JelloApocalypse – So This is Basically RWBY
"A comprehensive review on us?" Ozpin asked.
"You, your world, your entire form of existence." Dan replied.
"How does that work?" Ruby asked.
"See, in this dimension which would be called the prime dimension. In this dimension your entire world is an online show that the people residing in this dimension watch." Dan explained.
This information shocked them as they stared at him dumbfounded.
"We're a show!?" Jaune exclaimed.
"My entire existence is not even real!?" Cinder exclaimed.
"What the fuck!?" Roman exclaimed.
"Oh my gosh! We're famous!" Yang exclaimed.
"Eh." Dan replied.
"So we have like fans and stuff?" Ruby asked.
"Yeah, most are good but a large some are toxic crayon eaters that can't handle a ship or pairing that they don't like and force their abused and neglected Oc's into their fanfictions because why not have an Op edge lord that we're supposed to view as this deep and charming god who just wants kill all the people who are bad, because that narrows it down, and their personality counts as both nonsense and contradiction and their dislikes always consisting of people that hurt those they love! So why not let them ruin just an okay show!?" Dan ranted as they all stared at him with wide eyes.
"Uh…" Qrow voiced out as Dan cleared his throat.
"Anyway," Dan said, floating to the back "Let's begin."
"Is he okay?" Weiss whispered.
"I'd rather not answer that." Blake said.
"RWBY is a smash hit internet about 3D anime girls smacking each other that somehow got popular despite its initial budget of seven dollars." Jello narrated as the moon was shown shattering and stills of Ruby and Cinder were shown in a fight but then the stills turned into a childish drawing.
"We didn't have the best of starts did we?" Ruby asked.
"Oh no you had a promising start but then it all went down from there." Dan replied.
"This'll be fun." Qrow stated as he cracked open another can of beer.
"That is the last one you are having today." Winter said as she grabbed the remaining cans and threw them from Qrow's reach.
"What?" Qrow asked.
"I will not have my drunk of a man kill himself by burning out the already damaged kidneys he has! From now on, it's five a day." Winter stated.
"But, but, you don't-" Qrow stopped talking as she gave him her fiercest glare and he huffed, sipping the beer as slowly as possible while silently cursing her out.
"The world of Remnant is filled with monstrous creatures called Grimm and mankind's only hope for survival are the huntsmen!" Jello continued as the Grimm were shown and an iron pod crashed upon one of the group and opened up with a white flash then a man was shown playing a tuba that suddenly shot out a large bullet from the horn "A group of warriors who fight for the people with sensible weapons like a tuba that is also a gun."
"Yes, well…some weapons are just…" Ozpin tried to articulate.
"Ridiculous." Glynda suggested.
"Lame." Yang said.
"Impractical." Weiss said.
"All of the above." Cinder said with a smirk.
"Team rude bees is a group of four girls learning how to be huntresses." Jello explained as silhouettes of team Ruby were shown.
"Team rude bees?" Blake asked.
"Heh, nice." Yang said with a smirk.
"I gotta use that sometime." Jaune said.
"Ruby is the leader of team RWBY, which isn't confusing at all." Jello sarcastically stated as Ruby's silhouette was shown.
"I know right!" Weiss exclaimed.
"What were you thinking?" Ironwood asked.
"I thought it sounded fitting." Ozpin said.
"He thought it sounded cool." Glynda rephrased.
"Now we gotta add team every time we say RWBY on the battlefield rather than just say RWBY to save time." Harriet said.
Ruby pouted "I like the name."
"She's a protagonist who puts the petals to the meddle and has a secret Sharingan." Jello described as Ruby's eyes lit up then she was shown at Summer's grave as Jaune was shown helplessly floating to the sky in large clown pants "She's also got a dead mom. Who was added to the series at the last possible second on a whim because RUWAMBY'S writing likes to fly by the seat of its oversized clown pants."
"Wow he is not holding back is he?" Emerald asked in surprise.
"Wait so I wasn't supposed to even be dead!?" Summer exclaimed.
