Haibane Renmei is the creation and property of Yoshitoshi ABe and Aureole Secret Factory, translated and distributed in America by Pioneer and distributed in Europe by MVM. I make no claims of ownership of anything featured in this story.
Kaori took a moment to respond, unsure of what to say. Then the decision was made for her, as the girl let out a breathless shriek and grabbed their attention.
"Kaoooriiiii! Kaori... where are you?"
Forgetting about the haibane's question, she rushed to the side of the bed and clasped the girl's hand in both of her hands.
"It's okay, I'm here!" The girl did not respond, but the relief on her face was obvious. "It's okay, everything's going to be fine. I found someone who can help you!" With that she motioned to the haibane, who rushed over and knelt by Kaori. "This is my friend... um..." she began, and then froze. She hadn't asked the haibane her name!
Fortunately the haibane was on the ball. "Kana," she said, finishing Kaori's sentence for her.
"Yes, Kana," she said. "She's a haibane. And she knows what's happening to you, and it's definitely not something bad!" she added enthusiastically. "You're going to be a haibane too!" That part was finally dawning on Kaori, and she'd have to admit she was excited. This girl was very lucky to get to be one!
The girl didn't share her excitement though. "What's a hai... a haibane?" she asked, her face blank.
"A haibane is a person with a pair of these," Kana replied, turning to the side so the girl could clearly see her wings. She gave them a flap, and the girl's jaw dropped. "Pretty cool, huh? That's what the pain on your back is. You're growing a pair of wings, because you're a haibane."
"I'm a haibane..." the girl began, and then she screwed up her eyes and jerked her hand away. "But... no! I'm not a haibane! I can't... I'm not! I don't want them! I don't want wings! I just want to go home!" She groaned, breaking down in tears again, and continued, "I want my mom! I want to know who I am, and I want to go home!"
Nobody answered her for some time. Kaori simply didn't know what to say. It was Kana who eventually swallowed and leaned closer to the bed.
"I understand what you mean. I know how you feel, because I said the same things when I arrived. I wondered why I had been abandoned here with these strange people, and I wished I could just go home... but we can't." Kana silently motioned for Kaori to take the girl's hand and she did so, feeling her squeeze her fingers very tightly. "We are here, and so are you... and I think you'll see, after tonight, that it's not so bad."
Kana then stood, backing away from the two of them. "There are a few things I need to get ready," she said. She then quietly mouthed "stay with her" to Kaori, who nodded.
As Kana headed for the kitchens to find various essentials - medical kit, brushes, bowls of water and something for the girl to bite - Kaori sat by the bed, speaking softly but at a loss for what to say. She'd never seen pain like this before, and certainly never felt it. She had few words of comfort, and she suddenly felt like an interloper in some bizarre ceremony. But she did her best and she never let go of her hand - and the girl never released her tight grip either.
They remained this way for several minutes, until the girl interrupted her while she was telling her about the roses she liked to plant in the garden.
"Kaori," she said anxiously, "I can feel them moving in my back! They're... AAGH!" She screamed and her grip tightened, and Kaori looked up at her back. The bulges were huge now, deep red with white blotches, and she watched in horror as a mound moved and the blotches shifted beneath the skin.
Oh god... Oh god... Oh god...
"KAAAANAAAA!" Kaori yelled, leaping to her feet and watching the lumps, unable to turn her eyes away from them. She watched, unable to blink or move, as both lumps moved simultaniously and the girl cried out again.
"KANA! SOMETHING'S HAPPEN..." Kaori started to yell again, until Kana rushed into the room mid-scream. She'd found the medicine kit (only a small comfort to Kaori, as she knew how empty it was) and strangly, was carrying the big wooden spoon too. Kana took one look at the scene and seemed to freeze for a moment, trapped in the glare of an unpleasant memory, until she shook her head and caught herself.
"Damnit, no time for ice..." she grumbled, running around to where Kaori stood and holding the handle of the spoon against the girls trembling lips. "Here, bite on this, it'll help a little!"
The girl obeyed, lurching forward to clamp her teeth around the thick handle, biting so tightly that Kaori worried the wood would break or splinter in her mouth.
"Now what?" she asked Kana, her gaze darting between Kana's grim stare and the girl's spasms.
"Wait and see," the haibane replied. Her eyes were fixed on the girl's shoulderblades and her fists clenched, prepared for what was coming next.
