The first thing Izaya noticed when he woke up was how badly his head hurt. He cringed from the unwelcome pain, took a few deep breaths, and forced his eyes open. The bright lights of the hospital room only served to make him more nauseous, a weak groan forcing its way out of his scratchy throat.

"Oh, he's waking up!" A familiar voice to his left said.

"Mister, are you alright?" A second, even more familiar voice worriedly asked.

Blinking against the light, Izaya was able to make out the form of two figures that glowed a gentle blue color that were floating in the air above him. Though he was still woozy, he recognized them instantly. Oh… It's those spirits, Atsuko and Kazuo…

Like a dam breaking, the memories of what happened before he had fainted suddenly hit him all at once. He remembered everything that the young spirit had told him; The spirits, the afterlife, how to get there. All his beliefs, all his carefully laid plans… They had been for nothing.

In a situation such as this, he knew there were many different emotions he should have been feeling: rage, sadness, fear, loss. Instead, he merely felt numb. It was like something had been ripped out of his chest, leaving a gaping hole that was impossible to fill.

"Mister…?" Atsuko questioned again, her tone more anxious this time.

Izaya's red eyes landed on the spirit, and he frowned. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to snap at her and curse her for shattering his hopes. That would be unfair, that wasn't what she had done. Atsuko had no cruel intentions, she simply told him the truth. If she had done anything, she had shattered his illusions.

But without my plans, those goals… Who am I? He wondered, but found that he could not remember. He had spent so long obsessed with that damn head, making plots to create war among his beloved humans, and harming those that could have been friends… He didn't even remember who he had been before that.

Was his love for humans an illusion too? He wasn't sure. He could vaguely remember a time where his habit of observation had been nothing more than a hobby. When had that twisted into an obsession? When had he started hurting humans just for the thrill, when had he become so callous? When had he lost himself and turned into a… Monster.

"I'm a monster…" Izaya whispered aloud without meaning to.

The older of the two spirits, Kazuo, frowned at that word. "What was that?" He tilted his head and leaned forward. "What did you call yourself?"

The raven haired man jolted, glancing at the spirits from beneath his bangs. "It was nothing." He quickly declared, turning his head away and staring at the wall. "Disregard me, you can go away now."

He had hoped they would leave him alone like the last time he asked, but this time neither of them moved. Somewhere in the numblesss of his body, he felt a twinge of frustration at this fact. "Please." He desperately whispered. "I would rather you leave me alone right now."

Instead of listening to him, Kazuo floated closer. Izaya involuntarily shuddered, the spirit's cold forms sent a chill when they got closer. The middle aged man eyed him up and down, and then shook his head.

"After what you just said, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone." Kazuo firmly decided. "I've haunted this place long enough to know when a patient might-"

Izaya scoffed at the suggestion. "I'm not going to ki-" He hesitated as his eyes landed on the wide-eyed Atsuko, quickly re-adjusting his words. "I'm not going to do that."

"Mm-hmm…" Kazuo made the affirmative noise in a tone that expressed his doubt in the man's words. He turned, glancing at the spirit girl in the room. "Atsuko-chan, can you go out and look for a nurse? Let us know if they come this way, now that he's awake."

Atsuko, who had been watching the tense exchange silently, looked relieved to have something to do. She nodded with a serious expression and spun around, gracefully floating across the room and phasing through the closed door nearby.

Once the girl was gone, Kazuo turned to him with a stern expression. "Atsuko told me about what happened before you fainted. She said she told you about the afterlife, and that you panicked and fainted…"

Izaya tensed up slightly, and quickly glanced away. "It doesn't matter."

"It does if it makes you collapse like that." Kazuo challenged.

The spirit reached out, placing a hand on the man's shoulder, his touch as cold as ice. "You hit your head and tore your stitches. Atsuko was worried, so am I. We just want you to be okay-"

"Why?!" Izaya snapped, giving into the rising frustration. "Why do you care so much?! You don't even know me, you don't know anything about me! You and the other spirits here only care about me because I can see you!"

Kazuo looked insulted. "That's not true!" He firmly replied, his eyes burning with anger. "You make strong accusations for someone who knows nothing about me either. I have been here a long time, you are not the first person that I have worried over. You having the ability to see us has nothing to do with it!"

"Oh, it doesn't?" Izaya sardonically sneered.

Kazuo's gaze softened. "It's human nature to care about others, isn't it?"

