Author's note: Happy New Years everyone! so here's a nice little angsty chapter to kick off the new year. hahahah!

Warning: this maybe a little more angsty than you are used to from me but it gets happy and fluffy again after a while.

Chapter VIII - Belgium: Consequences of Getting a Room.

He left late in the day.

She had woken in his arms, alarmed to find that she didn't care so much.

She hadn't hesitated when she had gone to sleep, like she had with Angel. She had felt horrible after that moment of uncertainty, like she had betrayed him. He loved her and yet she still couldn't trust him enough to sleep beside him.

With Spike it was worse. She had fallen asleep right away, as soundly, peacefully for the first time in weeks. Not even her conscience had stopped her, much less the slayer sense. Somehow, she had known that Spike would do nothing to her.

She had woken in his arms; he was already up but had not moved as not to wake her.

Another thing she had to add to the growing spike file. The vampire was considerate.

He was also the most confusing bastard she had ever met.

So she did what she had to do, she said something that she knew would spark an argument and got them back on ground that she was more comfortable with. She made him sound like an idiot and he replied with something biting and clever and then left her to her own devices, pulling a blanket over his head and informing her that he would be back later.

And just like that she was alone. Horribly alone.

She sat there realizing that this was the first time Spike had been truly apart from her in a month. She had thought she had begun healing from the Angel escaped, but as soon as the platinum haired vampire had walked out of the door, she felt cold inside.

Empty again. There was nothing to fill it, none of the anger or annoyance or even humor that filed her when Spike was around. He couldn't distract her and because of that she was thrown back into old brooding ways.

That bastard.

So she sat there, opening the window a crack to see that car was gone.

Should she panic? She was essentially stuck in a European hostel with nothing and no one. These thoughts washed over her in calm displeasure, no hysterics nor anger. She didn't even have the energy to panic.

She just sat there wrapped in her melancholy. The feeling was like a blanket, it made her feel hot and sticky and gross but she couldn't let it go, because if she let it go then what would she be?

If she was not guilty over what she had done then how different was she from the things that she slayed on a daily basis?

She needed the guilt; she needed the despair to make her feel human.

Her thoughts left her mentally exhausted, too exhausted to even feel relief when Spike's car pulled up into the driveway and the vampire himself rushed in, untouched by the late afternoon rays.

She closed the curtains and waited for him to join her, waited in eager anticipation to get rid of the piercing loneliness that she felt, even if she was with a vampire that she hated. It took him longer than expected; he opened the door a while later when night had already fallen.

"Look, Pet, I got the room next to this one. So tonight you can sleep all by your lonesome-"

Whatever he was supposed to say it was cut off by the slayer launching herself into his arms clinging to him desperately. Spike look down at her quite surprised at her out burst. What he was feeling was nothing as compared to Buffy, when he had tentatively wrapped his own arms around her she had stared back up at him, astounded beyond belief.

"Slayer?"

She bit her lip.

"Don't leave me." She whispered in a small voice, she lowered her eyes. "You don't have to hold me all night; just don't leave me all alone." She paused unable to elaborate. "I just-"

He didn't say anything for a moment and Buffy quickly stepped out of the circle of his arms, wiping her sweaty palms on her worn jeans. She focused first on the ground and then at the ceiling, basically anywhere but at the vampire who was standing in front of her.

Spike sighed, exhaling the air softly, after that; they stayed silent for a few moments. Hazel eyes still avoiding piercing blue at all costs, as if looking at him would cause her to combust, which was pretty much right.

She had left her self open, showed weakness, Spike had probably been looking for an in like this for weeks. Probably biding his time to swoop in and drive her down the last few steps around the bend. Break her totally. She knew all of this, and still her gaze was drawn to him, she needed to see him see his reaction. So she trained her eyes on his shoes. Trying to content herself to stare at the scuffed dirty combat boots. She could hear the pounding of her heart in her ears and finally she couldn't help but look up at him. She found him drilling into her with his own confused stare. Then slowly, he opened his arms, an unspoken invitation that Buffy was only too happy to give into. He let her press herself against him. Cling to him like he was the only thing keeping her sane. He wasn't sure how long they stood there, motionless and silent but when he was aware again it was late and Buffy had yawned.

Slowly, he moved the two of them to the bed. He pulled his shirt off and readied himself to sleep, tucking her in beside him. He switched of the light and just like that a torrent of fear escaped the slayer. She began to sob tears that she would not let him see even if he could hear and feel them. Try as she might, she could not stifle them. He didn't have the heart to tell her that his night vision allowed him to see every gut wrenching grimace and heave. He just held her close as she cried herself to sleep.

His last thought before drifting off himself was of her face, twisted with desolation. That is when it hit him, it was time that he put the past behind him, and she should do the same. She may not want him, and he may not want her but they were all the other had and they needed each other.

Author's note: now, click on the little bos that says REVEIW and tell me what you think.

and i have a very important question.

Choose THEIR Own Adventure:

SHOULD THIS BE A BABY FIC?

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