Omi's POV, an email to his best internet friend

You know how sometimes you drift off into a fantasy world when things get too pressured on you, or when someone's ranting at you and you're too tired to listen? I do that all the time. Not only when people pressure me (AKA my teammates) or when Ken or Yohji are ranting at me, but when I see Aya-kun with that boy. Kissing him, embracing him, caressing him. How I want to be that chocolate-haired boy, how I want to be the one to receive Aya's kisses, his embraces, but most of all…his love. Every time I see them together, I drift off in a fantasy where I am the one in the tall redhead's arms, the one who loved and was loved. That part, I know, would be almost impossible for me.

I had always wondered what had made me so unlovable from the moment of my birth to now. My own father had refused to pay the ransom to rescue me when I got kidnapped, and as a result of that, I was raped. As well as that, I became an assassin. Every once in a while, blood would once again be shed because of my hands.

I wondered once if that was the reason why Aya-kun didn't love me, but I dismissed the idea almost instantly. He killed more then me, and was fearless about it. He was…strong. I was weak. Maybe that's why he didn't love me. Because…he sensed I was weak.

But...as Yohji said, Nagi was like Schwartz's Omi. I believed him. He was…very much like me. I've heard Aya-kun call him cute.

People have called me cute and adorable, and sometimes cuddly, but never Aya. Even Yohji had called me that once, and Ken more then once, although I knew they were happy with each other. Over and over again, every night, while I cried myself to sleep, I would ponder this.

Why didn't he think I was cute?

Maybe he thought I was annoying. Yes, maybe that. Or maybe…he just couldn't love me. Maybe he just loved that boy from Schwartz too much. Perhaps. But I had always thought Aya-kun and I were meant to be. From the day I first met him to the day he broke to us that he was with Nagi. Then…my thought became broken love.

I saw a beggar girl in the street once. She had a lovely voice and sang for people who walked by. She had hope shining in her brown eyes, even though her clothes were ripped and dirty, and her face was smudged with dirt. I think it was the hope in her eyes that made Aya go over to her and drop a bill in her cap. That and the fact she bore a strong resemblance to Aya-chan, his sister.

It was hard for me to call Aya-kun "Ran" every time I addressed him after Aya-chan woke up. Maybe because over the years, I had thought the name described him perfectly-beautiful like a flower, but not fragile. So, I just avoided addressing him by name whenever possible and called him Aya-kun when I was thinking about him. Which, when you thought about it, was a lot. And if you thought about that a bit too much, it became rather creepy. But let's not go there…I'm angsting here.

Every once in a while, a hope would surface inside me. Maybe…maybe Aya-kun really did love me once. Maybe he was just too shy to tell me and I never picked up the courage to tell him, so he gave up and turned to Nagi. Maybe. But then I remember Aya's fearless acts and courage, and give up on the idea.

I've always imagined scenarios where Aya-kun would declare his undying love for me and leave Nagi. But not unhappy, of course-I wasn't that type of person. Maybe that white-haired man from Schwartz would end up with Nagi-Farfello, his name was?

But then I hear Aya-kun's rich laughter coming from the kitchen, and know that the cause of the formerly rare action was not me, but Nagi. Nagi, who would always hold Aya's heart in his hands. Then I know Aya would never do such a thing-not to Nagi, and not for me.

Perhaps the picture of the two sitting together and laughing under the falling pink sakura blossoms on the mantle wouldn't hurt so much if I hadn't once loved Nagi. Once, after I said something to Aya and he reacted so coldly it hurt me to such an end that I turned to Nagi. I talked with him on the internet for quite a while-several weeks, in fact-in which Aya simple ignored me because of what I said.

Do you know what I said?

"Aya-kun?" I asked nervously, wringing my hands. Said redhead was leaning over the sink peeling a potato. We were alone, seeing as Yohji and Ken had gone upstairs for one of their "private moments", much to Aya's annoyance.

"What?" He snapped coldly. I bit my lip to keep myself from blurting it out too fast and then having to repeat it later.

"Aya-I love you." I could have sworn that time stopped for a few seconds there. I got to see everything Aya did in slow motion.

His hand slipped and the razor cuts his hand, leaving a shallow mark there. There was a look of shock on his face-if I hadn't known Aya so well, I would have said it was horror. I stared at him-why wouldn't he answer, why wouldn't he say anything? Then it hit me-at the same time Aya reacted.

He stared at me for a few seconds, disbelief on his face. Then it turned to cold rage.

"Omi, I do not have any feelings for you. Go upstairs to your room while I tend this cut."

He broke my heart so easily that day, in a matter of seconds. Did he know how much he hurt me, how much he affected me? I never told Yohji or Ken about it-it would have been too embarrassing, plus I would only have to get my heart broken again.

Now that I think of it-Aya still has the scar from that incident.

Once in a while, when seeing Aya and Nagi together hurt too much, I would go to my room and lay down on my bed. Then, I would drift off into a fantasy of me and Aya, a fantasy where I loved him and he only loved me. A fantasy without Nagi.

As I type this email now, a new fantasy is taking form in my brain-perhaps I'll attend to it after I send this email to you, my friend. I don't know why I bother-Aya would never love me.

Maybe…

Maybe because I'm hoping I'll stay in it forever and never awaken.

Omi finished typing his depressing email and hit the Send button. He would go to bed now and drift off into one of his fantasies...

Omi laid down on his bed, his eyes shut tightly so the tears wouldn't escape, but they did anyway…and he fell into a deep sleep before he could imagine anything.

Somewhere in America…

A young girl of thirteen read the email her best email buddy had sent to her-and a tear rolled down her face.

"Poor Omi-chan…" The young preteen whispered, imagining how much pain her best friend must be going through. She used to live in Omi's neighborhood and the two would play together sometimes, despite the age difference. Then she moved away to America, but they traded email addresses and now, after Aya and Nagi had come out, more and more of Omi's emails had been about Aya and the pain Omi was going through thinking about him. She did love Omi so very much…he was like the big brother she never had, (Okay, so she had one, but she would gladly trade her crappy brother for Omi any day.) and she would do anything to protect him, so she listened to Omi's rants about Aya and Nagi.

The girl touched the part where her heart would be and wondered if Omi's would ever mend. She sure hoped so.

Then a thought hit her with the force of a hurricane. What if…what if Omi tried to commit suicide? Or if he became anorexic?

The girl's eyes widened.

"Good thing Mom's taking me back to Japan tomorrow…maybe I can even visit Omi-chan. Then I'll talk it over with him and everything will be fine…for now." The girl shut off her computer, not knowing it was already too late…

The next morning in Japan…

Ken ran down the stairs in a hurry to get to the kitchen where Yohji and Aya were eating breakfast, nearly stumbling over himself.

"Hey, what's the hurry, koibito?" Yohji asked, chuckling lightly.

Ken picked himself up and glared at Yohji. Now was not the time for joking! Then he turned to Aya.

"It's Omi." He said, terror in his eyes,

"He won't wake up!"

- - - - - - - - -

Atogaki: Hmm…now I have a hard decision to make…should I keep this a very depressing one-shot or have a full-length fic? It's up to you!