His innocent words made Izaya flinch, and he turned his head away quickly. "How would I know?" He asked, his voice shaking. "I'm not human, I'm not sure if I ever was."

The spirit fell into an uncertain silence for a moment before he managed to find his voice. "What do you mean?"

Izaya didn't turn to face him, his gaze remaining focused on the wall. "If I was human, I wouldn't have done the horrible things I've done. I used to think this made me some kind of… God." He spat the last word, and let his eyes close. "But now I know it really makes me a monster."

Kazuo seemed unsure of what to say, for he fell silent for over a minute. Eventually, he managed to let out a soft sigh. "Kid, you-"

Before he could say anything more, Atsuko floated back into the room and the door slid open moments later. A smiling nurse walked in, her presence meaning that their conversation would have to come to an end.

"Ah! Orihara-san! It's good to see you awake, we were worried when you fainted yesterday!" She cheerfully declared as she moved to his side to help him sit up.

Izaya's sadness vanished in an instant, as he plastered on his perfected fake-smile. "I'm sorry to cause trouble, next time I will try to find a less stressful way to extend my stay. It is pretty comfortable here, after all."

The nurse chuckled. "You just woke up and you're already trying to butter us up? I told you before, that won't get you anywhere!" She teased good-naturedly.

In between their small talk, when the nurse went to check something with one of her co-workers just outside, Kazuo gave Izaya another stern look. "Our conversation isn't over, kid."

"I think it is." Izaya whispered, eyeing the door carefully. "I know what I am, and I know we're done talking. Leave me alone, Kazuo. I'm not going to answer you anymore."

Hurt flashed across Kazuo's face for a moment but he quickly covered it up. He ran a hand through his short hair and sighed. "Fine." He grabbed Atsuko's hands, and the two of them quickly floated through the room and out the open door.

"Whoa, did someone turn on the air conditioner? It is much too cold here!" The nurse exclaimed as she returned, her form shivering as she looked towards Izaya. "Ah, sorry, were you calling for me? I thought I heard you talking."

"Oh, don't worry." Izaya turned his gaze away from her, towards where the spirits had disappeared to. "It was nothing important."

That night, Manami snuck into the hospital. They went to the room where they had hoped the informant broker they were hunting for would be, but found nothing. The room where her hated enemy should have been was occupied by someone else.

She had no way of knowing that the tearing of the stitches along with the head injury had prompted the nurses to move Izaya to a different room so he could be monitored more closely. Without this information, and without a way to receive it, she was left empty handed.

Frustrated, the young woman retreated out the way she had snuck in. Though she still desired vengeance, it seemed she had missed her chance. Maybe one day she would get another chance to kill Orihara Izaya. Until then, she would accept her defeat.

The next few days, Izaya remained in a jaded state of mind. Disillusioned with the world and with himself, he remained in his hospital bed and spent most of his time starting up at the ceiling. The revelation he had come to left him completely numb, without the motivation to do much else.

When he was around the nurses, he continued to put up a facade. Chatting with them in a friendly manner, eating his hospital food, and doing the things they requested of him. They were enthusiastic about his recovery, and suggested he may be able to go home soon. He claimed he was excited too, but that was a lie.

The idea of going home, back to Ikebukuro and his chaotic life and plans, was a daunting one. Within the numbness that seemed to surround him, he felt scared. With all that he had learned, what was left for him there?

His plans were no longer usable, toying with humans didn't seem fun anymore, and fighting with Shizuo… He shuddered at the man's name. How could he face Shizuo, when all along it had been Izaya who was the monster?

Maybe it was better for everyone if he didn't go back at all. He could leave the hospital, hop on a train, and leave. He could go to the far ends of Japan, the mountains of Kanto, or just leave entirely.

Nobody would miss him. Why would they? He didn't deserve those kind feelings, he didn't deserve anything, not after the things he'd done. It was better for everyone if he just disappeared.

Izaya's plan for this was firm, but then someone interjected. Just like with his plans for Celty's head, it was a damned spirit that came in the way. Kazuo refused to give up on attempting to talk to Izaya, despite the informant following through on his promise to not answer him.

He floated around Izaya, constantly talking and trying to get a response. Even when the nurses were in his room he would be talking about the most random of things, which made it very difficult for the informant to focus on what the nurses were saying. He probably was doing that on purpose.

After nearly three days of talk, Kazuo suddenly stopped and disappeared. Izaya welcomed the silence for a while, only to find that being alone with his thoughts was even worse than dealing with Kazuo. The silence was deafening, thanks to his own cruel voices.

