A/N: Happy Sunday!
The morning after the trial ended, Regina woke early but felt fully rested. For the first time in weeks, she had slept soundly, her body finally able to relax and surrender to the soft sheets and warmth of Emma's presence.
The previous day, after they returned from the courthouse, the afternoon had drifted quietly by and there had been a muted celebration in the evening once Ruby and Belle returned from work. She didn't quite know what she was expecting to feel but she certainly wasn't in the mood for a blow out party. Yes, she was happy with the verdict. Yes, she felt relief, like she could breathe freely, like she was safe at last. But the ordeal of the trial had also raked up painful memories, opened old wounds and in many ways forced her to confront the brutal truth of what she went through. The jury finding Killian guilty essentially cemented her status as victim.
"Survivor," Emma had corrected the night before when Regina had voiced her feelings, fingers twirling the stem of a half drunk champagne glass.
It was over now, behind her. She could move on. Truly start to heal. As she gazed at the dark ceiling, she realised that she hadn't allowed herself to think beyond the trial. What came next? What happens now?
Beside her, Emma grunted quietly in her sleep and rolled over, nose bumping into Regina's shoulder. She turned her head to look at her sleeping girlfriend, mind drifting towards what lay ahead for their relationship, as well as Regina's personal journey.
She had some decisions to make. Big decisions. Decisions which would impact her future, and Emma's, she supposed. But they were her decisions to make, not Emma's, despite their lives becoming increasingly entangled in the most wonderful way. Still, in order for her to do what was right for herself, she knew she needed to make these choices alone.
Carefully, she slid out of bed, pausing to wait to see if Emma woke up when she stood up. She didn't. Regina dressed silently, pocketed her phone and tiptoed from the room. In the hallway, she pulled on her heavy winter coat and glanced at the clock. It was only just past seven in the morning. The streets would be quiet. A walk would give her the time and space she needed to think.
Half an hour later, when Emma woke up to the sound of her alarm, Regina's side of the bed was cold. She frowned at the empty space beside her and lay listening for sounds which might tell her where her girlfriend was. Metallic noises from the kitchen suggested breakfast was already being made. Emma climbed out of bed and took a shower, readying herself for her shift at the hospital. She'd been off work for the duration of the trial and was not looking forward to the packed rota she was going to have to endure over the Christmas holidays to make up for it.
But it was worth it. Being with Regina was more important than a couple of days off to eat and drink too much and celebrate the birth of a child she didn't even believe happened. Once dressed, she folded her freshly laundered nurse's uniform into her work bag and made her way downstairs.
"Morning!"
"Hey Ruby," Emma smiled as she entered the kitchen, slinging her bad onto the island countertop. "Have you seen Regina?"
"No, I just got up. Why?"
Emma glanced around the room, as if expecting to see Regina hiding somewhere, waiting to pop out and surprise her. "Oh, um, I figured it was her clattering around down here. She wasn't in bed when I woke up."
"Sorry, not seen her. Is everything ok? The trial verdict went her way."
"Yeah, I know. He's going to prison for a long time."
"Good. Sick bastard." The venom in Ruby's voice was exactly how Emma felt about Killian, although she always tried to temper her emotions around Regina. But now, the overriding emotion Emma was experiencing was worry. Where was Regina? "Hey, I'm sure she's here somewhere," Ruby added, seeing the concern on Emma's features. "Did you check the living room? Maybe she's reading."
Emma shook her head and left to do exactly that. But the living room was empty. As was the front reception room, where Regina often liked to curl up with a book. As she reemerged into the hallway, Ruby joined her. "Want me to help you look?"
The two of them looked up the staircase in silence. Where else in the house could Regina be? "Yeah, please."
They walked up the stairs in silence. Emma continued up to her bedroom to double check the ensuite while Ruby checked her room, Belle's and the guest room which used to be Regina's. All were empty.
"Maybe she went out for a walk," Ruby reasoned.
Emma walked over to the window on the upstairs landing which looked out over the street. "It's dark. And freezing. Why would she -" The words died on her lips as she saw a familiar figure round the corner and head towards her through the orange glow of the street lamps.
