Her finger clicked the screen back on each time it darkened. Though she wanted to talk with Ruby, she couldn't. Not after Annie's reaction was she ready to face her best friend, even if it was over the phone.
Scrolling through her recent calls she found Dean, warmth wrapped in a sting of hurt slipping into her stomach at the shape of his name. His phone rang a few times before he answered. After exchanging a few words she told him. Not a lot of details, but enough. That she'd done something that was maybe not exactly a right thing to do, but she'd done it. And she was OK. Even though she knew how he may respond, she just had to tell someone.
"I told you to be careful," he admonished but gentleness still lined his words.
"I was," she insisted stubbornly, staring into the water under her, leaves on its surface pushed into the bank.
"Are you OK? Are these guys going to find you?"
Beth shook her head as she answered. "No. I wouldn't be surprised if they're long gone by now."
"I don't know what to say. I mean, is this what you want to do?"
She exhaled. "No. It's not. It's just been a really- It's been a hard time," she finished.
A silence answered her. She hadn't even meant it but there it was. Between the money and Annie getting in trouble - and unspoken, Dean's betrayal.
"I know," he agreed with her, and his response comforted her. "When are you getting back?"
"I don't know. Soon, I hope." She dipped a toe in the cool water.
"I hope so. If you can get back, we can work on things. And we can get back- not get back. We can move forward. You can too from all of this," he added, and she knew he meant what she'd done since Annie had gotten in trouble.
"You think I can't do it?" She asked, surprised that she was hurt at his statement.
"You know what you're good at. You're good at your job, you're good with things at home. All this, is it worth it?"
Was it worth it? What an excellent question. They spoke a little longer before Beth ended the call. He was right. She knew exactly what she was good at, what she was comfortable with. This was outside the scope of anything she'd done and more than anything she wanted to return to her life before. Her comfortable life. But who she was a month ago wasn't who she was now. What she'd learned... And what about the money? In her conversation with Dean he had assured her that he'd get the business back on its feet, that he'd get things worked out. She believed him. Wanted to believe it was so easy. But even if she'd put that aside she knew. Something else was gnawing at her. Something else wasn't letting go.
If Annie had been at the cabin when Beth got back she would've found her, ready to make up, but the cabin was empty and silent as she walked through the main living rooms. She was probably out there with Sylvia still. Beth stopped in front of the living room wall, her eyes looking over the bookshelves. She hadn't really had much time for herself the last few days, she realized. Not unless she counted the delivery.
Her hands grabbed the first National Geographic she touched off the shelf and she returned to her room, cozying up in a love seat by the bed. She wasn't sure why it was there. The room was pretty small, but she wasn't complaining. The seat was very comfortable. Apart from the bed and love seat the room held a small desk and chair across from the bed, as well as shelves lined with books, some above the desk and some above her bed.
Dean's words seeped onto the pages. He worried about her. Wouldn't she worry about him if he was the one confiding in her what he was doing? But maybe not, she stared blankly at the wall, looking up from the lush scenery on the page. Maybe she'd trust him.
The words trust curved painfully into her heart. She didn't like to think about it because she knew it'd held him back. But perhaps she was still upset over what had happened. She was doing her best to put it past her but while she was away she couldn't help imagine – was he alone? And if he wasn't was he thinking about-
A knock sounded at the door. It wasn't Annie, Beth immediately knew.
"Come in."
The door opened slowly, revealing Rio behind it. With her open magazine on her lap, she resisted the temptation to get up and saunter past him. For one, she'd have to walk right into him because he filled the doorway, even as he leaned against it.
"You busy?" He asked.
She shook her head and motioned for him to come in, watching him take in her made bed, and reach the other chair in a few steps. The bruise by his eye seemed to turn more purple since she'd last seen him. It'd probably take a few days to heal. When she first saw it was him at the door she remembered how it stung a little that he'd rebuffed her earlier when she'd tried to approach him. It was probably best they didn't talk earlier, she thought now. She needed time to cool off too. But of course she'd never admit that.
"You seen Annie and Sylvie?"
Rio shook his head.
"Hope they're OK," she said, filling in the quiet space between them as Rio didn't talk.
She thought back to his words. He'd had hopes and dreams for his sister. Like she did. It was strange. That they had that in common. Too.
"You got the worst room," Rio nodded at the windows behind her. "The screen's torn so you can't open the window without getting bitten. It's next to the kitchen so you hear all them pots and pans."
"I like it," she said with a conviction like she'd been the one responsible for building it herself.
