Disclaimer: I own nothing

I think this is the longest chapter I have ever written lol! It didn't take me that long either. I hope you like it. I don't know when im updating next coz I start my full time job for the summer on Tuesday (YAY! Not) so it might be a while but feel free to leave me reviews lol. Thanks :D

My beta abandoned me for his final fling (kinda like prom but not) so if theres mistakes blame him : D

Oh my God. Lorelai's pregnant? Is that why she tried to kill herself? Does she know? Oh my God Lukes going to be a dad. An endless list of questions ran through Sookie's head. The doctor hadn't moved and soon figured that she didn't know about the baby as Sookie wasn't moving and all traces of colour had vanished from her face. "I'm guessing you didn't know" the doctor said with a small smile. Delivering this kind of news to people was usually very good or extremely bad. In this case it was a mix of both, although judging from the look of pure shock on the woman's face standing in front of him he was beginning to lean more towards bad.

"Do you think she knew?" Sookie asked with fresh tears in her eyes. Fear was now gripping her body with new thoughts of how Lorelai might take the news. "I don't think so she's only a month along, and by judging by your reaction I'm guessing you didn't know either." Sookie slowly shook her head, no. She was staring off into space and didn't have time to ask the doctor all of her more important questions before he walked away to attend his other patients.

The lights were hurting her eyes but she wasn't tired so falling asleep wasn't an option. Reluctantly she slowly opened her eyes and was very much aware of the dull throbbing in her wrist and arm. Trying her best, and failing not to move to look around the room she noticed that not only was it not her room but it also looked a lot like a hospital room. The day's events flooded her memories and brought along the painful recollections of the last three weeks along with them. She felt ashamed and guilty for what she had done and suddenly remembered hearing Sookie's voice while she was lying on her kitchen floor. Before she could finish mentally kicking herself for how stupid she had been the door slowly opened and a familiar looking face smiled at her through the gap in the door.

"Hey" her voice was corky and it sounded as though she had a sore throat. Probably from the anesthetic. Sookie mentally noted "Hey sweetie, you feeling ok?" stupid question Sookie of course she's not ok. She tried to kill herself and she doesn't know she's pregnant. Oh god this is gonna get worse. "All things considered I'm good I guess" the conversation ran dry as both women sat in uncomfortable silence. Both knew what they wanted to say but neither was willing to make the first move. "Sookie? Can you sit down for a minute I need to talk to you?" Sookie nodded slightly and moved towards the chair next to Lorelai's bed, hesitantly sitting down and keeping her eyes cast downwards she waited for Lorelai to start.

"I don't really know where to start, I realize that what I did must be so painful for you to hear about but you seeing me like that, I'm just so sorry. I didn't really realize what I was doing until I had ….. I don't want you to think that this has anything to do with you, because I know that you will probably blame my actions on you not being there but honestly it's my fault. I should have asked for help, I shouldn't have pulled away and shut my self off. I mean how hard is it to say to my best friend that I need help…… Do you know I haven't cried?" the confession made Sookie look up instantly locking her questioning eyes on Lorelai as she lay in bed helplessly looking at the ceiling. "I don't know why really I don't think I could. I mean it hurt but I couldn't seem to release the pain I was feeling. It was horrible it was like I had no emotion. I shouldn't have done it I realize that but at the time it felt like I had no other option, like I was alone. Then the pain was gone, and it didn't hurt any more. I don't know what you must think of me, taking the easy way out." Lorelai hadn't realized that she had started crying until she stopped talking and looked over to where Sookie was sitting. She couldn't help the small laugh that got caught in her throat and was overwhelmingly happy that she could actually cry. She had never experienced anything like the overload of emotions she was feeling at the moment. It was as thought the flood gates had been opened and didn't show any signs of stopping.

Hearing Lorelai giggle through her tears Sookie couldn't help but get concerned about her friend. Oh god she's finally lost it. Her panicked thoughts stopped as she heard Lorelai's laughs turn into a heart stopping sobs. Without hesitation Sookie sat by Lorelai on the bed and held her until she had calmed down enough to talk. "Lorelai I spoke to the doctor" that got Lorelai's attention as she pulled back from Sookie and looked her in the eye.

