And I could carry the weight

Of your sad times, dear

And give you the strength

To face your fears

I know I'll never be afraid to say

I'm here by your side

And I'm gonna stay

"It Ain't Enough"

Corey Hart

June 7, 2012

Echo Park, Los Angeles, California

Chuck woke, bleary-eyed, startled and not certain if the noise he thought he'd heard was real or a remnant from a lingering dream. He hadn't slept enough last night, he was convinced. Maybe two or three hours? He searched for the face of the alarm clock, twisting his head. The position in which he had rested was odd, half on his stomach, his legs twisted at a skewed angle. His lower back twinged as he rolled over. It was later than they normally slept, well after nine in the morning. Apparently she had rolled away from him during the night, as she now slept with her back to him.

"Chuck," she grumbled, slumber still heavy in her voice. She was just as exhausted. "Answer the door," she mumbled, her words slurred as if she were drunk.

"The door? What…" he stammered, struggling to clear the fog that swirled around his head. Noise, he thought. Not dreamed. Apparently the doorbell. He sighed, his irritation lashing. Hadn't Morgan just promised him last night no more early morning visits?

"Is that Morgan?" she asked, still not speaking clearly, still turned away from him.

"It had better not be," he grumbled, tossing the blankets back, careful to not pull them from her as he did so. He ran a hand over his face, adjusting the waist of his pajama pants as he stood and began to walk, staggering out into the living room. The doorbell rang again as he was about five paces away. He hustled, reaching for the doorknob. "Damn it, Morgan–"

The words died in his throat as he completely opened the door. Instead of his bearded friend, he was completely bowled over by the presence at the door. His visitor had a small piece of luggage in one hand, gripping the handle that guided it on its wheels, as well as another small bag slung crossways across her chest. She wore simple jeans, a blue blouse, and a light brown jacket. Her brown hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and she wore very little makeup or jewelry. "Ellie," he breathed, realizing his mouth was not quite all the way closed as he stood gaping.

"Hello, Little Brother," she said, a soft smile on her face.

Chuck seemed to come fully awake at that moment. "Ellie!" he gushed more loudly, reaching down and scooping his sister into his arms, squeezing her so tightly she couldn't fully expand her chest to breathe. "What are you doing here?" he asked, amazed. He released her, a wide and expressive grin on his face. "Not that I'm complaining." An array of emotions played across his face, all of them so close to the surface. "God, I missed you, El," he said softly, wrapping his arms around her again.

She waited until he let her go. She was still smiling, but her eyes had become glassy. "Morgan called last night," she admitted, as if no other explanation were necessary. "Devon called Mom, and I bought a ticket on the early morning flight. I would have called first, but I knew you'd just tell me to stay in Chicago. And I couldn't do that, not after what Morgan said," she added, smiling, though her tears seemed to multiply. She reached to touch him, gently resting her hand on his chest.

He blinked quickly, averting his eyes, his mixed emotions transparent to his sister. He was so glad to see her, relieved even. The turmoil inside him was visible though, evidenced by the dark smudges under his eyes and his drawn face, signs he had not slept well for more than one night. "Come in," he said quickly, moving back inside the apartment, recognizing he had left her standing there.

"Morgan said I can stay with Alex and him in their guest room," she said, glancing down at her suitcase.

"Ellie, you can–" Chuck started.

She cut him off. "You two need your privacy. It's ok, Chuck," she assured him.

"Ellie!"

Chuck and his sister spun quickly, as Sarah approached the door, dressed in her robe and bare feet. Sarah smiled hesitantly. Chuck noted how uncomfortable her stance was, as if she was unsure of herself. He felt it hit him in the gut like a fist, acknowledging that awkwardness, something he really hadn't been thinking about for weeks.

Ellie had left for Chicago the day after Sarah had agreed to stay with Chuck. Sarah had seen Ellie in person only once since the incident when Ellie had knocked Sarah unconscious in her car, after Sarah had held her at gunpoint. A tearful apology and an awkward hug, and that was it. Back then it had almost killed Chuck, because he knew, after Sarah had told him so, that she considered his sister her best friend. She hadn't just lost her memories of him, but of everyone–that entire group that had become her family. She had felt alone again, worse because she had these ghosts around her who should have been familiar, but were now strangers.