She didn't have to wait long. Within a few seconds the lumps moved again, and this time the girl's skin broke. Kaori squirmed but held on tight to the girl's shaking hand as a small spurt of blood bubbled to the surface at the top of each lump, forming a small stream that ran down her side. The scream that accompanied it was the loudest yet and the girl clutched at the sheets with her free hand, her legs thrashing and her back contorting as the tears widened and fully-feathered wings started to emerge from her back, ripping through the skin like blunt knives. They were folded up, elbow first, and covered in dark blood which made them seem more like macabre torture devices than the mark of a blessed haibane.
Wings grew, blood flowed and skin tore for what - to Kaori - seemed like an eternity, filling the room with a rank scent and sapping light and sound from it. Then they stopped, and she became aware of the girl's wail. It was pain, confusion, loss and terror crying as one, and just as it died down she let out the loudest scream yet. Her wings boomed as they suddenly unfolded, quickly spreading themselves as wide as possible and sending flecks of blood arcing across the room.
The spoon fell from the girl's mouth as she screamed, and it fell off the bed and thumped against the rug. Seconds later the girl went limp and crashed to the mattress, and Kaori felt like she wanted to do the same. She dropped the girl's hand and put her own hands over her mouth as she slowly backed away from the bed, wondering what kind of nightmare she'd just witnessed. It was unbelivable... unthinkable... unreal! This kind of thing didn't happen to those cute, happy, haibane... what had this girl done to deserve something like that?
Kana was now kneeling by the girl's face. She was talking, but Kaori couldn't understand what she was saying - her words were garbled and oddly pitched, and seemed to be coming from a long way away. She looked up to smile at Kaori and a concerned frown hit her brow.
"Woah, are you okay?" Kana asked. "You don't look well."
"I'm ok..." Kaori said, even though she didn't feel like it. She stared at the girl who was lying completely still, and the worst possible outcome came to mind. "Is she... alive?"
"Of course she is," Kana said matter-of-factly, folding her arms. "Like I already said, she's just fainted. The wings came out with no problems." Kaori wondered what Kana's idea of a 'problem' was, as the haibane took another look at Kaori. "Are you sure you're ok? Your whole face has gone white." She turned away from Kaori, and focused on the girl. "I can handle things here for a while. Maybe you should go get a drink or something."
Kaori silently agreed, and rushed out of the room, trying to put what just happened out of her mind. She walked, somewhat unsteadily, to the kitchen and fell into a chair.
According to Kana, this happened to every haibane. Therefore, Kaori decided to think, it really wasn't a big deal. Nope. Kana looked pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. And Kana was a haibane, and would know. Seeing wings rip their way out through someone's back must be pretty ordinary to a haibane. That nameless, lost, amnesiac girl was going to be just fine, now that it's over...
Kaori clenched her fists, laying them on her legs just above the kneecap and staring at her knuckles. She took a deep breath and thought about that drink. Tea. Yes. Tea was very soothing.
She rose and slowly filled the kettle, taking care not to spill any water, and put it on the old stove to boil. She carefully lifted the teapot and put some tea in it, ready for the water. And then she got a teacup out of the cupboard, and put a spoonful of sugar in it.
Then she put the spoon back in the sugar bowl for the second spoonful, and suddenly jabbed so hard she sent it flying straight off the workbench. It fell to the floor and shattered, spreading sugar and porcelain over the stone floor. Kaori sank down with it and leant against the counter, putting her hand over her eyes and weeping into them for reasons she didn't fully understand.
Kana came though to the kitchen several minutes later when she heard an endless whistling. She found Kaori sitting on the floor, crying into her hands as the kettle screamed above her.
"Kaori! What are doing letting..." she began, and then took a second look at the weeping woman. "Oh. Geez..." She hesitated for a moment, before running over to the kettle and taking it off the boil, and then moving over to Kaori to help her up.
"Come on," Kana said, "if you need to sit down you'll be better off in a chair." She put her arm around Kaori's back and lifted her up, guiding her to a chair by the table. Kaori practically fell into it and slumped forward onto the table.
"Sorry," Kana continued, "I guess I expected you wouldn't be so shocked by that. It's something that most haibane have got used to. I suppose it'd be a bit of a surprise for a human." Kana moved behind Kaori, who nodded mutely and sniffed. She could never have imagined that. She could still hear that poor girl's final scream in her head.
"That was the most horrible thing I've ever seen," Kaori said, slightly aware of a tinkling sound behind her. "She... they just... what could she have done to deserve that?"
The tinkling stopped, and Kana spoke again from behind her. "Deserve? I don't know... I don't think I've ever met a haibane who deserved it. It just happens." The tinkling restarted as Kana continued, "After all, we wouldn't be haibane if it didn't."
