Disclaimer: All characters and specifics of "Hikaru no Go" are copyrighted Hotta Yumi, Obata Takeshi, Shueisha and Studio Pierrot. All rights reserved. This fanfiction is property of Shikami Yamino and is not intended for any monetary purpose nor an infringement of copyright laws. No one is to post/host/use any aspect of this fanfic without explicit permission from the author.
Notes: *L* Firstly as always, thank you to everybody who takes the time out of their busy schedules to read and review. It means a lot to me that people are enjoying this fic ^_^ Secondly, I make no excuses for the delay in posting this part since in the time between now and when the last part was posted, this part has undergone yet another extensive re-write ^^;;; I dunno, I just couldn't get Akira's character down enough to suit the fangirl in me *L* In any case, I'm much happier with this version than the previous one ^_^
Special thanks go out to Ju and Summercloud for picking up my grammar mistakes in the last part *bows* Part 11 has been re-uploaded with the corrections.
And finally to Zak who was worried that this fic would end too soon ^^;; Frankly speaking, when I started this fic, the plan was for a three to four part-er. There was never any intention on my part to write another epic (especially given that most of my epics tend to be left unfinished *cringe*), not to mention what is essentially a fluffy epic. Unfortunately (or fortunately as the case may be *L*), Akira and Hikaru had different ideas and I love them too much to hurry them into anything they don't-want/aren't-ready to do ^_^ So rest assured, the fic will end in due time and there will be ample warning before it does *L* I'm not about to pull a Hotta-sensei/Obata-sensei and just announce the end of the fic in one little line at the bottom *LOL*
Hikaru no Go: "Blind Descent"
by Shikami Yamino
Part 12 - Right Before my Eyes ~ II ~
Towel in hand, Akira was vigorously rubbing it through his wet hair when he stepped out of the bathroom. A quick, hot shower had erased most of the chills that had been the outcome of his unintentional and cold drenching on the way back, but he moved to the climate control anyway and turned on the heat.
He wasn't about to take any chances with another bout of the cold. After the last lecture his rival had given him about running through the rain, he really didn't want to think about what Shindou would have to say about it a second time. Nor did he want to give Shindou any more access to his kitchen than he absolutely had to.
Akira smiled a little as he made his way to the small electric kettle seated on top of the bar fridge and poured himself a cup of tea. While torching his own kitchen had been a very real danger for his rival a few months ago, it had really just become more of a point for good-natured ribbing than anything else. Of course, Shindou hadn't really tried to cook anything else since his first and last spectacular failure but the soup hadn't actually been all that bad. Even if it was instant.
Chuckling under his breath, Akira shook his head at the memory. And of course, only Shindou could manage to burn his fingers on toast. It only made the fact more laughable when you considered that it certainly wasn't the first, second or third time that he'd managed to do so.
Sipping at his tea, eyes still twinkling from mirth, Akira perched himself on the edge of the bed as he stared out the window into the wet and dreary world outside. If he was honest with himself, as far as being sick went, the last time was far from his worst experience. And if he was even more honest with himself, he'd admit that despite being an extremely independent and private person, having someone there to take care of him certainly hadn't been a bad experience at all.
Still staring into the gray nothingness outside the window, the expression on Akira's face was soft in reminiscence. Unbidden, his mind pulled up the image of his rival, fast asleep, blonde bangs falling into his face as he was slumped against the side of Akira's bed. It was followed by the warmth of Shindou's hand on his forehead as his rival checked his temperature, and then worried green eyes staring into his own as he'd swayed from a sudden rush of blood to his head.
//You two were always more considerate and affectionate than simple rivals or friends would be.//
Jolted out of his thoughts, Akira frowned. But the red blinking light on the hotel room answering machine in his peripheral vision saved him from further pondering Yongha's unwelcome and yet strangely unsettling comments. Absently, he reached over to press the play button.
"Hey Touya!"
Akira tore his eyes from his tea to the answering machine at the sound of that familiar voice.
"They told me that it's your day off today, but it figures that you'd still have gone to the go salon or wherever it is over there that you go to play go. You are such a go freak!"
