Chapter 6
By sheer chance, she walked straight into the chest of a godly tall man, and looked up.
In that moment, at her most vulnerable, she had the same eyes as Kikyo, scared of what will happen next, wanting nothing more than the embrace and reassurance of her father.
Who she saw, was someone entirely different…
"My…what sad eyes. I'm afraid we'll have to do something about them, my dear."
This chapter…
"My…eyes?" The man before her smiled softly, nodded his head slightly and spreading his arm towards the sake bar like a gentleman.
"Yes, your eyes. And I believe I know just how to fix them."
"Ha, 45 bottles indeed."
"You don't believe me? Ms Goro, I am shocked." He chuckled, turning to face the young male stand worker. The stand was basically an outdoor, sit down bar, under a roofed shelter with blinds covering your top half from view and your body from the world, and the weather. But it was a warm, cheery kind of place, secluded from the rest of Kyoto and quiet. "I am inclined to prove my honesty to you, Ms Shishi Goro." Shishi chuckled. This man had certainly done as he promised. She wasn't in a vulnerable state anymore, back to her cocky old self. The pain was still there…but this was helping.
"I would love you to, Mr Seijuro Hiko." She chuckled, pouring him another bowl of sake, and then herself too. "But I may have to upstage you and drink 46, if you do."
"I bet you would." He chuckled deeply again, sipping his sake and sighing contently afterwards. "May I call you Shishi?"
"I couldn't stop you anyway." Shishi gulped down her drink, and turned on the stool to face her 'rescuer'. He wore dark blue Hakame and matching vest, hardly hiding his masculine physique, bulging biceps and broad shoulders, filling a mighty master's high collar cloak of red rimmed white. Just looking at his body told you a full story. His dark eyes twinkled with amusement that didn't seem to shine there often, a cheeky grin on his chiselled features and strong jaw. His long rugged hair tied back in a long ponytail only added to the persona of what she knew him to be, a warrior.
"But I would prefer your permission." He quipped. It seemed, her snarky attitude was not going to fool him. "Ms Shishi?"
"Yes, you may call me by my first name." my name…I never did decide what my true name was… but she put that aside for now.
"Good, I am glad. Now-"
"Down to business? If you please." Seijuro blinked at her. Shishi coughed into her hand, and adjusted her white gloves.
"Business? What makes you think I have any business with you? This is just an innocent drink." As if to emphasise it, he poured himself some more sake.
Shishi chuckled, following suit. She held the small bowl to her lips, before pausing and glancing slyly at him.
"And I suppose you wish me to believe that my eyes were the sole reason for this spontaneous act of chivalry, Hiko?"
"Call me Seijuro." He flashed her a dashing smile, confident to the end, and didn't take his eyes off her as he shot his drink back. Shishi laughed, and closed her eyes with a smirk.
This man is very interesting. And very stubborn for the challenge.
"How many is that?"
"15."
"Ah, I see." Shishi shot hers back. "Now we are even."
"I am starting to believe you don't like to be outdone, Shishi."
"And I am starting to believe, you are very perceptive, Seijuro."
"Perception is not my only skill, I assure you."
"Such as your sword style?" Shishi raised a dark brow, her confident smirk that of her father, and her amber eyes locked in a sharp dance with his dark ones.
When you look into the eyes of someone who has taken lives, survived wars, and mastered an entire sword style, looking in there eyes allowed you to look into their scared soul if you know how, but at a price. They could just as easily see into yours.
"You can't see my sword."
"But I know it's there." Shishi chuckled, pouring them both another round of sake. "Don't worry. I'm not about to arrest you. Not unless you intend to show me the said weapon, and use it distastefully."
"I promise you, that is far from my mind."
"Oh?" Seijuro shot his back. "And what is on your mind?" contrary to what you might think, Shishi wasn't actually flirting with him, or sounding like she was. Her tone was more teasing and testing than anything. Testing the water, always evaluating the situation. Never off guard.
"You are, Shishi." Seijuro turned in his stool and looked right at her with curiosity. "Granted, the first thing I noticed about you were your sad eyes-" he put his sake bowl down, and placed his hand over hers, stopping her from evening the score. "But I couldn't help but notice your attire." He then glanced down at her hip between them, her left hip. "And your accessories." After looking deep into her eyes, as if searching for an answer to a burning question, he sighed sadly and turned back to the front, removing his hand from her bowl, which she quickly emptied. Shishi then chuckled, pushing her bowl away from her too.
