Things you do not wish to...
An Alpha Centauri fan fiction by Shade
I say this only once before beginning. I don't own Alpha Centauri, owning myself is difficult enough. I intend no harm. Now that we're clear about this, let us begin...
6) Face.
Zakharov woke up to a harsh desert landscape, of which he had a full view from within the tent in which he lay. Rising slowly, tentatively putting his hand on the lump on the back of his head, he wondered how he got there. He only remembered one of his assistants urging him to come aboard...
"You've come round! Finally!" It was that same assistant. Zakharov struggled to remember his name.
"How did I get here?" He settled for not trying too hard to remember as a sharp pain coursed through him. The assistant apparently had seen him wince, for he did so as well.
"I'm sorry to hit you, professor... but you seemed dazed, and I had to bring you here... But, well, it must've been difficult to see Doctor Skye leave..."
"Deirdre..." Zakharov stared off into the distance, his concerns now dwelling elsewhere. He saw her image before him and sighed. 'You will be in my dreams forever if you survive or not, Deirdre...', he thought before turning his attention back to the assistant, who had by then adopted a telltale grin. "Well, where are we?" Irritation resounded in his voice, even though he hadn't meant to sound as grumpy as he did.
"In some kind of impact crater - the construction bots are working as we speak. We need yet to name our forming city and landing site. We, um, were hoping you would do that for us..." The hesitation in the young man's voice was not feigned, and Zakharov blinked. He pondered for a moment, then smiled softly as he saw a small robot zoom by carrying an immense piece of rock.
"And who is this 'we' you speak of?"
"Well... us, all hundred of us, professor. We look up to your knowledge. We know you can lead us to success in our colonization of Chiron - and our survival." Fervor and determination had now entered in the younger man's voice. 'Undoubtedly he has ideals', Zakharov thought - the thought of which touched him. "That is, if you want to lead us..." The assistant looked at him tentatively. The professor felt elated, and he made a decision within the blink of an eye.
"I will lead you. I'll speak to everyone this evening, tell them to gather."
Evening quickly fell, by which time Zakharov had already looked over the terrain. Below them, down what seemed a quite steep slope, lay an immense crater - 'an impact crater perhaps', Zakharov had thought as he saw the magnitude of it, 'this would mean precious minerals can be found down there!' - and next to them was vacant land for as far as the eye could see. At least, to the west; to the east, a vast red forest expanded towards the horizon. However, the forest seemed not to be a source of either problems or interest to the people, and Zakharov paid it no heed. He was now looking at the gathering of people in front of him. They had assembled between the tents, with their half-finished city on the background - about ten buildings in all, complete with glass, furniture and all convenience the planet had to offer for the moment - and with hope in their eyes. Zakharov rose to the "stage" - a piece of rock one of the bots had tried to loosen but couldn't. He stood silently, waiting patiently for the talk to die down. A baby cried, which startled the calm scientist - 'A baby?' - but only for a moment. He smiled as everyone looked at him and felt at home. Was it really forty years from the time that students had gaped at him from their seats in an auditorium?
"People of Earth, we came here with a mission. We came to colonize, to prepare our race for decimation by Time - who would employ the merciless laws of physics against us. We came willingly and without regrets. Yet, when Earth fell to ruin right behind our backs - as soon as we had left her, even! - we did not leave our mission. Instead, we altered it. We no longer came to colonize, we came to survive. We no longer wanted to defend ourselves against extinction, we wanted to evade that fate altogether. A much bigger burden rested on our shoulders: we are the only ones left. We, that had doubts in choosing to leave our families, found our relatives and loved ones torn from us by cruel rulers and blind destruction. We, that once prided upon our achievements and our ultimate selection to be part of this mission, were humbled and reduced to the last ones. We were adrift, and we clung to what we still had. We will continue to do so." He breathed in deeply, allowing his words to seep in before continuing. "Though you look up to me so, never think that I am more because of my rank or status. We are all the last ones. Many of you address me as 'professor', yet I am a mere academician, a person that chose learning over profession - as such, I see the value that everything has in their right place in society. I value the learning of science more, but I see the need and merit of learning an art or a profession. I went to university, but life itself is one great University, filled with lessons to learn and achievements for every individual.