Though he knew it was totally inappropriate, he still couldn't help but throw an amused but pointed glare at the machine, as if to say to the owner of the voice 'As if you aren't?!'.
"Anyway, since I'm pretty sure that you haven't checked what day it is today, happy birthday! As your 'senpai'," there was a snicker, "I welcome you to the world of being nineteen."
That had Akira swivelling his gaze to the desktop calendar only to notice that, yes, today was indeed December the 14th, and that, yes, he had forgotten that today was his own birthday. The fight to squash the rising blush was thankfully aided by the mild indignation that Shindou had had the gall to refer to himself as Akira's 'senpai'.
Hikaru's cheeky grin was still evident in his voice as it continued. "You know that this is the third year in a row you've managed to forget your own birthday, right? Must be getting old."
Akira gave a little light-hearted snort at the teasing jab.
"Other than that, just called to tell you that all your plants and fish are still alive and kicking." Then the voice turned sarcastic and Akira could just imagine Shindou's nose wrinkling as he emphasised, "And no, my kitchen has not been destroyed yet, thanks a lot for asking!"
Seated on his bed, Akira had to laugh, even as he felt the tension that he hadn't even been aware of melt from his slender frame.
"Speaking of kitchens, I hope you don't mind that I've been raiding yours since you've got a fully stocked one and I keep forgetting to do groceries. Why do you have a fully stocked kitchen anyway? You're not even here."
Rolling his eyes at that last statement, Akira shook his head in affectionate exasperation. Only Shindou could refer to a kitchen with nothing but instant foods as 'fully stocked'. And the only reason he had stocked his kitchen with instant foods before leaving was because he had fully expected his rival to forget to buy groceries. Raiding his kitchen was obviously the next best option to actually having him there to provide meals.
"Everything else on this end is okay, but they're just not the same when you're not here. It's quieter for one thing! I think Ichikawa-san almost had a heart attack the other day when I actually left the go salon without screaming once."
Akira joined in the mirthful chuckles coming from the answering machine as he imagined the scene in his head. The go salon would certainly be quieter without their arguments; and he had often surmised that Ichikawa-san was more used to the shouting than having silence anytime he and Shindou were in the vicinity.
"Okay, I'd better get going. Got study group in an hour or so and since Isumi-san's been out of town for the last three days for a game, Waya's been brooding a little coz he misses him. Don't tell Waya I said that! He'll kill me if he finds out that I used his name and 'brood' in the same sentence."
Akira snickered a little at the thought.
"But Isumi-san gets back tomorrow and we're heading out to the arcade to get together celebrate his win the day after. Wish you could be here. You're still coming home Sunday morning right? So take care of yourself and I'll see you at home in a few days!"
The machine clicked off, leaving Akira still sitting on his bed staring out into the gray city skyline only now with bright eyes and a gentle smile lingering over his lips. He wished he could be there too. Hearing Hikaru's voice had inexplicably soothed the uneasiness that had settled over him in the last week or so, leaving Akira more relaxed than he had ever been since arriving in Korea. Yet at the same time, it also amplified the feeling of homesickness, elevating his anxiousness to be back in Japan and among friends.
Idly, he wondered whether Isumi-san was currently feeling as homesick as he was. Granted, at least Isumi-san was still in the same country as the others and hadn't been away for half as long as he had. But it couldn't be easy being away from Waya for more than a few days; those two had hardly left each other's side since that trip to China a year ago. Even before the trip, when they'd decided to move into a larger place together rather than live in their own separate tiny apartments, they'd hardly let the other out of their sight.
It was a topic that his rival had speculated with him on over many shared dinners, usually after having met up with both Isumi-san and Waya during the day. Before their trip to China, Waya's 'broodiness' had been the subject of many conversations, while after the trip, the conversations had changed to amused comments over Waya's 'possessiveness'. Since then, Waya's 'broodiness' had only ever been discussed in relation to times when Isumi-san had to travel out of town, and said 'broodiness' would only ever be temporarily lifted whenever Isumi-san found the time to call from wherever he was.
Akira chuckled softly under his breath. It was best not to think about what Waya would do to each of them if he happened to discover that they talked about him so often behind his back.