Sarah and Ellie had worked out the phone call schedule, and over the first few months their relationship had improved. Could she ever be that close to Ellie again? Her best friend? Her sister, through him? He wouldn't have believed in February, right after Ellie and Devon had moved, that Sarah and he would have grown so close again. Love worked miracles, of that he was confident. And in the darkest of hours, as he'd learned all through his life, it was the only thing that had ever pulled him through. Sarah was learning that from him, now for the second time.

Ellie rushed past him, pulling Sarah into her arms with gusto. Chuck saw Sarah's genuine smile over his sister's shoulder. "You didn't have to come, Ellie," Sarah told her. Ellie turned quickly to look at Chuck, acknowledging her own prediction from previously, lifting one eyebrow in an I-told-you-so. "But I'm so glad you did," Sarah added, pulling her sister-in-law back into her arms.

"I'm not the doctor right now, not unless you need me to be. I'm just your friend. Here because I think you need someone else to talk to. I told you a long time ago that you could always talk to me, Sarah," Ellie assured her, reminding her, Ellie herself unaware of what Sarah remembered and what she didn't.

Sarah dipped her head down, looking back up at Ellie through her eyelashes, smiling.

"Do you want some coffee, El?" Chuck asked, as he shuffled closer.

"No, Chuck, thank you. What I'm gonna do is go get settled at Morgan's. He and Alex know I'm here. I called him when I landed. I woke you both up and you look like going back to bed and resting is what the doctor ordered, huh?" She said protectively. "I'll be back at lunch time, if that's ok?" she concluded, with a smile, looking back and forth between Chuck and Sarah.

They nodded together.

It was just as Ellie turned to go, on her way to reach down for the handle of her suitcase, when Sarah dove at her, hugging her sister-in-law so fiercely she almost knocked Ellie over. The softest cry, just a whimper, escaped from Sarah's lips as she just held on. Ellie returned the tight hug. "It's going to be ok, Sarah," she whispered. "I promise."

For most of her life, Sarah had only herself to rely on. An unpredictable father, an absent mother. A dangerous and isolating profession. No friends, only a few empty acquaintances. Every day, every night, alone. For years. It had toughened her, out of necessity. But it had taken its toll, almost to the breaking point, by the time she had met Chuck; he had shown her what it meant to live, not just exist. She didn't remember all of it anymore, but enough to know that had been the case. Sarah had always been able to take care of herself. This situation was plaguing their lives now because as strong as she had always been, she had been rendered powerless to protect herself during that ordeal.

Chuck's sister was no CIA agent, just a fiercely protective woman who loved her family. Sarah didn't know if she had at any time in the past had ever talked to Ellie about their similarities, despite their obvious contrasts. Ellie had been only 12, with the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had taken it all on, just as Sarah had, at just a few years older, because she had no other choice. Ellie was unbelievably strong, brave, and so full of love it had made Sarah feel part of their family, right from the beginning. Without Ellie, Chuck would not have been the man she so desperately loved.

Sarah needed that strength now, thankful that Ellie was so willing to offer it.

Sarah held tight for what felt like forever, feeling arms reach around her from behind, realizing Chuck had sandwiched her between himself and his sister, in a tender group hug. It was like being swallowed whole by love, and as disconcerted as she felt inside, she knew this was the safest she had ever felt in her life.

XXX

Chuck had just finished dressing when Sarah walked into the room wrapped in her towel, fresh from the shower. She paused, in mid-stride, clutching the towel to hold it closed. It was awkward, wondering how to comport herself around her husband, and she hated it. She felt the anger, a slow simmer, rapidly surging to a boil inside her, a helpless rage that had no outlet. She wanted to break something, the urge to sweep her arm across the desk so strong she had to force herself to stay still. Trembling with fury, unsure if Chuck was aware, she dove onto the bed, burying her face deeply in her pillow. It muffled the sounds of her screaming.

