Key Peele – Substitute Teacher
"Substitute teacher huh? I'm sure something crazy or stupid will be the reason why we're watching this dimension." Glynda said with a sigh.
"Y'know now that I think about it, we've never had a substitute teacher in Beacon." Ruby said with a hum "Only at Signal and it was rare for that to happen there too."
"Yeah, you're right." Nora said as she thought about it as well.
"That's because we faculty of Beacon are the best around and would sacrifice an arm and a leg just to teach our students!" Oobleck announced.
"Sure, say that in front of the cripple." Mercury said as he was unamused by Oobleck's little speech.
"Well you're not wrong Glynds! Something stupid will happen, stupidly funny!" Cosmo exclaimed as he poofed to his seat and started the dimension.
The dimension started with team RWBY, JNPR and CRDL in class as their substitute teacher started to speak and the class quieted down.
"Alright listen up," Winter commanded as she entered the class "I'm your substitute teacher, Ms. Schnee."
"Ice Queen!?" Qrow exclaimed in surprise as he started cracking up at the situation.
"Winter!?" The Schnees, except Winter, exclaimed in surprise.
"Weiss' sister is gonna be our sub?" Ruby asked.
"This is gonna suck!!" Yang complained with a groan.
"I have better things to do than teach these kids!" Winter stated in an irritated manner.
"Well I'd like to see how this goes anyway." Ozpin said as he chuckled.
"I taught school for 20 years at Atlas so don't even think about messing with me." Winter stated, getting her point across "Understand?"
"20 years!? Those poor kids!" Qrow exclaimed as Winter glared at him.
"Never thought I'd see Winter as a teacher but here we are." Willow said as she smiled.
"Okay, let's take roll here." Winter said as she picked up the clipboard with the class list "Nara."
"Nara?" Yang asked.
"Who's Nara?" Nora asked.
"Is she new or something?" Cardin asked.
The class looked around in confusion then at Nora as Winter asked again "Where's Nara at?"
"Is she trying to say Nora?" Weiss asked in shock.
"Wait you can't pronounce Nora?" Taiyang asked as looked to Winter with a laugh.
"Of course I can, maybe I read it wrong." Winter defended.
"Twice?" Qrow asked as Winter told him to shut up.
Adam smirked "Don't tell me the Schnees are illiterate?"
"How could she butcher my name so casually!?" Nora exclaimed in shock.
"No Nara here?" Winter asked as she looked around.
"It's Nora!" Nora shouted "It's not that hard lady!"
"Heh, that's what she said." Mercury said as he and Junior did a low five.
Nora raised her hand as she was a little unsure as Winter looked at her.
"Yes?" Winter asked.
"Uh, do you mean Nora?" Nora asked.
"Okay, so that's how it's gonna be." Winter said as she put down the clipboard "Ya'll wanna play."
"What?" Nora asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I think for once; Nora isn't actually playing." Jaune said as he was dumfounded by the situation.
"Okay then, I got my eye on you Nara." Winter stated as she pointed at Nora who looked disturbed.
"I didn't even do anything!" Nora exclaimed.
"Insubordination." Winter simply said.
"That doesn't even apply to her." Blake said.
"Balake." Winter called out as the class looked around "Where is Balake at?"
Blake closed her eyes as she muttered "Please don't tell me what I think she meant."
"You can't possible get this one wrong." Ren said in shock.
Adam and a few of the students and villains were cracking up at the stupidity.
"I am sorry Blake but this is funny." Pyrrha laughed to her hearts content as Blake sighed.
"No Balake here today?" Winter asked.
Blake put down her book and slowly rose her hand as Winter looked at her.
"Yes ma'am?" Winter asked.
"My name is Blake." Blake said.
"Tell her sweetie." Kali stated as she was offended that the name she had given her daughter was being butchered so easily as well.
"Bl-" Winter looked at the clipboard then put it down and sighed in silent anger as she glared at Blake "Are you outta yo goddamn mind?"
