Eyebrows were raised all around, to which Lily replied. "What? I like to be unique is all."

"Oookaay." Jordan said giving her friend a look that was both humoring and loving at the same time. "Heads for food, tails for gifts."

She flipped the coin into the air, slapping it onto the back of her hand. She held it out for Nigel to read, and grinned ear to ear at the theatrical way he shouted, "Tails! Presents it is! Sorry, Buggles, you'll have to wait a bit longer for grub."

Lily practically squealed in delight, grabbing her gifts from behind the bar and handing them to the birthday couple. Peter smiled at her as he watched Jessie open the jade teardrop earrings she'd bought to complement his gift, before opening his own gift of chakra candles and packaged Chai tea. He was touched Lily remembered him commenting on the drink's calming effect on his nerves.

The pair was able to get through the rest of the gifts from Peter's friends fairly quickly. Most gifts were engineered toward them as a couple since very few of the Morgue employees knew much about Jessie's tastes. Bug gave them a gift certificate to his own favorite authentic Indian restaurant, self-consciously mumbling something about "real nann." Garrett bestowed two gift certificates to the Harley Davidson store, having seen Peter get dropped off at work on the back of a motorcycle more than once. Jordan and Nigel had both picked out gag gifts. The former giving Jessie a t-shirt reading "Dancing Queen" and Peter a gift card for a maid service. The later gave Peter a silver cross pendant composed of a mallet and stake, and gave Jessie a shot glass with the words BLOODY MARY written in dripping red script.

Then, it was time for the couple to present gifts to each other. Peter lifted Jessie up onto the bar, and produced a gold-paper wrapped box from his pocket. He reveled in the look on her face as she opened it to find the carved jade pendant. It had a symbol that looked like a boxy sort of letter N. Jessie held up the necklace for all to see, a mix of delight and awe showing on her face. Peter grinned wide. "It's a rune. Uruz. It means passion."

Jessie gave him a lustful look and a deep kiss that promised more later. She put her forehead against his and whispered a husky 'thank-you', before arching backward to pick up the bag she'd brought in. "Here."

"This is my present? All this?" Peter laughed, raising an eyebrow at the huge shopping sack that looked stuffed to the brim.

"Not exactly." Jessie shrugged at the look he gave her. "You'll get your present in a minute. Just open this first."

Again, Peter raised an eyebrow. He looked around, finding the others rapt with attention. No help there he thought.

The first thing he felt well his hand thrust into the bag was the supple texture of well worn leather. He drew the garment out to reveal that it was, in fact, a leather jacket. But not just any leather jacket. He traced the large insignia of a silhouetted howling wolf's head on the back and looked up with an unreadable look in his eyes. "How?"

"I found it in the back of Zane's closet. Thought you'd want your old security blanky back someday, so I kept it. Call it a fit of whimsy." Jessie shrugged, smiling.

He heard a faint chuckle from over his shoulder at the 'blanky' comment, and looked to see Jordan clamping a hand over Nigel's mouth while trying to bite back a giggle of her own. "Please, continue."

Peter draped the jacket carefully over the bar and reached into the bag again. He found several packages of new guitar strings. "Okay, what are these for?"

"You know that old clunky acoustic your grandma bought for you guys?" He nodded and Jessie continued, "Lillie Langtry was gonna throw it out after... She said it was beyond repair, but I just couldn't let her. It's waiting for you at my place."

Again, Peter simply nodded. He now knew why she'd been so reluctant to bring these gifts to the party, as per his insistence. These were extremely sentimental items with very intense feelings attached. None of his co-workers could really appreciate how he felt about the circumstances of his brother's death, or how precious these gifts were. He tried to keep himself from tearing up as he reached in for the last two items left in the bag. One was a recordable videotape labeled "Winslow" on the top. "What's this?"

"I'm not really sure. It was Zane's, so I could never bring myself to watch the whole thing. I do know it has that birthday party at Wrigley's garage from that summer we worked as bike mechanics. Also, it has a bit of one of Zane's shows on it, I think."

The last thing in the bag was a Polaroid of a sleek black racing bike. Jessie stood beside it in the photo to give an idea of scale. Peter was taken aback that she would buy him such an expensive gift, but there was one problem. "Um, I really love the bike J.J. but don't you think it's a bit small for me? My legs are too long to ride it."

At this, Jessie giggled, then stuck out her tongue and grabbed the picture from him, stuffing it in the breast pocket of her jacket. "Of course it's too small for you, I bought it for me, silly."

