Mr. Bean: The Exam
"You guys ready?" Cosmo asked.
"Are you sure this one is gonna be normal?" Weiss asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes." Cosmo replied.
"Really?" Blake asked.
"Well as normal as he wants to be." Cosmo replied.
"And how normal is that?" Glynda asked.
"Okay he's a little weird." Cosmo admitted.
"I knew it!" Weiss exclaimed.
"But not supernatural or magic or unbelievable weird, just funny weird." Cosmo explained.
"I like funny weird people." Ruby said with a giggle "Jaune is a great friend."
Yang laughed along with Saphron as Jaune smiled but then he realized what she meant "Hey!"
"Well I hope you're gonna put your money where your mouth is." Roman said.
Cosmo grinned as his wand glowed and his mouth opened up like a cash register. He took out a one-dollar bill with his face on it as his mouth turned to normal.
"Believe me, it's gonna be funny." The Cosmo on the dollar said and poofed away.
"Let's begin!" Cosmo exclaimed as he poofed back to his seat and started the dimension.
"I'm never gonna get used to that." Roman said as he blinked at what Cosmo just did.
"You may open the envelopes containing your papers, the exam starts…" Ozpin said as he was shown sitting behind a large desk and students were staring at him with papers in hand as they waited on his call and the most recognizable students would be Mr. Jacques and Taiyang.
"Ugh I hate exams." Yang said with a groan "I always fail."
"Do you even study?" Weiss asked.
"What's a study?" Yang asked as Blake face palmed along with several teachers.
"At least I get a D." Ruby said proudly as Weiss face palmed.
"Father?" Winter asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Why am I taking a test? Especially with this man?" Jacques asked with a sneer.
"In this dimension, you're just a weird man that lives his life without a care in the world. Why are you taking a test? I have no idea!" Cosmo exclaimed.
"Wow a Schnee that isn't rich, those are rare." Adam said with an eye roll.
"Ugh I hate exams." Taiyang said with a groan "I always fail."
"Anybody else getting a sense of déjà vu?" Qrow asked as he sipped on his beer.
"Now." Ozpin stated and everyone took out their exam sheets and started their exams.
Jacques was smiling as he read through the paper but slowly started frowning and looking shocked as he realized that he had no idea what he was doing, he was so shocked that he was shaking his head rapidly.
"First step, denial." Mercury said with a sigh.
"How would you know?" Emerald asked.
"That's how I felt when you destroyed her!" Mercury exclaimed.
"Are you still on about that!? Let it go Mercury! It was just a puppet!" Emerald said with an eye roll.
"A creepy one." Cinder said with an uncomfortable shiver.
Yang chuckled "That is so me in a test."
"I'll have you know that I am a studious individual." Jacques said.
"The other version of you says something different." Sienna said with a smirk.
"Anyone wonder why he has so many pens on his table?" Ruby asked with a raised eyebrow.
Jacques covered his eyes with his hand then opened just a sliver to peep at the paper while bringing it closer and shut his eyes again. He sighed as he had a thought and flipped the paper around, only to find that it was just one page which shocked him greatly.
By now, most of the room was frankly amused by the current actions in front of them and even Adam had cracked a smile at seeing Jacques in such misfortune, Jacques was wondering why he was acting so dumb.
"Okay I won't lie; this is kinda funny." Nora said with a chuckle.
Jacques blew on the side of the paper, hoping that the there was a second one just stuck to the first one but it was all for naught and he pretended to be heating up his hands when he saw Taiyang looking at him with a bewildered expression.
"Stop focusing on the idiot and start focusing on your test." Raven said as she slapped the back of Taiyang's head.
"How!? You can't possibly tell me that you wouldn't be looking at him after he did all of that!" Taiyang reasoned as Raven simply shrugged.
"How does Ozpin not see this?" Ironwood asked.
Taiyang awkwardly nodded and gestured to the paper with a smile and Jacques gave him a thumbs up as Taiyang started writing while Jacques held his head stressfully.
"You have no idea how many times I've seen Ms. Rose and Ms. Schnee in this exact same position." Glynda said with a sigh.
"I'm not that bad." Ruby said with a pout.
"You're right, your sister is worse." Glynda said.
"Hey!" Yang exclaimed in offence.
Jacques looked at Taiyang and saw him writing then started to do the same by looking at his assortment of pens and wondering which one to choose.
"You're wasting time father." Winter said.
"Will that buffoon just choose!?" Jacques exclaimed with a groan.
He finally picked a pen and started writing which we can all assume was just his name.
"Oh my god he just wrote his name." Coco said as Jaune laughed while Weiss face palmed once more.
Jacques started freaking out as he kept looking at the paper and looking around until he stopped at Taiyang and glanced at his paper.
"Yes, the power of those answers compels you." Roman said.
"Give in to the dark side." Cinder said with a smirk.
"Don't cheat, don't cheat, don't cheat…" Weiss said as she hoped he wouldn't.
