What are you thinking about?
Have you ever been to Amsterdam, Doctor?
No, unfortunately. I don't have as much opportunity to travel as I'd like.
It's a very beautiful city. Elegant. Old. Looking at it from above is really quite something.
You've flown over it?
Yes, twice.
Why where you there?
I was looking at some old manuscripts…looking at some old tools of the trade…
Tools?
Yes. Have you heard of the museum of torture in Amsterdam?
Yes…
If you are ever there, ask about their private collection.
That's what you were thinking about? The Amsterdam torture museum?
Not at all. I was thinking about prostitution.
Really.
It occurred to me that, although I am a virgin, I am also a whore.
In what way?
We are all of us whores to some degree. We all sell our bodies and our services. Everyone who works is a prostitute, but only those who work in the sex industry actually get called that.
You think that there are different levels of prostitution?
No, just different areas. When I was last in Amsterdam I walked through the redlight district and saw the women sitting in their windows, dressed- or undressed if you like- to attract their customers. For some reason I thought about it today and it occurred to me: I am just like one of those women in the window. I am sitting in a window until someone comes to use me and pay for my services.
That's an interesting way of putting things, Integra, but you are here to get better. That is why you are here. You're not actually waiting for anything because you're already doing it.
Whatever you say, Doctor.
What were you doing in the redlight district?
I was curious.
Yet you are a devout Christian.
That's right.
Were you alone?
Yes.
Did you think about visiting some of those women in the windows?
(Silence)
No…why would I?
I must admit that I'm curious. You have told me that you are a virgin. Why? Are you waiting for romance? To fall in love? Or do you desire women and find that this desire clashes with your Christianity?
(Silence)
Doctor, I am not a lesbian. There is nothing confused about my sexuality whatsoever, so in the future I would thank you to keep your adolescent little fantasies to yourself.
It has been hypothesised that the vast majority of people are bisexual to some degree.
Well, in that case, do you harbour secret desires to sodomise your attractive male patients?
Certainly not!
I have encountered the 'all women are bisexual' argument before and I was not impressed. I found to be mainly a projection of men's fantasies.
Mainly?
There are lesbian and bisexual women in the world. There just aren't as many of them as men like you would like.
And you know about these women how?
Oh, piss off, will you? Go and take a cold shower.