The sound ceased again, and a few seconds later Kana placed a cup of weak tea before Kaori. It had no milk and wasn't sweet enough for her tastes, but she politely sipped at it anyway.
"And it really happens to all haibane," she said in disbelief, and Kana nodded as she sat at the opposite side of the table. Kaori peered at Kana, trying to crane her neck to get a better look at her wings. "Did it happen to y..." she started to ask, until she realised it was a stupid question. "No, I mean... is it as bad as it looks? Is she really going to be okay?" Kaori couldn't imagine how someone could get over an experience like that.
"Yeah, it's as bad as it looks," Kana replied. "Probably worse. It's hard to describe... but you saw that final moment where the wings are out, and they suddenly flap open? That's the worst part. It's just feeling them... muscles you didn't have a minute ago, stretched to their limit, and new joints locked as far as they can go, and they all feel like they're on fire..." she trailed off for a moment. "It's like becoming a new you, and you're terrified for the old you." Kana took another look at Kaori, and a smile broke out on her face. "But don't worry about that. Like I said, that's the worst part. She'll be used to those wings in a few days. In a week or two, tonight won't be much more than a memory. Most haibane forget about their wing night." Kana's smile changed to a malicious grin, and she laughed a little. "In fact, if it makes you feel better - you should have seen Rakka and Hikari's faces after the twins were hatched. I think they'd forgotten what their own wing nights were really like, they were almost as pale as you are."
Kaori didn't know who Kana was referring to, but she couldn't help but laugh along. It made her feel a little better about her own state of mind.
Kana soon left to go help the girl, saying something about washing her wings, but Kaori stayed in the kitchen as she wasn't quite ready to go back though yet. She spent most of her time just quietly sipping the tea and looking at her hand. A bruise was starting to show where the girl had been squeezing it.
She'd never done anything like that before. And she realised, she'd never felt like this before either. All her life, it had been her asking others for help - their time, their money, their blessings. Then a girl had appeared from nowhere, who needed someone to hold her hand and tell her it's going to be okay... and although Kaori hadn't done anything special, for the first time ever she'd felt needed. And it felt good.
She finished her tea and stood up, feeling greatly calmed, and crept back to her own bedroom. The first thing she noticed was the smell - the sweet scent of the cocoon fluid, the tang of blood, the stink of sweat. Considering the circumstances it was uncharitable to think this, but that girl was badly in need of a bath.
She was still unconcious, but didn't seem to be sleeping peacefully - her face was set in a grimace, and she occasionally squirmed in her sleep. Kana was sat by the bed, brushing the new wings with a wet brush, a very serious and focused expression on her face.
"How is she?" Kaori asked.
"No change," Kana replied. The girl moved and the wing in Kana's hand twitched, jerking out of her grip and making Kana glare. "Eugh..." she grumbled, "I like cleaning clocks better. They sit still. Reki made this look a lot easier than it really is."
Kaori took another glance at the girl, and then at Kana. "Is there anything I can do?"
Kana looked up, and shook her head. "You don't have to. I can handle it," she said defiantly and resumed her washing, but added "If you really want to though, you can start on the other wing. It'll be easier if the blood is shifted before it dries."
Kaori nodded and looked around, soon finding the spare bowl and brush. The bowl was already full of water, as if Kana had originally been expecting her to help. She pulled a chair up to the opposite side of the bed and took a moment to watch how Kana was doing this, before reaching out and carefully taking hold of the end of the girl's wing.
The feathers were soft and warm, but sticky and far from pleasant to hold, which gave Kaori a weird sense of disappointment. She'd always wanted to touch a haibane's wings (and hadn't exactly made a secret of it either) but these were not quite the circumstances she'd been looking for. To be blunt, the state of the wings was disgusting - they were soaked in blood and grease, and while Kaori had found earlier that the sight of blood didn't make her retch that didn't mean she was happy about getting it all over her hands.
She put aside her revulsion and started brushing, carefully drawing the brush down the wing, following the vanes. The blood started to clear as she did so. It did not happen quickly - after a dozen brushes only the feathers on the surface were clearing up - but she kept at it.
It was unexpectedly difficult though, and not too exciting. Soon even Kana was looking sapped. She hung her head and let her shoulders sag for a moment.
"I hate this..." she muttered. "It's a pain getting this blood to wash out. This is supposed to be Rakka and Hikari's job anyway."
"Are they another two haibane?"