"You don't approve, do you?" she chuckled coldly. "Of a woman in trousers?" Seijuro looked at her confident smirk, and recognition flashed in his eyes. Shishi saw this, and snapped her head to the front with a scowl.
"Actually, I don't. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think I'll ever approve of a young lady like yourself, wearing those trousers." He leaned with his elbows on the counter, interlocking his fingers and looking ahead in thought. "And especially carrying a sword."
"And why is that?" This was quite a strange reaction to her. People had been shocked by her, avoided her, been scared and put off by her…but never actually voiced it in this way. All the men at the station seemed to love having her in the uniform, like it was some sort of perk of the job for them. Either for free easy viewing at work, or for her performance in the field. But this man…
"I happen to be a big believer in keeping women and children as far away from violence and blood shed as possible. And your profession clashes with that belief."
"Well I'm so sorry." Her voice dripped with amused sarcasm.
"Don't be. It's not your fault." She laughed, pouring herself another drink and sipping it slowly. "It's your father's." Shishi almost choked on her drink, but managed to keep it down with a few hard thumps to her chest.
Wham.
A familiar tingling sensation of feathery strokes of ice licked at her chest again. No, not here. Not again. What is wrong with me!
"What has he got to do with anything?" Her voice was void of any emotion, as was her face. But her eyes?
Her Amber eyes burned with flames of arduous rage, flickering violently against her narrow pupils.
That seed placed in her chest, the one that chilled her hollow bones, started to freeze.
"It is obvious to me that you have been moulded into this form." She snapped her eyes over to him. Luckily he had closed his eyes, and didn't have to bare the brunt of her deadly gaze.
"Oh? And why do you say that?" She spat. It seemed, her troublesome emotions were getting a little 'out of hand'.
"Because of what I have observed up until this point."
Damn him! Why wouldn't he look at her when she was glaring at him! She knew he would stop once she saw the murderous intent in her eyes. "You dress like a man. You talk like a man. You act like a man and you wear a sword like a man. A young lady such as yourself, if raised normally by a mother and father, would have taken on the traits of your mother, your role modal to shape yourself to. However, you weren't raised normally by a normal mother and father, were you?"
"That happens to be none of your-"
"Ms Hijime." Shishi stopped, and raised her head slightly.
"Humph." She closed her eyes, folded her arms and looked the other way boredly. "Knowing my real name doesn't gain you any ground with me." She looked at him with sharp eyes. "Master of the Hiten Mitsurugi style." It was Seijuro's turn to look a little shocked this time. "How did you manage to train such a stupid hearted fool as the Battōsai?" Shishi smirked, knowing he hadn't expected her to recognise him. However, Shishi had always made sure to read every one of her father's reports, and profiles. Including the one on Kenshin Himura, and his former master Seijuro Hiko. It was only after close inspection did she realise whom she was talking to, but it made no difference. He was but a man after all.
"I see. So you did you homework. Did Saito teach you to do that too?" Shishi opted to stay silent, as not to incriminate herself or her father. "Oh, now I understand." He nodded in agreement with himself. "So, he is the reason for your sad eyes."
"I don't have sad eyes. I was just so taken back by your pitiful attempt to be a gentleman I didn't know what to do."
"Except give false reasons for your sorrow?"
Damn him.
"I have had a lot to drink." She blinked. It was then that Seijuro realised there was a faint pink hue on her pale cheeks. "As have you."
"I can handle my drink."
"As can I. However." She tugged at her gloves, and rose to her feet. "I am on duty later on so I must leave you." Shishi nodded her head, bid him farewell and turned to leave.
"It must be hard for you. Not knowing what to do, where to turn, who you are, who you were meant to be…" she stopped. "…I would like to tell you the story of the tortoise and the frog."
"Know I know you've had too much to drink. It's the tortoise and the hare, old man." she folded her arms, and leaned against the inside wall. It was still early yet. She didn't have anything better to do…and what he said…just how perceptive is this guy?
"No no, I promise. It's about the tortoise, and the frog. Please, oblige, an 'old man' if you will."
"Hn." Shishi lowered gracefully back to her seat, not stopping him when he poured her another drink. "I think I'm going to need this to get through your 'story'." Shishi sneered.