She felt the mattress shake, felt gentle hands on her arms, pulling her up and away. Chuck slid his hands down to her wrists, working to pry open her hands. When she looked down, she saw the drips of blood coming from her palm, cuts from her fingernails as she'd clenched her fists tightly. The bandaged hand had a faint maroon puddle beginning to seep through, indicating she had reopened the old wound. He pulled her backward against his chest, holding her towel closed, keeping her covered as her restless shifting had loosened the wrap. Her blood was on his fingers, her teardrops on the back of his hands. She hadn't realized she was crying until she saw the clear droplets.

"Sarah…"

It was a statement, and a question. Asking what was wrong, while always knowing in his heart the root cause. Wanting her to talk to him, trying to deal with this rage before she hurt herself again.

She was still trembling, rigid. She sucked in an enormous breath, as if she were about to submerge herself under water for an extended period. It came out slowly, ever so slowly, as she tried to calm herself. His arms stayed around her loosely, never demanding that she stay nestled up against him–only there for comfort and support. The rage cooled, leaving a frozen wasteland in its wake. Why was it only one or the other, with no peaceful warmth in between?

"It's not fair," she whispered in despair, turning her head to press her cheek against his shoulder. She breathed in the scent of him, more calming than anything else she knew. She felt his lips on her temple, his warm breath near her ear. "It took so long…for us to be…comfortable together again. And now it's like none of that ever happened. We're back at the beginning again."

"Is that what you think? Really?" he asked, hurt.

She thought about the words she'd used, cringing at his. No, it wasn't. In the beginning, she had been so afraid that her deficits, in all things, couldn't be overcome. She had forgotten too much, hurt him too badly for there to be a way forward. His honesty, his simple plea for her to trust him had been the only thing that had changed her mind, and convinced her to stay. He was never discouraged, unwavering in his love and devotion. Loving with all his heart someone who didn't quite love him, someone who had loved him before but forgotten. She was the one who had been uncomfortable. Until she had just acknowledged the feelings inside for what they were–she had fallen in love with him again. That had been the stopper on the bottle, allowing some of her memories to return. Asking him to take her back into their bed again, asking him to love her as he had before everything had crashed, had done even more. Now that too, seemed to have been taken away from her.

"No," she whispered, swallowing down the sob that accompanied it. "I don't." She paused. "I hate that I didn't know what to do. Just get dressed in front of you, or wait until you leave. Wait until you're done showering before I go into the bathroom. It's like before, only worse. Because in between we were…" There were no words adequate to follow that, to explain all that they were. What she still wanted them to be.

His arms tightened around her, and she felt him press his head against the top of hers. "Don't worry about how you think I'm going to react. Or what you think I'm feeling. Do what makes you comfortable. Undress if you want. Wait if you want. Tell me what you need, Sarah. Just know that I understand. If not how you feel, then what you're struggling with. I'll take my cues from you." His voice broke ever so slightly. Sarah knew how hard he was struggling to disguise it.

"If you need me to…not touch you…please tell me." His words broke her heart, spoken with a mournful agony, at just the thought of being so bereft.

The pain roared inside her, unrelenting, crushing the breath out of her lungs. How had they ended up here? It boggled her mind, thinking at any point she could ever cringe away from his touch. But she knew why he said it, why he was resetting the situation.

Everything he had said last night was still with her. She hadn't known the extent of the trauma when they had reconnected. It wasn't that hard to imagine, her insatiable need for physical contact with him had been somehow precipitated by her repressed trauma. Like he had said, as a way to make reparations to him somehow? Desperation to take his love, his touch, to somehow erase what had happened to her?

She'd told him, on Christmas Eve, that Daniel Shaw had forcibly kissed her while holding her hostage. She had wanted him to know, so nothing would ever be between them like that.

She had remembered that. And the truth of it hammered into her. She had craved being close to him, needing to be close to him. And as amazing as those couplings had been, she knew she had been wise to heed his warning now. She wouldn't allow anyone to come between them in their own bed.