"He said you might have some damage to your tendons and you have to stay in hospital for a few days and something about seeing a therapist after a suicide attempt, he also told me something else and I'm not sure how you're going to take it." Sookie waited to see Lorelai's reaction and after seeing nothing other that a questioning look Sookie assumed she didn't know about the baby. "There's really no easy way to say this so I'm just gonna say it ….. You're pregnant!" the tears were still freely running down Lorelai's face and showed no sign of stopping. Oh my god. Why didn't I realize, I mean I know I was sick but I just though that was because of the stress and the lack of food. Oh my god I have to talk to Luke. What if he doesn't want me back? I tried to kill myself and I was pregnant. I'm so selfish how can I only think about myself? I can't do this. "How am I going to look after a baby? I just tried to kill myself I'm not a mother. I got lucky with Rory and look how that ended. She hates me and dropped out of school. Im a failure. What if Luke doesn't want me back, I couldn't deal with that again….."

Her rant was cut short by Sookie's almost yells of response to everything that had just happened. "Okay for starters you're not a failure. You one of the most successful people I know. You had a child at 16 and worked your way up the ladder and now you co-own an inn and in case you have forgotten that was your dream. Rory doesn't hate you you're her mother and I don't care what you say even you love your mother, even after everything she has done. Yes she may have dropped out of school but she's still your daughter. Now the Luke thing is just stupid and you know it, I mean you may not have gotten a real reason for why he ended it but when he finds out your having his baby he's not going to abandon you. He loves you and I know for a fact you love him. I think that probably part of the reason you did what you did. In response to what you said earlier yes I do partly blame my self, how could you not tell me what was going on with you? I would have done anything for you. Although I am mad at you for letting it get that far I cant even begin to tell you how happy I am that your ok, even if your not I don't care your still hear. Now tell me what you're going to do because you told me not to phone Rory and Luke so I didn't even though it killed me not to but it was your decision. Are you going to talk to Luke?" through out the whole of Sookie's rant all Lorelai could do was stare in shock as her best friend paced the floor by her bed almost shouting at her. It might not have been the best tactic to let a depressed pregnant woman that she's being stupid but it definitely worked. It was the first time in weeks that she actually felt like her old self.

"I really don't have much of a choice. He does have a right to know he's going to be a father……even if he doesn't want to be with me. But you're right I can do this and I am going to do this. I guess I will wait till I get out of hospital until I tell Luke. I don't really want him to see me in like this." even though Sookie wasn't overly happy with her plan she was still glad to hear that she was going to talk to Luke.

Lorelai spend two more days in hospital under observations. She didn't think it was necessary considering she was now aware that she was pregnant and wasn't going to take any extreme measures to put the baby at risk. Sookie managed to visit everyday and somehow manage to keep in quiet that Lorelai was in hospital, not even Babette noticed that she was gone. The day she was released from hospital they gave her an appointment with a therapist which she was more than willing to accept if it meant going home. Although she was happy enough to leave she was still unsure if she would be ok in the "real world" after what happened, her worries soon vanished when her thoughts turned to the baby growing inside her and how much Rory had depended on her when she was first born. Smiling to her self about all of the good time she and Rory had she made her way towards her house. It didn't occur to her or Sookie that nobody had been in the house since the incident. Lorelai headed upstairs to her room to unpack her bag, she had only just reached the bottom step when she heard a slight squeak emanate from the kitchen and Sookie.

As she reached the entrance to the kitchen she soon realized what Sookie was reacting to. She saw Sookie on her hands and knees scrubbing a spot behind the table. As Lorelai slowly walked round her breath hitched in her throat and she felt as though she was going to pass out. Blood, my blood. "Sookie?" her voice was barely above a whisper and Sookie visibly jumped at the sound of her voice. Looking up Sookie could clearly see that Lorelai was just as shocked to find the evidence of her suicide on her kitchen floor. "I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. Why don't you go upstairs and I will clean the rest of this up" Sookie looked as though she had been caught red handed, literally. "Sookie its fine I forgot as well. I don't know who I expected to clean that up…..borrowers' maybe, Thus proving the existence of borrowers but really its fine. I know you have to get back to Jackson and the kids so leave that to me….after all its my fault I guess." She offered a small smile to her friend and as fast as she could ushered her out of the front door with the promise of calling before she went to bed.

