Chapter 22: The Inevitable

And so early morning feels like a late night. From the kitchen floor to the stairs and finally, into the tub, I let the steam flow through my chest. Jake's even breathing dances along my shoulder as I rest between his legs. We're submerged within a hot bath at three in the morning.

The atmosphere is as buoyant as my toes. It's like all his zeal for blood and sex has been put to rest. My cheeks flush red from the heat and my embarrassment. We both said wild and intense things earlier.

I told him that I love him. I said things I've never said out loud, things I'm ashamed of. His response: I love you completely.

What does it mean to love someone completely? A part of me doesn't believe it's possible and the other part can understand his grandiose expression. I can't think of a single word that would change my mind about the way I feel him, feel for him. In the same way, I can't ignore that we are human. I believe our spirits have willingly bonded to one another, but the flesh is weak. I realize that I don't know much about Jake's temptations. To me, he has no weakness.

My eyelids fall in exhaustion before my thoughts slip between the fog, "Those brass knuckles…"

"Hmmm?" I feel his lips along my neck, tasting and teasing.

"I don't like'em. They almost ruined your sweater and your fingers." I'm pretty sure you ruined a man's jaw too. My presence was a minor intermission before the torture ensued.

"My hand is fine." He playfully twiddles his bruised fingers above the water. "The knit is soaking in the wash. There's no need to stress."

I whisper back, "Yesterday was different." My thumbs ghost over his battle wounds, the trauma at the surface of his skin, forming ink blotches in the water. Yesterday was difficult. "I could feel aggression and cruelty in the alley. I could feel the stress. It was unfiltered." And apparently, it got worse when I left. "There was blood everywhere." I reach back to feel the curves and grooves of his smooth face. He's here and he's real. "But you came to see me… Is life always this messy?"

"With me it is." He plays with the hair around my neck, teasing the tension.

But you're always so clean. From the first day we met, you've been well put together— manly, mature. I've never heard you say anything particularly ugly either. Is mysteriously well-groomed a thing? Or do I think he's some version of perfect?

I lean back into his chest to feel a part of the fold, to hoard his heat. I lounge in the seat of treachery. Placing his hands over my small breast, I spur him into massaging pleasure. This is part of the animal that he restrains, but we both know he needs it to survive. We both know I like to feel it.

"I didn't kill the guy if that's what you're thinking about." He roams further down to the length of my thighs, massaging the muscles.

We both know I'm not concerned with who dies as long as it isn't you. You came back for me.

I've come to terms with my selfish habits and reckless actions. Since our rejoining, I feel a new sense of self-awareness. I couldn't have been the only person suffering.

I softly moan in appreciation. "Did you at least miss me?" Did you think of me in the midst of the chaos? I tilt my chin up until his face is upside down.

"Yes." His full lips meet mine for a slow, sinful kiss. "Haven't I shown you how much I've missed you?" His hands swim along my inner thighs, stoking the fire at my core.

"Then please understand I had to see you. Was I wrong? Was I too selfish?" All of my words are coming out heavy and breathless. This is not how I intended to explain myself. I shouldn't have to explain what bothers me but his hands are milking my soul. "Did you want to see me at all?"

"I wanted to see you, but I didn't want you to see me like that. As much as I disagree with your assessment of who I am, for some reason, I didn't want your vision of me to be stained. Bringing destruction to your doorstep will make you just like me." His deep voice feels like silk pouring into my ear.

"What's wrong with that! I am in love with all sides of you. Don't break yourself up anymore. It's a waste of time trying to divide the good and the bad. We decided not to let each other go. You promised me." My bold declaration slows our conversation.

We sit in silence. My confusion hasn't allowed me to consider his inner struggles.

His apologetic kisses rain down on me, releasing the aggression. His hands smooth over my belly again and again.

I wonder what it's like to be in love with someone like me. What went through your head when you chose me? I'm absolutely hopeless.

I ask him for forgiveness the only way I know how, "Have you been making out ok?" All on your own.

