Postsecrets: The Naruto Chronicles
Disclaim-y Goodness: I don't own, you don't sue, alright? Alright.
With Iruka
Iruka solemnly swore that he would no longer have sex in a classroom any longer. The mess was simply (to put it bluntly) too messy to clean up. What's worse is that he still had papers to grade. Sure, Kakashi made it good, but Iruka was seriously beginning to question if it was good enough to have to clean up this mess. Kakashi could have at least helped. But no, Kakashi just had to grade those interesting art projects.
"Oh, come on, you know you liked it, Iruka," Kakashi said, as he stepped into the classroom.
"Fine, Kakashi. Just bring me the trashcan." Of course, Kakashi complied. So long as he didn't have to clean, who cared?
"Umm… Iruka?"
"Yes, Kakashi?" Iruka asked, while he was throwing away paper towels with some questionable stains on them.
"Did you really mean it when you said 'I want you in my life'?" At this point, Kakashi was looking at his shoes.
Iruka turned away from what he was doing, and he looked Kakashi straight in the eye. "Yes, I meant it Kakashi. Every word."
Kakashi then broke into a small smile. "Guess this means that I'll be canceling that appointment with the real estate agent, huh?"
Iruka smiled back. "I guess so, Kakashi. I guess so."
"Well, that's good! He said he was worried about having to look for an apartment with dogs!" Kakashi gave what appeared to be a huge smile.
"… Dogs?" Iruka looked at Kakashi as though he had two heads.
"Didn't I tell you? I have about seven dogs, and one just gave a litter. Of course, my dogs are like a family, and I figured you wouldn't want little puppy terrors running around your house, if I was just staying there temporarily. So, I had my friend Asuma take care of them while I was away." Kakashi paused and took a deep breathe. "Then again, if you're asking, I suppose I didn't tell me."
"Damn straight!" Iruka was glaring at Kakashi. He didn't hate dogs, but he certainly wasn't used to them.
"Ah, Iruka, here I thought you were gay."
"Th-that's not the issue! Why do you have so many dogs?"
"Well, I heard they make good companions. I just wanted to see if that was true." Kakashi paused for a moment. "I will admit they are man's best friend. Then again, when you were living with I-am-such-a-freaking-heap-of-sunshine-now-get-your-ass-out-of-my-room Sasuke, I suppose anything would seem like a good companion." Kakashi nodded his head, as if he was agreeing with himself.
"… How many puppies?" Iruka asked, seemingly calmer.
"Seven dogs, plus …" Kakashi counted on his fingers. "Nine pups." Kakashi looked blank for a moment. "Hey! That's sixteen dogs!"
Iruka stood in shock for a moment. "Are… you giving away any pups?"
Kakashi stood in horror. "And separate them from their mother? Never!"
Iruka stood there. So, this man was a pervert, dog-loving, not caring father-figure? How many sides were there to this man? "So… What do you suggest we do? There is simply not enough room in the back yard for all the dogs. You know how small our backyard is!"
"Back…yard?" Kakashi's eye twitched.
"Isn't that where you normally keep dogs?"
"Never! They stay in the home. Think of how cold their paws will get in winter!"
"Alright… But, there's even less room in the house! Your bedroom simply is not enough room for sixteen dogs."
"That's why I'm sleeping with you!"
Iruka stood there. Was this how the mind of a psycho worked? First, go into someone's house, whom you had already met once. Then, you steal half of their bedroom… without their permission? It seemed quite crazy for Iruka. "And… the dogs get a room all to themselves?"
"No! The puppies and their mother and father, plus two of the other dogs! The rest of the dogs sleep with us!"
"… Kakashi?"
"Yes?"
"That's three dogs."
"So?"
"Three dogs, Kakashi. Three."
"That's not more than seven!"
Iruka sighed. There was no getting around this. "Fine."
"So when do you want the dogs?"
"Whenever works."
"Tonight? Great!" Kakashi scurried out of the school.
"He… just left me alone again… didn't he?" Iruka asked himself, as he put the trashcan back.
With Sasuke
Sasuke was sitting in the kitchen, eating lunch with Naruto, when he heard a loud bang from the front door. Naruto stood up, and Sasuke (being the paranoid person he is) stopped him.