It was a shame actually. Before he had mentioned her father, she had quite liked Seijuro.
"Suit yourself, it's my treat." She rolled her eyes, and waited with a brow raised, her arms crossed over her ample chest, one knee folded over the other and an expression of indifference. "Now…the tortoise and the frog…bare with me Shishi, it has been a long time since I have told this story." Seijuro drank his sake, and sighed. Heavy rain had suddenly torn the heavens open and poured onto the land, bombarding the roof of the stall like a chorus of tiny drums. "There was once a small group of tortoises that lived in a lake, and within the group, there was one tortoise in particular who liked to play around, have fun, go on adventures. Dangerous, even. The little tortoise loved the adrenaline rush and speed of playing games, but inside its shell, it couldn't move very fast. So it couldn't catch up with the frogs that also lived in the lake. And he was too heavy to fly after the ducks or geese. Until one day, a frog approached him and found him crying all alone, the other tortoises sleeping and taking life as it comes to them, slowly. When the Frog asked the tortoise what was wrong, he listened to the tortoise, and simply said 'take off your shell, and come leaf hopping with us frogs'."
"Save it, I'm not a little brat in need of attention. I have better things to do than-"
"The tortoise gave in to temptation."
That word. Temptation. It had been whispering in her head a lot recently…it made her stay. "He shed his shell and ran off to play with the frog, leaving its shell behind. For a while, everything was great. The tortoise got to have all the fun he wanted, played at normal speeds and had lots of fun. But when he went back to his family, they didn't recognise him without his shell. Neither did his friends." Seijuro sipped at his sake, and licked his lips. "What's wrong, he said. Don't you recognise me? But without his shell, they couldn't tell the difference between him, and the frog who he had imitated so easily. They sent him away, distraught that they had lost their good old tortoise friend and child. And angry that a 'frog' had come in his place to try and impersonate him. well, as you can imagine, the tortoise wasn't very happy about this, and soon found that he could play games for eternity, and it would never make up for the family and friends he had lost. Or his old way of life. Luckily for him, however, he was able to find his old shell and finally return to his old friends and family, and he never took his true shell off again. But when he put it on, he realised that it was harder to get back into his shell, than it was to take it off."
Shishi blinked, while Seijuro finished off his sake. "What do you think the moral of the story was?"
"Not to take risks?"
"Hmm, I suppose. But it isn't the main one." Seijuro rose to his feet, and pushed his hair out of his face. "It is easy in life to take off our true shells, shed our true forms and change into something completely different. And it may be fun for a time. But if it isn't who you were meant to be, you soon realise it. And the fun and games, or what ever you achieve in this false shape, feels hollow and empty."
Empty…
"You also find that your loved ones don't recognise you, and don't want to replace the you they love with the you stood before them. And sometimes, you find yourself rejected because of it. That is painful. Rejection."
Rejection…hurts…
"And if left for too long, that old shell we so carelessly threw away, becomes too small to fit, and we lose our old selves, forever." Shishi just watched as Seijuro dusted off his white cloak, and looked out of the stand. "And trust me, knowing you can never go back, is the most painful thing you can ever feel. It's worse than death, knowing you've lost yourself." For a moment, there was a glimmer of grief in his dark eyes, but it vanished, and he looked at her. "Ah, those sad eyes again." Shishi gasped, and tried to catch herself. She hadn't even realised she had allowed her feelings to show through. "Stop that." He pointed at her face, smiled, and tapped her nose. "You look far prettier when you don't scowl." He then held the sides of his cloak open and looked to her. "You are in no condition to go on duty tonight. You'll just get yourself or someone else hurt. Come, I'll give you shelter back to the Aoiya."
"A, Aoiya? How did you-"
"I just know my stupid apprentice will have something to do with you. He has a certain knack for getting himself involved with trouble." He winked at her with a dashing smirk, and held his cloak open for her. Shishi for once in her life, felt the warmth of a man, a gentleman, close to her and caring for her wellbeing.
But no matter how close Seijuro held her to his masculine body, or how well he shielded her from the rain to the Aoiya, he couldn't warm sensation back into her cold, numb body. The seed of ice was still imbedded within her, growing larger and branching out little by little to infect its chaos throughout her entire body, until she was consumed by it. Or worse.