"Yeah. Ever since Reki and Nemu left it's Rakka who looks after the new feathers and young feathers, and Hikari helps her. Except... well... sometimes it's Rakka helping Hikari, and sometimes they're both in charge and then nothing gets done at all," she seemed to say to herself with a weary tone in her voice, and then she resumed brushing.
"So why is it their job?" Kaori asked.
"They wanted it," Kana laughed. "I sure don't need it. My own job at the clock tower keeps me busy enough, and when I'm not there I want to get that rusty contraption at Old Home working. Anyway, nursing newborns isn't me... bodies may be a kind of machine but they're way too imprecise for me. I prefer clockwork."
Kaori nodded, though she didn't really understand Kana's position. She'd seen the inside of a clock face before, and all those spinning gears and clicking... thingys... had just mystified her. A human body was much simpler - everyone knew what muscles, hearts, arms and legs did.
'Although...' she thought to herself, as she held a wing in her hand, 'sometimes they can be completely unpredictable.'
"I've always wondered," Kaori said, "why Haibane get jobs. I mean... you work at the clock tower, right? Why?"
"The Renmei makes us, of course. Besides, if we want to be able to buy our own things, we need to be able to pay."
"But doesn't the Haibane Renmei pay for everything you need?"
That got a snigger from Kana.
"Ha-hah... no. You get a bit of credit when you're a newborn, but after that you need to work if you want to buy anything."
"But why the pocketbooks then?"
"The Renmei gets our wages, and they use it to pay for what we buy. We never see the actual money. We're actually forbidden to have any."
Kaori paused in her brushing. That didn't really sound very fair.
"But why do they make it so complex?" she asked. "If they just gave you the money..."
"We'd be able to buy whatever we want." Kana said, finishing Kaori's sentence. "They don't want that." Kaori just looked at Kana as she said, somewhat bitterly, "A few weeks ago, I wanted to take a look at the clock face in the tower back at Old Home, make sure it hadn't seized with rust, but there were no footholds. So I tried to buy some ropes and climbing equipment... but the man in the shop wouldn't sell me it, and a few days later I got called in to the temple because the Communicator thought I'd wanted to climb the wall." Kana snorted. "Come on. I'm not that dumb - that thing's lethal. In the end, they got the ropes for us and then came and watched me every moment I was using them, to make sure I gave them all back afterwards."
The conversation moved on from there. Kaori pressed Kana on many subjects, and heard a lot, most of it much more negative than she expected. It started to become clear to her that Haibane led much more difficult lives than she'd expected. She'd never known that they were only allowed second hand goods, or that they could only take certain jobs. Over time as she looked at this strange girl, she started to feel sorry for her. What kind of life had she been born into?
But she didn't voice this, just kept it to herself and continued washing the wings. The underside was much more difficult to wash - obviously they couldn't lay the girl on her back, so Kaori and Kana had to crane their necks around and try to wash upside down. It was while they were doing this that they heard a whimper from the girl, and both sat up to see her eyes open a little.
"Hey..." Kaori said. "Are you awake?"
"Mhmmph," the girl replied. "I feel hot... and heavy..." Panic started to rise in her voice. "My eyes are stinging... I can't see!"
"That's okay!" Kana said. "Don't worry about that, that's..." she began, and then paused, tapping her finger against her cheek as she thought. "Okay, I can't remember why that is. But don't worry about it. It'll be gone before you know it."
"Okay..." the girl said faintly. "I can feel you doing something... doing something with them."
"We're just washing your feathers." Kana replied. "If we don't they'll get stained."
"Your wings came out without any problems," Kaori said, parroting what Kana had told her earlier. "Once they're washed, they'll be very nice. I always felt jealous of Haibane who had such pretty wings and halos," she added, trying to cheer the girl up.
"Oh..." the girl replied, cracking a very slight smile. "How do I get a halo?"
Kaori was about to answer when she realised she didn't know, and she froze in horror when the worst case scenario presented itself. Surely the halo didn't just break it's way out of the top of the skull, like the wings did from the back? That would be awful!
Her fears were relieved when Kana replied. "The other haibane will make you one, we'll give it to you tomorrow."
"Oh," the girl said quietly. "Will the other haibane be able to tell me who I am, or what my name is?"
Kana shook her head. "No... nobody will know that." The girl looked disappointed, and Kana quicky added, "but we can give you a new name. No haibane remember who they were or what their names were before they came here, but every haibane has a dream while they're in the cocoon. We name them after the dreams they had... like, for example, I dreamt I swimming like a fish, so I'm called Kana as in River Fish."