"If you need me sleep in the other room–"

"No!" she almost shouted, bolting upright, turning herself around to face him. "I don't want that. I can't sleep when you aren't next to me," she gushed desperately. "It sounds so stupid, like I'm a little girl who needs her stuffed animal. But…"

There were tears standing in his eyes, but he smiled gently. "No, it isn't, Sarah," he said, brushing the tears on her face away with his thumb. "You don't know what it means to me when you say that."

The frozen part of her started melting, as she saw the absolute adoration on his face, in his eyes. Soon she felt like she was drowning, overcome with her own feelings. She had been angry, and afraid, and he had calmed it all with a few words, his beautiful smile. She lifted herself up on her knees, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her towel slipped, and she let it fall. His hands were feather light, ever so slightly touching the bare skin on her back. She felt the softness of his cotton t-shirt against her chest, his warmth transferring to her skin. He had known the exact right thing to say, at the exact right time.

"I love you, Chuck," she whispered. "Everytime I think I couldn't possibly love you more, I feel it growing, like a huge tree, inside me."

"It's going to be ok, Sarah. We will get through this," he swore passionately.

She believed him, trusted him. She felt his love, strengthening her. It was a force unparalleled, its might unfathomable. Nothing was stronger, no darkness so absolute it couldn't be lit, or be banished from her heart and her soul forever. She nodded against his shoulder. They stayed that way, quietly embracing, for a very long time.

XXX

Sarah handed Ellie the coffee cup before she sat down next to her sister-in-law. Ellie smiled, gently sipping the hot beverage. Sarah held her own mug, cradled in both hands, pressed against her chest. Her injured hands felt better as the heat transferred to her skin through the bandages. The steam rose in delicate billows, wafting to her face, the warm moisture soothing on her skin.

"What about memories, Sarah? Have you remembered anything else?" Ellie asked casually.

"A little bit at a time," she said, a tiny grin on her face. "Dr. Dreyfus said, you know, memories aren't of days. They're moments." Ellie nodded along in understanding and affirmation. "I don't really remember any days. Not like that, and not like the memories I have of my life before I met Chuck. But I remember a lot of moments, more than I realized I did. Sometimes Chuck just starts talking, waiting, and I can finish, you know, fill in the rest."

"That's really good news, Sarah," Ellie said, touching Sarah's arm affectionately. "I never stopped believing they would start to come back. It was just going to take time."

"Well, lucky for me, your brother is probably the most patient man in the world," Sarah said, with a beaming, genuine smile. The softness in her eyes was unmistakable, so familiar it made Ellie almost lose her place as she acknowledged it. Ellie raised her hand to her mouth, covering her lips as her eyes misted.

At Sarah's concerned face, Ellie shifted, leaning closer to Sarah, to explain. "I'm sorry. It's just the way you looked, talking about him. That's the same look, the one I always saw whenever you looked at him, before." She blinked hard, looking up briefly before she continued. "That night, after we took him home from the hospital. He was so…lost. Devastated. And I couldn't console him. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do. I really believed he'd lost you. I just never thought I would see that again."

"I almost left, Ellie. I was so scared," Sarah admitted. "But I couldn't make myself leave. And then he found me on the beach."

Ellie paled slightly, thinking how fortunate it was for her that she'd decided to stay, considering how things had progressed into this current difficulty. Everything was easier surrounded by people who cared.

"So, Sarah," Ellie said more cautiously, beginning to tread into more sensitive territory. She was assured Chuck was out with Morgan, giving them time and privacy. No pressure, just an opportunity if it was needed. "I meant it before. You can talk to me about anything."

The tension creased her forehead, as she leaned to place her coffee cup on the table. She pulled her legs up, hugging herself around her knees. "What did Morgan tell you when he called?" Sarah asked tentatively.

"That you needed your best friend," Ellie said brokenly. "Morgan is…well, Morgan. But he definitely has his moments," she finished with a crooked smile. Ellie extended her hand, pleased when Sarah grabbed it immediately.