The rain was belting down from the heavens now, swirling in the gutters and pouring from the rooftops. Everyone else had retreated inside for shelter, but not Kaoru Kamiya.
Still dressed in her peach and plum Kimono, still waiting, stood Kaoru, holding a small red umbrella over her head outside the Aoiya. She had been waiting there hours, it seemed. And all for a glimpse of that elusive Lady Officer, Shishi Hijime.
They had waited for her at the Shirobeko, and after everyone else left, tired and weary, Kaoru waited longer still, just encase.
But she never came. Well, she said she wouldn't.
Flash back
"I know it isn't morning anymore, but we haven't had the midday meal yet, and we were all going to go out to eat. I wondered if you wanted to join us."
"No." "I have other arrangements, which require my attention."
"Oh…" "Well if you change your mind or want to pop in later, we'll be at the Shirobeko. Tae's sister runs it, and they wanted to catch up while we eat out and have fun! Are you sure you-"
"No. I have other obligations. End of discussion." She paused. "…I may drop in if I pass by. But don't hold your breath."
"I'll make sure to save you a seat, this is great! I'll see you later!"
End Flash back.
So getting my hopes up was rather foolish, really…but I had hoped…
A silent tear fell down her cheek, and she sniffled. She must be hurting so much. To not be able to live up to her father's expectations. I fear I will never do that every day. But at least my father loved me and encouraged me…Saito shot her down right between the eyes. Kaoru sniffled again, and shook her head vigorously. But I can't let her go through that alone. Maybe, maybe if I organise a shopping day with all the girls tomorrow, maybe she would come round and be happy for once. I haven't seen her smile once yet. She nodded, determined, with one hand holding the umbrella, and the other in a fist before her face.
"Shishi Hijime, I will make you smile and I will help you through this. I promise."
"I'm sure you will, Ms Kaoru."
"Kenshin!" Kaoru flustered hopelessly, and tried to regain her composure. Kenshin held an umbrella of his own above his fiery red head, his trademark maroon Gi vest only slightly splashed with the heavy rain. "What are you doing out here Kenshin? I thought Ms Magumi wanted a private word with you?" Kaoru turned her face to the side, scowling furiously. And you went to her straight away. Damn it, why do you have to be so nice to her! If I wanted to be alone with you…would you come to me?
It was a shame her mind didn't register the fact that not only was she already alone with Kenshin, but he had come to her willingly, without being asked to beforehand. And all Megumi wanted to talk about was Sano. It seemed, she enjoyed ranting about him to people, mostly Kenshin. As he didn't have the heart to retort to her or tell her he really didn't care if Sanosuke kept wasting her healing balms with unnecessary training, or if he was still just a brute no matter how much he tried to be anything else. There was a countless list of stupid excuses to rant about him.
Where to Kenshin, it was obvious that she wasn't trying to tell anyone else about his flaws, but to convince herself he was no good.
But she wasn't the reason why he was here.
Oh Ms Kaoru. You must be so cold stood out here for so long, and so lonely by yourself, that you must. You are such a kind woman…
"And now she no longer needs me, I came to keep you company, that I have." Kenshin smiled happily at her, and didn't notice the soft blush on her cheeks.
"Thank you Kenshin, but you really don't have to if you don't want-"
"I want to Ms Kaoru." He chuckled, standing closer to her, or as close as their umbrellas would allow. "And I want you to know I think it's really wonderful of you to be waiting out here, just for Shishi's return, that I do."
"Well…" she turned once more to look out into the swamped street. The rainwater and dirt mixed in the torrents of the drains and seeped to the earth below. "…I just thought it would be nice after working all day to see a friendly face waiting for her. Especially with this weather."
"I agree." You are so thoughtful. Kenshin sighed deeply to himself, and looked to the streets also. "I've been contacted by Chief Goro today."
"Saito? What does he want?" Kenshin looked to her, and could already see the worry glistening in her deep blue eyes.
He hated to do this to her, but she had a right to know now. After all they had been through…
"It seems there are rumours of a new syndicate starting under Hoji. The same man who created the Juppongatana for my successor, Makoto Shishio. The police force believes that he may have a new master, and they are gathering new members to their 'cause'." He paused, but knew he couldn't delay the inevitable. "I have been requested to join Saito in his investigations, and if I am needed like the last time, to lend my sword, that I have."