Let us then all choose what we want to learn for ourselves, and let the children we have and will get in the future, do so too. Let us choose the path of wisdom, the path of learning, the path that many of the leaders of our demised mother world had better devoted themselves to. Let us do our best to ensure that we are not truly the last ones... and let us do that from our city." He stepped down, into the crowd, which split open to allow him to pass. As he advanced, Zakharov heard many start to applaud and cheer. By the time he had reached his own tent, the people were shouting: "Long live our academician! Long live the University!" He shook his head - he hadn't meant it that way, after all - but he understood the people. They had a leader, a purpose and a goal: they needed nothing else. Well, perhaps a city... but that would probably not take much longer, he considered as he looked outside and saw the bots hurrying to and fro.
University logs / private logs / P.L. Zakharov, academician - entry 13/09/2101
This is a world truly filled with much wonders and horrors at the same time. It is today exactly one year ago that the first mind worm was spotted. Today, we have had the report of the first non-base fight with one of their boils (victory for the University and cause for rejoice, for the flamethrowers we have equipped our scouting parties with have proven successful). The crater will officially be named 'Garland Crater' today - in honor of John, our deceased captain and my close friend. John, may your spirit linger.
My scouting parties have assured me that the fungal forest is passable, though it is difficult to manoeuvre and an ideal spot to be ambushed by psy-attacks of mind worm boils that seem to reside in the fungus. Sometimes I get the feeling the mind worms can pinpoint the scouting party's location - it's an eerie thought, and I tend to repress it as soon as it comes to mind.
The city, which the people insist on calling 'University Base', has finally become a pleasant place to live, and the first new building to be inaugurated was a school. People often ask my advice, and they respect my authority even though I do not ask them to follow me. I've never asked them to follow me. Yet they do, and I lead them as best as I can.
Deirdre is a constancy in my mind. I think that she has not left my dreams for even one of the past three hundred and eighty days. I welcome her in my head every morning and in my arms every night. I hope she has survived, so I can see her again, maybe hold her again - one fleeting moment was not enough. it can never be enough. But I also find myself hoping secretly that she is beyond anyone's reach, so I can still dream that she loves me instead of facing the reality...
University logs / private logs / P.L. Zakharov, academician - entry 04/01/2103
I wonder at my reflection often these days. The doctors claim they have never seen a case like mine before. I seem to have stopped aging... but this is perhaps only an illusion. I look fifty-five, they say.
Our number has grown again, and we are now about two to three hundred. The number of newborns has stagnated somewhat, however, so we hope that our day-care facilities are under less strain than they are now soon. However, I have come to find the new Universitans subject to affection of the entire community - even I myself find pleasant thoughts seep into my mind after peering in yet another cradle. Hope lives through these infants, one can guess. I do not find it unpleasant at all.
...I still think and dream of her every day. She moves smoothly from dream to daydream and back - and she, too, hasn't aged. I can't help it, I love her. Even if I found out she is dead tomorrow, I would still love her as deeply.
Good night, Deirdre...
"Academician!" The woman that came running into the research laboratory was tall and slender, and Zakharov immediately recognised her as assistant Tamar. He smiled as he abandoned his work and looked at her.
"We've cracked the code. We now know the secrets of the human brain." She looked immensely proud of the achievement, and with good reason. The research about the use of the brain was one that would bring a tremendous amount of new research opportunities with it. The road to understanding the human nature more fully was now wide open. "Oh, and there are some scout leaders who wish to see you. They say it's urgent."
"Where are they?" Zakharov had become used to the frequent reports the leaders of the scouting teams he sent out gave him. This particular one seemed no less ordinary.
"They're in the meeting hall, Academician."
"Good, I'll find it on my own. Carry on with your research. What are you now concentrating on, Tamar?"
"Industrial mechanics. Our engineers are working around the clock to devise a working economic model." She smiled wrily, as if she knew her beloved 'Academician' didn't put that much faith in economy and industry. "Have a nice day, Academician."
"You too, Tamar...", he muttered on his way out. He passed several corridors now teeming with excitement over their first milestone on the path of learning - 'their', for Zakharov spent as much time as anyone else in the research labs and in the libraries and schools. Doors hissed open and closed behind him. It was a well-oiled machine, his society, and he liked it that way. It was science in its purest form.