Kaori started, and sat up. "She had a dream too! She told me about it!" After asking the girl's permission, Kaori told Kana about the dream the girl had had in her cocoon, about her floating in water all alone, unable to stand up, as the days passed by around her.
At the end of the description of the dream, Kana seemed to fall into thought, and Kaori said "can you name her, then?"
"I could," Kana replied, "but I'm not sure if I should. The first person to find a new feather's cocoon is supposed to name them... which would be you, Kaori. But I'm not sure if humans are supposed to name haibane." She seemed to think about it for a little longer, and broke out into a grin. "Oh, the heck with it. If anyone says you shouldn't have, I'll just say I chose the name."
"You want me to pick the name?" Kaori said, slightly shocked. "But..."
She wanted to protest, but Kana was looking at her expectantly, and the girl was staring at her with a desperate look on her face. She realised that she hadn't really done anything for this girl that she hadn't screwed up in in some way or needed help with. A name... she could really do something for her if she thought up a good one.
"Okay," she said, slightly rattled. "Let me think for a moment." She started to think of the haibane names she'd heard - Kana, Hikari, Rakka, Reki and Nemu. Well... it looked like she could name her after an object, like Kana, Hikari and Reki were. But the only object in the girl's dream was the sea, and Umi seemed like too ordinary a name for a haibane. But on the other hand, Rakka and Nemu were named after actions. Falling and sleeping. So maybe...
"What about Ukimi, for floating?" she said carefully, hoping it would be good enough, and was relieved when a satisfied smile appeared on Kana's face.
"Sounds good to me," Kana said. "How do you like that, Ukimi?"
Kaori looked down at the girl, and was a little surprised to see a faint smile on her face.
"I think I like it," Ukimi said, and closed her eyes. "Thank you, Kaori."
The night wore on, with the woman and the haibane brushing endlessly in an attempt to get the wings presentable. Then, once they were sure Ukimi was clean and comfortable, Kana said she was going get some help from Old Home or the Renmei and asked Kaori to watch her while she was away.
Kaori sat at her dresser and rested her head in her hands, keeping an eye on the sleeping haibane. She didn't know how long she remained there for, but the next thing she knew she was lifting her head off the dresser and trying to shake the sleep out of her eyes.
She looked up, trying to remember why she had been sleeping with her head on the dresser, and noticed the sunlight flickering around the edges of the drapes. It had to be midday at least - she'd chosen this room because it didn't catch the sun in the morning.
Her bedcothes were stripped, but there was an odd stench of blood in the room, and it took her a moment to remember why.
"Ukimi!" she exclaimed. There was no sign of the young haibane anywhere, and no Kana either. She looked around for a moment, completely bewildered, and then realised she could hear people walking around.
She ran out of the room and headed for the main hall, only to encounter a pair of haibane coming down the stairs. One was a serious-looking boy, wearing jeans and a hooded red sweatshirt, while the other was a girl whose black hair was tied into a pair of straight pigtails. They were carrying bulky cloth sacks, which were dripping slightly.
"I'm just saying," the girl complained, "don't you think it's weird for a haibane to hatch in a human's house? It's never happ..." She stopped suddenly when she saw Kaori. "Oh. Hi."
"Who are you two?" Kaori asked, a little angry at having some uninvited guests, even if they were haibane.
"We're haibane from the Abandoned Factory," the boy replied. "Hyouko and Midori. The Communicator asked us to come and dispose of the cocoon."
Kaori was just about to ask about Ukimi when the girl added, "he's waiting for you upstairs, in the cocoon room."
"Waiting?" Kaori asked, her train of thought disturbed. "Who's waiting?"
"The Communicator from the Haibane Renmei," Hyouko replied, slightly exasperated. "He's been wanting to talk to you." Hyouko stayed pretty neutral while he said this, but Kaori caught Midori grinning.
A grin that seemed to say "you're in trouble now."
Her father's study had been cleaned up - the cocoon was gone, the ruined carpet had been taken up and the floorboards and walls had been washed until any remnants of the cocoon fluid were gone. But the haibane had not been able to remove her own perceptions of this room, and Kaori felt the oppressive gloom of one of her father's lectures settle on her as she entered the room.
Except the man standing by the writing desk was not her father, but an old man dressed in long green and white hooded robes. His face was covered in a spoon-shaped mask, such that Kaori could not see his eyes, nose or mouth, and his cheeks were adorned with tattooed red streaks. Circular ornaments hung from threads attached to the hem of his hood, he seemed to have a pair of prostheic wooden haibane wings on his back, and he leant on a wooden cane with an ornamental head, a round ball with a pair of wings attached.
