Postsecrets: The Naruto Chronicles
Disclaim: I don't own Naruto, and I'm not making profit off of this fanfiction. I do own the plot, as well various plushies. Yeah.
Sasunaru-ness ahead
As Sasuke slept (or more accurately, attempted to sleep), he heard some whimpers (more accurately, moans) coming from Naruto.
Naruto is teasing me… Sasuke thought. Why in the hell would he be moaning in his sleep?
"Mm…. Sasuke…" Naruto moaned, slowly and painfully. For Sasuke, this was the final straw.
"Naruto, wake up," Sasuke said as he walked over to Naruto's bed.
"Mm… Sasuke, what is it?" Naruto asked sleepily.
"Moron, you were sleep-talking."
"What was I saying?" Naruto flushed, remembering his rather erotic dream. Why did it have to be with Sasuke? Why, why, why, why?
"You were moaning a lot, and you were saying my name." Naruto's eye twitched at that. "So, tell me… was I good?" Sasuke asked. If Naruto's going to tease me, I'll tease him.
"…" Naruto blushed for a moment, trying to think of an answer fit for the moment. "Y-you bastard!" Great one, Naruto…
"You know, my mother and father were married," Sasuke said, sadly.
Seeing Sasuke sad, he decided to not touch the issue any more. "Whatever, I'm going back to sleep." With that, Naruto turned away from Sasuke.
Sasuke lay there for a while, before falling asleep once more. Little did he know that while he lay there asleep, Naruto watched.
That morning
"Sasuke, Naruto, wake up and get down here!" Iruka shouted up the stairs. It was getting late, and Iruka needed to get into his work early so that no student would have a chance to set up a prank against him.
"Go on without us!" Naruto yelled back. He wasn't going to leave quite yet. He wanted to watch Sasuke sleep for a few more moments.
"He's right Naruto…" Sasuke said sleepily, awoken by Iruka's calls. "We'll be down in a moment!" he called down to Iruka.
"Alright!" Iruka called back up to the two. Today was the first day of electives instead of homeroom. He was the teacher of a debate class, and Kakashi was in charge of an art class.
Naruto and Sasuke ran down the stairs and to the counter. "Sasuke, get outta my way! I need to make toast!"
"I need food too, moron." Sasuke slowly walked up behind Naruto as he stole some of the toast from Naruto, eating the yummy treat.
"No fair! Iruka, he stole my toast!" Naruto pouted, as he looked at Iruka.
"Sasuke, make more toast for Naruto." Iruka sighed, remembering that his first class would probably be worst. The filing never did agree with him or his students. As for their sanity afterwards… Well, that was a different story.
"Fine…" Sasuke was angry that his status was lowered to that of toast-maker. "Where's Kakashi?"
"He's setting up for an after-school class on sexual education," Iruka stated matter-of-factly.
"You're… letting him teach… that?" Sasuke dropped the toast.
"He offered, and parents were demanding it after some students got drunk last night," Iruka said, hoping he did not anger Sasuke too much.
"I must go. Naruto, finish making your toast," Sasuke said, walking out of the door, before breaking into a full-out run down the street.
"Damn him! My toast!" Naruto mourned over the loss of his toast-slave, as he made his toast.
"Language, Naruto!" Iruka was getting a head-ache already. Hopefully some of the debaters wouldn't be in the mood for insanity today…
Elective Period, Iruka style
Well, Iruka was wrong. Debaters were running around, throwing extra pages of topicalities at one another, Sasuke was sitting in a corner, thinking about something (Iruka guessed it was something that put Kakashi and death in the same sentence), and the impromptu people were shoving boxes over.
"Hah! Take that, Shino!" Kiba said as he shoved a box over.
"That was for the Darfur case…" Shino said, quietly mourning over the poor box, containing arguments for the Darfur case.
"Kiba, please d-don't shove boxes o-over… Shino t-tried very hard t-to sort th-them…" Hinata stuttered while talking to Kiba, some out of terror, and some out of nervousness. She had only started dating him over the summer break, and still wasn't totally comfortable around him.
"He knows I'm just kidding! Right, Shino?" Kiba looked over at Shino, who was still staring at the boxes. "Shino?"
"D-Darfur…" Shino was still upset over the box. He had worked so hard to sort it, and all of that work was gone in an instant.
"Hey, Iruka, how does this plan look for killing Kakashi?" Sasuke walked over to Iruka, holding a sheet of paper with some poorly drawn stick figures on it.
Iruka wished that Kakashi was just as miserable as him.