"No, not without you." He looks down at me before claiming my lips again, full and relaxed. There isn't a shred of savagery in his affection. It's calm and for once his kiss mellows out the burning I have for his aura.

I spell it out for him against his lips, "Since your fingers aren't broken, you should call me sometime."

Eyes wide, we briefly look at each other before laughing.

"You want the boogie man to call you?" His head tilts to one side, his thumbs rubbing slow circles over my nipples.

"Yes, I want him to call me every day. I want him to come to see me every day, no matter what. I don't want him to be lonely. I want him to come for me. I want us to drown together."

"Boo!" He whispers the cheesy joke in my ear.

I sink lower into the water, my shoulders just below the surface.

He looks up at the ceiling, admitting, "I'm not good at asking for help. Be patient with me. I don't know how to hold you yet. Sometimes I think I hear the devil calling my name."

I patiently listen, lightly taking his wrist and forearm to my chest. The half embrace feels the most intimate.

He calmly speaks into my hair, "I was angry that you were seen with a Cullen. I was angry with my father for letting my brother split the pack. I was ready to snap."

"I'm certain you'll never break. You're so strong and willful. Your nature is resilience. No one can break you. You can walk into a room and shift its balance. Sam knows that. Everyone can see it in you."

"See, you think so much of me. I would've shown you it's not true. I couldn't think straight long enough to hear anything but my panic."

"And you couldn't sort it out with me?" I interject. I hold his arm tighter. It's true, the devil must be coming.

"Not while you were running around with Edward. Why is he around town chasing after you? And it got back to me that you were entertaining his antics. Didn't you tell him you belong to only me? Was it fun being with the enemy? Was it an adrenaline rush? Did you have fun while I was on the edge?"

I dig my nails into his arm and scoff at his claim. "I didn't deserve that. I'm on the edge with you. I panicked too. The last time you spoke to me, you barely looked at me. You wouldn't answer the phone. You made me feel invisible." I take a deep breath and speak my poison. "As much as I wanted you, Edward saw me. I was compelled to talk because I was seen. I don't know how, but he always saw me, or maybe he saw through my pain. He knew how to find me.

His advances aren't direct or in the form of discomfort. He never comes around to talk to me specifically. He just wanted to find Mike, then pass a message to you. It was all business. I can tell by the way he talks to me, he is testing the waters. I can tell by the way he says my name, we both know he doesn't have anything that I want. He was bored, and I was lost."

"I don't think you see yourself clearly. He wants you, not a distraction. I could tell by the way he held you at Anita's. He wants to get lost inside of you as I do. I get lost every time you look up at me, every time you say my name."

"Jake," I sigh.

"I'm still thinking about killing him." His eyes are deadly black, boring holes into the bathroom tile.

"I'm telling you nothing like that happened." I kiss up and down his arm, rubbing my face into the dark inky tattoos. I know the pleasure I desire. It isn't fused with bone-cracking, mind-numbing pain. I want the burning soul, aura aching rush of ecstasy.

"I know what I saw. And I know you're not telling me everything. It's something about him that you're hiding, but you'll tell me eventually. Maybe it'll come out when you're angry or unafraid of hurting my feelings. I know I hurt you. It's just a matter of time." He leans down for another kiss, but I evade his lips.

I turn my head away and stare at the green soap dish next to the faucet. Interactions with Edward were odd. It would be difficult to explain the hidden phone number, the brief visit to Edward's mansion, the conversations we have about pleasure and pain, the sporadic proposition. I would be drawing attention to the things that question my character. He can only cross the line if I let him. He's only violated my boundaries if I believe his words were meant to trespass. Somehow this doesn't seem fair.

"Don't be stingy. I'm trying to fix things." Jake's hand grabs my jaw. "You plan on hurting me back? Is this my punishment?"

I look up into his eyes and see the most defenseless and vulnerable sight. I'm playing red hands with a Venus flytrap. He leaves me breathless with the inclination to lean in and pull away.

He speaks soft and clear, "Don't go back on your promise. I'm sorry."