I guess this makes it real. Although the soon to be scar on my wrist doesn't make it any less fake. I guess this means im going to have to wear a watch all the time. At least it gives me the opportunity to get some new bracelets. She knew she had to clean up the mess before anyone else saw it. She halfheartedly made her way towards the kitchen mentally preparing herself for what she had to face. It didn't take long for her to clean up the mess and although there was a slight stain on the floor you would have suspected what had happened.

She had decided that staying in the house for long periods at a time on her own wasn't good, so she persuaded a reluctant Sookie to let her go back to work. She had purposely been avoiding the town center, not only did she not want to bump into Luke but a lot of the towns people always seemed to look at her with pity and it was the one thing she couldn't stand. She still hadn't told Luke about the baby, she wasn't putting it off she just didn't think she was strong enough to see him again after what had happens over the last five weeks. That was until she convinced herself that some how it was in her best interests for him to know.

She decided it was probably best to go when he was closing up, that way they could be alone and wouldn't be interrupted. She had just finished work at the inn and was currently sitting in her jeep parked a short walk away from Lukes. She had probably been there for a good ten minutes and made more than 7 attempts to get out of the car. It wasn't until her 9th attempt that she made it to the pavement and was walking towards Lukes. It was mid July and the fact she had to wear long sleeves to hide her bandage wasn't helping her head ache. Feeling hot and flustered and with probably a guilty look on her face she pushed the front door to Lukes open.

She couldn't see him anywhere and concluded he was probably in the back. She knew he had heard the bell above the door so she patiently waited until he came into her view. "Were closed" said the gruff voice from some where in the back to the dinner. She hadn't moved since she had walked in and wasn't going to until he saw she was here. "I said were…" Shit. Luke had thought about a lot of things these last few weeks and all of them about her and mainly what he was going to say to her if she came back but at this precise moment in time all he could thing was shit. There she was standing there looking as gorgeous as the day they first met. It didn't seem odd to him that she was wearing a long sleeved top in blistering heat or that she clearly had lost weight; all that mattered was that he was going to reject her again.

"Luke I have something to say…and I'm not sure how you….." she was looking directly at him and saw a wave of sorrow over take his expression as he moved around the counter to stand in front of her.

"Lorelai I can't….. It just too painful…. I'm just sorry. We can't be together" He had cut Lorelai off before she could persuade him to take her back, it wouldn't have taken much but he needed to get his life back in order before he could let her in again.

"So your saying you don't want to hear what I have to say and you don't want to be with me…..ever" it took all she had not to cry and break down in front of him but if she had some shred of dignity left she was going to hang onto it with all she had.

"Maybe somewhere along the lines things might work out but…"

"No Luke if I walk out of those doors now you don't get another chance. Were not going to have a relationship on your terms, when you feel like it. You either want me or you don't because I'm not going to wait for you to make up your mind. It hurts too much and damn it you owe me at least that much!" she was on the verge of tears and was holding back the pain she had been feeling since he broke up with her.

"Then I'm sorry but I can't do it….I"

"I don't want to hear it Luke….just say you don't love me and that you never want to see me again and ill walk out of that door for the last time." If he doesn't want me he's not going to want a baby and even if he wants to live up to the responsibility of a baby that sure as hell better not be the only reason he's with me.

Luke could see the hatred in her eyes but he could also see the tears she was holding back. That's Lorelai all ways strong willed and stubborn. "Lorelai …..Please..."

"Say it!" her voice was getting louder and it was becoming increasingly more difficult to hold back the tears clouding her vision.

"I don't love you….and I never want to see you again" his voice was barely above a whisper but he was hoping she had heard him because he didn't think he could say it again. He was no longer looking directly at her and had moved his gaze to the floor. He didn't hear he respond to what she had said the only sound he heard was the bell above the door ringing angrily through the empty dinner. He had never felt like such a bastard in his whole life. I love you Lorelai Gilmore.