Do you ever feel like the whole world is against you? They want you to die and never come back. She does. She is the cold hearted goth at no one wants to know. She is the one who wears black and silent tear always run down her pale scared up face. She hates her life. The whole world hates her. Well that is what she feels. The person that the other people point at and shake their head. Suicidal thoughts and depressing poems.

She's the one who wants to end it all. That person is me .My name is Sango Koyut . I am 16 years old but I wants to end this world with one simple swing of a sharp sword. My life is going down the drain as we speak. I want to die and end all this pain. But I cant .I am no coward . I know that bull shit line of " don't use a permeant thing for a temporary situation " I always hated that line. It annoying screeching nosie rings though out ears though my mind. Every time I close my eyes, I hear it. The nosie of the world as it goes away. I have no use for this body that she is curse to.

The sound of what sound like a demon drill in my head just drilling away as I gently press my side of my face on the cool glass of my first period class. I just let out a heavy sigh as I watch the glass fog up then go away. School was just a waste of time and money.

I always hated school ever since my parents and my little brother died two years ago. I took on the job of a motorcycle repair at a local shop in New York City. I sat there in the back of the room like always watching the guy I had a crush on ever since like for ever.

I sat there as I played with the chains that hung off my black baggy pants. I reached into my front pocket of my black hoodie to pull out a mirror and my black lipstick. I replied to my fading lips as I rubbed them together.

The clock slowly click on the three. " what the fuck " I mumbled quietly as I sloped move down in my seat. I really had no friends. I don't a stupid pity party about my life. I don't want my life to exposed to the public.

I raise my hand to ask the teacher if I can go the bathroom. She handed me a yellow pass as I stood up as my pants made a jingling noise as I walked out of the room and the hallway.

I took my book with my as I slowly walked down the hallway pass the girls bathrooms I had no attention to go in there. I slowly to the assembly hall in the middle of my school.

I opened the doors as I slowly walked in and sat down in one of the seats of the back as I remembered my parents .

Flashback

" Oh Sango sweety we are so proud of you " my mother said as she hugged me, her oldest daughter tightly. I was only 14 at that time as I won high honor roll.

" We are so proud of you dear "my father said as he kissed my top of my head .

End of flashback

I felt a tear slowly roll down my cheek as I wiped it away. The bell rang to single the end of 5th period. It was lunch time for me . I slowly stood and took out a black hair band and pulled the black hair away from my face as I walked out of the assembly hall. I slowly opened the door and walked out . I was never noticed and I was use to it . I was that sad person at no one wanted to know. I heard once thatI was weird or out of it. But I am not . I slowly walked down the hallway towards my locker .

When I got to my locker, I grabbed my small cup of yogurt , bag of carrots and a bottle of Mountain Dew. I closed my locker door as I silently walked down towards the lunch room . I usually eat outside but it was raining outside so I had to stay inside. I sat in the farthest corner of the room. As I started to eat a new kid sat down like if I said he could . I watched him set the plate of the mysterious school food and his mountain dew pitch black down . He sat down. He look up at me as I tried not look at him. It was him . The guy I have been crushing over for years. Sesshomaru. His silver white hair was gently pulled back in a loose ponytail. He wore a black long sleeve and a pair of black baggy pants. I rested my head in my hand as I place a carrot in my mouth. I could not tell anyone about my secret about me. If I did. I would be thrown into jail or even worst I could be dead.

I quickly got up as I felt his eyes follow me."Where are you going ?" he said as he kept emotions hidden from my brown eyes . " Somewhere maybe outside."I said as I fished my knife but kept it hidden in my pocket .

I slowly walked out of the building as I stepped in to a puddle of water from the rain at just stopped. The warm air played gently with my hair as I took it down from it inbondment .

I found a spot where no one was. I took the knife out as I held it up to my face as the sun gleamed off the sharp blade. I really hate my life . I dragged the blade across my pale skin as the flow of blood pour down my arm as I pulled out my rag from my pocket and pressed it against my bleeding wrist. The blood slowly soaked the rug as I shut my eyes tight as I opened them to see Sesshomaru standing in front of me. He shook his head as he sat down next to me . He took out a cigarette and lit it. " Why are you doing this to your self . " he asked me as he took a drag off of his cigarette and looked at me. I just sighed as I stood and walked away . Back into the building and down to the office. I signed myself out of school and walked out . I walked to my locker and grabbed my trench coat and took out my car keys as I pushed the doors open . I got in to my black dodge ram and took off down the door.

Crawling in my skin

These wounds, they will not heal

Fear is how I fall Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming, confusing

This lack of self control

I fear is never ending

Controlling I can't seem

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

Without a sense of confidence

I'm convinced that it's too much pressure to take

I've felt this way before

I stepped out of my trunk as I walked up the stairs of the apartment building. I slipped the key into lock and turned the handle and kicked bottom of the door. The normal thing to get in to my apartment . My apartment is meduim . Three bedrooms , two bathrooms, a kitchen with a dinning room in it , a wet bar and a huge living room . I threw my coat on the couch as I grabbed a coke from the fridge . I opened it as I walked to my depressing bedroom. I opened my door to expose my black and red walls with my black covered bed with a black canopy at gently draped over the bed gently . The walls were gently covered with posters and a painting I painted in art class a couple months age . It was a girl sitting on a park bench as the rain poured down on her black clothing. She held a blood covered dagger as her foot was resting on a dead body . Her hair covered her face but you could see perfectly her glowing black eyes from behide her pitch black hair. She sat on her bed as the black silk curtains covered the windows and the candles were lit giving off a quiet glow to her . She laid on her as she cried her self to sleep.

Ok guys there is chapter one of this very depressing fiction . So review and tell what you think -Gothica