"You didn't even give me the chance to beg. You just disappeared." I could've changed your mind. Isn't my love enough leverage?

"It's different, Bella. I'm different when the darkness gathers around me." His thumb runs across my bottom lip.

"You don't think I'd sit in it with you! I didn't fall for you because I thought you were righteous. I knew from the first time I met you that whatever you had to offer would be…" I can't find the right word. Nothing described in words would do it justice."Intense." I flick water at his face. "Ugh, now you're making me upset." I'm almost frustrating myself to tears.

"It wouldn't have made a difference at that moment, but I'll never make the same mistake twice. I have to take you along with me. Just promise not to let go of my hand." He roughly kisses me. His strong arms envelop my frame. "I expect a whole lot of love from you."

Haven't you figured it out by now, "I'll give you everything I've got."

"Everything? You really love me, huh?"

I close my eyes in relief and nod my head. He makes it sound so pure, that I giggle in reply.

He lowers his face so it's millimeters from mine. For a moment the energy feels serious. And I'm truly shocked when he licks my face from my chin to my nose.

I snort as I reel back in disbelief, "What in the world was that!"

He just laughs until my face cracks and we're laughing together. When the world is as big as the bathtub, everything feels divine.

But when the hot water turns lukewarm, we use it as our cue to step out of the tub. He's wrapped me up inside of a towel, keeping his arms around me and his eyes cast down.

His hands stop rubbing my shoulders and back. "I'm taking the Alpha title from my brother." Jake rests his forehead on mine. "Everybody's waiting on the elders to make their final decision, but we all know Sam won't be chosen. He's done so much damage, the families have split into two groups, those for and against me. He's forging a divide in the bloodline bond."

"I could kinda already see the cracks when you brought me to the meeting." I draw closer to him, opening the towel and embracing his large frame.

"Yeah, well things have gotten ugly. Sam has been holding his own meetings at his wife's place. I hear his mouth is even more reckless. He's trying to destroy my reputation."

"I'm not worried." I reach up on my toes and join our lips. He allows my tongue inside. His energy takes over. The scorching connection feels so direct and intimate. There's anger and fear and determination in his grip. I fall into the pit.

Jacob hoists me up by the thighs until I'm tightly wrapped around him. I've been infused with his confidence and cruelty.

Something fierce comes over me. I speak the words in an odd tone, "No one man has the power to destroy what lives in you. He should bow down to you. You're the chosen. Whether he's firstborn or not, don't let him steal that from you. Alpha is yours." I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I believe in something so intangible and abstract. I believe in something I don't understand.

His fingers flex at my waist. "Woah," His eyes show concern mangled by lust. "Where did that come from?"

"You. I feel it coming from you. You want to crush him. You want him to bow down." My breathing gets shallow when his head tilts to the side.

"Not to me. I want him to bow down to our ancestors and the spirits that bless our tribe."

I push him further, "Then do it. All of it is yours. I can feel it." So much so it floods all my senses. His power feels so good coursing through my veins.

His fierce eyes close for a moment. "I can feel you too. I can feel how much it excites you."

"The power invites me in." I nibble at the strong tendons along his neck. "Will you share it with me?" It's the instinct to ask for permission. I pray you won't give it to anyone else.

"It's for you." He speaks the words that make my skin crawl in ecstasy.

I feel Jacob's cock harden before we make it to the bed. The pores on my skin pucker, shocked by the open air and narrowed mind.

He lays on top of the covers with his hands tightly gripping my hips. He slaps me on the ass hard. I quake in anticipation.

I guide him inside my throbbing center. I ignore all the dangerous warnings harbored by my insecurities. We are what we are. Fed poison or piety, I'll love him forever.

I roll my hips relishing in the sensation of being in control. If this is what it's like to give in, I'd be foolish to give up. He's mine. He's allowing me to harness his strength. My pussy grips him tighter as I swirl and glide.

"Uh, fuck." Jake stops my movement with a tight jaw and furrowed brows. He grabs my ass, holding me in place. His lips tremble in obscurity.