"Well, then color me confused."

"I bought it for me, so I could give your real present." She replied, drawing something out of her other breast pocket and dangling it in front of his face. It was a keychain with the same howling wolf symbol from Peter's jacket cast in silver, and from it hung a single key. It was a keychain he'd seen his girlfriend use many times in the past few weeks. Before that, it had belonged to the man they had both admired like a father.

"The Indian?"

At this point, Lily could no longer hold back her curiosity. "What Indian? I don't mean to be rude, but is anybody else a bit confused?"

Nigel patted her on the shoulder when neither of the couple answered. Both had been swept away in the emotion of the moment and were now speechless. That left Nigel to answer, but Jordan beat him to the punch. "It's a motorcycle."

"Correction," Nigel retorted, "it's a very rare motorcycle. It belonged to an old friend of theirs."

Peter shook his head dispelling the silence that followed. "I can't take that. It was Stevie's. I don't deserve to have it."

"He wanted you to have it. Remember? He always said that if anyone could appreciate the beauty of that motorcycle, it was you." Jessie reasoned. "Besides, you don't have much of a choice. It's my birthday present to you, and if you don't take it I shall be very put out."

Seeing that Jessie's expression brooked no argument, Peter embraced his girlfriend. He let a few tears slip out with his repeated, "Thank you."

"Well," Jordan said as soon as the teary eyed lovers parted, "If that's it for the gifts, we'd better get on to the food. All drink orders must be placed now, or forever hold your peace."

While they morgue employee's were doing that, Jessie excused herself to the bathroom to "freshen up." Nigel, Garret, and Bug got in a hushed argument before the boss was unceremoniously shoved toward Peter's place at the bar, where the younger man was contemplating his beer. He looked up to the unlikely sight of Garrett Macy trying to get up the nerve to speak. "What's up Dr. Macy?"

"Well, we had a tape of bloopers from around the office all set up to show as entertainment. But... I guess the others...they're more interested in seeing some of that other tape. You know just seeing what you were like before any of us knew you."

Peter regarded the motley group incredulously. Then Bug, of all people, backed up his boss' statement. "Oh, come on Peter. It'll be fun."

"Yeah," Nigel piped in, "We all want to see you as a gangly teenager."

Seeing that everyone seemed to like the idea, Peter gave a long suffering sigh, and handed Nigel the tape he'd received from Jessie. In all honesty, he wanted to see what was on it too, and he was desperate to avoid the 'office bloopers.'

Everyone gathered the small television the bar was equipped with to view the tape. It started out innocent enough. It showed a long haired Peter in ripped up acid-wash jeans and a Gun's and Roses t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Next to him, a scruffy looking blond man with spiked hair sat inspecting three bright blue iced cakes on a card table nearby.

At least, it seemed to be Peter. That was until the young man in question started singing "Red Red Wine" at the top of his lungs over the din of the other voices coming from various people filling the room. A voice from camera yelled "Zane, can the reggae crap. If you're gonna sing, pick something bearable!"

"Hey Cash!" the voice called, when Zane switched to an even more irritating rendition of 'Mustang Sally', "Take the camcorder, will ya? I've gotta go put that dying turkey out of it's misery."

At that point, the real Peter switched places with the blond man. He was dressed not too differently from his twin, with the exception of short spiked hair and the afore presented leather jacket. He proceeded to wrestle his brother two the ground just as Zane began to beat on a motorcycle muffle with a screwdriver.

When Peter appeared on the tape, his co-workers all began to razz him over the earring he sported and his choice of clothing. "Yeah, yeah." Peter laughed. "Just watch the tape, jeez."

On screen, the twins continued to wrestle around the floor. Then a much younger looking Jessie entered the picture carrying two fistfuls worth of birthday candles. A slightly older man with long blond hair followed her with another handful of candles and a lighter. Zane howled from the head lock his brother had him in. "Stevie! J.J.!Rocky's trying to strangle me!"

The girl simply rolled her eyes and arranged the candles on the cakes. Once they were lit, she called the boys over and stood between them as they all sang 'Happy Birthday.' After they blew out the candles and divvied up the cake the tape cut to a different scene. An older looking Zane came through a curtain in the back of a spotlighted stage on a dimly lit club. He was dressed in black leather pants and an unbuttoned white collared shirt. He stalked up to the microphone like a true rock star and began to sing.

It's a long hard road from creation to the grave.

The sound of his brother's singing hit Peter like a fist to the stomach.

Too many lost souls down here. Too few of them are saved.