"Sasuke, what's the matter?"
"Sh." Sasuke (attempted to) shove Naruto under the table. He stood, grabbed the crowbar (which was left there from earlier that morning), and waited at the door.
"Sasuke! I have great news!" Sasuke heard Kakashi's voice, and sighed. At least it was the lesser of two evils.
"What is it, Kakashi?"
"Hello Sasuke! I love the world!" Kakashi moved to kiss Sasuke, but Sasuke slapped him.
"You've gone hysteric. Stop it. Now. You're scaring me."
"No! It's good news, I promise!" Kakashi moved in to kiss Sasuke again, but this time he was hit with a (relatively) hard tap on the back with our old friend, Mr. Crowbar.
"Next time I won't be so gentle."
"But Sasuke, I'm sure you were gentle with Naruto, right?"
Sasuke stood there, before moving in to kill Kakashi with Mr. Crowbar, but Naruto stopped him. "Sasuke! Don't hurt him!"
Sasuke sighed. "Fine…" Even he was not immune to the amazing powers of Naruto's power over him.
"Now, Kakashi, what is so important you're kissing Sasuke for?"
"Naruto! Naruto, Naruto, Naruto…" Kakashi grinned at Naruto like a maniac. "Dear, sweet Naruto!" Kakashi hugged Naruto.
Sasuke glared at Kakashi. How dare Kakashi touch his Naruto.
"Sasuke! Join in!" Kakashi was smiling. The bastard was smiling.
"No."
"Fine." Kakashi pouted, and continued to hug Naruto.
"What is it Kakashi?" Naruto asked, while struggling to get away from Kakashi.
"Oh, Naruto! Naruto, my boy!"
Naruto sat there, now realizing it was futile to get out of Kakashi's death grip.
"Spit it out, Kakashi." Sasuke was not happy with Naruto in Kakashi's arms.
"But I don't have anything in my mouth!" Kakashi thought for a moment. "Oh, I better call to get the dogs here!" With that, Kakashi left.
"Dogs?" Naruto looked at Sasuke for an explanation.
Sasuke stood there for a moment. Kakashi would never introduce the dogs to a new environment unless they were staying in the place for a while (a while meaning their new home). That's why he would always have Mrs. Haruno or Asuma (their other neighbor) take care of the dogs. "I think we're moving out…"
"What? That can't be it? Why would Kakashi be happy about that?"
"I… I don't know…" Sasuke was evidently shaken.
Naruto seemed sad for a moment. "Wait… Why would he call for the dogs now? Shouldn't you move your junk in first?"
"I guess… But Kakashi's weird." Sasuke stood up. "Want to help me pack my stuff?"
Naruto stood. "Alright…"
Somehow, it didn't feel right. Kakashi had a crush on Iruka, didn't he? Why would he leave now, unless… Oh, no…Don't tell me he molested Iruka. Sasuke paused in his thoughts for a moment. Wait…If he did molest Iruka, how could he have found an apartment this fast? Especially one that allows…How many puppies were in that litter? 7? No, I think nine…Seven other dogs…sixteen dogs. My god, was it that bad? Did he even work today? Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows. I'm not leaving Naruto today. That's it. I'm calling Iruka, apologizing, and then I'm going to stop Kakashi from moving.
"Naruto, can I borrow your phone?"
"Why?" Naruto asked, concerned.
"I need to make plans."
"Umm… Alright." Naruto handed Sasuke his cell phone. I don't get it. Sasuke only has a few hours left with me and he's calling some other kid? What if Sasuke just wants me for sex? Ah, I knew I couldn't- Naruto's thoughts were cut off with Sasuke's talking on the phone.
"Iruka?"
"Yes, Sasuke?" Iruka answered on the other line.
"I'm sorry for whatever Kakashi did to you."
"Huh?" Iruka sounded confused. How does Sasuke know what Kakashi and I did?
"I mean, please don't force him out of your home…"
"Umm… Sasuke?" Iruka now sounded nervous.
"I have to go now. Don't worry. I'll yell at Kakashi."
"Wait! Sasuke!" Iruka heard a beep on the other line that signified Sasuke had hung up.
