Things you do not wish to Chapter 3: Remember, an alpha centauri fanfic

Things you do not wish to...

An Alpha Centauri fan fiction by Shade

I say this only once before beginning. I don't own Alpha Centauri, I don't even think I want to. I intend no harm. Now that we're clear about this, let us begin...

3) Remember.

The next day, Zakharov went back to Garland, who had been too busy the previous day to have an off-the-record talk but said he'd make time as soon as possible: "Don't worry, I know what you wanna talk about and I've already reported him", he added grimly. Zakharov looked equally grim. He hadn't been able to think about anything else that last day. Deirdre, helpless... Unfortunately, his thoughts were often disrupted by other thoughts, thoughts he tried to repress - thoughts on how beautiful Deirdre had looked in the bathroom. 'She is out of bounds', Zakharov thought severely. 'Out of bounds. Stop thinking about her in that way, Prokhor, this doesn't help anyone!' His mind thought differently, though. That was why he was shaking his head occasionally while walking to the captain.

"Ah, Prokhor, there you are. Come in, come in..." The captain saw Zakharov's vacant expression and frowned. "You're still worrying?"

"...A bit." Zakharov blushed. "Something happened... While Deirdre was drugged, I told her to take a shower so she would at least be refreshed physically. I knew she would do it if I asked her to, because of the drug. I told her to knock on the door when she was finished so I could come in and get her. But I forgot to tell her to put on new pyjamas. She... I..."

"Lemme guess... you saw." The captain's comment betrayed nothing of his state of mind.

"...Yes. But that is not the worst part. After I... well, afterwards, I could not stop thinking of her. I have no clue what to do now. How can I even face her?"

"Damn..."

"Is it that bad, John?" Zakharov looked up, despair in his eyes and his voice.

"I can't help you with this. But I can only tell you to try - try - and put it aside. So you've fallen in love with one of your closest co-workers that you'll be working with for, say, the rest of your life... could've been worse."

"But this is the worst it can get!" Zakharov stood from his chair vigorously. "I cannot honestly be expected to maintain a professional relationship with her if all I think about is... well, an entirely different kind of relationship.", he finished, embarrassed of himself and the situation.

"Try to. There's no one better than you for the job, Prokhor, and I'm not letting you resign just because you've noticed the ecologist of this mission is hot as hell." This made Zakharov chuckle even though he still was troubled. He smiled. "There you go, you're back to smiling. Keep your thoughts of naked female scientists for after hours, and you'll still be able to function. I think."

"I hope so. Thank you for the advice... huh?" Zakharov saw someone dart away from the door on the screen next to it. To his horror, he recognised the small form.

"Sean..." The captain turned to Zakharov.

"He wouldn't... tell her, would he?", Zakharov asked tentatively. But he knew what the answer would be already.

"You're in trouble...", the captain said, voicing exactly that answer.

Trouble, lucky for Zakharov, stayed out of his path, and his professional relationship with Deirdre remained good as well as their friendship. He smiled as he looked out of the porthole and into the black expanse that was space. Lift-off had happened a while ago and now they were all busy with their research - setting up, testing and the occasional re-setting up. Zakharov's laboratory, where all the high-tech stuff was situated, was now an organised chaos of experimental set-ups and animal cages.

One of the doors opened with a soft squeak. Zakharov got back to reading a plan and said: "Don't bother me with something you can easily handle on your own..."

"Oh my, those poor animals!" Zakharov looked up incredulously: it was indeed Deirdre who was standing at the array of cages. "Prokhor, those cages are so cramped!"

"Yes, well, we didn't have any bigger cages..." He defended himself before he was even asked to, he realised. "It is, however, nice to see you again, Deirdre. You don't stop by often."

"Maybe I should've... can I put them in my lab, Prokhor?"

"We need them for tests..."

"Yes, but surely not on a daily basis. Come on, you can come and get one any time you want to. Besides, my lab is just 'round the corner. And what's best, it'll make you come by.", she added with a wink. "Come with me. Take those three cages, I'll take the rest." Zakharov was so disarmed by her smile that he didn't argue and picked up said cages. They walked through the corridor and into Deirdre's laboratory, the door of which opened with the same soft squeak.

Zakharov gasped: whereas his laboratory had a cramped and jumbled feeling, hers felt free and even unscientific. Plants grew in large plastic containers filled with fertile ground, tubes of water ran under a protective layer of glass. There were trees, vegetable patches, flowers and even a large closed-off tank with a three metre by three metre patch of grass.

"This..." Zakharov was awestruck. He had never even dreamt this was possible! "This is no research lab, it is the garden of Eden!"