This is my first time watching his expressions from above. Do they match mine? Have I reached his fuel? Am I at his source of temptation and will? Is this the place where I can restore his grace?

His lips keep whispering words of another language. It's driving me crazy. The melodic syllables are making my heart pound with adrenaline. Every stroke feels more powerful than the last.

His mumbling comes to an abrupt halt. He stares deep into my eyes thrusting with me. Rubbing half-circles below my navel, he says my name.

Jake intertwines our hands along my belly. It's us together, manifesting an energy we've created. There is pressure up and down my spine. I feel the apex coming from deep within.

I grab his hands and place one over my heart and the other on my clit. He rubs slow deep circles over my nub. My eyes roll back. I ignore the burning in my thighs.

"Yes, yes," I grunt between clenched teeth. The power and strength spur me into a gallop. His gruff moans make me gush all over his cock with so much pride. I jerk and convulse over and over until he spills within me.

We lay in a sweaty mound after I fell over in exhaustion. My heart can't seem to pace itself. My insides are still twitching.

I'm lulled to sleep listening to Jake's sweet voice, his warm hands massaging my back. And it's not until sometime in the late afternoon that I'm awoken by my gut turning on itself. I rush to the bathroom and end up on my knees, completely naked, throwing up acidic oil from yesterday's cafeteria pizza. The reflux scorches my throat.

I lay on my side in exhaustion. This is getting really annoying. The puffiness, the exhaustion, everything I eat eventually comes back up. The motion sickness keeps me here on the cool bathroom floor with my eyes closed. I take shallow breaths trying to keep from throwing up again.

I jump at the warmth of Jake's hand on my belly.

"You alright?" He rubs smooth circles along my skin.

"Yeah, I just didn't hear you come in."

"You looked like you were dozing off. What's going on?" He leans down, kissing my neck and cheek. His hair is all over his head, eyes drawn in sleep.

"I think I've got a stomach ulcer or something."

"How long have you been feeling sick?"

"A couple of weeks. It's probably just stress. I've been eating anything in sight, especially at the diner. My bad habits have caught up to me." I jump up for a second round of gagging, stomach-twisting vomit. The ugly waves of nausea hit hard.

Jake pulls my hair back and gently massages my shoulder blades. I throw my hand back to push him away, but he takes hold of it instead, weaving our fingers together.

"You don't need to be in here, this is gross."

"No, it's not. Just relax for a minute." His arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me into his chest.

I close my eyes again. The focus is on breathing in and out until my mind starts wondering about other possibilities. Am I sick or did we—

"What if it's something else?" His voice creeps into my thoughts.

"Something else." I feel like I've been pushed off of a cliff. My voice goes flat while my heart runs into my throat.

"Yeah, you don't need to lie to me, Bella. Look at me."

"What?" I turn to face him in disbelief. I can't be.

"Do you think it's something else…Are you pregnant?" His hand comes to rest on my stomach again.

I shrug my shoulders.

"Are you late?" He's asking all the hard questions that I refuse to ask myself.

I shrug my shoulders. I haven't been counting. I haven't been thinking. I didn't notice a missed period or think I had morning sickness.

We do have unprotected sex.

He kisses me square on the lips, his eyes full of love and awe.

"Ew, I can't believe you just did that."

"What?"

"I just threw up and you kissed me! I wouldn't even kiss myself on the lips after that."

"I don't care. I love you. It's a baby. It's my baby."

My head is spinning. "We don't know for sure I could just be sick. I've just been stressed and tired. I've been so worried about you and graduating and keeping my shitty job. I haven't been feeling well, that's all. I— I haven't taken a test so I don't —"

"Then let's take a test." His fingers caress my face and hair.

I don't know what to say.

Thank you for reading! I was really upset that I couldn't get this upload to you guys before Christmas, but I got sick. I hope you all had a Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! I hope to see you all in 2022! (I was really thinking about scrapping this chapter but couldn't think of a better way to write it before the new year…) I can't wait to read your comments.