"No you're just illiterate to the highest extent." Blake retorted as people were laughing around her.
"What you got to say to that Ice Queen?" Qrow asked with a smirk.
"I forgot to put on my contacts that day clearly." Winter said.
"You don't wear co-" Ironwood was about to say but screamed when Winter stomped on his foot.
"Blake." Winter taunted "What? Do you wanna go to war Balake?"
"No." Blake replied.
"Why did I let you in my class?" Glynda asked with a face palm.
"Cause we could go to war." Winter stated.
"No." Blake repeated.
"I'm for real, I'm for real." Winter said as she pointed at Blake "So you better check yourself."
"Before you wreck yourself!" Sun finished.
"What?" Blake asked.
Sun shrugged "Something I heard in a song once."
"Oh I'm so glad that is not me at the moment." Pyrrha laughed.
Winter picked up the clipboard to read the next name "Pariah."
Pyrrha widened her eyes as Blake smirked and the others started to laugh at the turn of events.
"What a twist." Saphron said with a smile.
"No, no, no, no, no…" Pyrrha muttered.
"Get her Winter." Weiss laughed.
"Hey, at least she's calling you a pariah." Jaune said with a smile that slowly disappeared from the glare Pyrrha gave him.
Pyrrha knew who she was calling out but did not want to respond in turn.
"Is there a Pariah?" Winter asked but no answer and she let out an irritated sigh "If one of y'all says some silly ass name, this whole class is gonna feel my wrath."
"Pyrrha please don't say anything." Ruby asked in worry at what she would do.
"Please do say something." Yang asked as she wanted to see what would happen.
"I am frankly complimenting her by calling her a pariah." Winter said proudly.
"Now Pariah." Winter called again as Pyrrha reluctantly raised her hand.
"Do you mean Pyrrha?" Pyrrha asked.
"No!" Ruby exclaimed.
"Yes!" Yang exclaimed.
"Son of a bitch!" Winter shouted as she broke the clipboard over her knee.
"Language Ms. Schnee!" Glynda shouted while most laughed.
"20 years of teaching and she has no chill." Neptune said with a surprised look.
"Y'know I'm glad you're not actually a teacher." Taiyang said.
"You're paying for that right." Ozpin said.
"What? No! it wasn't my fault!" Winter defended herself.
"Then I guess I will have to take it to court for damaging public property." Ozpin said sipping his coffee as he thought about the funds he would get from her and her family 'Jackpot!'
"You say your name right." Winter demanded as she pointed at Pyrrha "Right now."
"But I did." Pyrrha said.
"Insubordination!" Winter exclaimed.
"Pyrrha?" Pyrrha asked.
"No." Yang said.
"Say it right." Winter stated.
"Pyrrha." Pyrrha repeated.
"Nope." Yang said.
"Correctly." Winter stated.
"Pyrrha." Pyrrha repeated.
"Nada." Yang said.
"Right." Winter stated.
"Pyrrha." Pyrrha repeated.
"Try again." Yang said.
"Right." Winter stated.
Pyrrha cringed "Pariah."
"That's better, thank you!" Winter said as Pyrrha sighed.
By now Adam was on the floor at how funny this was to him while the others were having a laughing fit of their own except for Pyrrha who was pouting and complaining quietly.
Winter smiled and nodded "That wasn't so hard."
"Now," Winter said as she picked up the broken clipboard to read the next name "Juan."
"Juan?" Jaune asked as Pyrrha started smiling.
Juandissimo suddenly appeared "You called?"
"OUT!" Everyone shouted and he poofed away.
Jaune pretended to look around and he refused to answer "Where are you, Juan?"
"You better answer the woman Jaune." Yang said with a smirk.
"I don't have to." Jaune said.
"Don't have to or don't want to?" Ren asked.
"A little bit of both." Jaune said with a rapid nod.
"Where is Juan, right now?" Winter asked as Jaune looked to the back and towards Nora who shrugged as he shook his head.