As he listened to the song, all the loss and heartache the young M.E. had been suppressing welled up inside him.

It's a real big picture starring one and all.

Zane was dead. His brother was dead and he'd never get to see him again.

Everyone here will play the fool. Everyone will crawl. Everyone will crawl.

Zane had been the one with talent, the one who really could have had all his dreams served up to him on a silver platter. But that would never happen now.

I dreamed I was flying. I dreamed I was found

Peter thought about how different his life would be if he'd stayed in San Francisco.

beyond the barbed wire, high above the underground.

Zane might be alive. Then again, he might still have self-destructed.

I dreamed I was flying. I dreamed I was free,

He might have been able to protect Stevie from those Brujah on the rooftop, or he might not.

flying higher and higher as the world fell below me

The bottom line wasn't the 'what if's' though. For Peter it came down to the one big loss he couldn't bear, the loss of family. He'd give anything to get back that family from earlier on that tape; give anything to be the man he used to be. He didn't want to be Peter Winslow, Medical Examiner anymore. And it was that thought that sent him over the edge.

"Turn it off." Peter croaked, pressing his palms to his eyes to stem the tears threatening to fall.

"Your brother really had a great voice." Jordan commented. She, like the others, was totally absorbed by the performance playing out on screen. The group barely noticed the state their friend was in.

"Turn it off!." Peter cried, a bit louder this time.

That caught the group's attention and they all turned to see Peter pacing back and forth like a mad man. Lily, shocked out of her momentary trance, slipped into counselor mode. "Peter, what's wrong?"

His response was to eject the tape out of the VCR and throw it across the room. "I said TURN IT OFF!"

At this point, Dr. Macy realized that his employee had pretty much completely lost it. "Peter, calm down."

He whirled around and began to punch the bar repeatedly. "You don't listen. No one ever fucking listens to me around here!"

Nigel pulled Jordan behind him, trying to shield her from Peter's rage. For once, she didn't argue. None of them had ever seen him in this state before. None except for Garrett, after Peter's wife had died. But Peter wasn't high now and he wasn't depressed. He was violent, and that's what scared Garrett. The chief M.E. joined Bug in trying to bodily shield Lily from harm.

But she would hear none of it. Lily slipped from around them and slowly approached the man who, just this morning, had been happier than she'd ever seen him. She spoke in slow, measured tones. "Peter, you have to calm down. We can talk about this."

"You wanna talk Lily?" Peter growled, turning toward her. For a moment, he looked ready to attack her, then he whirled around again and continued to beat on the bar. "Sure you want to talk. You want to tell me what I should do. Everyone loves to tell Peter what to do."

Lily was about to respond when she felt a hand softly laid on her arm. She turned to see Jessie step in front of her with a somber expression on her face. Jessie spoke in the same measured tone that Lily had. "Rocky."

Unlike his reaction to his co-worker, his lover's voice had the effect of stopping his wrath. Jessie walked slowly up to Peter and wrapped her arms around him from the back. All the tension and rage seemed to drain from him at her touch. She pressed a kiss into his sweater between his shoulder blades.

"Rocky, look at me."

Peter allowed himself to be turned around to face his girlfriend. He buried his face in her hair and began to openly bawl. After a few moments, Jessie forced him to look at her. "What do you want, Rocky?"

"I want tttto go home again." He stuttered out. "I want my family back."

Jessie held his gaze for a moment. "Are you sure?"

He nodded and seemed to retreat into himself. Jessie seemed satisfied at this. She handed him his jacket and began to pack up their things into the giant shopping bag. Bug elected to be the voice of the group's confusion. "What are you doing?"

"Getting him out of here." She replied simply.

Lily shook her head. "Peter needs to get some help from a trained therapist. He's obviously more distraught than any of us could have ever..."

Jessie cut her off. "What ROCKY needs is to get away from you people for a while."

Seeing the reactions to this comment, Jessie softened. "Look we're both very grateful to all of you for this party and for everything else. But right now, Rocky needs to spend some time with some people who aren't connected to his life in Boston."

Before Lily could protest, the couple were halfway out the door of the Pogue. All the stunned people within heard before the door swung shut was Peter saying, "I'm very sorry, everyone."

As soon as she heard the door swing shut, Jordan shot out of the bar like a rocket, trailing her co-workers behind her. But all they could see of the retreating couple was the back of Peter's jacket and some exhaust as the Indian sped into the night. "Well," Jordan sighed, "Say what you will about me. I sure know how to throw a party."