"I think you weren't supposed to even exist at that time." Raven said sympathetically as Summer turned white with her jaw dropped.
"I gotta get rid of those clown pants…" Jaune muttered.
"What?" Pyrrha asked.
"Oh nothing!" Jaune exclaimed nervously.
"Secret Sharingan?" Ruby asked.
"That thing you do with your glowing eyes." Roman said.
"My eyes glow?" Ruby asked and most face palmed.
"Whines! Is a standard hoity toity rich girl and Ruby's best friend, who hates her." Jello stated as Weiss was revealed and she froze Ruby's head by snapping her fingers.
"No I don't! Well…not anymore…" Weiss muttered.
"Aww! I knew you'd warm up to me!" Ruby exclaimed as she hugged Weiss who blushed.
"Get off me you dolt!" Weiss exclaimed.
"Her special power is losing every single fight she's ever been involved with." Jello stated as Weiss was shown defeated and on the ground while a chainsaw wielding man wearing a White Fang mask stood above her.
Adam and Sienna burst out laughing as Blake held in a laugh and Yang looked away from Weiss with a small smile.
"That's not true!" Weiss shouted.
"Well…" Yang said as she thought back to every fight Weiss has been in "He's not technically wrong."
"I excel in Ms. Goodwitch's classes!" Weiss argued.
"Well…" Glynda muttered as she thought back to a specific day.
~
"Glynda, Weiss Schnee is in Beacon now, her father agreed to pay extra when she passes her classes. So…let her win." Ozpin said as he counted the Lien he got from Jacques on his table.
Glynda saluted "Yes sir!"
~
"Sure…" Glynda said with an awkward smile as Ozpin and Jacques nodded at each other.
"I am so disappointed." Winter said.
"Don't be so hard on her, she tries." Qrow said.
"She could be better." Winter said.
"Let her grow into it." Qrow said as Winter sighed.
"Are you really as strong as you say you are sister?" Whitley asked.
"Of course I am." Weiss replied as she folded her arms.
"Bland is secretly and alley cat which is fitting because she belongs in the garbage." Jello said as a banana peel was placed onto Blake's head.
"Bland!?" Blake exclaimed.
"That's not true!" Sun shouted.
"Yeah that's totally uncalled for!" Yang shouted.
"That's just mean." Ilia said.
"Where can I find this man?" Ghira asked with a growl and a glare.
"Calm down, some people just don't resonate with her personality." Dan said as he rolled his eyes.
"Humans are racist against the lagoos like Bland because they don't know how many ears they're supposed to have. Do they get human ears? Animal ears? Neither? Both? Why do only some of them have tails?" Jello asked as images of the variety of faunus were shown and Blake's missing tail was outlined.
"That's not the reason at all." Sienna said.
"Yeah it's much deeper than that." Blake said.
"Well part of it is." Jacques muttered.
"Why do only some of you have tails?" Yang asked.
Sun shrugged "Who knows? Maybe it's a gene thing."
"That's not fair, how would you feel if humans just randomly changed around how many arms we have?" Jello asked as Yang was revealed and her robotic arm fell off "Oops."
"Is he implying that I'm gonna lose my arm!?" Yang exclaimed.
"What!?" Taiyang exclaimed.
"Oh no…" Ruby muttered.
"But this is good," Jaune said.
"It is!?" Most shouted in shock.
"This means that maybe we can prepare and avoid whatever might happen if this review is fat ahead in the future." Jaune suggested.
"Huh, not a bad idea. Nice one Vomit Boy!" Yang exclaimed with a grin.
"But how are we gonna prepare for something we might not see coming?" Weiss asked.
"Maybe the review will reveal more." Taiyang said as he hoped that was the case.
"Follow their exciting adventures at Beacon Academy, except don't as the show introduces a million side characters, explores none of them and then the school blows up." Jello stated as the characters were shown and suddenly Beacon exploded.
Most widened their eyes in shock at this and jaw dropped as Salem started laughing and celebrating.
"The future is so bright!" Salem exclaimed.
Ozpin narrowed his eyes at the screen "We must prepare for this."
