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Chapter 9: It's a Shadow of Warmth
"Jaaakkkee." I croon in his ear, dragging my fingertip along the bridge of his nose. The light from my window illuminating the room, but completely missing my bed. We are still cast in the shadows.
"What?" His lips part in a light whisper.
"Wake up."
I know he's alert when I feel his hands roaming my body, squeezing my hips and thighs. His face lowers to my chest, taking my nipple into his hot mouth suckling and swirling.
I close my eyes and let the sensation warm me up. I'm so dizzy and lightheaded. It's like he knows exactly what to do. His tongue and hands make me feel so desired. My flesh is weak. All I want is more of him.
My hands find his silky hair, tenderly tending to his scalp. He feels so good. It all feels so good. I want to lay here all day, cast in Jacob's shadow. I want him to be my dark prince in the day, and take me down to the underworld every night.
I can only laugh at my ridiculous thoughts. This is a man, not two sides of a lucky coin. I have no idea what he's done. I don't know what he's capable of. I can't tell if he's zapping my energy or transferring his energy.
"Why are you laughing?" His deep voice lights my sternum on fire. Currents are running through my wet folds, and I can't stop the moans at the back of my throat.
I let my thoughts run between my parted lips. "You look so beautiful." And you make me fantasize about stupid things. Things that only a child would see as real. I just called a guy from a gang, beautiful.
"Beautiful?" His demanding fingers tease at my wet swollen clit.
"So sexy." Is that better, more appropriate? It's true either way, from your long black hair to your hooded eyes, all the way to your damn ears.
"Sexy, huh?"
"So dreamy. Ah Jake, wait." Parting my thighs and resting between them, he aligns his cock between my folds.
"No way." He swiftly thrusts inside my sore pussy. Jake's sleepy eyes are only half open, but he has no problem exciting me. I'm wrapped so tight in his arms all I can see and feel is that deep dark spirit.
"It feels so good inside of you. Tell me you want me." Strained and breathless, his request is arousing.
"I want you." Our words are just like a magic spell, making me wetter and opening my thighs even wider for him. I want him, and want him to only want me.
His strokes are relentless and merciless. He keeps driving deeper and harder to the point where I'm damn near screeching in his ear. He's like a raging bull so early in the morning.
His eyebrows bunch up and I know we're close. We breathe into each other's mouth and share an awakening of something I can't describe without experiencing for a second time.
"J-Jake." My voice stalling like a rusty engine, I'm trapped in pleasure.
"Jesus, Bella." He swoops down and captures my lips in a deep kiss, tongue dancing with mine.
Jake lifts up, pulling my hips off the bed, spreading my legs further apart with his powerful thrust.
My back shuddering and arching at the unyielding sensation of his cock pounding into me.
I tighten my walls in pleasure as his thrusts become uneven and erratic. I'm quivering from the inside out.
"Oh shit, I'm coming."
An electric current curses through my stomach as we fall over the edge together.
"Morning babe." He looks down at me with a hundred watt smile and sweet eyes.
Breathless and satisfied, "good morning" oozes from my lips.
We just stare into each other's eyes and hold each other. The way he holds me makes me feel like he's saying he chose me. He wants me. He likes me.
And yet I believe I'm not misreading. I don't want to be inexperienced, gullible. I want more than carnal, but I can't see to tell the difference. I have no idea what I'm dealing with.
He lazily raises up from the bed and stretches his arms above him, flexing and twisting. His strong, confident body makes me yearn and call out for more.
"Do you have to leave?"
"Yeah, but I'll be over later tonight or tomorrow. You miss me already?"
"Nah, just waiting for you to turn around, so I can see you take that 'walk of shame' downstairs to get your clothes." The worst thing I could do at this moment is care too much.
He throws his head back and belts out a carefree laugh before bending down to kiss me hard on the mouth.
"Walk with me then."
"I can't. I'm too sore." I move to stand and sway off balance, knees and hips tight and wobbly, pelvis and thighs screaming.
I fall into his open arms and stare up at his wild and complacent expression. "I told you what would happen if you took me to your bedroom. You didn't listen. Now you've got my seed running down your legs." His hand ventures down to squeeze and slap my ass.
"Why do you have to leave?" Why do I have to be so weak?
"There are some people in from out of town."
"Oh is it family?"
He snorts "Hell no. These fuckers aren't from anywhere near here."
"So it's business?" He nods his head at my question, pulling me a little closer to his side.
"My brother wants to find out how long they'll be here. I'm not so sure they should be allowed to lay their heads within a hundred mile radius, but I don't make the rules."
"So your brother makes the rules?"
"No, my father's father made the rules. We all blindly follow them like commandments. I told you half the actions taken are not from decisions I made. I'm not my own person anymore. The bloodline owns me."
"New people coming into town—"
"Not really new people, just haven't been here for a while."
"Does that bother you? Is there something wrong with them?" I search his eyes for a hint but they're guarded and casted off to the corner of the room.
"They're a generational curse." Something about the way he says this leads me to believe there is some deep rooted hatred involved.
What could I really say? "Oh ok well be careful? Good luck? I don't know what I should say."
"Sure, sure. Just say you'll be waiting for me." He makes it a point to steady my swaying hips, staring down into my eyes. " Don't go near the pier for a while, alright?"
"Alright. Are they dangerous?"
