Super bummed out about my last upload. I think something was wrong with the fanfic site because I don't think everybody got to see chapter 7 on Halloween. Anyway I hope everybody can see this upload. Please let me know if you can see this update/ know what's going on with the site... *still crying about the last update being delayed lol*
Chapter 8 : I Guess a Lot
He's not good anymore. Like that's supposed to stop me from wanting him. Like I'll listen to such a weak warning. Everything about him invites me in. I can't stop thinking about him. I don't care if he's not good anymore. I want him.
Which is why I asked him if he was coming back. He didn't say yes or no. He just told me to be home at eleven. So the last few days, I've been waiting on Peggy to call off the punishment, and waiting for the sound of Jake ringing my doorbell.
And so for the last few nights, Jake has been sleeping on my couch while I fold myself into my father's recliner. I watch the tv and think about the almost sex we had until he gets a phone call and leaves at one in the morning. It's odd really. The person calls at the same time every day, and every day he leaves, just to come back the next day and do the same thing over again.
Tonight is different. He's different. Tonight he actually sits up on the couch and watches the tv with me. The magnetic attraction is irritating. I can't shake the feeling and I know Jake can't either. I can't forget about my attraction to him. Sleep can't erase that kiss.
"I'm kinda' hurt, Bella." My fantasy is interrupted by Jake's random claim.
"Why? What for?" I look over to find him smiling mischievously from the corner of my eye.
"I feel like you don't care about me." He tucks his black hair behind his ears like a sensual god of calamity.
"What? Sure I do. I let you sleep on my couch, even offered you my bed." I square my shoulder and turn around to watch him jokingly pout.
"You don't even ask me how my day was." Where is this coming from? Are you flirting with me?
"I don't have to. You're always really tired when you get here."
"You won't talk to me. You won't even say anything. You haven't even asked me what I do for a living." Here we go. This is what Jake really wants to ask me about.
"If you haven't noticed, you've been sleeping ninety percent of the time you're here. I figured if you wanted me to know, you would've told me. Besides, me knowing what you do for a living doesn't change anything." That doesn't explain who you are.
"Ok, fine guess."
"What?"
"I need you to guess." He's begging me to guess what crimes he's committed .
"Loan shark?"
"Do I look like a prick in a cheap suit?"
I raise my eyebrows at his answer. So he lies. He came to collect my father's debt last week.
He chuckled at my expression. "Don't look at me like that. Your father's debt was with my cousins. I'm not a Clearwater, sharking is for the small fry."
"Money laundering?"
"You're getting close. I guess sometimes, if my brother drags me into his bullshit..."
"Are you in some sort of trafficking?"
"Mmm, Trafficking of information on occasion. But no, I don't do any human or drug trafficking."
"So how are you 'not good anymore'? It sounds like your morals are somewhat intact."
"Belonging to the bloodline makes you do things you would never do. I can't get out of this. It's for life, till the death of me. It's all toxic. We do what our elders tell us to do." His eyes bore into mine as if to say that he is toxic. He is poisonous. There's something he's not telling me.
"Why would you say that? Why would you come here every night, come to the diner all the time, smile at me, talk to me, if you're poison?"
"Because I like you. I like talking to you. I just want you to talk to me. You make me feel normal. I don't care if you ask the questions that are floating around in your head. I want you to speak freely. When I talk to you, I feel like myself again."
This is a shitty warning. Don't keep pulling me in just to break me off. It's too late for that. This ship has already set out to sea. Your words have become an invitation. I accept. I am signing up for the chaos.
"I really don't care what you do, what crimes you commit."
"But you really should. You should know that my life is filled with misery and strife. Don't you want a good life, a safe life? My people believe in spirits and soul ties. I don't want you to get involved with me and feel like I tied you to something foul."
"I don't feel misfortune when I'm with you. I don't see ruin and destruction in you. Your energy, your aura is dark but it's pleasant and disarming. Why would you think being tied to you would deprave me or anyone's spirit?"
"That's the problem, Bella. You don't see me clearly. You don't see what follows me. You haven't seen what I come from."
"Because you talk in riddles. You give me a little peek and then you tell me to run from the rest. I won't judge you for being who you are. Just show me, tell me and I'll listen." I promised myself I wouldn't judge you. I would never look at you the way Peggy looked at me in the diner.
"I honestly don't know how much to tell you and how much to shield you from." His head lulls on the throw pillow like he's frustrated or tired.
"Fine, What's with all the tattoos?"
" Remember I said everyone belongs to a bloodline. I belong to the first family, first bloodline. Think of it like different families that work collectively. That makes us a very big family, so the tattoos are part of my specific bloodline and then some are the tribe markings. Some of it is an interpretation of my spirit, some of it is about rank or seniority. My brother's tattoos are similar but not the same, he's the eldest sibling and probably next in line as chief."
"Let me see them."
He pushes up his sleeves to show me the ink covering his muscular arms.
"Let me see all of them."
He pulls his sweater and undershirt over his head and reveals to me a beautiful motif. It looks like a story. A story that goes on for centuries, like family secrets that I can't read, or begin to understand. Wolves howling and sacred script litter his form.
Jake turns around so I can see the rest of him, and a pair of eyes stare back at me. A pair of eyes that I can't help but reach out and touch. They look so real and expressive. They move like the eyes of Mona Lisa. When I move, they move.
Deep, thick lines of black and red etched into his skin. All these symbols and patterns make him look even more powerful and mysterious. It's like I'm looking at some artifact.
I haven't been exaggerating or making things up. It's not all in my head. Jake is different. Jake is special.
"How long did all this take?" I let my entire palm make contact with his back, letting the aura send waves of heat. It's mellow with undercurrents of brute force. I can only feel the untamed darkness when we're excited, when we're out of control.