Without saying anything, she turned and hurried down the stairs, throwing open the front door and running, barefoot, out onto the pavement beyond the house. Ruby followed her, pausing to pull on some shoes before joining her friend at the gate, just as Regina arrived home.
"Where were you?" Emma asked, wrapping her arms tightly around Regina's body.
"I went for a walk," Regina replied. "Sorry, were you worried?"
Emma released her girlfriend and looked intently into her face. "Are you ok?"
"What? Yes, I'm fine. I just walked down to the park. I - Emma, you haven't got any shoes on! You're going to freeze! Let's get inside."
Obeying only because she suddenly realised her feet were screaming in protest, Emma followed Ruby up the path, reaching back to grasp Regina's hand and leading her into the house. The soles of her feet continued to protest as she walked into the living room, only quietening down as they sank into the carpet. Ruby had not so subtly announced that she was going to take a shower and get ready for work, leaving the two to talk downstairs.
"Emma, are you ok?" Regina asked as she sat down on the sofa, her hand still clasped in Emma's. It felt to her like the blonde was unwilling or unable to let go.
"Don't do that again, please," Emma whispered.
"Do what?"
"Leave without telling me where you're going. A note, a text, something. I … I was really scared."
"Scared? Of what?"
Emma shrugged. "I don't know."
"I'm fine, Emma. I'm not in danger any more, remember? He can't get to me again."
"I know but -"
"And I'm not going anywhere," Regina added. "In case that was what you were thinking. I'm not running. I'm not leaving. I just went for a walk, ok? And yes, in the future I can leave a note or text you if that's what you want but I think it's unrealistic for you to know exactly where I am, every minute of every day for the rest of our lives, isn't it?"
"The rest of our lives?" Emma asked, a flash of excitement on her features.
Regina grinned. "Well, I hope you'll be the person I'm leaving notes for and sending texts to for the rest of our lives. Or whatever the 2080 equivalent of a text is."
Emma smiled back. "Yeah, ok, me too. And you're right, I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel like you can't do anything without telling me. That's super controlling. I'm not that sort of girlfriend. I don't need to keep tabs on you. It's just … I mean the trial was only ended yesterday. This is all really new. For the last five months, you've been in this house and that's it. I guess I got used to knowing exactly where you are. And now I say it out loud it sounds creepy. You're right, I need to relax. Plus, you should be able to enjoy feeling safe to walk around now he's in prison."
"I know, and that was why this morning's walk was so wonderful. I'm sorry I scared you but my god it felt amazing to just walk down the street and not feel like I might run into Killian at any moment. I felt free, Emma. I felt happy and safe and like I'm getting my life back. And, well, to be honest, I needed a bit of space."
The blonde's forehead creased. "Space? From me?" The conversation had been sounding so positive. But space in a relationship didn't sound positive to Emma in that moment.
"Space to think," Regina clarified.
She relaxed a little at that, and her curiosity was piqued. "About what?"
"About what I want to do next."
"Oh. And?"
"I want to go back to Puerto Rico."
Emma's mouth fell open but no words came out. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how she was supposed to react, or feel, as her mind processed the words.
"For a visit," Regina added quickly. "I want to see my parents again. I need to see them. And then I'll come back. Here, to you."
"Oh, ok," Emma breathed, an audible sigh of relief. She had told Regina just the morning before that they would leave the country if necessary, if the verdict wasn't what it had turned out to be. But for those few split seconds when she thought Regina was leaving, the thought of following her and leaving London, her home, her parents, terrified her. "Um, great, yes, I think that's a good idea. Really good. Great, in fact. You should definitely go for a visit. It's been way too long since you saw your parents and after everything that's happened, I bet they just want to give you the biggest ever hug."
"Come with me," Regina said.
"What?"
"To Puerto Rico, come back with me. I want you to come and meet my parents. We can make a holiday out of it."
"I … um, are you sure?"
Regina cocked her head. "Of course I'm sure. I've met your parents and now I want you to meet mine. It's just a little further to travel so it's going to have to be a more intense, week-long meet and greet but I'm sure they'll love you."