The room was loved. It was busier with decorations and books than she'd do it, but she liked the nooks and crannies in it, liked that attention was giving in putting décor. Annie and Sylvia's rooms were decorated too but more sparsely and with less personality. This room felt lived in.
If he wanted her to apologize (and what – to him?!), he was going to have to ask her.
"Is she going to be able to get her money back?" She still asked, unable to resist.
Rio let out a small laugh. "Guess you care after all."
"Of course I care."
Tension buzzed between them. Beth was ready to excuse herself of her room when Rio spoke.
"Listen, it got kinda- we still gotta make this work."
"OK," she said, not sure what he was getting at.
"I don't wanna be here just as much as you don't. But it's not just you and me. We got other people to think about."
Beth nodded. Her sister and his.
"When you go out there, it's not just you."
She nodded again, though she thought of him. Whatever he was doing, it wasn't just him doing it either. But she let it go.
"If we wanna finish this quick, we gotta keep our heads low. All right?"
"Yes," she answered. Disappointment and irritation brewed in her stomach as silence stretched again. Even if his words made sense what did that leave her with?
"I know, I can't do this," she said dryly and disingenuously, bitterly ready to hear his agreement.
"I didn't say that, did I?"
Beth lowered her eyes from the ceiling to his. Irritably that warmth budded in her stomach. Did that mean-?
"So do we have a job?" She turned slightly more towards him in her seat, barely able to restrain her eagerness. "After this is over?"
"You gonna cool things off with her?" He asked, motionless.
He meant working for her. It was the closest he was going to get to saying yes, on top of that.
Was that the payment she'd have to give to get a chance to work again? Beth thought quickly. Mona was all the way up here. Rio was in Detroit. Long term she'd work with him, not his sister.
"Fine," she said.
"Cool," he said simply but he was pleased, she could tell.
"She'll be all right," he said after a few moments, and she realized he was talking about Mona. "She's dealt with worse."
Were you helping her? Beth thought. Did you catch them? Is that why you got beat up? So many questions lay on her tongue. None of them he'd answer. But as he left the room she felt some relief and she realized that her relief was too that he was OK if that were the case.
Besides that too was the relief and no little satisfaction, that grew stronger as the minutes passed after he left, growing in her chest. He thought she could do this.
"Hi," Beth said as she entered the kitchen. A large pot bubbled and boiled over the stove.
Sylvie and Annie murmured a greeting back, and Sylvie quickly excused herself .
"How's it going?"
"It'll be ready in fifteen minutes," Annie said as she sliced a tomato messily.
Beth glanced back "Smells good."
"Smells like hot dogs," Annie lifted one shoulder and dropped it.
"Listen," Beth put one hand on the counter and clutched at the surface. "I know you're not a kid. You're a mom and you've been doing it for over a year. I just felt guilty taking any time out to relax and –"
"I don't care about that," Annie cut her off and put down the knife. "I care about you going on some job. Alone. I thought we said we were going to do things as a team."
"It wasn't a team kind of job. It was just me," she continued quickly as Annie opened her mouth. "And you didn't ask me either when you went and talked with Sylvie's friend-"
"Yeah, cause you'd have something to say about it."
Beth kept a cross face before she broke into a laugh, Annie's face crumbling into a wide grin too.
"So are you a runner now?" Annie asked, composing herself.
"No," Beth shook her head.
"I'm glad you're OK. But I mean it."
"What would be better, for you to be there?" Beth crossed her arms.
"You can't protect me from the big, bad world anymore, sis." Annie picked up her knife, pointing the sharp point at Beth.
"Maybe," Beth said reluctantly. "Maybe I don't want you to have a piece of this." Whatever it was. "Maybe I want to keep you safe," she admitted.
Annie lifted her shoulders and dropped them. "Maybe that's not your choice. It's mine," she looked up.
A few minutes later, warmly kicked out of the kitchen she lay on her bed, scrolling through her phone. She couldn't stop Annie from getting involved with this. She was an adult. And hadn't Beth wanted her to get on her feet? And while she'd wanted her to be safe too, hadn't Annie been included in her conversation with Rio? She supposed she was trying to keep Annie out of what she could. But Annie was part of this. And she should have a choice. It just wasn't what she'd want for her, and she thought of Rio and what he'd said to Sylvie.
"You wanna hang out tonight?" A message popped up on her cellphone from Mona. "A few of us are meeting up later."
Though part of her was ready to call it an early night, so much had gone on since she'd woken up and her heart lifted as she hit the keys in response. It could be fun. And even if it had some lows the day hadn't ended so badly had it? It's OK if she'd extend it by a little.