"Answer me Juan!" Winter exclaimed.
"It's Jaune! How is that so hard?" Jaune asked.
"That's what I said!" Winter shouted.
"No Juan huh?" Winter asked as she nodded "Well you better be sick, dead or mute. Juan."
"Ha!" Adam laughed.
"Just answer her Jaune, it won't be that bad." Saphron said as she tried to convince him.
"Here." Jaune said quickly in a high pitched voice "Oh man."
"Not like that though." Saphron laughed.
"Why didn't you answer me the first time I said it huh?" Winter asked.
"Huh?" Jaune asked with a nervous smile.
"Y'know I'm just asking because I said it like four times so why didn't you say it the first time I said Juan?" Winter asked as she was now face to face with him.
"Say it." Pyrrha said with a smirk.
"Because it's pronounced Jaune." Jaune said.
"SON OF A BITCH!!" Winter shouted as she knocked everything from the teacher's desk to the floor.
"My things!" Glynda exclaimed as everyone laughed at the outburst.
"I take it back; it was that bad!" Saphron laughed as Adrien laughed with her on her lap.
"I knew you were a ticking time bomb Ice Queen but this take the cake." Qrow teased with a laugh as Winter rolled her eyes.
"I'm perfectly fine with calling him his actual name thank you," Winter said as she looked over to Jaune "Which is Juan by the way!"
"No it isn't!" Jaune shouted back.
"YOU DONE MESSED UP JUAN! NOW TAKE YOUR ASS DOWN TO WIZARD OF OZPINE'S OFFICE RIGHT NOW AND TELL HIM EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID!" Winter shouted as she pointed to the classroom door.
"Wizard of Ozpine?" Salem asked as she chuckled.
"Where did you even get that from?" Ozpin laughed.
"Who?" Jaune asked in confusion.
"WIZARD OF OZPINE!!!" Winter shouted.
Jaune thought about it as he looked at her "Headmaster Ozpin?"
"Why did you say that?" Blake asked.
"She's gonna kill you." Ruby said.
"GET OUTTA MY GODDAMN CLASSROOM BEFORE I BREAK MY FOOT OF IN YOUR ASS!" Winter shouted as Jaune ran out of class.
"Geez! Chill lady!" Neptune exclaimed.
"This is perfect!" Adam laughed.
"Winter, you're so…expressive." Willow said as she laughed.
"She sounds like Emerald at the end of the month." Mercury said as Emerald blushed and smacked him over the head.
"Insubordinate!" Winter shouted as she looked at the class.
"Funny, she said the same thing a while ago." Qrow chuckled.
"And chirldish." Winter stated.
"Do you mean childish?" Raven asked in surprise.
"How in the hell did you become a teacher?" Taiyang asked.
"How in the hell did you stay a teacher for 20 years!? Kali exclaimed.
Winter walked back to the desk and picked up the broken clipboard to read the next name "Whis."
"Present." Weiss simply said with one hand raised.
"Thank you!" Winter stated.
Everyone jaw dropped as Cosmo poofed to the front.
"Nepotism!" Glynda shouted.
"That wasn't fair!" Jaune exclaimed.
Weiss shrugged "Just go with the flow of things and you'll be alright."
"Hey that's my style!" Yang exclaimed.
"And you didn't even say present right." Ruby added.
Weiss shrugged with a smile as Ruby blinked in confusion.
"Sometimes I think Schnees are just in their own headspace where their always right." Glynda said.
"Good job Cosmo! That was hilarious!" Adam stated as he enjoyed it extensively, Cosmo gave a small bow in response.
"So what's next?" Roman asked.
"Well it's gonna be the coup of the century." Cosmo said with a smirk.
"A coup?" Ozpin asked.
"Interesting," Salem said as she was actually interested for the next viewing "And who will be leading this traitorous act?"
"All I can say is to be prepared." Cosmo said as he laughed.