"I'm…terrified, Ellie," Sarah whispered, her voice hitching. "Chuck…is there, in the sessions with me."

"He needs to be, Sarah," Ellie told her.

"What if it was you?" Sarah countered. "Could you describe that to Devon? Someone else…touching you…like that?" Sarah almost gagged, turning her head away.

"I know how hard that could be. I've had to testify in court sometimes, especially when I worked in the ER. Women asked to explain things in vivid detail while their spouse or significant other sits there and listens. Worse when the lawyers ask questions, in a room full of strangers. I don't know what it feels like personally, but I know, because he loves me, he would never really have any peace of mind ever again unless he knew. That's all Chuck wants, Sarah. So you can both move past it. And you will, you know. I know it seems so far away right now, but it will happen," Ellie assured her. After a long pause, when Ellie was searching for words, she added, "How much do you remember?"

Sarah's eyes were haunted when she looked at Ellie again. "Almost all of it," she whispered, as Ellie strained to hear. "But I was drugged, too, for a lot of that missing time. I'll never know what happened while I was unconscious." Crying, Sarah struggled to continue. "I woke up more than once, with…bruises and scratches…under my clothes. In places…" She couldn't finish.

Ellie pulled her close, comforted as Sarah gripped her tightly in return. Much later, after a long and pain-filled silence, Sarah added, "I only know there was no…internal trauma…detectable…before I left California."

"You saw a doctor?" Ellie asked, surprised, hearing this for the first time. "Does Chuck know that?" she asked.

"I told him, after that sleepwalking incident," Sarah admitted.

In clinical mode, Ellie questioned neutrally. "Did they run the full protocol?"

Sarah scoffed, her voice like acid. "Yes. And it was good that they did. I didn't know when I left…that I'd stopped taking my contraceptives."

Ellie looked confused for a moment, until the meaning hit her, the sorrow filling her eyes with tears. "We…wanted to have a baby," Sarah whispered, her bleak desolation apparent. It killed Ellie to hear her tone, the same tone reserved for recounting a tragedy.

Good lord, the pain her brother had to have been in, telling her that Sarah was gone. It wasn't just Sarah. She had departed with his whole life, and all of his dreams. Thank god she had come back, Ellie thought.

Seeing the emotion cross Ellie's face stirred something inside Sarah. "Ellie, I know you came to help me. And I appreciate that, so much. More than I could ever tell you," she gulped, swallowing painfully. "But, please, Ellie…talk to Chuck. He's the one who needs your help," she pleaded. "Everyone's been focused on me, what I remember, what I don't, what I need, what I don't. He's in just as much pain, dealing with the same emotions. While he's trying to be strong for me. Something has to give somewhere. He's not sleeping, Ellie. I'm worried about him." She sucked in a stabbing breath, shuddering. "I'm trying to be there for him…but…"

Ellie wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I know," she said sympathetically. "You can only do so much to help someone else…when you are still foundering yourself. Don't feel badly about that, Sarah."

"I'm not used to feeling this helpless. It makes me so angry sometimes I can't think straight. It's scary, when I feel like I'm losing control," she admitted.

Ellie sensed the underlying emotion, that Sarah somehow felt she was failing Chuck. "Sarah," Ellie said. "You can be helpless, once in a while. Chuck is stronger than you think, especially when it comes to you." But Ellie knew Sarah was precariously close to the truth, when it came to her brother's current state of mind.

XXX

Morgan smiled when he opened the door, looking away bashfully as he saw the emotion on his best friend's face. "Come on in, Chuck," he said, shutting the door behind him.

"You called my sister," Chuck said in amazement.

"Dude, it was time to call in the big guns." His smile faded. "I know you would never ask her. And I wasn't sure how much Ellie knew. So I called. She put me on speaker. You should have heard Awesome. I'll do this, we can do this, all in a row, like he was waiting for that the entire time. He was calling to book the flight before Ellie even got a word in edgewise."

Chuck grinned, his mouth still pressed closed. "Well, he is Awesome," Chuck kidded, at the same time he felt the rush of camaraderie and gratefulness to his brother-in-law. Deep down, Chuck loved him like a brother.

