Wario was angry. His idiot brother had bought a Power Glove off the Internet.
"Why did you get that piece of junk?" Wario asked, trying not to shout.
"It's a collector's piece! It's compatible with Mike Tyson's PUNCH-OUT!"
"I don't care! It's a waste of money!"
"Look at it! If it sucks, then we can use it to steal stuff!"
It certainly looked like a weapon. It was gray and black, covered in buttons, and wires stuck out of the back.
"Well, OK. Show me how it works with Punch-Out," Wario said.
Waluigi put Mike Tyson's Punch-Out in the machine, hooked up the receiver for the Power Glove, and turned it on.
Waluigi stuck his hand straight out in front of him, and punched Glass Joe in the face.
"Woah! That rocked!" Wario exclaimed.
"It's tiring, though," Waluigi panted.
Waluigi had some fun with Punch-Out, until Mike Tyson knocked him out with enough force to topple a few buildings.
"I don't think that Little Mac's getting up after that," Wario observed.
Waluigi sighed. "I can never beat Mike."
"Cheer up! Let's go for a ride!" Wario said, cuffing Waluigi on the shoulder.
"Where to?" Waluigi asked.
"Anywhere!" Wario cried, and, along with Waluigi, zoomed away on his motorcycle.
They traveled for a while, stopping at a rundown bar. A sign on the window said "Jolly Jackal". Actually, most of the sign's lights had burnt out, so it really said "ackel".
"Why are we here?" Waluigi asked.
"You'll see," Wario said, mysteriously, and entered the bar.
There were two Russian men talking to a guy in a suit. They handed him a briefcase that looked like it contained a fancy garbage disposal. At the bar, there was one customer, drinking beer and watching Jerry Springer.
"So, Mr. Herk," one of the Russian men said. "You are taking the bomb?"
"Yes."
The Russians noticed Wario and Waluigi standing in the entranceway. They hurried over to them.
"Vhat do you vant, Vario?" one of them asked.
"I want a space-time warp!" Wario exclaimed.
"Certainly, Vario," another Russian replied.
They disappeared into the back room and called for the beer drinker to help them carry the warp. Wario grabbed it greedily.
"Vhat about payment?" One of the Russians asked.
Wario shoved the keys to the Arwing in the Russian's hands. "Keep it," Wario told him. "It's parked in the garage of the house. Press the green button, and it'll come."
The Russians thanked him, and the Wario Bros. Zoomed through the space-time warp.
They landed in a bustling town. The streets were lined with stalls, and every other building seemed to be a bar. All around there were shouts of "Stop, thief! No, not you! The other thief!"
"I could get used to this!" Waluigi said, happy again.
"Don't! We're here for one reason," Wario said, looking around. "Ah!"
He had spotted a boy leaping around from stall to stall. Waluigi was pretty good at stealing things himself, but this boy blew him and Wario out of the water. This boy was a master of his profession.
Waluigi stood there, openmouthed. They couldn't even tell when the boy stole something. He just walked up to the stall, asked the price of some artifact, and the next moment, there were things missing.
"Wha-b-b-b-b-b-b…" Waluigi couldn't speak. It was that amazing.
"He's incredible, isn't he?" Wario was looking at Waluigi.
"It's impossible!" Waluigi gasped, still staring at the boy.
"That, Waluigi, is the King of Bandits: Jing," Wario explained.
He had certainly earned that title. His pockets were full of gold and treasure.
Jing looked around and caught sight of the Wario Bros. He waved at them.
"Hey, guys!" he called, walking over to them. "Stolen anything good lately?"
"Well, we stole a nailgun," Wario said.
"What did you want with that?" Jing asked.
"We needed to nail a shed door shut," Waluigi explained.
"Well," said a new voice. "What's the point of that?" An albatross poked his head out from behind Jing.
"We needed to lock up some weirdos in a life-size board game, Kir," Wario mumbled, looking at the ground. Kir always made him feel uncomfortable.
"Hey, Wario," Jing said, the light of excitement dancing in his eyes.
"What?" Wario asked, still staring at his feet.
"How would you like to help me steal the most incredible treasure the world has ever seen?"
"What is it?" Waluigi asked, his curiosity piqued.
"Something called the triple-deluxe-ultra-insane-power-pail." Jing replied.
Waluigi laughed.
"I'm serious!" Jing said, his voice going up an octave.
"OK, OK, I'm done laughing," Waluigi said. "Of course we'll help you."
So, they set off. They reached the tower in the middle of the city and were faced with a large problem.
"How are we supposed to get through this brick wall?" Wario asked, kicking the wall in question and hurting his foot.
"Easy!" Jing said, and attached Kir to his arm.
He drew a deep breath and yelled at the top of his lungs, "KIIIIIIIIIR ROYAAAAALE!"
A beam of light blasted through the albatross's mouth and shattered the wall into a million pieces.
Waluigi's jaw dropped. "How…Wha-GAAAH!"
"I know exactly how you feel," Jing said, grinning, and walked through the mess.
The team reached the top of the tower, out of breath, and was blocked by a monster with nine eyes.
"HE WHO WISHES TO PASS MUST ANSWER THIS QUESTION!" he thundered.
"OK, shoot," said Jing, sounding a lot braver then he felt.
"Am I pretty?" the nine-eyed monster said, suddenly demure.
Waluigi looked at Wario, who looked at Jing, who looked at the monster. They fell about laughing.
"Sorry," the monster said. "I can never resist a chance to confuse people."
He moved out of the way and let them pass, still grinning.
The team entered a long room. In a pedestal in the center sat…
"The triple-deluxe-ultra-insane-power-pail!" Jing gasped. He took it from it's perch and shoved it in his pocket.
"Come on Kir!" he yelled. "If we sell this soon, we could get something to eat!"
He ran off and jumped off the side of the tower, landing smoothly on the sidewalk in front of one of the restaurants.
"Well, that was great," Waluigi said. He grinned. "Let's go home now."
Wario said the magic words that made them warp back to the Jolly Jackal, and zoomed away to his house.