She just looked at him quite awkwardly for a moment and then he spoke.
"You are Kaori, hieress of the Leyton fortune and current owner of this house, are you not?" His voice was deep and ancient, practically the definition of authority.
She nodded nervously, and said "Uh, yes..." and quickly followed it with, "I'm sorry, but am I allowed to talk to you?" She'd heard stories.
"Yes, you may," the Communicator replied. "It is extremely unusual for a cocoon to appear outside of a haibane nest," he continued, "and it is clear that if you had not been here, haibane Ukimi's hatching would have been far more troubling and painful, and may have caused her serious harm. The Haibane Renmei thanks you for your generosity and diligence in this matter."
Kaori stared and blinked, wondering if Kana had exaggerated her role in the night's events. Eventually she just managed to say, "You're welcome. It was my pleasure. She's a good girl."
The Communicator nodded slightly, and reached inside his robe, drawing out a heavy cloth bag. "Ukimi has been taken to Old Home to live as a member of that nest." For some reason Kaori felt her spirits drop at that, though what else had she been expecting? "I asked the haibane of the Abandoned Factory to clean this room and dispose of the cocoon, and this is a token of the gratitude of the Haibane Renmei."
He set the bag down on the desk and it made many small chink sounds - it was clearly stuffed with coins.
"This should be enough to repair any damage Ukimi's ordeal has done to your belongings. However, we must ask that you keep this event a secret. It is extremely rare for a cocoon to appear outside a nest, but some of your fellow townspeople would react poorly to the concept regardless of how unlikely it is." He kept his hand on the top of the bag as he spoke, and even though he was masked Kaori got the feeling he was looking directly at her. "I am sure you understand."
She glanced at the purse, and nodded. "Yes."
"Good. Now, I have things I must attend to."
He headed for the door and swept straight past Kaori, moving surprisingly quickly for such an old man. She stared dumbly at the otherwise empty room for a split second, then turned to watch him. That was it? She still had more she wanted to know!
"Wait!" she yelled, and and he stopped in the doorway. "Wait! There's something I need to ask you!"
He turned and looked down at her. "The concerns of the townspeople are not the concerns of the Haibane Renmei, save where they directly involve the haibane. You should choose your question carefully."
"It does involve the haibane!" Kaori said, leaning against the writing desk. "It's just... since I was born, I've been told that the haibane are here to bless the town, and the townspeople... they're here to give us good fortune." She took her keyring out of her pocket, and held the happy little haibane in her hand. "But last night I found out about several things. They're born in fear, pain and confusion... they live difficult lives, with less comforts and more restrictions than us... and then they just disappear." She looked away from the Communicator. "How can they bring us good fortune when they have none? I really need that..."
She was interrupted by an angry grunt from the Communicator, and looked up to see his posture had changed slightly - more upright and imposing.
"What makes you believe that haibane are here to help you?" he asked, an angry tone to his voice. "It is amazing that you could witness the pain that a haibane must bear, but come away concerned only for their abilty to bless you." He turned away, hanging his head. "When I heard it was you who had found the new feather, I had hoped you might have grown since that time. Evidently it was too much to expect."
"What?" That was unfair! She'd worked hard for that girl and was really worried for her, but she was with other haibane now and her own life had to go on after this. Was some good luck too much to hope for? And waitaminute... what did he mean...
"That time? What time?"
The Communicator turned back to her and faced her down. "You were already known to the Haibane Renmei before this. Over a year ago you found a haibane in the second hand store. You treated her like your toy, playing with her halo and almost touching her wings, until she ran out the store."
Kaori stared at him, and couldn't help but nod. She had met the grumpy haibane there, of course...
"That haibane was in poor health at the time. She was depressed for many reasons, despondent and miserable, and anxious about her wings. Your actions were negligible in contrast, but enough to cause her to break down." Kaori listened, horrified, as the communicator continued. "Over the next few hours she wandered into the Western Woods and endangered her own life not once but twice, as a consequence of your insensitivity."
Kaori gasped and dropped the keyring. It fell to the floor and make a 'thok!" sound as the haibane's head struck the floorboards.
"Fortunately," the Communicator continued, "she did not do herself any lasting harm, and we decided to let the matter of your involvement in her actions drop. If she had seriously hurt herself, the consequences could have been much more severe."
"But..." Kaori protested, "I didn't mean to! I didn't want to hurt her or anything!"
