A/N: 10 years of Once Upon A Time - can't believe it! I love how the cast all posted about the anniversary. What a journey!
The television was on but she wasn't watching the show which Emma had chosen on Netflix. Her mind was elsewhere, drifting away from the comfortable chair where her legs were curled beneath her. The thoughts and memories that she'd been carefully avoiding for days now forced their way through at last, no longer willing to be ignored. Or maybe her mind was just relaxed enough to let them in.
Her parents. Her mother's face as she'd waved her off at the airport, calling after her to give her brother a hug on her behalf. Her father's stubble brushing against her cheek as he'd kissed her goodbye that final morning before he'd headed off for work. She wondered if they had tried to get in touch with her. The last text she'd written to them had been in reply to the birthday wishes her mother had sent to their group WhatsApp chat. That was three days ago. While they weren't in regular contact, she expected that her mother would have replied to ask her how she had celebrated. And that text would have gone unanswered, thanks to the fact that Regina had thrown away her phone.
Would her mother have reached out to Killian? Would Killian have told his sister that he'd 'lost' his niece? Would he have lied and said everything was ok? And her father. What was he thinking? What did he know? She needed to get a message to them somehow. She needed to tell them that she was ok, that she was safe. But she couldn't risk them telling Killian. They didn't know who he was, or what he had made her do. And she didn't think she could tell them the truth. She didn't want them to know what had happened to her, what had been done to her. She couldn't destroy their image of their perfect daughter.
Or worse. What if they didn't believe her? What if they couldn't believe that a member of their family could do that to their daughter. To be fair, Regina had been disbelieving when Killian had first told her what he expected of her. In fact, she only started believing that the nightmare was real the morning after her first customer. She shivered as she recalled the pain she was in when she woke up, body free from the alcohol and suddenly feeling the brutalisation which had been forced upon it.
"Regina, are you ok?"
She turned to see Emma looking at her with concern in her eyes. Had she said something out loud? Regina tried to smile and nod. "Yes, why?"
"You were trembling," Emma explained. "Still are, actually. Are you cold?"
Regina shook her head. It wasn't cold which was making her body vibrate. It was the memories which her brain had recalled. Emma got up and moved so she was crouched in front of the armchair, eyes level with Regina.
"What's going on? Do you need more methadone?"
"I don't know," Regina admitted.
"You need to tell me if you do," Emma reminded her. "It's not a bad thing. This is day one. We need to get the dosage right and that always takes some time. Are you feeling any withdrawal symptoms?"
Regina hesitated before shrugging. "I don't feel much, to be honest. My body is kind of numb. Is that normal?"
"I don't know," Emma admitted. "But you're not feeling cravings, right?"
"No," Regina reassured the woman who was clearly concerned that she might be about to jump off the chair and inject herself with heroin. Again.
"You'd tell me if you were?"
"Yes," Regina nodded.
Emma seemed satisfied with that but she didn't move. Both women were clearly not interested in the tv show and Regina waited for the next question which she knew was coming.
"What were you thinking about?"
And there it was. Regina understood why Emma wanted to know and she appreciated that the blonde was concerned for her wellbeing. But she still didn't know how to answer the question. She had no idea how to explain her family, how to explain how she felt about her family. Would Emma understand? Emma, who clearly had a great relationship with her father and who had picnics with her parents after work. How could she possibly relate to what Regina was going through. She hadn't even wrapped her head around how she felt, let along worked out how to put those emotions into words.
"I was just thinking about home," Regina said eventually, keeping it vague.
"Your parents?"
Ok, not as vague as she thought. Or perhaps Emma was just acutely perceptive. It wasn't worth making up a lie so she nodded. At this, Emma shifted to sit on the floor in front of Regina, a silent way of signalling that she was ready for a longer conversation. Regina wasn't sure if she was but perhaps talking would help her mind make sense of the confusion knotting itself together in there.