With Kakashi
Kakashi was hiding under a desk, in the far back of the room. If I let them throw things today, they might not throw things tomorrow. If I let them throw things today, they might now throw things tomorrow…God, I hate my life… If I let them throw things today, they might now throw things tomorrow…
You see, Kakashi was trying to teach the art class about clay, as he wasn't in the mood for painting, when a student got frustrated. He scooped up a handful of clay, and threw it. Thus, a clay war began.
Well, at least they're using the medium and feeling it…Kakashi thought bitterly. As he sat there, hiding from the chunks of flying clay, he sneezed. Who would be thinking about me?
With Naruto
Naruto had signed up for the film editing class, also known as the school news. The school news here did a lot of boring things (like the sports, interviews with teachers, what's on the menu, etc…), but they also had a humor section. The humor section was the whole reason Naruto even bothered signing up for the class.
This year would be the best year yet with the humor, as the school got new cameras, and the students enjoyed playing with them. However, the year-long theme of humor was not yet known.
"I say we do a special over strange woodland creatures gone mad!" Lee said.
Everyone stared at Lee, until Naruto spoke up. "So you were the evil ostrich!"
"No, that was someone else," Lee stated, like it was the most obvious fact in the world.
"A hah! You knew about the ostrich! You knew and you didn't warn me!" Naruto took a deep breath, and then continued screaming. "You're a traitor! You let the freaking bird attack! I got night terrors!" Naruto's dream had involved Sasuke saving him from the ostrich, followed by some erotic behavior as a reward. "And them some!"
"How about a sheriff and a deputy?" asked one of the cameramen. "They could be totally stupid, and make no sense!"
"And… What about the year finale?" Another noted part of the humor section was the year-end special, which counted as a final exam for the students enrolled in the course.
"How about a teacher-squad thing-y?" Lee asked. "You know, like the justice league?"
"But how would the sheriff and deputy fit into this?"
"They could be hosting a show about pointless mysteries! Maybe we could throw in a manatee!" Lee said rather enthusiastically.
"That was you?" Naruto yelled at Lee, once more.
Kakashi, who had managed to slip away from the clay war, was walking to the bathroom when he heard the word 'manatee'. He immediately stopped walking, and started towards the classroom with a murderous look gleaming in his eyes. Without second thought, he shoved open the door, screaming things about manatees. He immediately regretted doing this, when he saw the teacher.
"Ah, my eternal rival! How hip of you to run into my class while screaming about manatees!" Gai screamed at Kakashi.
"Manatee…" Kakashi said, as he twitched. You could tell that the tiny hamster that ran in his head was hiding in fear of the green-clad man.
Looking at Lee, Gai asked, "Are manatees hip?"
"No, Mr. Maito! They are youthful, just like you said!"
"Lee!"
"Mr. Maito!"
"Lee!"
"Mr. Maito!"
"LEE!"
"MR. MAITO!"
As Lee and Mr. Maito were having a moment, Kakashi managed to slip out of the room. He now knew about the manatee. It was evidently a ploy from Gai to further ruin his sanity. This meant war.
As Kakashi continued onto the bathroom, he plotted. Perhaps he would have to go get an animal suit of his own. But where? And how?
Lunch-time
"Can I sit with you?" Sasuke motioned to the seat next to Naruto, who was sitting across from Kiba.
"Sure, why not?" Naruto said, scooting over to make room for Sasuke.
They continued to eat in silence for a while, before Kiba asked, "Did you two hear about the new mandatory sex class?"
Naruto nearly spit out his drink. Sasuke crushed his glass in his hand, before replying in a low voice, "Unfortunately, yes."
"Unfortunately? Sasuke, the class is being taught by Kakashi! No doubt he'll have some awesome porn materials!"
Sasuke shuddered. "You have no idea… You have no idea what it's like to stare at those trashy books for ½ an hour!" It was quite clear that he was on the urge of a mental breakdown.
"No, it's my dream to do that! Think about all the boobs…" Kiba started to drool on the table.
"Did you have to carry them up a flight of stairs?" Sasuke wasn't quite forgiving about the sheer amount of time they had spent unpacking those books.
"No… Did you?"
"Kakashi is Sasuke's dad!" Naruto piped up, tired of being left out.
"No way! They're too different!" Kiba exclaimed in shock.
"Unfortunately, Naruto is right…" Sasuke said before getting up. The bell rang and everybody left the lunchroom.
Sex Education
About 15 minutes after the bell for the mandatory class rang, a voice resounded. "Good afternoon, class. I'm going to be your teacher for this class. Call me Mr. Hatake, or Kakashi," Kakashi said writing his name on the board.
In the room, there were various diagrams of sexual positions, ads for condoms, and (the most perverted thing) a copy of the Kami Sutra for each student.
"You all are to read this book by tomorrow. Learn something new," Kakashi said shrugging.