Naruto stood to the side, as Sasuke walked downstairs. Meanwhile, Iruka was desperately trying to reach Kakashi.
Well, Iruka won the race.
"Kakashi?"
Kakashi sighed with happiness when he heard Iruka's voice. "Hello, love!"
Sasuke heard those words and stopped at the door. Kakashi was seeing someone else? No wonder Iruka kicked him out. I'll wait for those two to finish up. I'll talk some sense into Kakashi, and then I'll kill his mystery lover.
"Kakashi, have I done anything to make it seem like I'm kicking you out?"
"Of course not! Why?"
"I just got a call from Sasuke. He acted like you're moving out."
"Moving out, dearest?"
Sasuke flinched outside of the room. Oh, great. Now his new lover's moving in with us. I pray it's not someone like that Kabuto. He was way too weird. God, not another Kabuto…
"Yeah… It was very strange…He also apologized for you. Does he have psychic abilities?"
"Hmm… I don't think he'd know…"
Sasuke was about ready to blow up at Kakashi. He's just rubbing it in! I feel horrible for Iruka…
"Well, at least make sure he knows you're staying here. I don't want to come home and find Naruto and Sasuke all up in knots because they think you're leaving here. As it is, I have to worry about midterms."
"Alright, honey. No need to worry. I'll take care of it."
Sasuke now was in horror. Is he going to kill Iruka? No, no, no! Why is it that every time I have a family, they turn into murderers? Wait… This time, Naruto's at risk! Naruto! With that thought, Sasuke ran up the stairs.
"Alright… you mind starting dinner tonight, for me?"
"You don't want me to. I once burnt water."
"I'll make it worth your while if you do a good job." Iruka said, hinting at something even better than cheesecake.
"Alright, Iruka! I'll get right to it after talking to Naruto and Sasuke. See you later?"
"Of course! I should be home in about an hour. I just have a few more papers to grade."
With that, Kakashi hung up. Guess I get to talk to Naruto and Sasuke. Goodie.
With Naruto
Naruto was looking through Sasuke's things, when Sasuke burst in through the door. "S-Sasuke?"
"Naruto! Get down! Kakashi's a murderer!"
Naruto's eyes widened a little. "Huh?"
Sasuke was holding Naruto tight. "Let me tell you this, now, Naruto. If anything were to happen to me or you, I'd like you to know… I love you, Naruto. I love every part of you! I love the way you look, I love the way you walk, and I love the way you get all flustered! I've loved you since I was five years old!"
Naruto gasped at the confession. The dream did have a base in reality. Sasuke was the one who wrote that. "Sasuke… I-I…"
Kakashi chose just that moment to walk in. "Sasuke, get off of Naruto. I want to tell you something. It seems there was a misunderstanding…"
"Damn right, Kakashi!" Sasuke spun around, and glared at Kakashi. "I didn't know I was living with a murderer!"
"What?" Kakashi looked very confused.
"Admit it! You're going to murder Iruka and Naruto, then leave me all alone, while you run away with your secret lover!"
"Kill… Iruka?" Kakashi said, as if the two words were never to be used together.
"Yes. Wait… Wasn't that what you were talking about on the phone?"
"You mean I was talking about killing Iruka while I was on the phone with Iruka?"
"…"
"Tell me, why would I kill Iruka?"
"To show no proof that you raped him?" Sasuke seemed confused, and was now blushing.
"Raped… Iruka? No, he seemed quite willing." Kakashi nodded his own head, as if to agree with his own statement.
"Then, why are you moving out?" Sasuke seemed utterly confused. Naruto seemed to be disgusted at the fact that Iruka had done… it with Kakashi. The only time they were alone was in the classroom!
Wait... Naruto thought. If Iruka was alone with Kakashi only when they were in the classroom, then… Ack! I'm never entering either classroom again!
"Moving… out?" Kakashi was confused, yet again. "Sasuke, why would I move out? What made you think that?"
"Well, you were calling for the dogs, and you only do that if we have a… home?" Sasuke pointed at the house.
"Home." Kakashi nodded.
"Oh."
"Right, then. If you understand that, then I'm going to go make dinner."
"No!" Sasuke grabbed onto Kakashi.
