A/N: warning - description of drug use. Also, someone reviewed mentioning that I'd written in Ch6 that Regina threw her entire handbag into the bin at the tube station but then referenced the bag. I've gone back and corrected the chapter so she now only throws her phone away - great catch! Do let me know if there are other inaccuracies!
Regina forced herself not to keep glancing over her shoulder. She knew Emma and Ruby were talking about her by the way the two of them were standing close together and regularly looking towards the garden. She didn't blame Ruby for questioning the sudden appearance of a stranger in the house but she did worry that Emma might realise what a rash decision she'd made inviting the woman to stay.
Because, Regina recognised, Emma had blurted out the offer for her to stay without any real understanding of what it would mean, of what might happen next. She wouldn't blame the blonde if she came to her senses and told Regina to find somewhere else. But, she realised with surprise, she didn't want that to happen. This revelation made her pause in her tracks as she came to the understanding that in just a couple of hours, she had started to feel safe and protected by the young nurse and suddenly the thought of having to leave was terrifying. In direct contrast to that morning when the mere idea of saying anything to Emma about her situation was out of the questions. How much had changed in barely six hours.
She resumed her slow walk around the garden, reaching out here and there to stroke velvety looking leaves, bending down to smell flowers. It was rather idyllic as she made her way down to the bottom of the high walled garden, the noise of London somehow feeling distant as the sound of commuter traffic drifted over the top of the brickwork.
At the far end of the garden, Regina found a deckchair, a few fallen leaves curled and brown on the faded striped fabric. She sat down and looked back up towards the house. She was far enough away that she knew Emma and Ruby wouldn't be able to see her facial expressions. Closing her eyes, Regina let out a low sigh, as she let the enormity of the day wash over her. She still hadn't processed what it meant, what her future might hold. The sleep she'd enjoyed upstairs was more of a foggy heroin comedown rather than a restful slumber. Now, however, her brain was alert again and ready to take in the transformation her life had undertaken.
True, she wasn't safe yet. She would probably never be safe with Killian walking the streets of London. And, realistically, he wasn't even that far away. But tonight, at least, she was safe. And tomorrow. And, she thought, as long as she stayed in Emma's house, she'd be safe. It took Regina a moment to realise she was crying. Not from sadness but from relief and gratitude at Emma's kindness. She was free. She was safe. She didn't have to go out that night and let a man whose name she didn't know fuck her any way he wanted in the back of his car. It was over.
"Regina?"
Her breath hitched as she jolted upwards, swaying in the deckchair which teetered on its old legs as she wiped away the tear tracks from her cheek. "Oh, Emma, hi."
The blonde crouched down, resting her hand on the edge of the chair. "I'm sorry if I scared you. Are you ok?"
There was nothing for it but to shake her head. "No, Emma, I'm not."
"Can I do anything?" the nurse asked, features etched with concern.
"You've already done more than I could ever ask for," Regina replied. "It's just a lot, you know?"
Emma nodded although Regina knew she didn't truly understand and never would. Not that she would begrudge Emma that. The only reason she would be able to relate is if something similar had happened to her. Regina wouldn't wish the past year on her worst enemy, let alone the woman who was now looking at her with such concern.
"I'll be fine," Regina said, forcing a smile and trying to reassure her host. "Um, is everything ok?"
"It's fine. Ruby is just taking a shower and the pizza will be here in ten minutes. Can I get you anything? Wine, beer or a soft drink?"
"Just some water please," Regina replied.
Emma cocked her head. "Sure, but out of interest, do you drink alcohol?"
"Sometimes but I don't feel like it right now."
Nodding her understanding, Emma stood up. "Fair enough. I'd be gulping wine if I were you. Trying to forget or to celebrate or something. But I'm sure your way's healthier."
Regina squeezed her thighs a little tighter together and smiled in a way she hoped was convincing. "Yeah, maybe," she said, acutely aware of the faint purpling edge of a bruise which was just visible below the hem of her shorts.
"Right, water, coming right up," Emma said before walking back up the garden path. Regina watched her go, wondering how long it would be before she could excuse herself to make her way back upstairs for another fix. The modest high she'd given herself was beginning to fade, the edges of her mind starting to become fuzzy and unclear.
She'd already done some maths in her head; working out how long she could last without having to reach out to Jefferson. She had several days, especially if she microdosed the way she had after her nap. But, her supply was finite, so at some point she would have to contact her dealer. Except, she reminded herself, Killian had been the person to introduce her to Jefferson. It wouldn't take long for Killian to knock on Jefferson's door to find out when the last time he'd seen her. And Regina wasn't confident Jefferson could be trusted not to tell Killian if she showed up.