"You saw a person and treated her like an object," the Communicator retorted. "It is a small sin, but also the root of the very worst sins." He turned away, to leave the room. "And it is less than haibane or humans deserve."
The moon was high in the sky, just beginning its descent back to the horizon. Rakka sat next to Kaori on a low garden wall, listening intently to Kaori's story.
"After that, he just left, leaving me alone in that room. When I went downstairs the two factory haibane were gone too. I've had a lot of time to think about what he said since then. And that's why I wanted to apologize."
Rakka sat up, slightly angry at the Communicator's actions. Partly because he had spoken openly about Rakka's trial without her knowledge, and partly because he had clearly not given Kaori the whole story.
"But in a way," Rakka eventually said. "I should be thanking you. The ordeal I went though that night brought an end to my illness and my depression. I might have remained like that for much longer if you had not treated me like that... and my recovery might have come too late for other things..." she said, thinking of Reki. She could never have helped Reki if she had still been sin-bound herself.
That seemed to cheer Kaori slighty, but not much. "That's good to know... but I don't think it changes his point." At that she fell silent again. She didn't want to admit to Rakka where her thoughts had led her over the last month - re-examining her life, she'd found she'd treated every relationship with the same kind of selfishness and insensitivity that she'd exhibited in the second hand store. She hadn't left her fiancee, Kenji, because of his critical nature - he'd drifted away from her, and grown to despise her because of how she took him and others utterly for granted. Her father's dislike of her had been part of her own imagination - unlike others around her, he had been the only one who would not allow her to do whatever she liked, who expected her to act responsibly in all things, a trait she had never even attempted to learn. And then she'd looked at her old circle of friends, and realized that they had never really been more than acquaintances - had one of them met with serious problems, her reaction would probably have been similar to how they reacted when she hit her own financial woes - quiet ostracism.
Then she'd been shown the real consequences of her attitudes, and had realised something important - that she was not the innocent victim of circumstances she imagined she was. She'd invited every piece of bad luck she'd experienced, either by aggravating someone though her selfishness or giving them no reason to care whether she lived or died.
She leaned forward and looked at Rakka. "You've been taking good care of Ukimi," she said, changing the subject, and Rakka blushed a little. "I was surprised when she and Kana visited me a few days later. She looked so much happier and secure than when she left my house, and you got her hair out of her eyes," she said with a smile, motioning to the side of her head where Ukimi often wore small barrettes in her hair. "She often visits me now... comes to talk, and to help take care of my garden. She talks about you a lot when she visits me," she added, getting a surprised Oh from Rakka.
"Really?" Rakka felt a little flattered. "She talks about you as well. To tell you the truth I was looking forward to meeting you myself, but whenever I came into town with Ukimi you weren't home."
Kaori cringed at this. "Actually," she said, quite embarrassed, "I was home. Just hiding." Rakka stared at her, and Kaori explained - "I wasn't ready to talk to you yet. That's why I never visited Ukimi at Old Home, either. I came one day, but I saw you talking with her outside and I couldn't come any closer..."
"There wasn't any need for that," Rakka said, slightly upset that she'd unwittingly driven a wedge between Ukimi and Kaori. "You can come visit her at Old Home any time you like."
"Really? But..."
"We'd be happy to have you," Rakka said with a smile. "A friend of any haibane is a friend of all haibane, no matter what happened in the past. And since you're friends with three haibane now... well, I don't think even the Renmei could keep you out."
Kaori promised to visit soon, and the two eventually went their separate ways, Rakka beginning the long dark walk back to Old Home. She was relieved when she reached the edge of the town and saw someone on a scooter approaching - it was Kana, who scolded Rakka for staying out so long. It was past 1AM, and apparently Hikari was getting extremely anxious.
Rakka hitched a ride on the back of the scooter and Kana her drove her back to the nest. After apologizing profusely to Hikari for worrying her she headed to bed.
Fortunately the first day of the new year was a day of rest for haibane, so Rakka was able to rise later than usual and make up for the late bedtime. The day passed quietly and without incident, and on the next day Rakka reported for work at the temple earlier than usual.
She had been travelling beneath the wall to gather kohaku for more than a year and was more trusted by the Renmei now. Once bells had been placed on her wings and wrists she was able to move freely around the temple - she even had her own keys for the doors between the gardens and the restricted areas. It was a responsibility that she was always careful not to abuse, and she had never intruded on areas where she did not need to be.