Salem cracked a smile "You know you want to, just do it."
"Those answers are wrong though." Taiyang said with a smile.
"Maybe the other you studied." Summer said with a shrug.
Jacques slowly put his pen to the paper as he stared at Taiyang's paper for a while until Taiyang eventually noticed and looked at him to which Jacques played dumb as he looked anywhere but him and pretended to get an answer then started writing on his paper which made Taiyang go back to his paper.
"Ha! Ya got caught!" Adam laughed.
"It's okay, you can try again. You can still do this." Roman said as he hoped he would cheat better next time.
"If you're going to cheat then do it right." Jacques said as he hoped his other self could succeed somehow.
Taiyang finished writing on his second paper and he put it to the side as he began writing on his second paper while Jacques smiled mischievously since the first paper was closer to him.
"Okay he can't mess this up, it's just so close." Jaune said with a chuckle.
"Something's gonna go wrong." Qrow said "I feel it."
"That's your semblance." Taiyang said.
"Not this time…I think?" Qrow wondered.
Jacques looked at the paper then Taiyang and coughed to get his attention. Taiyang looked at him then Jacques pointed out to the right which Taiyang turned to look at as Jacques slid closer and glossed over at the paper then slid back and wrote on his as Taiyang turned back to look at him.
"Father!" Winter shouted in disappointment.
Jacques chuckled "Great move!"
Yang laughed "Wow dad!"
"He got you!" Ruby exclaimed with a laugh of her own.
Taiyang rolled his eyes "Crafty bastard."
"That wasn't crafty, basic at best, but it worked." Ghira said as he laughed.
Jacques gave Taiyang a thumbs up after writing everything down and soon they both went back to their tests. Taiyang shot up with a thought and picked up his first paper, he looked over it and shook his head with a smile then crumpled it up as Jacques just finished writing the answers down on his paper and looked on in shock as Taiyang threw the first paper away.
Everyone in the theater laughed or chuckled or let out snorts of laughter at the bad luck.
"Cheating never pays." Glynda said with a smirk.
"Don't you mean crime?" Oobleck corrected.
Glynda shook her head "No I mean cheating."
Jacques laughed as he slapped his knee "Try again next time, old chum!"
"Wow." Weiss said in shock.
"What?" Blake asked.
"This is the first time he's actually shown any emotion in front of us, besides being a terrible person." Weiss said in bewilderment.
"Let's hope more dimensions change him then." Blake said.
"One can only hope." Weiss said with a shrug and sigh.
Jacques gestured to his paper as he mouthed his complaints and threw his hands on the table indignantly. He picked up his paper and glanced at Taiyang then started to fake a cough as he crumpled up his as well which made Ozpin look up from his work while Jacques threw the crumpled up paper on the ground under his side of the table.
"This dude is hilarious!" Sun laughed.
"How's he gonna cheat now?" Roman wondered with an amused smirk.
Taiyang glanced at him in bewilderment then returned to his paper as Jacques tried in futile to look at Taiyang's paper which he gave up on. He looked around and positioned himself in a normal sitting position and began sliding over to Taiyang slowly until their shoulders touched which caused Taiyang to stop writing and turn his head to Jacques who slowly slid back to his side of the table without looking at Taiyang.
By now everyone was laughing, no chuckles, just full blown humorous laughter and even Sun and Ruby were on the ground hitting it with their fists while some held their chests with tears in their eyes.
"I should try that!" Yang laughed.
"Try it! I dare you!" Glynda said with a contained girlish laughter.
"This version of my father is an idiot." Weiss said as she started calming down from laughing.
"I love this idiot!" Jacques exclaimed as he continued laughing.
"Wish our father was this humorous." Whitley said.
"You know you can just say funny right? No big words necessary." Oscar said with a smile.
"Yes, I wish my father was this funny." Whitley said with a smile "How's that?"
Jaune slapped their backs with a grin "There we go!"
Taiyang stared at him and glanced at Jacques' paper to which Jacques quickly covered up. Taiyang finished his first paper and placed it between them as Jacques watched.
"Haven't you learned the first time!?" Raven exclaimed with a chuckle.
"Ooh now Mr. Jacques is gonna have a field day with that." Vernal said with an amused smirk.
Jacques stared but this time Taiyang noticed and flipped the paper while putting his elbow on it, to keep his other paper blocked and the first one safe.
"Smart man." Ironwood said with an approving hum.
"Mr. Jacques, I'll do you the honors." Roman said as he cleared his throat "Drats! Foiled again!"
"Don't count me out just yet," Jacques replied with a smirk "This buffoon must have another hilarious trick up his sleeve."
"He always does." Cosmo said with a grin.
Jacques tried to look under the paper but it was futile but then he laid his head down on the table while looking towards Taiyang and started blowing as the air raised the paper which was just enough for Jacques to see and he immediately started writing.
"Now that was crafty!" Mercury exclaimed as he was impressed.
"Ingenious!" Jacques exclaimed with a laugh.