You can't do anything right, can you? All your plans were foolish, childish, and cruel. You hurt people, you hurt your only friend. What will Shinra do when he finds out what you've done? Maybe he'll finally realize that you are truly a horrible creature, and then he'll leave you. Then you'll be alone, all alone, just like you deserve you pathetic monster-

"Did I ever tell you about what happened to me? Why I became a spirit?"

Izaya's cruel thoughts suddenly came to a halt, and he was forced back into the present. It was the middle of the night, and his room would have been pitch black if not for the light of the moon shining through the window. Kazuo was standing in front of it, staring out at the world below with an unreadable expression.

Part of Izaya was tempted to stay silent, but another part of him feared the return of his own cruel thoughts if he was left alone. Slowly, he extracted himself from the scratchy hospital bed, and moved to stand next to the spirit. "You didn't."

"I was a businessman, I worked in accounting." Kazuo began, glancing down at his professional business suit. "It was almost all I cared about. I was always overseas working, because I wanted to provide a good life for my wife and I."

He reached out and placed his hand on the window. "But because of that, because all I cared about was work, I didn't realize I was pushing away what was important. My wife, my children… I never took time to be with them, I pushed them all away because I…" He sighed and turned his gaze downward. "I didn't care enough to include them in my life…"

Izaya found that he couldn't speak, entranced by the spirit and his story. As he spoke about his family and his regrets, the blue glow around him seemed to fade away. Though still transparent, it almost looked as if he was alive once more.

"Then, one day, I didn't have the chance anymore. My wife, our three kids, were killed in an accident. I didn't know for days, because I didn't answer my phone when the hospital called. Then, when I finally got back to Japan to see them, I found out that they were on their way to see me… It was all my fault they had died."

The informant frowned. His anger towards the spirit melted away in an instant. "Kazuo, it's not your fault-"

The spirit waved him off. "I know it wasn't now, but at the time that was all I could think." He weakly admitted, never looking towards Izaya. "After that, I wanted to be better, to do what I should have done before they died. I was meticulously planning their funerals, I wanted to say goodbye the right way. But I never got to, because I died before I could. My heart gave out, the doctors said it was stress and grief that did it."

Tears began to slide down the transparent cheeks. "N-nobody even knew I had died for a whole week. They all assumed I had gone on another trip, they all thought I didn't care about my family enough to stay for the funeral…" He let out a weak laugh. "I can't even be mad at them for thinking that."

He pulled his hand away from the window, and looked around the hospital. "Next thing I knew, I woke up here as a spirit. I never saw my family again, I hope that means they were able to move on without me. They deserve to be at peace, and not wait for me any longer. I couldn't move on, no matter how hard I tried… I never understood it, not until I met you."

Izaya felt his heart skip a beat at the declaration. He looked towards the spirit, eyebrows kitten together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I couldn't focus on what was important, I blamed myself for things that I couldn't control, and ignored the things that I could have done. I spent ages focusing on my mistakes instead of trying to fix them. Then when I met you, I realized… I wanted to stop someone from making the same mistakes I did." He looked at Izaya with determination. "I wanted to help you like I couldn't help myself, or my family."

The informant suddenly was overwhelmed by an intense feeling of guilt, the most powerful emotion he had felt since the numbness had overtaken his body. "You shouldn't help me…" He whispered to the older spirit. "You don't know me, Kazuo. I.. I've done horrible things, it's not the same. You made mistakes, I made choices... "

Kazuo gazed at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. Instead of closing off like a big part of him wanted, Izaya found himself spilling even more of his thoughts.

"I was… Obsessed with humans. I would hurt people, use my power to put them in situations just to see what they'd do. I hurt my friends, I hurt people who didn't deserve it. I saw someone as a monster when they were really the most human out of everyone…" He shuddered and wrapped his arms around his thin form, curling in on himself. "I'm a monster, Kazuo, I don't deserve your kindness…"

The middle aged spirit made a thoughtful noise, and then shook his head. "See, Izaya, that's where you're wrong. You're not a monster, you're a human just like me. Humans can't just be broken into good or bad categories. It doesn't work that way. What matters is if you can improve yourself, if you can be better today than you were the day before."

"But all the things I did…"

Kazuo shook his head. "What you did was wrong, and cruel, but you aren't a monster. You know why? Because now you regret what you did, don't you?"