Maybe she'd have to find another dealer. How do you find dealers? Regina had to admit to being a rather naive user who had simply done as Killian had shown her and circulated within his network. Could you google to find a local heroin dealer? She doubted it. Maybe Katherine could help her. She had memorised her number, in anticipation of her phone being damaged or taken from her. But she also knew she couldn't call. Killian would be looking for her and one of the first places he'd look would be her friend's call history.
"Here you go," Emma said as she returned with the water. "Do you want to stay down here? It's nice under this silver birch, right?"
"Under the what?" Regina asked, accepting the drink and taking a sip.
Emma reached to pat the trunk of the tree under which the deck chair was sitting, her fingers rubbing over curled edges of white bark. "It's called a silver birch. Because of the colour of its bark. I'm guessing there are more palm trees and fewer birches in Puerto Rico?" she added, sitting down cross legged and drinking some of her white wine.
"Plenty of palm trees but to be honest, I grew up in San Juan and was never that aware of plants. London is a very green capital city with parks everywhere. I feel closer to nature here than I did at home."
"Tell me more about Puerto Rico," Emma said, leaning backwards on her hands and looking up to Regina.
"What do you want to know?" Regina asked.
Emma shrugged. "I don't know. I know nothing about it, to be honest. How about your favourite traditional Puerto Rican meal?
"Oh, I couldn't pick just one," Regina said, her mind transporting her instantly back to her mother's kitchen. "The food there is so good."
Emma grinned widely. "Yeah? Can you cook something for me some time?"
"Maybe," Regina replied. "I could do my arroz con gandules one night."
"What's that? Arroz is rice, yeah?"
Regina nodded. "Do you speak Spanish?" she asked.
"Barely," Emma chuckled. "I know the odd food item. Although, I don't know what gandules are."
"It's a type of pea. They're called pigeon peas in English but I'm not sure why. I also cook it with pork, peppers and olives."
Emma was practically salivating at the sound of the dish. "I'd love to try it some time."
"Of course. It's the least I can do given everything you're doing for me."
Batting this off with a wave of her hand, Emma took another swig of wine. "Don't think like that. Honestly, I don't want you thinking you owe me or something."
"But I clearly do, Emma. I mean, you literally saved my life and you're letting me stay with you and you must know I don't have the money to pay rent or anything. In fact, I won't even have the money to buy the ingredients for arroz con gandules." The realisation of the fact that Regina had no money was hitting home. The remains of the money she'd been paid the night before she'd left scattered on the floor when she'd repacked her handbag after Killian upended it. Yet another problem to contend with when it came to Jefferson.
"Ok, first off, I don't need or want you to pay me to stay here," Emma said firmly. "And secondly, I will get whatever you need for the recipe if you do want to cook it. But no pressure. I really don't want you to feel like you owe me anything or that you have to do something in order to stay here."
The unspoken inference that Regina had spent her time in London earning her 'keep' for Killian by having sex with strangers for money hung heavy in the air. Emma blushed a little as she realised what she had implied or at least reminded Regina of. Regina, however, was able to smile and nod reassuringly at the blonde.
"I know that, and thank you. It means a lot."
Emma grinned, relieved she hadn't put her foot in it. "So, aside from rice and pigeon peas, what else do I need to know about Puerto Rico?"
But before Regina could answer, Ruby appeared in the garden, calling out that the pizza had arrived. Emma yelled back that they were planning to eat where they were and inviting Ruby to join them, which she did, three pizza boxes balanced on top of each other and a half finished bottle of wine under her arm. The trio tucked into the food in silence, Regina realising as she bit into the first slice that she was starving. She hadn't eaten all day. That wasn't unusual for her but now her stomach was gratefully accepting the steaming, greasy pizza.
"That was delicious. Thank you," Regina said as she sat back in the deckchair, resting her hands on her slightly bloated stomach ten minutes later. Emma was already lying flat on her back, groaning lightly as her body started to protest about how much she'd wolfed down so quickly. And Ruby was still eating, nibbling along a crust to get all of the cheese without eating the bread.
"You're welcome," Ruby replied. "Ems can get the next one, right Emma?"
The blonde gave a thumbs up before letting her arm flop back down, eyes closed. Regina smiled at the prone woman before allowing her own eyes to slip shut. She wasn't sure if it was the comedown or the amount of cheese she'd just consumed which was making her drowsy. Probably a combination of the two. She scratched lightly at the back of her right hand which was itching.