"My first year at Beacon and the school blows up, I expected that." Nora said.
"But the show isn't about the characters, boy is it not about the characters." Jello said as a drawing of Neptune was shown saying "I'm here to eat up screen time and accomplish nothing!".
"Hey!" Neptune exclaimed as the teens and some adults laughed at that.
"It's about the over the top spectacle fighting! And the fights speak for themselves, or rather they would if they weren't constantly accompanied by nonstop butt metal!" Jello said as Yang was watching Mercury spin in a tornado and Flynt was shown playing his trumpet.
"That fight was still rigged." Yang said.
"Sure…" Mercury said with an eye roll but internally, he was smirking.
"Outside of the fights, the animation is pretty shaky mistakey. The models do so much clipping and clapping that one could reasonably mistake them for a horse and the lip flap mocap looks like it was done by a bass on the wall." Jello said as a cardboard Weiss's hair knocked over a cardboard Ruby and she was dragger to the ground towards a cardboard penny as they shook together and Ruby was suddenly in the clouds. They then turned into horses then Penny was shown moving her mouth like a puppet then her mouth fell altogether.
"We did have an initial budget of seven dollars, whatever that is." Ruby argued.
"I mean; the animators must've tried their best." Blake said.
"Ha! Her jaw literally dropped!" Roman laughed along with Mercury and Junior.
"I look so cute as a pony!" Ruby exclaimed happily.
"Everyone's got a magical fight power called Semblance, take Pyrrha for instance. A prodigy with so many death flags that she might as well be communicating in semaphore." Jello said as Pyrrha was shown with red and yellow flags in her hands and a pile behind her as more magnetically attracted to the pile "Her Semblance magnets so she can collect more death flags."
"Oof." Cinder said.
"Does this mean I will die?" Pyrrha asked in worry.
"No, I won't let that happen." Jaune said determinedly.
"But first you need to change up your outfit girl, you seriously are just blatantly communicating in semaphore." Coco said to Pyrrha.
"That was never my intention." Pyrrha answered.
"We know sweetie, we know." Saphron said as she pats her knee.
"There's also Adam, who's Semblance is being the worst." Jello said as Adam was shown acting like a dog and pulling on Pyrrha's waistcloth with his mouth.
Blake laughed "That I can agree with!"
Adam growled "I don't!"
"Why is he biting my waistcloth!?" Pyrrha exclaimed with a blush.
"Ha! You're acting like a dog!" Roman laughed.
"But remember, Semblances aren't magic." Jello stated.
"Yeah, we know." Yang said.
"Do you know why?" Dan asked.
"Uh…" Yang tried to say.
"You can also augment your powers with Dust, a special powder that allows you to use magic, but that's not magic either." Jello said as Weiss' rapier flopped downwards.
"This is getting confusing." Nora said.
Ozpin grew nervous as he hoped that they wouldn't reveal the truth.
"The villains spent two entire volumes stealing Dust before the writers forget about that and never bring it up again. I'd say they magically forgot except that couldn't be it because magic doesn't exist." Jello said as Roman and Neo were shown holding a captive Weiss with bags of dust but those poofed away.
"Why were you stealing dust anyway?" Ruby asked.
"Because." Roman answered.
"That doesn't explain anything, did you have a reason or not?" Ruby asked.
"Yes." Roman responded as Ruby stared at him dully.
"Oh my goodness! Magic does exist!?" Jello exclaimed as Cinder was shown with her fire.
"Wait that's magic!?" Ruby exclaimed.
"I thought that was your semblance or a special way you used dust!" Roman shouted.
Yeah no, it's magic." Cinder said with a smirk.
Salem face palmed "And there goes the element of surprise."
"Magic huh?" Raven muttered with a smirk.
"Damn…" Ozpin muttered as he sipped his coffee.
"Well wait, what makes magic different from a Semblance or Dust?" Roman, voiced by Jello, asked.
"Well that's a good question…they forgot that too." Cinder, voiced by Jello, responded.
"So Semblances are magic?" Yang asked.
"No I think Dust is magic." Weiss said.