"What? Why not?"
"For the love of God, Kakashi, you're an awful cook! You're going to burn down the home!"
"No, I won't. Cross my heart and hope to die!" Kakashi smiled childishly.
"… I'm going to make dinner."
"Alright, then," Kakashi said, as he left the room and turned towards his own.
"Don't tell me you meant for this to happen?" Sasuke yelled at Kakashi's retreating form.
"Yep. I did," Kakashi waved Sasuke off, as he turned towards his room. "Hey, Naruto? Could you help an old man with something?"
"Sure!" Naruto said, but just as he was about to leave, Sasuke stopped him.
"Wait."
"What is it, Sasuke?" Naruto looked at Sasuke.
Sasuke leaned down and kissed Naruto on the lips. "That."
Naruto nodded, and scurried off to help Kakashi, while Sasuke stood and smiled. Maybe I'm not cursed after all?
End Chapter
Whelp, Sasuke and Naruto are now an official couple. However, I still did leave you with a few questions, right? If not, I'll list them… XD
What does Kakashi need Naruto's help with?
Will Iruka make it home?
Is Sasuke's cooking good, or as bad as Kakashi's?
Are the puppies cute?
If so, will you end up hugging them?
What of Project: Sasunaru? Will those involved be out of a job?
Are you tired of questions?
Yeppers, that should just about do it. xD Now, to reply to you lovely reviewers.
Sasuke2006: I'm glad it made you laugh! I shall bring happiness to all the people of fanfiction! XD
Midnight Shining Star: Hotness is good, isn't it? XD
NycetaScandiaca: I'm actually thinking about making a story based on those chapters! I think it'd be awesome, and a fast write. Do I have your permission to use that story line? Thanks for pointing out all the typos! I hope my beta gets the beta-ed version out soon… Other than that, I'm glad you liked my chapter! It was fun to write!
Noroi-Inu: Yep, they sure did! Believe it! XD
Avilia7989: As always, a good review. Thank you!
Kari No Tenshi: Indeed! Kakashi needs action, being the bloody pervert he is! Though, I don't think it was that bad… Just a few paragraphs.
Tea: What things will happen… Well, it involves insults, bitchy Iruka, and puppies.
Chiyo: That's… assuring. I'm still running away if I see you in a car. I might make another chapter like this, when I'm riding up to vacation.
Silver fox aka vash: It is cute, isn't it?
Makkura Arashi: Love your name! Sorry about the late update! XD
MusicLurver: Of course he chapter was dedicated to you! You talk about boy-sex with me! And you put up with my insanity on a (now) day-to-day basis! XD
FXL: Indeed it was!
Black Gravitation: Oh! Energy drink! Thanksies!
Sweet-Music01: I finished another one-shot! Go read it if you haven't already! XD
Phantomsnow: I thank you for reading!
swtTom0-chan93: It's like they're in jail. But willingly. And maybe they'll put handcuffs on their captors. X3
losthimagain: Glad you like it!
uzumaki ryooki: You write long reviews… Thanks for those! X3 To answer your question, some men do get nosebleeds when sexually aroused. I should know (one of my friends does; I feel so sorry for him!). Your review made me giggle. Cover your eyes, indeed! XD Hmmm… I have mad skillz when it comes to typing. It's like breathing. I can't stop. Ever.
Red Asatari: I'm sure your exams went fine! If I can get an "A" in all my classes, I'm sure you can do better!
Sibbielee113: You should know now what Kakashi wants Naruto to help him with (solemnly nods). You guessed it. Porn re-positioning time. XD
Sasura: (gets out cream) (splashes it on Naruto) Lick it off Sasuke! X3
Blue-genjutsu: You know Sasuke will pressure Naruto into it sooner or later. (nod) If not, I have failed you as a Sasunaru authoress!
Sexyspoonswillrullusall: Can I marry your screenname? X3
Feikaze: A new reviewer! Thanks for your support!
Imari-chan: The party we threw for you was crazy, man. Sasuke started humping Naruto, and Naruto moaned. And it was good. X3
Well, review! I really want to get 300 reviews this chapter (this going out to those who have me on their alert lists, yet don't review)! Thanksies! X3