"I know Ellie feels bad, being so far away. And he does too. They miss you anyways. And when you need her, well, watch out because that woman is a force of nature," Morgan tsked, shaking his head. He looked up at Chuck, his stomach lurching as he saw the haggard condition Chuck was in. "It was the least I could do for being such an inconsiderate douche before."

Morgan waved him to the sofa, gesturing for him to sit. He sat beside him. "It started with Sarah, but, Chuck, I think you could use your sister's help. You're dealing with…a lot, Bro."

Chuck knew Morgan was right. He acknowledged it with a slight, hesitant nod. He ended up just sitting with Morgan, talking. He had to speak in generalities, the graphic subject matter just seeming inappropriate to talk to his friend about. Truth be told, if his sister hadn't been a doctor, he would have felt awkward telling her the things he already had, never mind what else he was worrying about.

He found his attention kept drifting, his eyes roaming away to see the clock. His stomach would spin as he thought about the appointment scheduled for later today, overcome with anxiety and uncertainty about what would happen, what new horrors he would learn.

If Morgan noticed Chuck's distraction, he mercifully ignored it.

They were interrupted by another knock at the door. Morgan answered it, and let Chuck's sister in. "Why don't we go for a walk, Chuck?" Ellie asked.

He looked vaguely surprised, but nodded and stood. "Wait. Is Sarah alone in the apartment?" Chuck asked.

"She said it was fine, Chuck," Ellie assured him.

Chuck still looked worried, unsure and trepidacious. How could he explain, in mixed company, what he was so worried about? She was Sarah Walker, for crying out loud. Ellie had seen her take out three armed men twice her size in a split second. How could he be so anxious about leaving her alone?

"I'll keep an eye out, Chuck. I'll text you. Just stay close, you know, loop the perimeter," Morgan told him.

Ellie looked shocked at first, thinking Chuck was just overreacting. The quiet understanding that passed between the two men sobered her. It really was that bad, she thought. Her only thought as she walked out into the courtyard with Chuck was why Morgan had waited as long as he had to call her.

XXX

"She's worried about you, Chuck," Ellie said, as they cleared the archway and headed towards the sidewalk.

Chuck kept walking, but looked straight ahead, not meeting his sister's gaze. "I know, El," he said quietly. "But…I can't get away from it. You know? I'm worried she's becoming a danger to herself," he mumbled, looking at the ground.

Ellie grabbed his arm, stopping him in place. "Suicidal?" Ellie gasped.

"No, no, no. That's not what I mean," he said quickly. "But she started having episodes. Anger that she can't control."

Ellie nodded sympathetically. "It's normal with PTSD, Chuck." Her tone turned pedantic. "When I was in Med school, I did a rotation at the VA hospital. You remember me telling you about that, right?"

"You did," Chuck told her, remembering how upset she would be sometimes, coming home from those shifts.

"This isn't any different than those men, reliving those atrocities over and over again and reacting with that kind of helpless rage," she explained.

He walked in silence, thoughtful and sad. "I think it's worse for her because she was always so…capable of taking care of herself. And me too, a lot of the time."

"I think you're right, Chuck. And it's worse because of the memory loss." Ellie sighed. "I wanted to talk to you alone. About you. And somehow you're still focusing on Sarah. Tell me about you, Chuck. You look like absolute hell."

It was nothing, at all, compared to how he felt on the inside. "I don't know, Ellie," he muttered helplessly. "And this is…hard for me to talk to you about. I mean, you're still my sister. It's just…"

"I know, Chuck. But I'm here, and I'm willing to listen. You know, Devon offered to just…be a sympathetic ear, if talking to me was too much. He's still a doctor, Chuck. And he cares about you as much as I do," she persisted.

Chuck filed that away in the back of his mind, thankful that his family was so willing to help when needed. He tucked his hands down deep in his pockets, picked up his pace, staying a foot ahead of her so he couldn't see her eyes so focused on his face. "The more she remembers, the worse it is. He was insane, Ellie, the man who kidnapped her. Not like Shaw, not like your thinking. I know he tortured her. I know he…abused her. And I think that she was raped, Ellie." Saying it out loud made him feel sick, his stomach filling with acid and threatening to rise into his throat.