"And are they going to know who I am to you? As in, will I be your girlfriend or your friend? Either way is fine, I'd just like to know."
"I'll tell them who you are," Regina assured Emma, placing her palm on Emma's thigh and squeezing lightly. "But maybe in person, is that ok?"
"Of course, it's your coming out: you get to choose how and when you tell people."
Regina smiled and leaned in to kiss Emma. It deepened quickly until Emma suddenly remembered that she had to go to work. "Crap, rain check?" she asked, placing a final kiss to Regina's lips before standing up. "And let's start looking at flights. I'll have to save up some more holiday time at work but maybe in the early spring? Or if you want to go sooner without me, that's fine."
"I can wait. I want to go back with you," Regina replied.
Emma grinned and kissed her again. This time, it was Regina who ended it before the blonde forgot that she had to leave, and bundled her out of the house into the cold winter air.
It was after dinner when Emma returned. Ruby, Belle and Regina were all watching tv when she closed the door against the dark, cold London evening, exhausted. She'd forgotten how hard work a busy shift in A and E could be. But it was good to be back, especially with the knowledge of a proper holiday on the horizon.
Regina left the other two in the living room and accompanied Emma into the kitchen to reheat the leftovers they'd saved her as she asked about her girlfriend's day. Emma recounted some of the more interesting cases she'd seen before digging into the steaming plate.
"Oh and Dad called while I was walking back from the tube."
A flicker of fear ran through Regina. "Why?"
"He was checking to make sure we're both going to be at theirs on Christmas Eve."
"Oh, I forgot about that."
The invitation had been extended to Regina weeks ago. Depending on Emma's work schedule, she always spent as much time as possible with her parents from the 24th to the 26th of December. But as she was working the Christmas Day shift, they had decided to do the bulk of the celebrating on Christmas Eve.
"You still ok to go?" Emma asked. "Because if you're not up to it, I can cancel."
"No, I'd like to go. I'm looking forward to it."
Emma raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yes, this will be a chance to speak to your dad about something other than my case. And I still barely know your mum. If I'm dragging you all the way to Puerto Rico, the least I can do is spend Christmas with your parents."
"Ok, firstly, you're not dragging me to a tropical island. I literally cannot wait!" Emma bounced up and down in her chair, brimming with childish excitement. "And secondly, if you want, you can stay there on Christmas Day and I'll come back there after my shift so we can have the second evening with them too."
"Sure, if they're happy to host us. I can help out with cooking and everything," Regina added.
Emma batted away the offer. "It's Christmas, everyone mucks in but my mum would be thrilled to have us. She loves hosting, believe me. But if it's too much, you can come back here when I leave for work on Christmas morning."
"No, I'd like to stay, that sounds lovely. I've not had a Christmas since leaving home. And, actually, I was wondering if I could borrow some money. I'll pay you back and I know it's weird but I'd like to be able to get some presents and, well, I have no money."
"Of course, no problem. But you don't have to get presents or anything."
"Have you bought a present for me?"
"Well, yes but -"
"Emma, I want to buy you a present. And I'll pay you back. I … well, this is the other thing I was thinking about when I was walking this morning but we ran out of time before you had to go to work."
"What?"
"I want to apply for that job at the British Library."
Emma hesitated for a moment. "Um, that was over a year ago. I doubt they'll still have a vacancy."
"Ok, then I want to apply for any job at the British Library. That was my dream, the reason I came to London in the first place." A wistful look appeared on her face. "I was so excited to start in that role and I knew I would be really good at it. I know I will be really good in any role at the library. Killian has taken so much from me. He doesn't get to take my career too."
Sometimes the strength and perseverance of her girlfriend floored Emma. She was endlessly impressed with the way in which Regina faced life head on, never shying away from what she wanted and defying all the odds to achieve her goals.
"I think that's an amazing idea," Emma beamed. "And you've literally read every book in this house since you arrived, so it's probably time you found another source, you bibliophile. Even you couldn't read all of the books in the British Library."
Regina laughed heartily. Emma's insides coiled in delight. "Maybe not but I'll give it a damn good try!"
A/N: A few time jumps coming up - but first, a Christmassy chapter in May, sorry!