Isumi-san on the other hand... Akira had a feeling that the older pro wouldn't be surprised to know that he and Hikaru talked about them behind their backs. While he and Hikaru had never deliberately revealed that they knew the nature of the relationship Isumi-san and Waya shared, Akira suspected that the taller man already knew that they knew. It certainly explained why Isumi-san had never been more discreet about the whole thing when it was just the four of them as opposed to bigger group outings.
Isumi-san had always been extremely perceptive.
//...you don't have to take my word for it. I suspect that your Isumi 5-dan could probably tell you the same thing.//
Irritated with the way Yongha's words re-surfaced time and again in his mind, Akira made a final effort to put them into perspective the most effective way he knew how -- the same way he approached any tsumego problem: by first laying it out and then examining his options.
He wouldn't refute that Isumi-san was exceptionally observant. He also wouldn't refute that Isumi-san was probably more mature and worldly than any of them. But surely, Isumi-san didn't think that he and Shindou shared the same type of relationship he and Waya did...
And yet his memory told him that Isumi-san had a tendency to look curiously from him to Shindou every time the older pro managed to catch one of Akira's glances at him and Waya. His memory also told him that it had been happening a lot more often lately.
One such time had been right after he'd recovered from that cold.
Fending off Shindou's attempts to threaten and manhandle him into silence, Waya had gleefully told him that Shindou had been worried out of his mind when he'd failed to show up on time. While the brown-haired pro was busy likening his rival's antics to a headless chicken over Shindou's vehement denials, Isumi-san had simply stood to one side, smiling indulgently as his eyes moved assessingly over Hikaru's bouncing form and Akira's flushed but amused face.
Brow furrowing in thought, Akira reached up to brush his still damp bangs from his eyes. But as his fingers brushed his skin, he was once again reminded of Shindou's warm hand on his forehead. Only this time, he could recall that fleeting sense of loss when the comforting warmth had slid away.
//You two were always more considerate and affectionate than simple rivals or friends would be.//
Watching his rival sleep slumped next to his bed after an overnight vigil before carefully tucking a blanket over the sprawled form to guard against the morning chill.
Bumping noses as they both stood at the same time and then the irrational blush that he'd had to fight to suppress.
Icy fingers brushing against his own as a white paper bag was handed over, to which he had answered by pressing a mug of steaming tea into his rival's hands.
And the little things, like how they kept their apartments stocked with each other's favorite foods. Akira blinked as he realised that no matter how forgetful his rival was about grocery shopping, there was always a chilled can of Akira's favorite Oolong tea waiting for him in Shindou's fridge.
//Believe me, sometimes it's almost nauseating how in tune with each other you both are.//
Hikaru flopping bonelessly to the floor, pinning him with assessing eyes as he deduced the reason for Akira's distraction before even Akira had. You know, if you really don't want to go tomorrow, you should just tell her.
Hikaru's laughing voice on the answering machine, knowing without a trace of doubt that he'd been at a go salon instead of the many tourist destinations his liaison had suggested.
And the last time May 5th had started creeping up on them, amidst preparations for their last Hokuto Cup tournament... He had silently watched his rival shuffle over to the window of his apartment after an uncharacteristically quiet dinner, the fan clutched tightly in his fist. Though Shindou had stared into the darkness outside for an inordinately long time, Akira just knew that his rival couldn't see anything except the memories that were playing out inside his head.
After a few minutes, Akira had wrenched his eyes from his rival to pull out his goban. Seating himself quietly and beginning to re-create one of the hundreds of Shuusaku's distinctive games, he had patiently waited for his rival to succumb to the temptation of the stones. The process had become an almost tacit tradition every time Boys' Day approached. And true to form, it wasn't long before Shindou had seated himself opposite Akira just as quietly, to appropriate one of the go-ke as his own. Curiously, not once had Shindou ever appropriated the stones that Shuusaku had played for the chosen game.
There had been no talk as the game was played out, each of them falling into Shuusaku's brilliant mind. When the game was over, they'd looked up into each other's eyes and Shindou had offered a small, grateful smile. Akira had returned the soft smile and nodded back, glad that the shadows in the green eyes that stared back at him had been lifted, if only momentarily.