"But magic already exists…" Ren said.
"Are they all just magic with extra steps!?" Ruby exclaimed.
"Maybe the answer lies in World of Remnant. The Robby Rotten side series that answers some of the many, many questions the show thinks it doesn't have time for. Because the best way to do your world building is to ignore it the first time around and then give your viewers homework." Jello explained as Oobleck was shown teaching Ren and Nora but Nora wasn't paying attention and Nora was distracting him, then a large pile of papers fell on top of them.
"There are a lot of mysteries to our world." Jinn said.
"And apparently the mysteries were not addressed properly." Glynda said.
"Our show is not the best out there is it?" Qrow asked.
Dan chuckled "You can decide on that."
"There's also RUWAWBY Chibi, which is a series of dumb gags that somehow uses the cast better than the actual show does." Jello stated as a chibi Sun and Neptune with fake moustaches slid down the pile of papers.
"Junior detectives!" Sun and Neptune exclaimed with high fives.
"Mini Sun and Neptune are adorable." Weiss said.
"Spend forty episodes impatiently waiting for the plot to start until team kangaRWBY joins up with Ozpin, an immortal reincarnated into the body of a little baby." Jello explained as Qrow was shown waiting for something then team RWBY arrived inside of a kangaroo pouch then Ozpin was shown becoming Oscar.
"Team kangaRWBY! HA!" Cardin laughed.
"You're immortal!?" Jaune asked in shock as Ozpin just stared at him while drinking his coffee.
"And you reincarnated into him!?" Yang exclaimed as she pointed at Oscar.
"I don't wanna be a reincarnation!" Oscar exclaimed fearfully.
"Seems as if your leader has been keeping quite a lump sum from all of you." Salem said with a smirk.
"His goal is to save the world from mommy Salami! An evil witch who fell into the oozy Jacuzzi and got really mad." Jello explained as Salem was shown falling into purple water and she was shown in her Grimm form roaring in anger.
Salem shut her mouth as Ozpin started smirking at her.
"She did what for what now?" Hazel asked.
"Is this true ma'am?" Watts asked.
"It seems as if your leader has been keeping quite a lump sum from all of you." Ozpin said as Salem glared at him.
"The best way to watch RUMBA is to think of the first three volumes as one long season and then have a friend tell you what happens 4 and 5 so you don't have to watch them 'cause they're garbage." Jello said as volumes 1, 2 and 3 were shown being linked in a chain and 4 and 5 were shown being talked about by a woman then being compared to garbage.
"Wow, he really does not like our show huh?" Ruby asked.
"He tried." Dan said.
"Speaking of garbage, which is a Segway I could put anywhere in this video." Jello said.
"Ouch." Kali said.
"The writers desperately want you to think Ozpin is as morally grey as his hair but they also keep forgetting to have him actually do anything evil." Jello said as Ozpin was shown sweating nervously as glass of whiskey sat by him.
"I am not evil." Ozpin argued.
"Somehow the fandom disagrees with that." Dan said.
"Jungle Qrow? What exactly did Ozpin do that was so bad?" Ruby asked.
"Jungle Qrow?" Qrow asked as he chuckled and Ruby giggled.
"You don't get it kid; Ozpin gave me the power to turn into a bird." Qrow stated with an intense face.
"Okay and?" Weiss asked.
"That doesn't sound as bad…" Winter said.
"Well it is." Qrow said.
"Why?" Marrow asked.
"Because it is!" Raven exclaimed.
"Is that…is that a bad thing? Are you cursed?" Ruby asked.
"No! No, I can do it whenever I want! I can change back whenever I want." Qrow responded.
"That's sounds exclusively beneficial though." Ruby said.
"The process itself is hell." Qrow responded.
"Not my fault you signed the release." Ozpin said.
"I don't get it, that sounds exclusively beneficial." Ruby said.
"Exactly!" Ruby exclaimed.
"NO RUBY! You don't understand!" Qrow shouted as got face to face with her "I can turn into a bird Ruby! I CAN TURN INTO A BIRD!"