"Jay says so as well, he comes by whenever he has the time. Oh, and here...", she pointed out a secluded corner where two or three assistants were working with various microscopes and leaves, "This is where my research and bio-engineering takes place. I haven't heard any specs about this planet, though, so I don't exactly know what to make of the plants. But it's nice to grow flower vines all the same." She pointed towards the ceiling of the lab, which was covered entirely in deep blue flowers. "A Skye creation. My dad told me he'd discovered you could let vines grow flowers - I went beyond that and engineered a vine that flowers continuously. Fragrance isn't needed, just colour. It makes me think of a real sky..."

"You'll see one soon, Deirdre. It's been two weeks, we'll probably be going into cryostatic sleep in a week or two more..." Zakharov's thoughts drifted off at the mention of sleep: for his sleep had been uneasy ever since he had had his talk with the captain. His dreams were constantly about Deirdre: and in his dreams, it was not science that bound them together...

"...but you're probably not interested in how I did it, so I'll let it rest.", Deirdre concluded. She opened the large tank with the grass patch and released the animals in it. The mice crawled around happily, while the puppy immediately stretched in the grass and fell asleep once more. The various insects crawled into the soil. Deirdre closed the tank again and pushed a button on the wall: immediately, the walls fogged and then slowly became transparent again.

"It's a controlled environment setting. The animals should feel right at home in it. Plus they can get fed every day here: those trees are in an accelerated environment, so they provide fresh fruit every day."

"You can imitate seasons then?"

"Mm-hm", Deirdre said as she motioned for a small object in the right-hand corner of the tank in which the trees all stood. "Bees, for fertilisation. And we only pick the fruit that we need, the rest falls onto the soil and becomes composted. We've set a few bacteria loose in the soil that compost anything organic in an hour." She smiled, proud of her achievements.

Suddenly, an intercom bleeped by the table. Deirdre ran to it and pushed the button.

"Yes, Jay?"

"Can you and Prokhor please come to the central meeting room with the rest of your staff? Prokhor, your assistant Jenkins will take your staff to the meeting room. Come here straight away." The intercom bleeped again and turned silent. Zakharov looked at Deirdre.

"He sounded serious..."

"Yes, let's go." As Deirdre walked out the door, Zakharov couldn't help but notice how sensual she swayed her hips while walking. He swallowed - he felt his blood burn. "Come along, Prokhor." Silently, he mused that he would not sleep easy that night - not with her on his mind like she was now.

Deirdre had awoken the next day, still feeling thoroughly disgusted. But she realised that she had already missed a day and got out of bed reluctantly. A knock on her door startled her as she was searching for a bit of breakfast. Her eyes darted to the screen next to the door - she was afraid she'd see Morgan... but it was Santiago.

"Wait..." She walked up to the door, pushed a few buttons and the door opened, allowing Corazon to enter. Deirdre closed the door again and locked it with the code which Zakharov had been kind enough to enter for her while she was sleeping. She had found the note on her table and mused on the old scientist's kindness. "How goes it out there?"

"Morgan's being questioned by the board... I doubt he'll be kicked out of the mission, but at least he'll be reprimanded. And Zakharov looked absolutely stricken the rest of yesterday. He was shocked. Deirdre... what's the matter?" For Deirdre had sunk into a chair slowly. She knew why Zakharov had looked the way he did.

"Do you suppose it's because of what happened yesterday... in the bathroom, I mean?"

"You remember that, don't you?" Santiago's voice was soft now, and friendly. "I cannot deny that he was horrified to see you naked. But not because of what had happened. Because of you. Deirdre... Zakharov..." The other woman paused, unsure how to voice her thoughts. "He is attracted to you.", she concluded a bit lamely.

"He - what - attracted? To me!" Deirdre blinked, then shook her head. "Impossible."

"Believe me, I saw it in his eyes yesterday. It was not the blatant lust I saw in Morgan's eyes, but something infinitely softer. He cares for you. He even threatened to kill Morgan yesterday, when he saw you at your doorstep..." Deirdre couldn't believe it. She respected the scientist and indeed felt warmly towards him ever since their trip to town, but didn't suspect him to feel any differently. But it was possible: something about him had seemed so soft to her as he held her while she cried. And she had felt him pick her up and put her into her bed - it was not Santiago who had done that, for she had felt the pressure of the ring he wore on his thumb.

"And how are my co-workers and assistants faring?", she asked, not willing to go into the previous subject any further. Santiago nodded softly - as if she knew the subject was deliberately changed - and updated Deirdre on the progress of the boarding of the material and the little problems among the scientists. Just as they were discussing the misadventures of her friend Gareth, someone knocked on the door forcibly. Both women's eyes darted to the screen anxiously - they both breathed out slowly as they saw it was only Deirdre's brother Sean. Deirdre opened the door for him again and closed it behind his back.

"What is it? Did you break something of Prokhor's again?", asked Deirdre, a bit concerned as the boy in front of her was out of breath. He shook his head and breathed in slowly before speaking.