It really wasn't often she'd talked to new people and now it was mostly parties through Dean. Chatting with Mona's friends she wasn't sure why she didn't it more often. It was refreshing to speak to someone who didn't know her history, didn't know her story. It was fun. Conversation was light and easy, and the few drinks she'd had helped too.
The third beer in she was enjoying a pleasant buzz, laughing with two of Mona's friends. She had to stop, she told herself. She didn't want to do anything stupid. Not in front of Mona. Deciding to get some food, she declined the next drink.
"I'm heading home," Mona stepped beside her. "You got a ride?"
"I'll figure something out."
"I'll ask Kiara, she's not far from you."
"Thanks," Beth said. "I'm sorry it didn't work out today," She added in the pause. "I hope..." She remembered the setting and kept her words vague. "It works out."
Mona shook her head once but smiled. "We all got those days. You know?"
For a moment Beth hoped she'd ask her to do something. She'd just promised Rio but the temptation would be too great not to say no. The need to prove herself didn't just disappear. Mona didn't, though, instead giving her a final smile before turning around.
She returned to conversations and laughter, thinking again of how she'd felt the day before, riding with the delivery in the car, talking with the two men, coming back. That high, despite everything. That high of salvaging what she could, of getting one up on then. Fighting with Rio, talking with Dean on the wooden deck. Rio stepping her bedroom to make amends. How she'd felt when he'd left.
From the corner of her eye she then caught a glimpse of him. Sitting at the bar, nursing a beer. As if she'd just summoned him. Trying not to catch his attention, she looked beside him at who he was with. But both the man and woman sitting on the stools on each of his side were caught in conversation. It didn't seem like he was with someone.
Their eyes met and it just… Something lurched open when he didn't look away. Her hands strew a lock in her hair as she kept her eyes on him, Rio moving in his seat, his eyes not leaving hers either, his lower lips smacking over his upper ones. She knew what she was doing. She was drawing him in.
"I'll be right back," she said to Kiara, before grabbing her bag and walking away. Nervousness fluttered in her stomach and she ignored any thoughts, any rational thought, any apprehension, any hesitation.
Stepping into the bathroom she walked the short steps to the sink. The melody of the song playing outside hummed, the base thumping. With her bag placed on the counter, Beth stared at her reflection. What was she – what was she doing? Was she doing anything? No, no, she wasn't. She was.
A few seconds later, he stepped in after her, a little uncertainty on his face, but confidence winning over. Thankfully no one was in the bathroom because it was a multi stall.
Beth turned around and stepped closer to him, their faces hovering over each other as she stopped a few inches away from him. Her fingers reached to lock the door behind him.
Her eyes met his again, before she turned around, taking tentative but confident steps to the sink.
And she raised the hem of her dress.
The table was boisterous when she returned, voices elevated as the music had turned up since she'd left. Thank goodness no one seemed to notice she'd been gone, she thought as she gulped down her water. It hadn't been so long that she walked off but now it felt longer. For half an hour more she stayed, not wanting to raise suspicion. Each time someone passed her periphery her stomach shrank a little thinking it was him. She wasn't ready to see him again yet. If she did she'd probably just smile but thinking about it any more than that… It was time to go.
On her ride back home her hand settled on where his hand had been on her thigh. Her body buzzed pleasantly in response, imagining her hand on his. She half listened to Kiara, laughing at the right parts, feeling bad she wasn't completely present.
It was as if she was waking up on the way to the cabin, with the distance her mind replaying the look he'd given her as she stepped closer to him, naked want. Bits and pieces of what they'd done.
When his hands made contact with her hip relief washed her. Followed almost in tandem with anticipation. He'd wanted this too. She hadn't imagined it, the focused stares, the sneaking looks. It wasn't just her who was curious.
His hands on her skin, on her hip, his face in her hair, inhaling her smell. The music thudding through, in the walls.
At some point her back hit the wall and she hadn't even noticed. Too caught up in him, the breathing and panting registering. Him moaning in her ear. Her – if he hadn't been vocal she'd be embarrassed to remember, but he'd encouraged it, responded to it, and it had released something inside her, egged her on.
They couldn't take long. That reminder in the back of her mind as she stopped herself from getting altogether lost in him. Or someone would wonder where they were. Ask questions. Had anyone noticed they disappeared at around the same times? No one had said anything. Kiara mentioned nothing about it. It was OK, she assured herself. And even if someone noticed, it wasn't like anyone knew-
She showered quickly, hoping that when she'd step out of the bathroom she wouldn't bump into him. Luck was on her side and the house was quiet and dark when her feet stepped on the wooden floor on her way to her room. At least she could prolong that a little more. As she lay in bed she breathed slowly, closing her eyes as she felt his hands on her waist, on her legs, on her chest. Felt his mouth on her skin, as brief as it was.
