Hermione's idea

Over the course of December, Harry resumed his training with all the Founders but Salazar as he was still too bitter about their last interaction. Apparently, it didn't seem to bother the old wizard as the other Founders didn't make any remarks about the missed lessons. Besides, if Harry couldn't deny that his Occlumency practice had improved his ability to focus and control his emotions better, he didn't really see any value in this training. A Legilimens was truly a threat when you were facing them directly as direct eye contact was a key component for this magic to be efficient. Harry didn't plan on meeting Voldemort any time soon. Moreover, he wasn't against a full night of sleeping every now and then.

He managed to keep his grades average enough to not bring anymore unwanted attention from his teachers, but he was relieved when the holidays finally arrived. A few days of recovery without worrying about anything but spending Christmas at the Burrows was truly a wonderful thought. He wondered whether he could possibly persuade Mrs. Weasley to invite his godfather for the festivities too, even though he doubted whether Dumbledore would permit Sirius to leave Grimmauld Place. Sirius had not contacted Harry at all since his last appearance in the fire, and although Harry still hadn't forgotten his godfather's remark, he did not like to think of Sirius alone in his mother's old house, perhaps pulling a lonely cracker with Kreacher.

'I can't wait for it to be over!' Exclaimed Ron while looking at his parchment with disgust.

'If you had started it earlier, as I suggested,' patiently replied Hermione, 'you'd be already done.'

Ron glared at her before reporting his attention on his essay. He sighed and went back to work. It was one of their last nights before the end of terms and they had all decided to finish their homework before the holidays so they could enjoy them to the fullest. Well, Ron and Harry had made the decision as Hermione seemed to have a gift to never be late in her own homework.

Harry put his quill on the table and stretched in his chair.

'Already done?' Asked Ron enviously.

Harry nodded and yawned. Tonight, he had no practice with the Founders, since he was supposed to train with Slytherin, and he couldn't wait to pull the curtains of his bed and fall asleep. Hermione frowned slightly while grabbing his essay and skimmed through its contents.

'It's… quite good,' she mumbled.

'You seem surprised?' Asked Harry amused.

'I don't know, it took you about three hours to produce this,' said Hermione while giving Harry his parchment back, 'but somehow you still manage to let your homework pile on until its too late.'

'What's your point?' Asked Harry a bit impatient.

'The point,' repeated Hermione, 'is that doing your homework doesn't seem as tedious as it used to be.'

'Well maybe I just improved,' shrugged Harry.

'Then why do you always manage to be that late?' Blurted Hermione.

Ron lifted his head and gave her a panicked look, but she ignored him.

'I reckon I have not always handed in my homework on time this year,' calmly said Harry. 'But can you really blame me for that, Hermione?'

'Are you saying that you are not interested in your O.W.L.s anymore?' Asked Hermione shocked.

'I mean what are they for anyways?' Replied Harry. 'Those diplomas are here so we can ease our way in the Wizarding World. But even if I passed them, do you really think anyone would hire me now?'

Hermione opened her mouth like she was about to answer but she eventually let out a sigh and looked away. Her friend had a point.

'So, what's the plan?' Asked Ron. 'Are you going to drop out of school?'

'No,' firmly said Harry. 'Despite everything, I like it here better than anywhere else. I'll pass my O.W.L.s.' He glanced at his friends who were looking a bit depressed. 'Look,' he comforted, 'I don't plan on leaving – 'yet' he added mentally – but I think I earned the right to do the bare minimum and enjoy my time here as much as I can.'

'Well, I suppose you're not wrong,' finally said Hermione who looked like she was having a hard time processing what she had just heard. 'Besides, it's not like we are going to learn much this year anyway, at least not in Defense Against the Dark Arts.'

'At least you won't draw to much attention on yourself this way,' added Ron while putting his quill away in his turn.

He noticed Hermione who was trying to glance at his work, and he quickly rolled his parchment to put it in his bag. Hermione stared at him a few seconds and finally reported her attention on Harry.

'You know I actually wanted to talk to you about this,' she said almost timidly.

Harry raised a curious look on her.

'Well,' said Hermione tentatively, 'I was thinking that maybe the time's come when we should just … just do it ourselves.'

'Do what ourselves?' said Harry suspiciously.

'Well, learn Defense Against the Dark Arts ourselves,' replied Hermione. She cleared her throat and added: 'Actually, I've had this idea for a while now. But I never really find the correct moment to share it.'

Harry didn't ask her what she meant as he could easily guess her reluctance had something to do with his mood lately.

'We can't do much by ourselves,' said Ron in a defeated voice. Harry turned his look toward him with a raised eyebrow. So, they had been discussing this idea behind his back? Then he could easily guess where this was going.

'I am not a teacher,' he said after a moment of silence. 'Besides, even if we learnt how to defend ourselves, knowing the spell is not enough.'

'Why is that?' Asked Ron.

'In class, if you miss your spell, you can just try again until you succeed. But out there…' He sighed and took his head between his hands, breathing slowly and calmly. 'It's not the same. Out there, there is no second try. They don't teach us that in class, what it's like to deal with a situation where you're seconds away from being murdered, tortured, or watching a friend die.' He lifted his head and looked at each of his friends in turn with bright eyes. 'The whole time all you know is that there's nothing between you and dying except your own… your own brain or guts or whatever.'

The silence that followed Harry's words was heavy. Ron and Hermione didn't know what it was like to be in such a situation, and they've never really heard Harry talked to them about it so openly.

'Don't you see?' Asked timidly Hermione. 'This... this is exactly why we need you. We need to know what it's really like ... facing him ... facing V-Voldemort.'

It was the first time she had ever said Voldemort's name, and it was this, more than anything else, that made Harry realise how serious she was. He took a deep breath and sank back in his chair.

'Well, think about it,' said Hermione quietly. 'Please?'

Harry nodded, half-heartedly, feeling suddenly very tired. He had not foreseen how heavy the remorse of having hidden so many things from his friends would be.

He lay down in his bed knowing he wouldn't have to get up before the morning and closed his eyes. He felt so exhausted that he fell asleep almost immediately despite the worries that were running through his mind. An owl hooted somewhere out in the night and soon, the silence of the night took over Gryffindor's tower.