"I'm just going to the bathroom," Regina lied, climbing slightly awkwardly out of the deckchair and picking her way through the debris of pizza boxes. She padded her way barefoot up the garden, having slipped her shoes off earlier. There was something primitive and comforting about feeling the warm, dry grass blades bend beneath her sole. She stepped inside the house and looked behind her. Ruby and Emma hadn't moved. It didn't take long to find what she was looking for in the kitchen; spoons were always in the top drawer. She also reached for a glass and filled it with tap water. Another glance outside told her she was still alone.
Making her way upstairs, Regina paused at the top to listen for any sign that she might have been followed. Paranoid much? She thought to herself. When all was silent, she crossed the hallway, entered the guest room and closed the door. Walking around to the far side of the bed, she crouched down and pulled out the items she'd hidden underneath mattress. Dipping the tip of the spoon into the bag, she removed a small amount of brown powder, and balanced the spoon on the bedside table. She used a second spoon to lift some water from the glass and added a few drops to the powder.
She paused, listening intently. Nothing.
Lifting the spoon up, she reached for the lighter on the bedside table and flicked it on, holding the flame beneath the curved metal. She watched the combination closely as the heat transformed the powder and water into what she needed most. A smile appeared on her face. She couldn't help it. The ritual of preparing was familiar and comforting to her now; a promise of how good she was about to feel. The small amount of powder she'd snorted earlier had done what she'd needed it to in the absence of a spoon but it wasn't the same.
Soon she was ready and placed the hot spoon on top of the other one to protect the wood of the bedside table as she sat down on the bed and angled her leg as she always did. The syringe and needle were the only set she had left, so she knew she had to be careful and keep them clean after use.
Pulling the liquid heroin into the syringe, Regina used her left hand to pull the skin of her inner thigh taught, looking for a vein. Finding one easily, she ignored the pinch of pain as the metal pierced her skin and let out a sigh of relief as she pushed the plunger in. Once all the liquid had gone, she removed the needle, placing it on the side table as she allowed herself a moment to lie back on top of the duvet, eyes closed, as she waited for her bloodstream to carry the euphoria through her body.
It reached every limb within moments, a dreamy smile spreading across her lips as her mind cleared. Everything was ok. Everything was fine. She was fine. She was happy. Life was good.
The tap on the door made her yelp. "Regina?" came Emma's concerned voice from the other side. "Are you ok?"
"Fine!" Regina called back, jumping off the bed and scrambling to hide the evidence of what she had done. "Don't come in."
"I won't," Emma assured. "I just wanted to check you were ok. It's been fifteen minutes and I was worried."
"I'm ok," Regina insisted, hurriedly pushing the spoons, packet of powder and her syringe under the mattress. "Hang on. I'm coming out."
She got to her feet, looking at the bed to see if there was any sign of the crime she had just committed. As she walked to the door, she pulled her shorts down a little, conscious of the injection sites which littered her inner thighs. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door as she plastered on a fake smile. "Hey."
Emma didn't say anything and instead looked her slowly up and down before peering past her into the room. "Are you ok?" she asked, clearly curious and almost looking for something to suspect.
"I'm fine," Regina nodded, stepping out into the hallway and closing the door. "Sorry, I think I ate too much, I was just lying down. I'm not used to eating that amount of food."
She could tell Emma wasn't convinced but at least the two of them were outside the bedroom now. The last thing she needed was for Emma to discover that she was using drugs. As the daughter of a police officer, she was sure that wasn't going to fly with the blonde. But Emma didn't understand. Regina wasn't a drug addict. She didn't need the heroin. She just liked it. It made her feel good, happy. Didn't Regina deserve to feel happy? There wasn't anything else in her life which made her happy so what was the harm in finding a little slice of sunshine recreationally?
"Do you want to come back downstairs or are you going to head to bed?" Emma asked eventually.
"I don't mind," Regina replied. "I'm not very tired actually, just full."
"Rubes and I are going to watch a film. Do you want to join us?" Emma offered.
"Yes please," Regina accepted, knowing it was important that Emma didn't keep asking questions and that she didn't appear to be spending too much time hidden away in the bedroom.
"Great, come and help us pick one. There's too much choice on all the streaming sites now."
Regina nodded and followed Emma back down the corridor, holding onto the banister when she went down the stairs as her vision swam slightly. Whatever happened, she had to make Emma believe everything was ok. Because it was ok. Everything was fine. She was going to be fine. She was fine.
A/N: is everything going to be fine?