"No…no Kenshin that isn't fair!" Kenshin's lavender eyes widened ever so slightly at her desperate tone.
"But Ms Kaoru, I-"
"You've done enough Kenshin. You almost died fighting Shishio, and all the other close calls, I just, Kenshin, just, no!" Kaoru dropped her umbrella and threw herself at him. She fisted at his maroon Gi and sobbed into his chest. "Kenshin, please don't go away again. Please don't leave me again."
Kenshin thought his heart stopped.
Leave…her? She thought I left…her?
"Ms Kaoru, I would never leave you unless it was for your own safety, that I would." Awkwardly, nervously, he placed his free hand on the small of her back, comforting her as she sobbed. You care so much about my welfare, that you take it personally. Did you really think I would leave you again? "Ms Kaoru, if I am needed, I doubt it will be the same as last time. It's happening here, in Kyoto, so I will still be staying with you all at the Aoiya, that I will."
"You promise?" Kaoru lifted her head and looked him seriously in the eyes.
"I do."
"And if you have to go anywhere else, I can come with you?"
"Unless it's too dangerous then-"
"No Kenshin." She shook her head. "If you have to go off and fight this new master, and could die, then I want to be there to help you. You wouldn't let me last time, and it almost killed me that I wasn't there with you." She sniffled. "I won't let you die Kenshin. You can't ask me to let you leave again. I won't let you leave again. Not again." Kaoru gasped softly, as Kenshin held the back of her head and guided her face into the crook of his neck.
"I will not put you in danger Ms Kaoru, but if I can take you with me safely…" He hesitated at first, but turned and gently placed his chin on her head. Her hair smelt divine, natural, and so soft to his skin. "I will carry you with me if I must." He closed his eyes. having her so close to him like this, without having to worry about others seeing, or what impression he would give to Kaoru, it was bliss. When you fight with a sword, you naturally distance yourself from people with it. And most of the time, with those who's swords have tasted blood, even in the sheath you feel like you need to keep the same distance of your sword from you and other people.
But right now? With Kaoru? She is the closest any woman, or person, has been to him since Tomoe…
"sniffle Thank you Kenshin." Even with misty eyes, her smile was beautiful and warm. Looking at her heavenly face, he had to fight hard to prevent himself from lowering his face just a little more, tasting her breath just a little more, closing his eyes just a little more…
…and finally kissing the one woman who truly forgave his past, brightened up his colourless world with blues and peaches and sunshine. It was simple magical being with her for this last year or so. Perfect. If he could, he would live the rest of his life like this, at the Kamiya Dojo or the Aoiya, living with Kaoru and cooking for her, smiling when she did something unladylike, such as slip on a forgotten potato on her backside and curse so loud, the entire street heard her. It made him chuckle.
Or when she thought she was alone in the bath house, and sang to her heart's delight.
She wasn't a very good singer, but the joy and soft warmth in her voice made him stop what he was doing, and bask in her enjoyment. Her innocence. Her purity.
Before he knew it, his face had actually descended so close to hers, he could feel the warmth of her skin radiate to his lips. Kaoru had returned to pressing her face lightly against his chest, smiling happily, blissfully unaware of how close she was to being kissed by the man who loved her more than he thought humanly fair.
Because it wasn't fair, to love someone so much, and not know how to tell them, or even express just how much they mean to you. Or to simply blush and no know how to seduce and court women, like every other normal man can.
Hell, even Saito has a wife and child.
But Kenshin?
Long ago he had told himself that dreams of a family was foolish, after his first love died in his arms. He thought that dream had died with her.
And yet, the hope that flickered and then engulfed him from the flame of this woman in his arms was all consuming.
He was staring at her forehead now, so smooth, so enticing. He just wanted to know what her skin felt like against his lips, his hands, his tongue. His resolve was slipping, and his lips were parting ever so slightly.
But then he stopped.
Kaoru was so loving and kind to everyone; she deserved someone so much better than him. What could he offer her, really? Other than his body, heart and soul? He had no money, no fortune, no job, no gifts or title to give her.
The only title he had ever had was the Battōsai, the man slayer. What a title to offer a bride?
I will never leave you Kaoru, because my heart would break even more if I did.
He silently promised her, before forcing his head to turn the other way.
So close…so far.
When a familiar sight met his distraught eyes, he brightened up and chuckled.
"It seems our wait has come to an end, that it has."