Happy Halloween Everybody!
Chapter 7: I don't want to stop.
Have I done something wrong in a past life? Have I been cursed? Is this what it feels like to have a hex on your head?
I never thought of myself as a good person, but I would never intentionally harm anyone. And yet, here we are, eye to eye, waiting for the mood to be cast.
"What can I get for you?" I ask the three witches that have come to visit me.
"Oh, I don't know. Our waitress is so disgusting, I barely have an appetite." Lauren looks at me up and down. Her nose curls like she smells something hideous.
My drained eyes stare deep into her's, disregarding the comment. Her comment is unimportant. It's relevant, just like her.
What are you doing here? What do you want from me? You came here to see me. You know I work here. The whole school knows I work here. Have you come to doom me? Have you finally predicted my descent?
If my eyes were any dryer, I swear my lids wouldn't close. I feel old and weathered standing in front of their table. I'm tired of Lauren's evil trappings. I have absolutely nothing to say.
But she's still here with her minions, still fixated on something she sees on my face.
Her neck turns stiff as a scarecrow, "Mimi, what do you want?" Something about Lauren's tone is antsy and hollow. She's losing the nerve to stir the cauldron.
"I want french fries!" Mimi pops her gum, giving me a wicked grin.
"Me too, oh and one of those strawberry shakes, but no whipped cream. I'm cutting back." Jessica leans toward my notepad with her dumb request.
"Sure, coming right up." I pull away from their table and move on to the other tickets. Zoning out is for the best.
In the midst of doing my job, I can feel something brewing, and it's not on the stove. From behind the order window, I can see they're still up to no good. Mimi sticks her gum under the table before sinking back into the cushioned booth. And Lauren is giggling, spilling water all along the aisle, just waiting for me to come and bust my ass.
I drag a mop across the floor careful not to look up and make eye contact. The ache in my neck and arches of my feet warn me to avoid confrontation.
"Yeah that's right, clean it up. At least you're useful for something. Oh, I know, you can come clean my house when you're done." Laurens condescending tone feels like someone's striking a match off the curve of my back. I am no longer in control. She has skint my resolve down to my pruned fingertips.
"Do we have a problem?" You summoned me, and I have answered. I look her dead in the eyes and dare here to say something.
"Are you fucking Mike?"
"What?" I almost trip over the damp mop.
"You heard me. Are you sleeping with my boyfriend?" Her teeth are clenched. Her lips are tight. She's serious.
"You're delusional." It's that simple.
"You thought I didn't know? Stay away from Mike. He's not going to the prom with you. You're such a fucking weirdo, Bella. It's sad really. Just because you had sex with Mike, doesn't mean he owes you anything. I mean, get a grip. You can't even afford a dress." The whole table erupts in fake laughter.
I slowly place their bill on the table. I've heard enough. "Get a life Lauren. Seriously, you need help. Maybe if you weren't such a bitch, Mike wouldn't be screwing any girl who looks his way."
I feel the ice cream hit my face before I even see the shake being tossed from the half empty glass. "You dirty bitch, you'd probably fuck an old trucker if the pay was right. You're a whore, just like your mother."
If she's Hades, can I be Poseidon for once? It's no fun being stuck as Medusa. It's not ok for me to just stand here with ice cream on my face. If I stare at her long enough, can she at least freeze up and crumble away like everyone else in my life.
No I have to make her crumble. I grab a hold of her hair from across the table and don't let go. I am not my mother. I don't let people run me away. I do what I want on my own time. I'm nobody's doormat.
She's screaming at me to stop, but I can't seem to care. I've been asking Lauren and her friends to stop for the last three years. And I don't stop until Peggy comes to pull us apart.
And I don't feel an ounce of shame or remorse. She deserved it. I am not my mother.
I don't feel anything except for my racing heart until Peggy turns around and looks at me like she's disappointed. Disappointed in me. Like she wishes I wasn't here. I resent that look.
It's embarrassing. No one's ever looked at me like that. Now the feeling is starting to creep up on me.
Like that embarrassing feeling, when you think your baitless hook caught a yellowtail, but everyone's laughing when your line pulls up kelp. That feeling that makes you want to scream all the air out of your chest because how dare you forget that you don't belong here. I don't belong because my mother thought she didn't. How dare I forget that my mother didn't spare me.
Now I see why Jake hid his face. I feel like a beast, like an animal because of the way they look at me. The whole diner has stopped to stare at me. I feel everything from the stinging tingle in my hands to the judgement aimed at my head. This is why Jake hides the beast.
I serve him every day he comes here, but I'm still a judgmental stranger. I brought up his appearance, and accused him of committing crimes when I knew nothing about him. Is this what it feels like to be an outsider, an 'other'? One wrong move, one raise of the voice and the whole foundation is shaken.
"You three, clear out of here. Don't let the door hit ya' where the good lord split ya'." Peggy shoos them to the door with a worn out menu.
"Go home, Bella. And take the weekend off before I decide if you still have a job." The most hurtful words are whispered to me before I'm forced to head out the back exit.
No one ever takes me side. Nobody ever sees things the way I do.
I snatch my apron off before driving off in my rusty pick up. I let all the windows down and just breathe.
It's been getting colder outside and the days have become shorter. The cold air bites me on the cheeks and blows away any moisture that's left on my lips. I wonder if it would be better for tumbleweeds and cobwebs to brush past my skin. Would it feel like a caress and sweet embrace? If it would feel like something worth giving up everything for.