"So does she, Chuck," Ellie told him, her voice vibrating in her chest. He stopped dead, spinning on his heel. He was pale, and shaking.

"Did she tell you that, when you were talking?" he asked sharply.

"Chuck, she was drugged, multiple times," Ellie said sadly. "No matter what else she remembers, what comes to light from the therapy, she'll never know what happened to her while she was unconscious. The technicalities of it don't really matter, not like this. She knows she was violated. It's awful, but something you both are going to have to deal with, learn to accept. All of the results from the tests they ran before she left at the end of January were negative–which is a positive sign. No STDs, no signs of internal or external trauma, a negative pregnancy test, and no microscopic evidence of recent intercourse." She had watched his face as each word, meant to reassure him, only reinforced that original fear.

He was teary-eyed when he could finally respond. "I was happy when we were sleeping in the same room again. I thought, you know, that things were moving in the right direction."

"I thought they were," she responded.

This was where it got hard to talk to his sister. He tried to detach himself, treat the discussion as only a professional one, rather than an intimate conversation between siblings. "We were…you know…like that…a lot. More than once a day, almost every day," he said, looking away, Ellie noticing how red his cheeks and his ears were.

"That's…normal, isn't it? Sarah told me that, you know, a long time ago, before," Ellie stammered, suddenly just as embarrassed.

"Sarah told you that?" he asked, outraged.

"She's my friend, Chuck. Friends talk. Her husband just happened to be my brother. I sort of, you know, filtered that thought out," she said defensively.

He sighed in exasperation. "Well, yes, that was perfectly normal. But it was…different, now than…before. I never said anything to her. I didn't want to upset her, you know, thinking it was just because she had forgotten so much. I didn't expect it to be the same when she was so different. Not less, or, you know, just, different. With this…underlying desperation that I really never felt from her before, ever. And then when I realized what she was going through, what had actually happened, it started to make me wonder."

Ellie nodded in understanding. "She was trying to fill that void, the one being assaulted created inside, that made her feel alienated from you. Trying to literally close the space between you."

Ellie, of course, always knew exactly how to express things, getting to the heart of the matter. "I brought it up…and she…uh, she thought we should stop. I think she realized what she was doing." He moaned low in his throat, stuffing his hands down further in his pockets. "God, Ellie, what if I made it worse?" he lamented.

"No, Chuck," Ellie insisted. "Don't think like that, please. You didn't know. And for god's sake, Chuck, you love her. She's your wife. And she loves you. That was always her number one motivation. You have to know that, Chuck." She sniffled, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. "Loving her the way you do–you didn't make anything worse."

"But…I could, Ellie, couldn't I? If she remembers something else, and she can't stand the thought of me touching her, or–" His voice crescendoed in his panic.

Ellie moved to stand in front of him, forcing him to look at her. "You have to follow her lead, Chuck. She understands now, after you talked to her, so she's conscious of that. She'll let you know what she needs."

He nodded his head vigorously, calmed by the fact that he had said those words to Sarah this morning, glad that his gut instinct matched his sister's advice.

"And still, Chuck, I'm asking about you. She needs you to be ok. When was the last time you slept all the way through the night?" Ellie asked pointedly.

"A few days ago," he admitted sheepishly.

"Not sleeping, not eating, under as much stress as you are. You're headed for a breakdown, Chuck. And you won't be any good to her like that. You have to take care of yourself first," she directed.

"Is that my sister or my doctor talking?" he asked, a slight smirk on his face.

"Lucky you, you have both, all wrapped into one," she smiled, pulling him close in a gentle hug.

He saw the time on his watch over his sister's shoulder. "We'd better head back. The doctor will be here soon." Ellie heard the dread under his words, sensing the tension running through his body like a low voltage of electricity. He turned, and his sister followed, walking beside him in silence.