"Academician!", the men gathered sprang from their chairs. Zakharov nodded and they relaxed a bit. "We have news from the eastern border. Somewhere beyond the great fungus forest seems to be another city!"
"A-another city?" Zakharov was nonplussed at first, then amazement turned into excitement as he realised the full meaning of it. "Other survivors?"
"Seems so. Their city also exhibited signs of re-used Unity materials. We could see it from a hill overlooking the forest. But what's else... they had an insignia. A kind of globe in light blue..."
"A globe? Like the UN insignia?"
"Yes, sir - um, Academician." Zakharov pondered for a while, then smiled.
"It must be Pravin Lal. Find out if you can establish contact with him."
"Academician, we deserve an insignia of our own as well, I think." One of the soldiers hesitantly spoke. "We may not be many, but we're an established city with a leader and troops of our own. Besides, if there are other survivors, they'll probably have thought of an insignia as well..." Zakharov thought about it for a while, then nodded.
"An insignia we need. I'll hold a contest and award a prize to the one that gives us the best and simplest design. Er... dismissed...", he said as the men stood about awkwardly. He felt like he'd never get used to his status. The thought brought a small smile to his face.
'If there's more survivors, maybe..."
Deirdre surveyed the construction works. Several small construction bots zoomed past her at great speed despite the impossibly large pieces of stone they were carrying; men and women were struggling to start planting the seeds they had had on board. Deirdre smiled as she thought of the plants that had once lived - only to produce these precious seeds. Her smile broadened as Sean shot past her, carrying a broken construction bot with him to his tent in their makeshift base. It had been two days since Planetfall and their city was already nearing completion - technology was a wonder, though a dangerous one.
"Lady Skye?" A girl tugged on her sleeve - it was Eliza. She had come to know the girl very well over the course of the work. She was amiable, just as she had been at her age. Deirdre caught herself thinking that that was only fifteen years ago - the forty year sleep had to account for something.
"Yes, Eliza?"
"What will we name the city?" It was an intelligent question, showing the girl's observational skills and sense of logic. She would make a good scientist, though not in her own field. Probably an engineer or information specialist. Despite all that, Deirdre had to laugh.
"We'll see. When it's finished and we're going to live in it, I'll assemble all the others and ask them what the city should be named." She smiled.
"I think you should name it, Lady Skye. You've done so much for us - you're the one that made the seeds and all..." At the mention of 'Lady', Deirdre frowned. She couldn't get used to being seen as a leader when there were so many others that were undoubtedly more capable to lead them. But even they listened to her words as if they were divine revelation. She understood that they needed a figurehead in these times of hardship, but wondered why they had chosen her.
"Eliza, one day you'll see that I only made sure that the original seeds ended up in the earth, got enough water and fertilizer and were constantly nice and cosy."
"Well... maybe that's what God did with us. He made sure we found another Earth, that we got enough food and breathable air, and that we could make a city. And I think that God sent you, Lady Skye, to make sure that we won't waste away. You look after us like you've looked after the seeds."
"You really think that?" Deirdre was dumbstruck - flattered and awed at the same time by the girl's beliefs. "Well, God made us all equal, so you don't need to call me 'Lady Skye'. Call me Deirdre."
"...Can I call you 'Lady Deirdre'?", the girl asked after a moment of hesitation. Deirdre smiled as she knew the girl must believe in her leadership skills as much as in her view of Providence.
"Sure you can. Now, let's go and see if we can help out."
From atop the highest building, Deirdre looked over the city and its surroundings. The buildings had become slender and tall, like poplars. The roads laid out between them looked out of place, though it had a kind of odd allure to it as well. The dull desert-like landscape of yellow rock extended for miles, occasionally broken by large patches of what seemed to be gigantic fungus fields. Beyond a few ledges, she could even see the ocean, a small patch of deep blue in the dull yellow. She then looked behind her. One day, on that exact location where the pod had touched Chiron's soil, a forest of pine would stand, and a memorial stone remembering Earth's tragedy and Chiron's promises...