Last time I heard, my mother was in Arizona. I never thought the thorns of a cactus would feel better than holding my hand. Couldn't you have taken me with you? I would have been your aloe Vera in the sun.
Would the warmth of the sun make these tears sting a little less. I'm left here like chewed up gum left on the pavement, annoyingly hard and deteriorating. Maybe I'll get lucky and Jake will roll me up in a rug and toss me in the ocean. Maybe then I'll be properly disposed of. Hard chewed up gum always belongs in the trash, not stuck waiting underneath a table.
I sit in front of the tv and wait for Jake to arrive. The doorbell sounds twenty times louder than I remember.
I open the door and he walks right in and straight to the living room.
"You live alone right?"
I silently nod and hold my breath in anticipation.
"Go get a pillow and a blanket."
"What?"
"I need to rest my eyes. Go get a blanket and a pillow."
I numbly fetch both out of the linen closet and place them on the couch.
"Thank you." He lazily yawns and plops down on the couch he kicks his boots off, and lays across the cushions.
I dumbly sit with my legs crossed in front of the tv and stare at the news. He came here so I can watch him sleep? For some reason this was not one of the scenarios I envisioned last night. He gets my heart racing, and I make him sleepy.
A light snore starts to carry and I realize he's asleep. I crawl over to the edge of the couch and shakily peer over his form.
"I'm a light sleeper Bella." For some reason his phrase helps me relax. His voice is so confident and gentle at the same time.
"I guess you'd have to be, huh." And for some reason he doesn't stop me from tracing lines on his face.
"How do you deal with all the stares and all the judgement and pressure?" He knows I'm talking about the tattoos and his profession.
"I am who I am Bella. That will never change.
That's why I came here to relax. Nobody knows I'm here. I can close my eyes in peace. I don't have to worry about my brother killing me in my sleep. I don't have to worry about the wrong people watching me."
He wants peace. Isn't that what I've been asking for? I feel like a child bothering him in the middle of meditation.
I can't help but ask, "why would your brother want to kill you?" Why did my question make you think of family.
How did I manage to make you think of such a thing when you came here to relax? How could I rehash the stress in Jake's face? I slowly rub circles over his cheekbones pushing the excess energy up to his brows. I smooth over the thick hairs and wait for his response. I can't help thinking about apologizing, telling him to forget I asked about his brother.
"I'm not even sure why. He holds all the power."
I'm not sure what that means but I know "all men with power, want more power. You must have something he wants."
He stiffens for a pause before he takes a deep inhale. "How old are you, Bella?"
"I'm seventeen. I'll be 18 next month. What about you?"
"I'm 28."
Does that scare you? I daringly draw my thumb to the edge of his lips. My other hand rubs at his hairless jawline. I'm touching him all over but his eyes are still closed.
He doesn't scare me a bit. I want to invite him in. "You didn't have to lay on this uncomfortable couch. I have a bed upstairs."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why? Do you have a girlfriend or something?"
"No but you wouldn't have to be my girlfriend to do what I want to do to you in that bed."
"Oh." His daring suggestion penetrates my wayward inhibition.
"But you're a good girl and I'm, well, I'm a bad guy. I'll sleep down here before I ruin your innocence ." A soft smile plays at his lips, letting his crisp white teeth peek through.
"What if I want to give it up?" I place my hand in the middle of his chest.
"Oh I know I can get you to give it to me regardless."
I lean over him and place my lips on his. I expect to feel the heat that I felt between us at the diner, like a dying breath of heat. But I feel the opposite, it's like something is blooming.
I thought it would feel like fire but it feels like warm flying. Suddenly he grabs at the small of my back and now his raw aura is leaching into my spine and around my rib cage.
In a haze, our tongues meet for the first time and I realize his darkness is sweet and welcoming and all consuming. My brain is empty and racing at the same time. His demons are special.
I grip his neck for more pressure, more thorn and less rose. I'm lying on top of him and it feels like I'm choosing to be buried in the madness.
There's something vicious about his kiss. There's something treacherous about the way his arms flip me over onto my back as he rests himself between my legs. Just the feel of his soft lips, his chest against mine, the tip of his nose against my cheek lets me pretend in this moment that he wants me as much as I want him. To pretend like he cares enough to swallow my soul. I'd let you have it, even if you didn't ask nicely. I'd let you do what you want all night. I want to feel that strong, powerful aura thrust into me. I can feel his spirit rising.
But it's still not enough. I reach under his sweater to see more with my hands and it doesn't make me feel any better. It just drives me crazy and I separate from Jakes lips with a gasp at the buck of his hips. He bites at my chin and pecks at my neck with warning.
And now it's a fight. I'm clawing at his back and he's sucking and nibbling at my neck. His smooth soft hands grab and rub at my thighs. I can feel his darkness pour into me. I whimper at the thought of what's to come, what I want.
The wetness between my legs is calling for him to touch it, but he pulls away too soon.
"Bella, I didn't come here for this. We shouldn't do this, trust me." His hands grip at my waist like he's on the edge.
"But I want to." I shamelessly rub my hands up his arms and around his neck, pulling him back down.
He buries his head into my neck with a tired, humorless laugh. "I don't want to hurt you. You don't want this haunted soul tie. I'm not good anymore."
Ok ok how was it? Did you enjoy the update? Do you like this Jake? I thought this would be a fun treat for Halloween! Thanks for reading!