"My parents don't know what has happened to me here," she began. "They think Killian is this great guy looking after his niece. They have no idea about my life this past year. And I don't know if they'd even believe me if I told them what I've been through."
"You think they'd believe him over you?" Emma asked, a flash of anger in her eyes at even the thought.
But that wasn't quite what Regina feared so she shook her head. "It's more that I think they couldn't believe that of him. It wouldn't be that they were saying I was a liar but more that it would be such a difficult truth to accept about him that it would be easier to deny it. Does that make sense?"
"No, but go on."
She cast her mind around for an analogy. "Do you have siblings?" Regina asked. Emma shook her head. "Ok, well, I guess it would be like finding out that one of your parents did this awful thing. It would be hard to believe, right?"
"Not if it was my kid who was telling me. I'd believe them."
Regina sighed at Emma's stubbornness to consider the scenario. "Maybe, but maybe you wouldn't. No one knows how they'd react to certain situations until they are in them. And maybe I'm underestimating my parents but my mother trusted her brother to look after me. For over a year, she's believed that I'm happy in London living under his care. That's a hard thing to let go of. She won't want to hear the truth and therefore it'll be easier for her to deny what I say."
"But you're her daughter," Emma replied, a little exasperated.
"I know. But Killian is her brother. They've known each other all their lives."
"She gave birth to you," Emma shot back.
"She did. And maybe she would believe me. I'm not saying she wouldn't. But you asked what I was thinking about and that's my answer. I was thinking about how I could tell my parents and what their reaction would be."
Emma leaned back on her hands, stretching out her torso for a moment before slouching forwards again. "I'm sorry you have to think about that. It's not something anyone should have to go through."
Regina didn't reply. She was in complete agreement. There was nothing more to say.
"Do you want to call your mum or something?"
"I can't," Regina shrugged. "No phone, remember?"
Emma slid her own phone from her pocket and waved it. "You can use mine. I mean, if you know their numbers, I guess."
"I do," Regina admitted. "But -" She tailed off. She didn't know what to say to Emma. Which was exactly the problem when it came to her parents. What was she supposed to tell them?
"Well, when you're ready, just let me know, ok? And if you're feeling like you need some more methadone, tell me that too, ok?"
"Is there anything you don't want to know about me?" Regina quipped.
Emma's face reddened at once. Green eyes darted away as the blush grew darker. Regina raised her eyebrows, confused by the reaction. Had she embarrassed Emma by implying she was being nosy. Because that hadn't been her intention. She didn't want Emma to feel like she was ungrateful. Quite the opposite. She was more grateful than she knew she'd ever be able to put into words.
"I didn't mean you can't ask me questions," Regina murmured. "I know you're just looking out for me and I appreciate it. I'm sorry if I don't answer them sometimes. It's just, hard, I guess."
"I know and you don't need to apologise. I'm sorry if I'm pushing. I just want to make sure you're ok, that's all."
Regina smiled. "I am. I'm much better, at least. And that's thanks to you."
Emma reached out and squeezed her hand where it lay on the arm of the chair. "Well, if I can make things any better, just ask, ok? How's your lip, by the way?"
"Oh, ok, I think. Does it look bad?"
The head shake was a little too vigorous to be believable. Regina knew it wasn't an attractive feature to have a dark red gash through her lip, held together by stained strips of white tape. She hoped it wouldn't scar. Her fingers drifted up to run over the jagged wound. It barely hurt now although the area around it felt a little bruised.
"Don't," Emma said, reaching up and gently closing her fingers around Regina's lip. "Leave it to heal for as long as possible. I can replace the strips in a couple of days."
Regina allowed her hand to be slowly guided away from her face and down to her lap. Emma's fingers withdrew, the pads brushing over her tan skin and sending an involuntary shiver up her arm. If Emma noticed, she didn't say anything. Regina scratched the place where Emma had touched her.
"Are you itching?" the blonde asked at once. "Is that because you're experiencing withdrawal symptoms?"