"It's the professor... I was walking... in the corridor just... just outside the labs... I didn't mean to overhear..."

"Easy, easy... you overheard someone?"

"Yes, professor Zakharov and the captain. They were talking about you, sis, and about what happened yesterday... and the professor said he couldn't stop thinking of you! It was horrible... Huh? My recorder?" Sean took a small pocket tape recorder out of his back pocket. "It must've kept recording while I..."

"Eavesdropped.", commented Santiago drily. Sean grinned as he nodded slowly.

"I was trying to record a conversation of Gareth with some girl assistant of Morgan's or something when he found out. I ran into the hall and then I heard... must've forgotten to turn it off..." Deirdre knew about her brother's 'hobby' to record private conversations just for fun and wasn't surprised. But her curiosity was crying out for her to rewind the tape and listen if the conversation of the two men... Santiago looked at her curiously, but it was Sean who decided the battle by pressing rewind. "Ah, c'mon sis, you know you wanna hear..." After having rewinded the tape to the beginning, they first heard a five minute love poem from Gareth to a girl named Ishi, and then heard a string of curses and the sound of running.

"My brother, the coward", said Deirdre with a smile as the running endured and the cursing became fainter.

"Sshh!", said Santiago from her chair. The running had stopped and Deirdre heard the faint voices of her two friends.

"Something happened... While Deirdre was drugged, I told her to take a shower so she would at least be refreshed physically. I knew she would do it if I asked her to, because of the drug. I told her to knock on the door when she was finished so I could come in and get her. But I forgot to tell her to put on new pyjamas. She... I..." Zakharov's voice sounded extremely agitated. Deirdre had to swallow: she found it extremely hard to hear the mingled feelings in his voice - and there was undoubtedly something akin to desire in there as well...

"Lemme guess... you saw." A dry comment from the captain.

"...Yes. But that is not the worst part. After I... well, afterwards, I could not stop thinking of her. I have no clue what to do now. How can I even face her?"

"Damn..."

"Is it that bad, John?" Now there was clear despair in his voice. Deirdre blushed. Now she knew for sure that the scientist had fallen for her.

"But this is the worst it can get!" The scraping of a chair. "I cannot honestly be expected to maintain a professional relationship with her if all I think about is... well, an entirely different kind of relationship." Deirdre could nearly feel his blush in those words.

"Try to. There's no one better than you for the job, Prokhor, and I'm not letting you resign just because you've noticed the ecologist of this mission is hot as hell." A soft chuckle - Zakharov's chuckle, Deirdre realised. "There you go, you're back to smiling. Keep your thoughts of naked female scientists for after hours, and you'll still be able to function. I think."

"I hope so. Thank you for the advice... huh?" Now they heard the sound of running again. Then, when the running stopped, they heard knocking, then a click as the tape had reached its end. All three sat in silence: Santiago was first to speak.

"You're in trouble..."

"I am not." It was a pathetic defence, and Deirdre knew this. "I never heard this. It cannot be true."

"It is...", said the older woman as Sean returned to playing video games, "I heard it as well as you did - loud and clear. He has fallen for you." Deirdre knew she was right.

Her boss fancied her.

She had forgotten it by the time that the mission had truly started - though 'forgotten' was actually 'repressed'. Even then, two weeks after lift-off, she found that at times she mused about the scientist even more than she should: and at times she caught herself thinking of their last conversation. If he really did have feelings for her, she then concluded, he was well able to hide the fact. 'And he plays a mean game of chess...', she added as an afterthought. She had doubted his talents but he had proven himself a worthy adversary. They had played for hours, and only stopped playing when Sean had come to tell her that she was needed in the lab. 'I would've won that game...', she thought with a smile.

"Doctor?" One of her assistants walked up to her.

"Yes, Debra?"

"The grass patch is growing nicely. I've set it to normal season pattern now. But Sean told me that Zakharov has guinea pigs with him..." Deirdre's features darkened. She had known this, but never thought about it too much - she had had other things on her mind...

"I'll go see professor Zakharov and talk to him about it. Is it okay if I arrange for the animals to be inside the grass tank?"

"No problem, doctor", the girl replied with a grin. "They'll have a peaceful life."

"Right... let's go see those guinea pigs..." Deirdre exited her lab and walked over to Zakharov's, which she had actually never visited - she had fancied an excuse to go there, and knew it wouldn't be too long before someone gave her one anyway. Rounding the corner, she saw the door above which it read 'Physics and Chemistry labs': glad to be able to exit the cold metallic halls again, she pushed the button next to the door to allow it to open.

"Don't bother me with something you can easily handle on your own...", Zakharov's voice resounded from one of the far corners where he appeared to read a blueprint. Deirdre, however, was preoccupied with the testing animals, who were shut in cages where they could hardly move.