"It started when I was sixteen."
I trace some of the symbols with my fingers before he turns around to face me again. He looks at me with a face full of pain and anguish. His eyes beg me for an answer. An unspoken question hangs in the air: 'Will you accept me' .
I pull him into me. I pull him into the tightest hug I can muster.
I already have accepted you. You've already sucked me in. From the first time you smiled at me, you had me. The day you told me your name, I knew I wanted you.
He rests his forehead on my neck, letting his heavy mane spill over my shoulder. I run my fingers through his thick strands while he leaves short, open mouth kisses on my collarbone.
"Jake." He ignores my whimper and slowly pulls my tank top off my shoulders, down to my waist. I shiver as goosebumps form on my open chest. His thumbs play with my nubs and send that familiar thrill through my neck and down my spine. We are doing this. We are really going to do this.
We're both standing chest to chest, half naked. I can't help but blush at his heated gaze falling to my small breast.
It looks like some sort of race as he unzips his jeans and tosses them over my father's recliner. And then I realize I'm about to lose my virginity over old patchy, musty carpet that looks like it's from the eighties.
I shakily step out of my clothing and drop my panties to the floor. This is not how I thought it would be. I didn't envision anything perfect or overdone, but this is kind of trashy. But then again, I'm no princess. I'm a seventeen year old waitress from forks. The daughter of a drunk fisherman. I'd say I'm pretty lucky for my first time to be with Jake.
I push him down so he sits and I climb on top of him.
Jake gives a shocked stare at my audaciously bold choice of position. Stretching back on the carpet, his hands fold behind his head. "I didn't think being on top was your thing, but I like it. Go ahead. Do what feels right."
"I don't know what to do." I blush even deeper and put my hands over my face.
"Yes you do. I'm not going to stop you. Fast or slow, that's up to you." He peels my hands away from my eyes to peek "So you are a pillow princess, huh?"
I'm at a loss for words. I have no idea what I'm doing. His erection is growing bigger and I have no idea what to do. My deafening silence makes this even more awkward, even less sexy.
Jake looks up at me with a confused expression. "Is this your first time?"
I let his question hang in the air, too embarrassed to answer. He lets out a breathy laugh and I slap him on the chest. He's making fun of me! He really is a cold beast.
"Don't laugh! You said do what feels right. I'm trying to-"
He lifts up to rest on his forearms and lightly taps my ass. "Come on. Let's go upstairs."
Laying me out on my bed, I feel the mood has changed in the fading daylight. His touch is serious and guiding. It feels like I'm being molded into position as I lay in the middle of the bed.
Cool air hits my insides as my legs are being opened for this man to see. I can't help but cover my face with both hands as he stares down at my French shaven curls and wet insides.
"Why are you covering your face, Bella? Let me see you." He kisses along my inner thighs before his fingers start rubbing circles over my clit. His other hand possessively grabs both my wrists, baring my face to his prying eyes. My breathing speeds up with the squelching of his fingers rubbing and moving inside me.
"That's it, look at me. Don't look away." His gruff voice makes me feel like he's turned me inside out. My face scrunches up at the build of his faster, deeper movements until I'm an absolute moaning mess tightening around his fingers.
I watch him suck my honey from his fingers and it shockingly turns me on even more. We stare into each other's eyes and my stomach tightens in anticipation.
He rubs up and down my thighs and waist before pulling my hands above my head. " Are you sure you want to—"
I stop his words with my lips before this gets any more embarrassing. I've made my decision. This is what I want, so I wrap my legs around him and feel his hard dick rub against my sensitive clit. I run my hands all along his torso as he trembles at the brisk speed of my hips bucking. Like I'm waiting for the genie to appear out of the bottle, I massage waves all over his tattoos.
"Please, I want you inside of me."
His heavy lidded eyes stare down at my lips and I can't help but reach up for another kiss.
He aligns his tip at my center and slowly guides himself in, little by little until he reaches my last bit of resistance. "I— shit. Try to relax a little, Bella." Just the sound of his strained voice makes me grow wetter before he forces his way through to home.
"Haah." We both breathe out together at the new connection. I can tell he's just waiting for the pain to ease away from my face, but I tell him to "keep going, don't stop now."
Jake grabs onto my hips and swirls and thrusts his way inside me. The unfamiliar sensation makes me forget about the stinging soreness.
When I look up, I can see the darkness pour in through his eyes and my bedroom window. I feel his control slipping away. The beast, the animal is ready to pull me in. My nails claw at his back as he moves deeper and deeper. My cresting yelps spur him into a crazed rhythm that has him smirking down at me.
"Fuck, Bella. You're so fucking tight." He moves my leg higher hitting a spot that makes me quake and lose my breath. My walls tighten around him and his thrusts get stronger and stronger when I start thrusting with him.
"Ugh, that's it. Just like that. Jake, Jake I—"He keeps attacking that spot. It makes me throw my head back into the pillow. I hold on to him for dear life. I don't know what's happening, but it's like a fever I can't sweat out. I'm wound up and the arrhythmia in my chest is almost scary. My breathing is too shallow.
Jake groans into the space between us. "Can you hear that? You're pussy is gushing so tight around my cock." He speeds up, going faster and faster until I fall over the edge gripping and pulsing with the wind knocked out of my lungs. He spills into me with his final thrust, grunting into my ear.
I hold him inside me, on top of me in a sweaty heap. I kiss the side of his neck and shoulder in pure bliss. "Oh god, that was amazing." I lovingly massage his back and giggle when he licks the sweat behind my ear.
"Are you going to stay the night?" Hopeful for a yes, I nervously play with his damp hair.
He flips us over and stares deep into my eyes. "Only if you want me to."
I can't even hide my smile as he runs fingertips along my cheekbones and kisses me roughly.