The brunette hesitated for a moment, taking stock of how her body felt. Her wrist was tingling, that was true. But it didn't quite feel like the familiar prickling which used to alert her to her body's need. "I'm not sure, maybe," she said. "Do you think I should take some?"
Emma pulled out her phone. "I could call Archie and ask if you want?"
"No, don't bother him. It's late. I mean, he told you to give me more if I needed it, right?"
"Yes."
"So it's safe to take more?"
"Yes, we can increase the dose until we find what works for you. I think there is a limit but we're nowhere near that yet. Do you think a little more before bed would be helpful?"
"I … yes, maybe," Regina nodded, fingers now scratching in earnest at the skin of her forearm as the tingling there intensified. "Yes, I think I might need a boost."
"Ok," Emma said at once, getting to her feet. "Let me go and get it."
Regina nodded and curled up into the chair once more, the itching starting to spread. If she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure how much of the sensations were real and how much were in her head. It was like when someone mentioned head lice or fleas and suddenly everyone had the urge to scratch their scalp. She did feel itchy but she wasn't really able to divorce the sensation from what had happened when Emma touched her. At least, that appeared to be where it started.
While she recognised that the medicine was there to help her, she also silently was glad that she had been able to ask Emma for a little bit more. It was almost as if the blonde was willing her to ask, wanting to be the person to provide the relief and to be involved in the process. It was sweet, Regina admitted to herself. It showed she cared. Not that that had ever been in doubt. If there was one thing that had been obvious about Emma Swan from day one it was that the woman cared.
Just at that moment, Emma reappeared with a bottle and a plastic medicine measuring cup. Placing the cup on the table, she unscrewed the lid and set about pouring out the prescribed ten millilitres into the cup.
"Woah, it's bright green!" Emma exclaimed as it filled up to the correct line on the plastic cup.
"Yep," Regina nodded, taking the proffered cup and downing the liquid like a shot, swallowing and making a face.
"What does it taste like?" Emma asked as she screwed the lid back on the bottle.
Regina cocked her head to one side. "Nothing special, just like any medicine. It kind of reminds me of cough syrup but not the fun flavoured stuff you'd have as a kid."
"Well, at least it's not disgusting. Tomorrow, we'll increase your morning dose and see if that gets you through, ok?"
The younger woman nodded and smiled. "Thanks, Emma."
"You're welcome," Emma replied, just as they heard the front door open then slam shut. "Oh, Ruby's home."
"You know what? I think I'm actually going to head to bed," Regina said, getting to her feet and glancing towards the door.
Emma couldn't help but notice the change in the woman's attitude as soon as her flatmate arrived. Had Ruby said something to Regina? But before she could ask anything, Ruby's head appeared around the door, and started complaining about her shift.
Regina excused herself quietly and squeezed past Ruby into the hallway. She hesitated at the bottom of the stairs for a moment before climbing up to the guest bedroom. She didn't quite know why she wanted to leave but for some reason, the thought of making small talk with Ruby was too much for her that evening. She headed for the bathroom to do her teeth, brushing away the taste of the methadone as she got ready for bed.
It had been a long day in so many ways. As she climbed into bed, memories of her parents filled her mind and she wondered what would have happened had she taken Emma up on her offer and called her mother. She should call her. She knew that. Her parents deserved to know she was safe. But what would she say? How would she explain it? What would her mother do when she found out the truth?
She rolled over and pressed her cheek into the cool pillow. It was too much to think about in that moment and as the methadone made its way into her bloodstream, she could feel the weight of her anxiety and worries gently lift from her. It was a problem for another day, for another time. Right now, all she needed to do was sleep.
Below her, the faint murmur of Emma and Ruby talking drifted up. It was a strange comfort. She heard Emma laugh, the sound made Regina curl her body a little tighter into a ball. She liked that sound. She wondered whether she'd be the person to cause the laugh, the next time she'd get to hear it.
A/N: Happy Sunday!