"Lady Deirdre, they're waiting for you in the grand hall." Eliza followed her at all times, like a headstrong puppy. Deirdre was endeared most of the time - including now.
"Allright. I'll come down. But I still don't know what to tell them. What can I do?"
"Lady Deirdre, you're smart. You'll think of something. Think of what I said." With that, she turned around and left, leaving Deirdre to follow her. Her heart was pounding about halfway up in her throat: she had never been good at controlling her nerves. Sean stood guard outside the hall.
"Calm down, Dee," he said with a small grin, "the people in there'll think you're scared or something. You're a leader now, you've gotta show confidence."
"Thanks, I'll remember that...", she muttered as she entered the hall. The very moment the door opened, people stood, making Deirdre feel even more awkward.
"Er, please sit down..." She smiled as she saw Eliza wave from her seat between her parents. At least someone who had faith in her... and probably the only one...
"I really don't know what I should say... you all show so much confidence in me, yet I did nothing special. I'm clueless as to how I deserved your trust. But I'll try to live up to your expectations.
Speaking of expectations... a little girl told me how she firmly believes me to be sent by Providence to take care of all of us. To be honest, I don't know if that's true. I've never believed much in Providence. Maybe I've played too much God with my plants." Laughter in the crowd. Everyone had seen how passionate she was about 'her' plants, and everyone knew what miracles she had achieved. "But I'm no god. If I were, I would've saved Earth..." A silence fell over the crowd as the dark cloud of Earth's fate was remembered. "What happened there was the ultimate sign of humankind's degeneration. Religious zealots would say we carry within us the seeds of sin and that we sow disaster wherever we go. But I prefer to think we carry the seeds of hope with us and that we can bring light and warmth to any place whenever we want to. We may not forget about what happened to our home - what humankind did to its home. Such cruelty can never be done again. Even in ancient times, to honor one's mother was the highest virtue. But we've defiled ours, hurt her - and eventually killed her. We are now given a second chance. Though this planet may never be our mother, it will be our children's mother and that of their children. We must not throw away this second chance. We are, after all, stepdaughters to this world - we will not be its heirs though she will feed us and we will care for her.
Once, our home world was called 'Gaia' and honoured as a goddess. Already, many among us name this planet 'Planet' and revere her as a bringer of hope. This city must strengthen that. The bond we will form with Planet will be one of reverence and hopefulness. If we want to survive, we must rely on the goodwill of Planet and its indigenous inhabitants.
Are you all prepared to stand by these principles?" Men and woman alike rose from their chairs to cheer her words. "If you will live by these principles, if you will share with me both the memory of Gaia and the admiration towards Planet, then I will lead you." Her heart leapt when she heard no protest. From the crowd, Eliza gave her the thumbs up before joining in the cries.
"Long live our Lady! Hail to the Stepdaughters from Gaia!"
Gaia's Landing - private files - Lady Deirdre Skye - diary, 01/10/2101
Only one year ago, we experienced our first encounter with the first of Planet's unwilling children. The Mindworms, so called for their ability to enter the minds of us humans and implant in them a fear so profound that we can no longer act efficiently. The soldiers' high morale and their willingness to die defending our city are what keep us safe. For that, we can not sufficiently express our gratitude.
On the occasion of the first full year on Planet, a lush forest was being planted. The people surprised me with a plaque that read "We left our mother Gaia with grief, and when we were gone her other children most cruelly killed her. Though we treat our new mother Planet with care and respect, we may never forget those that died along with our true mother. Our kind destroyed Earth, but we will never allow ourselves to harm Chiron." - Eliza's words and Eliza's idea. She is slowly but surely becoming my aide and closest friend yet. She is now fifteen - not counting the cryosleep - and is very aware of the attention she gets from Sean. My poor brother will never know what he's in for...
My thoughts wander to my friends as often as my hand wanders to the ring around my index finger. My only hope is that Jay's death was swift and merciful. As for Prokhor and Corazon - and the others, of course - I pray every day that they had as much luck as we had. ...In my dreams, I get the distinct feeling I'm being held and comforted. I never see who it is that holds me and soothes my mind, but I don't need to see because I know it already. Every night, we part like we did more than a year ago...