Sakura raised her hand. "Kakashi, why aren't you teaching us about protection and the like first?"
"That's what the condom ads are for. Now, I want to eat. Feel free to go home." With those words, Kakashi left a bunch of students sitting there in shock.
"I… love… this class," Kiba said with a creepy smile across his face, while he opened up K.S.
Most of the other students went home or examined the diagrams. Many of the guys made comments along the lines of "If a woman can do that, she's the woman for me." Some of the girls said something like "You can bend that way?" Either way, it made for interesting discussion leaving the classroom.
Sasuke and Naruto
As Sasuke and Naruto walked home in silence, Naruto was blushing. If he and Sasuke ever got together, would he be expected to do those things? Some of those positions seemed quite painful. Naruto did not like pain.
"Naruto… I'm sorry…" Sasuke spoke slowly.
"It's fine!" Naruto said a bit too quickly.
"No… I'm sorry that Kakashi was showing…" Sasuke paused, looking for a good word to describe the position, "that."
"It's alright; you were trapped with his books for a long time!" Naruto said.
"If you say…"
They continued on for a while, just walking in silence. Then Sasuke spoke again.
"Naruto?"
"Yes?" Naruto said with a pretty blush, making tomatoes feel pale.
"Would you…"
"Yes?"
"…"
"Go on, Sasuke, it's alright!"
"Would you stop blushing, and start talking again?"
Naruto stood there a moment. That did not just happen. "Bastard!"
"I am not; I thought we already went over this…"
"Damn you!"
With that, Naruto ran home.
That night
Naruto and Sasuke were in their room, and they were trying to figure out what to say. Sasuke normally depended on Naruto for some discussion, so he never needed to come up with anything. But, Naruto was acting different lately.
"Hey, Sasuke?"
"Yeah?"
"You aren't Kakashi's real son are you?"
Sasuke gaped, surprised Naruto had not yet figured that out. "Of course not!"
"Ah."
Silence passed a while longer, before Naruto spoke again.
"Hey, Sasuke?"
"Yeah?"
"I remember you now…"
Sasuke sat there for a moment, wondering what Naruto meant. He remembered? He finally remembered?
"You… do?"
"Yeah… You owe me a kiss."
Sasuke sat there, unsure of what to do. Would he kiss Naruto? He had wanted it for a while. But first he needed to know something. "Naruto… what made you remember?"
A Kakashi moment
Kakashi laughed maniacally, holding up some odd blue material. Iruka was awoken by the noise, and ran into his kitchen, hoping a dead cat hadn't stumbled in. Iruka did not like dead cats.
"Iruka! I did it! I did it!"
Iruka took one look at the scene in front of him, and turned to go back to bed. Kakashi sat there a moment, giggling like a maniac.
"Revenge will be mine… Mwahahaha!" Kakashi laughed a while, then he fainted on the fabric, exhausted from laughing so much.
End Chapter
I left you guys with a big cliffhanger there, didn't I? Doesn't it just make you want to review to get my lazy butt to update faster? Well, doesn't it?
I personally think the bigger cliff hanger is what costume Kakashi will wear, but that is just me… Fufufufu…
Thanks to all these awesome people:
Midnight Shining Star, blue-genjustsu, Moonlitstardestiny (you rock!), everything is TROUBLESOME, avila7989, swtTom0-chan93, Sasuke2006, narutomania, FMA-lover16, Bloodmistress, mike
You all rock! And you get cookies!
Now for the replies:
Sibbielee113: I feel sorry for them too! But, I love the pairing, so it doesn't matter.
Tea: I assure you that there will be more weirdo plots. There will be many more.
Kari no Tenshi: I use my inspiration no jutsu on you! Cha!
FXL: The teachers called the parents. What else would they do if they found drunken students?
Black Gravitation: It finishes my set of yaoi plushies! Yes!
Herrliche Lilie: Jigging is the easiest dance, in my opinion… Reel is the hardest…
Imari-chan: I can sorta-kinda draw. I'm still not sure about the doujin, though I have officially began some of it.
Sonicfanatic: Loved your inner dialogue! XD
Brokn Innocence: That was how I was feeling… Sort of like a broken record… Glad it didn't throttle you! I love your reviews!
Mangaluvr: Glad you felt special! Your review makes me feel good!
Well, please review! It makes me feel so good to hear what you think! I'm sorry that it is taking me so long to come up with updates, though… Exams are coming up, and I'm writing a ton of essays for A/P classes, my Japanese teacher is in the hospital (she's due today…), and I'm being scared to death by deadlines at work sneaking up on me! So, please forgive my lack of updates! It'll get better over the summer, I promise! Please put up with this… and don't forget to review in the process!