"Uncle Qrow…I…I…don't…why is this bad!?" Ruby exclaimed as Qrow changed into a bird.
"What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning!?" Qrow sang as Ruby begged him to stop.
A lot of people laughed at that as Summer and Yang glared at Qrow who was trying his best to hold in a laugh.
"You're intense Uncle Qrow!" Ruby shouted.
"I made my point didn't I?" Qrow asked.
"I'm getting a restraining order." Summer said.
"Good idea." Yang agreed.
"You idiot!" Taiyang laughed.
"RWUWUWBY'S real problem is that they throw in every cool idea they have and then don't develop anything. Why advance the plot or talk to people? That's dumb! My favorite character is the only one who doesn't talk, but I'm excited to see how they ruin her." Jello said as Ruby was shown adding gasoline to a fire that was burning a board and files of ideas while Oobleck and Jinn popped up from behind it then Neo popped up from one of the cabinets that sign that said she was Ruby's mom.
Neo shook her head rapidly at the prospect of that idea while Ruby, Taiyang and Summer shivered in equal denial.
"We really need to get our shit together." Cardin said as some nodded in agreement.
"Sometimes not talking is the best way to advance a character, like Yang and Bland who not talked their way into being girlfriends 'cause the fan base was so insistent about it that the writers just gave up I guess." Jello said as Yang and Blake were shown holding hands with tape over their mouths as people in the background cheered while one of them looked tired and drank coffee.
Yang and Blake looked on in surprise as they blushed while Adam growled angrily and Sun and Ilia felt a pang of jealousy.
"Well then," Taiyang said with a smile.
"The future has a lot of changes in store." Blake muttered.
"Yeah…" Yang muttered.
"I can't wait for Volume 7's equally well earned moment when Weiss finally gets to hook up with Torchwicks ghost." Jello said as Weiss was shown fantasizing about Roman.
"EWW!!" Ruby exclaimed.
"No! NO! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!" Weiss shouted.
"You and me both! You stay back Schnee!" Roman shouted.
"A ghost? Is he dead?" Cinder asked in amusement.
"Why would he want Weiss to be with Roman Torchwick!? That's messed up!" Jaune exclaimed.
"The entire RWBY fan base in a nutshell." Dan said.
"Oh, I get it. You want some real emotional investment? Do you know that my sister and I were CURSED TO BE BIRDS!?" Qrow shouted as he grabbed Weiss by the collar.
"Unhand her!" Winter shouted.
"You're seriously back on that?!" Raven laughed.
"Qrow!" Summer shouted.
"Oum, what is up with me?" Qrow asked as he chuckled.
"Uncle Qrow please stop!" Ruby shouted.
"WHY IS MY NAME SPELLED WITH A Q!?" Qrow shouted as he transformed into a bird again.
The cast laughed at that as Dan floated to the front.
"Our parents tried to be creative." Raven said with a shrug.
"Keyword on tried." Qrow said.
"Well?" Dan asked.
"Our world has a lot of unexplained issues that we need to talk about." Ruby said.
"All of us." Ghira said to Ozpin who sighed.
"Have fun with that, I'll be taking my leave." Dan said as he pushed the remote back into the T.V.
"Aww really?" Nora asked.
"Yes, I have a previous engagement to attend." Dan replied as he snapped his fingers and a ghost portal opened up.
"Will we ever see you again?" Salem asked.
"Depends." Dan replied as he smirked at them "Later."
Dan flew in the portal and it closed up, leaving all of them in silence and without supervision.
"So now what?" Ruby asked.
With a green poof, Cosmo appeared in front of them with his usual grin and some most were happy to see him return.
"COSMO!!" Most of the cast exclaimed.
"HEYO! Hope you guys weren't too bored without me- wait a second," Cosmo said as thrust his hand out and the remote flew into his hand and he started sniffing it "Ecto energy!?"
Cosmo's eyes lit up "Ghost residue!?"
Cosmo cycled through the previously viewed list with his jaw dropped "What the heck happened here?!"
They all looked at each other with smiled and smirks as Ruby spoke "Cosmo, let me explain."