"Oh my, those poor animals!", she exclaimed as she rushed over to the table on which the cages were stacked: as the professor walked over to her, she looked at him in disbelief – not wanting to believe that he had ordered the inhumane treatment of the poor things. "Prokhor, those cages are so cramped!"

"Yes, well, we didn't have any bigger cages..." His tone was defensive, but he seemed to realise it immediately and continued in a much softer tone. "It is, however, nice to see you again, Deirdre. You don't stop by often." Now that was sounding like he felt sorry she didn't.

"Maybe I should've... can I put them in my lab, Prokhor?" Deirdre looked at her friend pleadingly, her gaze practically begging for him to give in.

"We need them for tests...", Zakharov defended himself again, but Deirdre didn't relent.

"Yes, but surely not on a daily basis. Come on, you can come and get one any time you want to. Besides, my lab is just 'round the corner. And what's best, it'll make you come by.", she added with a wink. "Come with me. Take those three cages, I'll take the rest." She picked up the smaller cages and walked out the still-opened door, hearing Zakharov's footsteps close behind her. She walked over to her own lab, opened the door with a swift push of the button and briskly walked inside, depositing the cages on an empty spot on one of the tables. She turned around: Zakharov was still standing near the entrance, clearly awestruck by her lab. She walked over to him slowly, relishing the fact that he was astounded by her achievements.

"This... This is no research lab, it is the garden of Eden!" Deirdre grinned as she heard his voice shake with awe.

"Jay says so as well, he comes by whenever he has the time. Oh, and here...", she pointed out a secluded corner where two or three assistants were working with various microscopes and leaves, "This is where my research and bio-engineering takes place. I haven't heard any specs about this planet, though, so I don't exactly know what to make of the plants. But it's nice to grow flower vines all the same." She pointed towards the ceiling of the lab with a sense of pride: the ceiling was covered entirely in a vine that bore countless deep blue flowers. "A Skye creation. My dad told me he'd discovered you could let vines grow flowers - I went beyond that and engineered a vine that flowers continuously. Fragrance isn't needed, just colour. It makes me think of a real sky...", she said with a contented sigh.

"You'll see one soon, Deirdre. It's been two weeks, we'll probably be going into cryostatic sleep in a week or two more..." Zakharov made an offhand remark, but Deirdre was not distracted.

"My dad taught me how to do it when I started working in the university labs. He had made the first one, and called it after me – I still don't know how he got the idea to name a plant with bright pink flowers after me – and then he taught me what parts of the plant needed to be altered and which alterations could prove useful or beautiful. It's not difficult to do, really – I think even a non-biologist like you, Prokhor, could do it - but you're probably not interested in how I did it, so I'll let it rest.", Deirdre concluded as she saw her friend stare into nothingness, apparently having been lost in thoughts. She opened the large tank with the grass patch and released the animals in it. The mice crawled around happily, while the puppy immediately stretched in the grass and fell asleep once more. The various insects crawled into the soil. Deirdre closed the tank again and pushed a button on the wall: immediately, the walls fogged and then slowly became transparent again.

"You can imitate seasons then?" Again, he seemed to be impressed with her achievements.

"Mm-hm", Deirdre said as she motioned for a small object in the right-hand corner of the tank in which the trees all stood – the pride and joy of her entire achievement. "Bees, for fertilisation. And we only pick the fruit that we need, the rest falls onto the soil and becomes composted. We've set a few bacteria loose in the soil that compost anything organic in an hour." She smiled as she relished the fact that her superior was pleasantly impressed with her work.

And then the intercom bleeped, startling them both. Deirdre quickly went over to the table on which the intercom device stood and took a quick glance at who it was before pressing 'receive' – her previous intercom experiences with Morgan had taught her prudence, if it hadn't been present before.

"Yes, Jay?"

"He sounded serious..."

"Yes, let's go.", she said, suddenly becoming worried as well. She walked briskly over to the door of her labs and turned around: her friend wasn't following her, he seemed to stare at her instead. 'He isn't staring at me – he's just... lost in thoughts... yeah, that's all...', Deirdre thought uneasily, yet she knew that it was a lie. "Come along, Prokhor.", she said, and he startled before walking over to her. As she closed her lab door behind her, she looked at the scientist as he walked off slowly – he wanted her to catch up to him – and then shook her head.

'He was just lost in thoughts just now, and that's all', she thought. But she knew it wasn't true...

A/N: my USB stick decided to screw up all files on it last week on Thursday, when I was supposed to have updated. In a stroke of supreme luck, I realised I still had files 1 through 9 on my hard disk, but it will take a while to retype the lost chapters. I will try to update weekly, but the updates might slow when I reach the end of my 'supply' of finished chapters. Oh, and thanks for the first review, it is much appreciated. I hope that many may follow - I simply love the reviews, sometimes even the flames - because they express that my hard work is read if not appreciated.