They hadn't kissed. That felt – that was the line she drew. He'd understood it, hadn't tried to. Maybe he didn't want to either, and she remembered how his eyes fell on her lips as she'd walked towards him, traveled to her eyes and back down as his face was circling hers as she circled his.
"You want it huh?"
Her muttering over and over in a chorus of "yes, yes, yes."
He'd teased her, mumbling into her neck, into her skin and just his voice pushed her closer and closer to the edge, the deepness of it caressing her, the thickness of it, until it finally coaxed her to the other side.
She knew she'd been attracted to him. Attracted to his face, to his body, to his strength. His control, the confidence he did his business. His smile. His softness with his family, with his younger siblings, the way he'd held them gently. His dedication, his narrowed focus. Nothing could stand in his way. It hadn't been that long that she'd felt it but having the chance to act on it. She hadn't expected it to explode the way that it did.
She hadn't planned it but she knew exactly what she was doing as she caught his eye. He wanted to work with her despite everything. He believed in her. Her response was elation. When he'd said they were good after they'd done the bag swap, when she waited to see his response to her cooking. She wanted him to – be proud of her. It was strange. The high she rode as she were with him, thinking over and over again. He believed in her. He believed in her. It was intoxicating.
It wasn't about revenge or getting even. OK, maybe a small part. But beside that, and more than that, it was something that belonged just to her and Rio. She'd known him such a short time, and look at everything's that's happened. It wasn't going to change anything and that wasn't why she did it. As long as it wouldn't affect him wanting to work with her again. But why would it?
After she'd taken a shower she'd glanced at herself in the mirror. Her reflection had revealed he'd managed to leave a hickey on her neck, thankfully in a place that wasn't too exposed but she'd still cover it up with makeup to be safe. The memory made her body tingle. Guilt would come later she imagined. What her actions had meant. But for now she had no regret only pleasant memory.
She couldn't even blame the alcohol. She'd had a few drinks, then slowed down, and had another, but she had been sober when she'd seduced him. She put her hand over mouth, laughing. She had didn't she? And she was glad that she wasn't drunk or tipsy. She couldn't explain why. But she was.
Beth opened her eyes to the brightness of the room, the house feeling stiffly still. Opening her door carefully, she stepped out, only hearing a light constant sound of a clock hanging on the living room wall. Annie had left a note on one of the kitchen counters that she and Sylvie were out for a walk. Beth's eyes widened at the note. She couldn't believe her younger sister had beat her to waking up, let along heading out somewhere. She sat at the counter, munching on an orange, staring into space. If she were alone, she could barely have a piece of toast for breakfast. Meals were meant to enjoy with other people and preparing a meal for others was nearly half the fun as eating it.
Once she'd seen Annie's note she softly made her way to the front of the cabin, curious if Rio was home. His door was open, a sign he wasn't. Small sparks lit up at the bottom of her stomach at the sight before she violently shoved them away. What was yesterday was in the past. There was no place to think about that. Everything was moving forward as before.
Picking at a second orange, she wondered if she'd volunteer again today. Mona and her hadn't texted each other and after last night well… Not that it was anything she was ashamed of, exactly, and she thought of Dean. No, she wasn't going to do that now. But Mona. It'd just feel strange to see her right after she and Rio had – she shoved the guilt away, the morning realization she'd done what she did. Again she remembered. She hadn't even be drunk. Not even tipsy. Completely sober.
Her cell phone rang from her bedroom, saving her from her thoughts.
"Hey," she heard Annie on the line.
"Hi. Is everything OK?" Beth asked, hear something off in her sister's voice.
"Yeah. Can you come here?" Annie said strangely.
"Sure," Beth said quickly. Her thoughts quickly took her to the last time Annie had said those words to her. "Wait. Where are you?"
"At the diner downtown," she said, giving Beth the address. "There's someone here I want you to meet," she added mysteriously, and Beth realized she'd been wrong. Her sister was smiling.
"Who is it?"
"Just get here. Fast."
Her bike could only take her so quickly but she'd made the trip enough times that the familiar way buzzed by her. At least Annie hadn't sounded worried. She was still catching her breathe as a fan welcomed her into the diner.
Annie and Sylvie were seated in front of a woman with short, black hair and glasses who smiled at her. Annie's hands were clasped on the table and her hand flew out to call Beth as she spotted her.
"Hi," Beth said to the group as she reached the table.
"This is my sister, Beth. Beth this is Lucy. Lucy, Beth."