Gaia's Landing - private files - Lady Deirdre Skye - diary, 10/01/2103
How easy for two people to fall in love when all they see is each other? Eliza and Sean caught in a hug this afternoon. I was wondering where my self-appointed spokeswoman had gone off to and then I found them in some hallway of the living area. I'll have to speak a few words with Sean before he gets carried away, I have enough children on my hands as it is. The babyboom has subsided somewhat, bringing our number to around two hundred and fifty. We've almost doubled in population in three years' time, which would be odd - were it not that many of us are different now.
Cryosleep has had an odd effect on me. My age has become indeterminate, or so doctors tell me. They want to observe me closer, but I've already told them that I want to live in peace. Imagine some over-eager anatomy student disturbing me in the shower. Ugh.
Another unsettling dream this night. The usual embrace, farewell, kiss thing. But now the sorrow of losing my friends and being alone. The horror of finding them devoured by mindworms. Unspeakable things. I woke up, my nightgown clingy because of my sweating. I hate to admit it, but I wouldn't accept their deaths. Especially Prokhor's for some odd reason.
The purpose of it all eludes me, but I have the feeling the dreams want to convey me something. Why do I dream of the past?
Deirdre placed the book back onto the shelf and turned around. The children were pooling around her, anxious to hear the next story though they knew they would not hear it that day.
"Tomorrow, Eliza will read to you about space. I'll see you in a week."
"Bye-bye, Deedee!", they all said in unison. She insisted that the children call her with her first name and settled for their variant of it. Though she didn't know all of them by name, she knew them by face and was delighted every time she looked in at the nursery school.
"Lady Skye!" A mother come to pick up her child ran up to her. "The recon troops you sent out have returned. They await you in the great hall, they say it's important news that you should hear..."
"I'll go over there. Thanks, Maria." She had grown accustomed to referring to the people with their first names. If she knew them, at least. Rushing to the great hall, she smelled the wondrous scents that were what made her city - the achievement of so many people including herself - her home. People greeted her in the streets, all of them calling her Lady. She was still as flattered by the title as she was that first day, she loved the fact that it sounded ancient and yet modern.
In the meeting hall, she found three men - the commanders of the recon troops she had sent out - already waiting for her patiently. As she entered, they rose from their chair.
"M'lady", they said in unison, and Deirdre smiled.
"Sit down, please, and tell me what news you bring that is so important."
"Two things, Lady. Grant and I have found an ideal spot to set up another colony. The colony pod vehicle can now be made operative."
"This spot, where is it?"
"To the south, m'lady," spoke Grant, "near the ocean. It has abundant minerals in its soil and the ground is fertile, assuring our crops a speedy growth."
"Very well, I'll dispatch the colony pod at once. Can I count on your troops to escort it, commanders Grant and Lewis?" As both men nodded, she turned to the third one. "Commander Shirokami, you have news as well, I take it?"
"Yes, Lady. My troops were scouting the lands to the north. We had been ambushed by mind worms twice and had successfully deflected their attacks and decimated them - which boosted the morale of my men, I must say. Then, on the fifth day, we spotted one of their boils. We were able to attack it before they noticed us. But it never came to a fight, Lady."
"How so?" Deirdre was all ears: she knew that the mind worms were relentless in their attacks and wondered what could have possibly made them stand their ground.
"One of my men from the front of the line of attack suddenly told us not to do anything. He stepped up to the boil and seemed to contemplate something. And instead of attacking us, the mind worms trooped around him!"
"Did they..."
"I still live, Lady, and so does the boil." The man stood in the doorway to the meeting hall, and at his feet wriggled dozens of mind worms. Deirdre gasped in horror. "Relax, Lady, they won't harm you. In fact, these mind worms think highly of you. After all, you care for their planet as if it were a precious artifact." He smiled.
"This has to be researched." Deirdre could only come to that one conclusion. "If there is a way to communicate with the mind worms, then we could evade many conflicts... and we'd lose less to their attacks."
"As long as no harm comes to them, I'll gladly allow it.", the man said with a smile. "They have connected with me, and it would grieve me to see them hurt. Especially by one of us."
"We won't harm the mind worms, rest assured - we have enough specimens for that. But this... this could mean a whole new turn in the history of humanity!"