A Question Worth Answering

It took Harry a few days to adjust to his new routine. Since he couldn't use detention as an excuse to go to the Room of Requirements, he started to sneak out after curfew. He knew he wasn't getting enough sleep, but his nights were filled with nightmares anyway. Every one of them he was ending in this maze of doors. He was running in dark, empty corridors pulling every doorknob. But they would never open, and Harry didn't have the slightest idea of what he would have found behind them.

He was making progress in his training and that helped him to endure Umbridge's classes even if it still infuriated him to see her destroy Hogwarts decree by decree. However, he had found a way to manage his temper. It's not that he was calmer, it's just that he was constantly angry but at a manageable level. If his theory was correct and that his mood was impacted by Voldemort, then there was no point into fighting it. However, he could still choose to not act on it. It was often frustrating but at least it kept him out of trouble.

Ron and Hermione were trying to support him. Getting his attention elsewhere when a group of students would glance at them with a copy of the Prophet in their hand. Or using their Prefect position to intimidate any classmate attempting to call their friend a liar. Harry wasn't blind but appreciated their effort. He had decided to ignore the remarks as he had better things to do.

In the middle of October, he found himself in the Room of Requirements with Godric. He still hadn't managed to beat the dummy. But tonight, there was something else he wanted to try as he was now able to use nonverbal wandless magic to levitate small objects. So far, he hadn't succeeded in being fast enough to escape the dummy's attention, but he had figured he could maybe use his new ability to lure it away from him. That should give him the time to cast the Disarming Spell.

He faced the dummy and, using his left hand to channel his magic, he levitated a book to throw it at the dummy on his right side. As soon as he projected the book, he raised his wand.

'Expelliarmus,' he shouted.

But the wave of energy was released, and he found himself on all fours a few meters away. The dummy had completely ignored the book. He immediately jumped on his feet. An idea just had occurred to him, and he might have found the dummy's weakness. He pointed his wand at the book which was lying on the floor.

'Wingardium Leviosa.'

He brought the book a few inches away from the dummy's head and made a movement with his wand to throw the book at it. Just like he had expected it, the book never touched the head and was projected against the wall. The dummy was able to counter formulated spells but not nonverbal magic. All Harry needed was to cast his spell without formulating it out loud.

'Expelliarmus!' He thought as hard as possible while raising his wand.

The stick didn't move but, at least, Harry wasn't projected again. He took a deep breath, focused, and tried again. And again. And again. After a few minutes of unsuccessful attempts, he lowered his wand. Thinking about the spell was a dead end. Maybe it could have worked for other wizards and witches but for him it wasn't the way to go. He wasn't feeling anything happening when he was trying to mentally cast the spell.

He glanced at the book that had been deflected by the dummy. When he had used his wand to levitate it, he had casted the Levitation Charm. But he had done so without his wand he had just… thought about it. Not that it was easy. But after many nights of practice with Rowena, he had learned to focus on the right details to make it happen.

Salazar had told him that, in time, he would find that spells were limitations to the power we could truly unleash. Maybe this time had come. He put his wand back in his pocket and proceeded to clear his mind. It was easier to do now that he was starting to master Salazar's breathing exercises. There was now just him and the stick held by the dummy. All Harry wanted was to summon the stick towards him. He raised his hand and felt his magic connect with his target. However, it didn't move. There was a detail he had forgotten to visualize, the dummy's hand. Harry needed to force it to release the stick before he could summon it.

The sound was so light that Harry almost missed it. But he hadn't dreamed. The wooden hand had cracked. He was almost there! In a final effort he unleashed his magic to force the hand open. In disbelief, he saw the stick rise into the air and land in his raised hand. He felt the muscles in his body give out and he fell on his knees. He had succeeded.

'Well done boy!' Exclaimed Godric while clapping his hand. 'I didn't expect you to go with nonverbal wandless magic, but it was perfect!'

Harry managed to stagger back on his feet.

'Thank you,' he said breathlessly.

'I won't tell Rowena what you did to that book,' laughed Godric.

The Founder considered the young man who was trying to get himself seated on the desk. At their first encounter he had found it hard to believe that the boy was from his House. His lack of enthusiasm for the noble task that was defending Hogwarts had been disappointing. Yet the boy had showed up. He wasn't the promising young wizard he had dreamed of to protect the school, but at least he was trying hard. Maybe too hard.

If there was something that Gryffindor had noticed, it was that Harry never hesitated to push back his limits. He had the rage of those who were fighting for their life.

'How do you feel about all this?' He asked when Harry seemed to feel better. 'The fact that you were chosen to defend Hogwarts?'

'I have never been very lucky in my life,' replied Harry after a brief silence. 'And if Voldemort was involved, it was just a matter of time before I got dragged in it anyway.'

'That's a bit fatalistic,' said Godric.

'No, it's realistic,' replied Harry. 'He has been hunting me down since my birth and since I have joined this school, there has not been a year when our paths have not crossed.'

'What an obstinate fellow,' said Godric surprised. 'Why would someone want to kill someone for being born?'

'I don't know,' answered Harry. 'I never took the time to ask him.'

'It doesn't seem it took your sense of humour away,' laughed Godric. 'Although I have to say it is rather dark"'

'I guess I'm just getting used to it,' yawned Harry. The training had exhausted him.

For a moment, he had thought that Godric would made him continue with another challenge, but luckily, the Founder felt it was enough and allowed him to go. Harry had rarely felt so worn out and for the first time since Cedric's death, he fell into a dreamless sleep.