Her responsibilities were not limited to her work beneath the wall these days though. Every day, after completing her cleaning, she reported to the Communicator. On most days this was merely a formality, but every so often he had a task for her. A word to pass on, a suggestion to be made... a message for when a haibane may not listen to the Renmei, but might listen to another haibane. Some months after helping Reki achieve her day of flight, Rakka realized she'd become the Communicator's mouth, eyes and ears in Old Home.
It was a little aggravating at times - often she would be asked to broach a subject that was difficult to talk about, or maybe none of her business. But it was effective. Usually what she was asked to do didn't magically fix the problem, but it often was a start, and that was a good thing. So Rakka returned day after day, to a gazebo in the garden where the Communicator could often be found sitting at a round table in silent meditation.
When she found him today however, he was in a different kind of contemplation. A map of the town was spread out over the table, and he was hunched over it. In the absence of facial cues Rakka had learned to read the Communicator's body language quite well, and right now he seemed quite worried.
There was also something else sitting on a chair nearby, and Rakka jumped when she saw it. She stared at it for a moment, wondering why it was here, until the Communicator noticed she was there.
"Ah, haibane Rakka." He looked up from his map. "I trust all is well at Old Home?"
"Yes," she replied. The rules about not speaking in the temple had been relaxed for Rakka, another sign of the additional trust and responsibility she carried, but she still wore the bells in case she needed to address a Toga. She wondered if she should ask about the thing sitting in the opposite chair, but decided she'd really rather not. Yet she couldn't keep her eyes away from it.
"Is there a problem?" the Communicator asked, and Rakka panicked slightly.
"N-no," she replied, wondering what this was all about. There was a strange change in the Communicator's posture and tone that she didn't recognize, and Rakka wondered if this was mirth.
"Are you sure?" he asked again, and Rakka sagged.
"There is a little doll that looks like me sitting in that chair," she protested, wondering if he - of all people - was playing a practical joke on her.
He leaned around the table, and said with mock surprise, "You are right. There is a small doll sitting there. We confiscated her from a stall owner who was giving them away as prizes in a game." He paused and looked directly at her, and the tone of his voice became more severe. "He came here to complain, because apparently you hit him in the back of the head with... a beanbag?" Even though it was hidden behind his mask, Rakka could have sworn she heard the Communicator's eyebrow rising.
She sighed, intensely embarrassed about the whole situation, and nodded. "Yes. I did."
The Communicator slowly rose out of his chair and walked around the table to pick up the doll.
"The stall owner will be punished by the merchant's association in town, who agree that his prizes were in poor taste. As for you..." The Communicator turned and offered the doll to Rakka. "I think you should keep this, as a reminder not to attack the people of Glie, regardless of how you may be provoked." He fixed her with a different kind of look, which Rakka quickly identified as concern. "You have taken on many extra responsibilities over the past year, and risen to them admirably, but at the expense of some of your temperament and patience. Please, do not allow yourself to be overworked."
"I won't," Rakka said. She took the doll from him and immediately hid it in the inside pocket of her coat. "And I'm sorry about what I did. I won't do it again."
"Good."
The Communicator returned to his chair, and returned his attention to the map for a moment. "There is something more important that we need to discuss. I have a task for you."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rakka left the Communicator ten minutes later, a little confused about his request but prepared to carry it out.
As she walked though the garden she cast a glance back over her shoulder. He was absorbed in his map once again, a single figure sitting at the gazebo in perfect silence.
When Rakka had first arrived she had been terrified of him. She still remembered her first visit to this temple - the silence in here was always stifling. The Toga worked silently, as if creating any noise whatsoever was an affront to their order, and there is something naturally noisy about a pair of haibane girls which is hard to suppress. But out of the silence would come a voice that boomed in the stillness, giving orders and advice, showing kindness but brooking no dissent. Whether they liked or disliked him, there were few haibane who did not respect and fear the Communicator.
But Rakka had seen there was more to him than that over the past year. She'd realized that he was alone in all of Glie - neither a haibane, nor a Toga, nor a townsperson. He was wise and steadfast, but as Rakka looked back at him she wondered how many years he had spent sitting alone in this temple, with no company and nothing to do but dedicate his life to helping the haibane in ways they might never appreciate or even notice... and often without a word of thanks. She'd been looking of a way to show her appreciation for a while now but...
'Well,' she thought to herself. 'Who cares if the festival is over?'
A few minutes later, after Rakka had left the temple, a Toga approached the Communicator and handed him a pair of wing bells. A red bell nut had been tied to one of them.
He held it between his thumb and forefingers. "Foolish," he said to himself. "I require no gifts. That there are so many blessed haibane in Glie is reward enough."
Then he closed his fist around the nut and held it tightly.