"Alright that was smart." Weiss admitted.
"It seems he has a photographic memory, why not have used it to actually study?" Penny wondered.
"Cause studying 'blows'." Yang answered with a pun as Penny looked at her unamused.
"It blows like chocolate cheese cookie balls." Ruby said but then she thought about what she said "Mhmm~ Chocolate cheese cookie balls."
Jacques continued his strategy but the Taiyang felt the breeze and looked over to Jacques then looked around and behind him but as he did this, Jacques grabbed the paper and started writing everything down.
"You mad lad!" Nora exclaimed with a laugh as the others laughed with her.
"How are you this oblivious?" Summer asked with a laugh.
"I'm not oblivious, he's just good." Taiyang reasoned.
Taiyang noticed and looked at Jacques who looked at him guiltily and slowly gave him the paper to which Taiyang grabbed it out of his hands and put it on the other side of the table then continued writing.
"Well now what?" Pyrrha asked.
"If any of the other dimensions taught me anything, it's that our other versions always have backup plans." Jaune said.
"Lets' see what he's gonna do." Ren said with a smile.
Jacques pouted and childishly stuck his tongue out at Taiyang then looked over his shoulder to get a view of the paper but it was all in vain. He raised his finger as he had an idea, he purposefully dropped his pen and pretended to be frustrated by it as he bent down to pick up the pen but soon went fully under the table.
"Again! How are you not seeing this!?" Winter exclaimed towards Ozpin.
Ozpin just shrugged as he drank his coffee.
Jacques slowly popped up on the right side of Taiyang, where the paper was and looked over it but then Taiyang noticed and stared at him as Jacques looked up at Taiyang and showed him his pen then stood up and went back to his seat while Ozpin watched.
They laughed and chuckled at that while Jacques was having the time of his life.
"I can tell you right now that I'm wondering what the hell is going through his brain." Ozpin said.
"Yeah that makes sense." Qrow said.
Jacques quickly scanned the paper and sat down after Taiyang gave him a look. Taiyang finished his second paper and slammed it down to his right with the first while looking at Jacques who started whining and crying at the unfairness.
Adam smirked "Music to my ears."
"Cheer up old chum, we can't win em all." Jacques encouraged.
"Now look what you did Tai." Summer said as she shook her head jokingly in disappointment.
"He was cheating off me!?" Taiyang exclaimed.
"Yeah but you made the poor man cry now." Yang said as she shook her head "Not cool."
Taiyang grumbled as Qrow laughed at his expense "Whatever."
"Mommy!" Jacques cried as he put his head on the table.
Although some felt bad, they all laughed either way since this was funny to them.
Jacques face palmed as he shook his head with a laugh nonetheless.
The time went on and the exam was close to being over with only two minutes left.
"Two minutes' ladies and gentlemen. At the end, will those who answered the green calculus paper, please put them in the green box and those who answered the white trigonometry papers, please put them in the white box." Ozpin explained as Jacques shot up in confusion and looked in the brown envelope frantically then pulled out a white paper as he angrily started freaking out.
"WHAT!?...WHAT THE FUCK!?" Winter shouted.
"HAHAHA!" Jacques and everyone laughed at the misfortune.
"Oh! He did study but he was writing the wrong test!" Penny exclaimed and she started to laugh as well "Ha. Ha. Ha."
"That idiot!" Weiss exclaimed.
"I'm dead!" Yang exclaimed as she fell to the ground with a laugh.
Salem pinched the bridge of her nose while holding in a small laugh "What a fool."
"Ozpin you tell them this now!?" Ironwood exclaimed with a laugh.
Ozpin shrugged with an amused smile.
Jacques started to frantically write down anything he knew about the new paper but his pen wouldn't work so he grabbed Taiyang's and started writing.
"Yoink!" Ruby shouted.
"Stop writing please." Ozpin said but Jacques continued writing.
"I said stop writing." Ozpin repeated and Jacques sat up and pretended not to be writing but his hand continued.
"Will you stop writing!?" Ozpin exclaimed and Jacques threw the pen off to the side as an alarm clock ran and Jacques started slamming it on the table to make it stop while the screen dimmed.
Again, everyone had burst into a fit of laughter at the hilarious viewing as Cosmo poofed to the front as he laughed as well. This went on for a few minutes and soon everyone was calming down.
"Well what'd you think of Mr. Jacques?" Cosmo asked.
"Hilarious! I definitely love this dimension!" Jacques exclaimed.
"Really? I thought you'd hate it." Cosmo said in surprise.
"Why would I hate it? It was funny and tasteful plus it never hurts to laugh at yourself once in a while." Jacques said with a grin which surprised many.
"Whoa." Sienna said.
"Eh, still hate him." Adam said.
"Well you promised and it delivered! What's next?" Roman asked.
"Yeah what's next?" Ruby asked.
"Well the next one is gonna be about a man telling us about the troubles he has with his girl." Cosmo said with a grin.