"Don't worry about them. Just don't go anywhere you don't usually hang out. Besides, you should be concerned with me."
I squeal as he throws me over his shoulder and walks into the bathroom to clean up.
And just like all the other days, I watch him leave out the front door without a second look back. Only this time I have his phone number, and an aching soreness all over my body as proof that he was here.
I find myself sprawled across fresh sheets thinking about how there is no one here to save me from the darkness. There is no light to cast out the shadows' warmth. I have let him in. I let his beast dwell within me. And I loved every moment of it.
I close my eyes and let my body feel the pain of my joy and pleasure. I let the haze pull me into a dream. I dream of washing my dirty feet in the rain. I lick the smooth wire between my teeth over and over again, opening my mouth to the sky. I let warm rain seep through and run down my throat. The rain washes me but I'm filthy. My toenails are filthy and untouched by the rain. They won't get completely clean. I can't get rid of the mud that has collected underneath the edges and around the cuticles. I'm no longer clean. I'm no longer innocent.
Which is why I didn't think much of Anita asking me for a favor that I didn't quite understand. Somehow I felt like she knew. She knew I wasn't clean anymore. The elements have finally gotten to me.
When I walked inside, and the bar was empty twenty minutes before happy hour, I knew I had my heel caught in a fishing net.
I can feel it. Like a magnet pulling me behind the bar, I can feel something is different about today.
"Hey, Embry." Pouring himself a shot was not something I'd seen him do. He seems acquiescent, like he's been swayed into compliance.
"Hey, Bella." His eyebrows lift from his stare at his shot glass in acknowledgement.
"Where is everybody?"
"Anita will explain. She wants you to head to the back. Between me and you, watch your ass today. You look my way if you need help."
"Bella! I'm back here in my office." Anita's voice comes calling from the back and I can't help but look back at Embry for a hint of what I'm about to walk into. I guess it's too late to turn back around a race back home.
I square my shoulders and float into the back office, my bottom lip tucked into my teeth.
"Hey, Bella-bear. I heard about what happened at Peggy's last week. How come ya' didn't tell me?"
"God, I hate this small ass town. It's been like a week, and the whole world knows. Anita, I didn't start the fight —"
"You don't have to explain. I know you, Bella. I'm sure you had a reason for defending yourself. I can't believe Peggy kicked you out. She was wrong for doing that. She was wrong for taking their side."
"Thanks, Anita."
Her hands wave away my sincerity. "There's nothing to thank me for. You did nothing wrong. Peggy should've had your back for Christ sake. Has she even let you come back to work yet?"
"No. I think she thinks I'm crazy now or something. I don't even know if she's gonna let me come back at this point."
"Well, did you at least get a good lick in? I heard it was three girls." Her brows push up and down with a tight grin.
"It wasn't even that type of fight. She tossed a shake in my face and I pulled her hair. I'd hardly call it a real fight. Let Peggy tell it, I probably bit the girl's face off or something. You didn't see the way Peggy looked at me."
"That's ridiculous you're level headed and mature. You're not the violent type either. Don't let it get to you. Peggy's always been a self-righteous bitch. If you need a few extra shifts or you need an advance just let me know, ok?"
"Oh I couldn't ask you to do that Anita."
"Nonsense, we need to stick together and help each other out. Girls like us raised ourselves, and have to get it on our own." She takes a deep breath and lets her face fall into her hands. Her shoulders hunch over and take another trembling breath.
"Is everything alright? You seem a bit on edge today." You don't seem like your playful self. Something's different, wrong.
"I've got a few guys coming in to settle some business, and the life of my bar depends on it. I'm in a pretty tough spot. I honestly don't know if I'll have a bar by the end of the night."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"I need you to just help out a little." I'm left confused at the sight of Anita childishly raising her index finger and thumb. They almost touch, but the little space between the two makes me feel like the problem is as wide as the ocean.
"What do you need?" I tilt my head forward, letting my voice drop below the ruckus coming in from the front.
"I'm only asking you this because I know you can pull it off. We had similar childhoods you know. We see eye to eye. I wouldn't ask if I didn't think you could handle it."
"Anita I'll always help. Just tell me."
"I need you to change shirts and let your hair down."
My confusion turns to defense at her request. I was right. There is something wrong. She can tell. She can see the darkness in me.
Pleading, her words come out in a rush. "You don't have to wear it the whole night. Just until they leave, ya' know." She pulls a shopping bag out of her desk drawer, and pushes it towards me.
It's a crimson red, deep plunging neck top. The front is so low, it's too low to wear a bra with. The entire chest is exposed. The long sleeves are the only thing that makes this shirt look remotely weather appropriate.
"I'm getting old so I don't have the appeal anymore. Nobody looks at me twice. If I could do it myself, I would but— Just for this one shift, ok? I need to give them a reason to say yes to what I'm asking for."
What are you asking for? For me to let everyone know I'm not so innocent anymore? Let everyone see what little I have to offer.
I stare at the thin fabric and physically watch her problems become mine. If you look at it long enough, it doesn't look that bad. It's like a Henley top that only buttons up to a few inches above the navel.
Her bated breath makes me even more nervous. "You don't have to do anything out of the ordinary. Just be a lil' nice, ya' know. Serve them and make them feel comfortable. Show a lil' skin and pour a drink or two, that's all."
That's all, huh. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? I just have to take a trip to the darkness alone.
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