Izaya froze, his mind suddenly reeling at the realization that Kazuo had forced on him. He had been thinking so often since his stay here about how things could have gone if he had been different. What if he had been kinder to his sisters? What if he had tried to be a better friend to Shinra? What if he had been kind to Shizuo? What if… What if…

"Yes." He admitted. "I do regret it…"

The older man smiled. "That alone shows your humanity. It may have been buried deep before, but it's here now, and you're acknowledging it. That's why you are not a monster, because you have humanity, because you are human."

He reached out, taking Izaya's hand in his own. "You have to make an effort to change. You must make the most of this chance, because you never know what you have until it's gone. Now, you must focus on what matters. You're still here, Izaya, you're still alive. Now that you've faced reality, don't waste this chance. You must try to do better each day, be kind, enjoy every second you have with those you love, hold them close, make up for the harm you caused, and make the most of your life. "

Izaya stared down at their intertwined hands. "I… I…"

"Promise me, Izaya." Kazuo squeezed his hand tighter. "Please, promise me you will try."

The informant fell silent, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts. Kazuo's words were strong, and they made him feel hopeful… But could a human like Izaya truly make up for all that he did, could he truly turn his life around after all he had done? He wasn't sure if it was possible, but he wouldn't know if he never tried.

"Alright, Kazuo…" He squeezed the ice cold hand in affirmation. "I promise."

The older spirit smiled. "Good…" He closed his eyes with a sigh, and Izaya found himself staring at the expression, unable to look away. The tense shoulders had slumped, the wrinkles on his face had smoothed, and his smile was big and filled with glee. Kazuo looked like he was finally at peace…

Then, just as Izaya had finished his thought, something changed. The spirit's blue hue suddenly turned into a shimmering golden color, and his entire floating form began to glow a heavenly gold. The two both gasped in surprise, with Kazuo staring down at his own body in disbelief.

"I… I'm moving on?" Kazuo questioned, his voice now an echo in Izaya's ears. He looked towards Izaya, but his gaze was looking at something Izaya couldn't perceive, his usually worried eyes now glowing with hope. "M-My family… I-I see them! I see them!"

Izaya watched the scene with awe, his heart beating in his chest as a strange feeling overtook him. His red eyes began to glow a gentle blue, and he gave the spirit's warm hand an encouraging squeeze. "Go, Kazuo." His voice sounded strange in his own ears, but he didn't let that stop him. "You can move on now."

Kazuo glanced at the human now, and a loving smile appeared on his face. "Izaya… Take care of Atsuko, and take care of yourself, okay?" His form began to fade, his body growing fainter each passing second. "Goodbye." He whispered with finality, disappearing in a shimmering swirl of golden light.

The room faded into darkness once more, Izaya's hand now gripping only air. For a while, all he could do was stand there, his eyes having faded back to red as he stared at where the spirit had been moments ago.

He was moved by the sight he had just been a witness to. Kazuo, through helping Izaya, had been able to move on to the afterlife. Atsuko was right. The human marveled. To witness such an event… That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

No, he hadn't just witnessed it. He had helped. Even though Kazuo had been the one giving him advice, Izaya listening to his story, being open to advice, and promising to make an effort to change had been what finally allowed the man to move on.

A strange, warm feeling arose in Izaya's chest, and the hand that had been holding Kazuo moved to grip the area. "How odd…" He whispered to himself. "I have never felt like this before."

Helping felt had done something so simple, and yet it meant the world to his spirit companion. Izaya began to wonder… If I could help Kazuo like that, would I be able to help the other spirits too?

Izaya didn't know if he could ever make up for the harm he had caused, he didn't even know if going back to Ikebukuro was a good idea. Would it be better to atone for his sins by never returning and granting the peace many sought, or should he face his sins head on and whatever the consequences might be? He didn't know yet.

The only thing Izaya knew for sure at that moment was that he had just witnessed something magnificent, and he wanted to see it again. There was an urge within him, caused by what he had just seen, what he had just helped happen.

Izaya's obsession with humans and the plots he had carefully cultivated all seemed to fade away in his mind, overshadowed by the beautiful golden light he had been lucky enough to see.

That night, Izaya's decision was made. With the promise to his companion in mind, he knew what he would do.

I will atone for my mistakes. I don't deserve forgiveness but I can still make up for the harm I've caused. I can help the humans I've hurt, and… He recalled that glowing light again, his heart filled with warmth. I can help them, the spirits. With this strange gift I've been given, I can help these spirits find their peace and move on to the afterlife.