But now he recalled the slight twinge in his chest as he'd stood there, gazing at the almost visible tension in Hikaru's slumped shoulders. And the relief that had spread through him when those green eyes finally stopped looking through him as they had during dinner, to see him for who he was.
For the first time, as the memories presented themselves one by one in front of his mind's eye in the familiar form of black and white go stones, Akira was looking at his relationship with his rival from an objective stand point. And in a detached sort of way, he could understand why Yongha had said the things he did...
But that didn't mean that they were true... right?
//Try not to miss him too much.//
Or were they?
He couldn't deny that he missed his rival in the time that he'd spent in Korea. It would be stupid to do so when he had just felt the tension that had been there ever since he'd landed in Korea, melt away at the sound of Shindou's voice. But wasn't it normal for friends to miss each other when they'd been away for an extended period of time?
Staring into the now cold tea in his hands, Akira turned that last thought over and over in his head until a recent memory re-surfaced in answer.
Since then, Waya's 'broodiness' had only ever been discussed in relation to times when Isumi-san had to travel out of town, and said 'broodiness' would only ever be temporarily lifted whenever Isumi-san found the time to call from wherever he was.
Akira's eyes widened as he acknowledged the similarities between that statement and his current situation.
With that, the last stone slammed into position with a decisive 'pa-chi' to complete the formation on his mental goban. And suddenly everything -- from warm hands, to irrational blushes, to chilled cans of Oolong tea, and from Yongha's words, to Isumi-san's smiles and even Ogata-san's cryptic remarks -- began to make sense.
Examining the completed board, it was almost impossible for him to contest the truth that stood glaring up at him from unmistakable patterns of black and white. The stones, each one a fragment of his memories, taunted him just as Ko Yongha had mere moments before, daring him to deny their existence and the feelings that came with them. Feelings that went far beyond any he had consciously allowed himself and yet had meticulously catalogued in the deepest recesses of his mind. Feelings that told him what he felt for his 'eternal' rival irrefutably wasn't as platonic as he had convinced himself they were.
But he and Shindou??
Almost bewildered, Akira prodded at the notion in his mind, not knowing if he should have been surprised to find that there were no awkward feelings towards it. Instead, there was just a genuine warmth that radiated comfort, and a sense of contentment that brought an unconscious smile to his lips. It certainly felt more natural than any relationship he could ever imagine having with anybody else...
With a painful grimace he remembered the mechanical conversations he'd held with Nakamura Chitose over dinner; all the while wishing that he'd been eating at his rival's favorite ramen stand instead, with Hikaru's laughing chatter carrying over the loud voices of all the other patrons in the background.
Flipping through the mental scrapbook of memories, it just seemed so obvious now... Had he really been so blind as to have missed all the signs that what he shared with Shindou was much deeper than mere friendship and rivalry? And was it any wonder that almost everybody else who knew them had picked up on it?
Lips twitching at the thought, Akira shook his head at himself before allowing the smile to slide over his features.
More reminiscent of a mere rookie than the professional he was, it had taken the last stone for him to recognise that there'd been no conceivable way for him to win this particular game. Just as he'd been crushed by the overwhelming strength of that other Shindou the second time he'd met his rival, so too had he been crushed today by the undeniable force of his own memories. Both had shown him a truth about himself he'd, however unconsciously, sought to keep hidden. And yet today's revelations held none of the pain and disillusionment that had characterised that fateful day seven years ago.
Today, there was only a weightless sensation, as if a great burden had been lifted from his chest, and an impression of wonder that was pure in every sense of the word.
End Part 12... to be continued.
Author's Notes: *cheers* Yay~~ At least that's sense beaten into one of them!! *L* I'm very interested to hear anything anybody has to say about Akira's realisations ^_^
Coming up: *evil author grin* After beating sense into Akira, I'm looking forward to kicking Hikaru around for a bit *L* Also look for brief SumiWaya cuteness ^_^
The downside to all this is that finals have arrived *sighs* so I can't guarantee that the next part will be out any time in the very near future. And considering that Hikaru looks to be every bit as dense as Akira, I'm expecting the next part to be long enough to split into two as well. But we'll see how we go. My gratitude in advance for everybody's patience.