I own nothing but the ideas, and even those I don't own entirely. Just so you know, these get increasingly weirder as they go on; I was typing them pretty late, and caffeine was involved.
Number Two: This one I can't really summarize, so I'll just give you the situation.
Abby, somehow allowed on the base after her actions in the previous chapter, was in a goofy mood. As seen in the previous chapter, this was her normal state of being, and therefore went unquestioned. First she had superglued Sheppard's hand to a ketchup bottle (the look when he couldn't let go of the bottle was priceless), then she had replaced Zalenka's meticulous calculations with complete gibberish. Now it was time for Ronon. She had the perfect plan, too; she had decorated her hand to look exactly like a Wraith's, complete with the thing they used for feeding. Of course, none of it worked, but it looked pretty darn realistic.
She hid behind a corner, waiting for Ronon to walk down the hallway. Sure enough, a few minutes later, here came the unsuspecting victim. Abby jumped out from around the corner, thrusting the hand towards Ronon's chest and yelling. Without thinking, Ronon took out his gun and shot her point blank. It was only after he realized who it was that he felt a little guilty. She had been quite amusing the other day…