A/N: Happy Friday. I interviewed for a job this week. I turned down that job this week. I helped Mom at the hospital and got her home this week. And I am now tired. If Joaquin Phoenix doesn't get an award for Joker, I'll effing protest ... silently ... in bed ... under my quilt all comfy. Maybe I'll swing my legs a little, idk. But seriously, go watch that. Best Comic based movie I've watched in my life.

What are you doing on your weekend?

This one's a long one. Sit tight. Thanks for the reviews. I eat them all up. xoxo

Chapter 32 - Double Mayo

BPOV - Continued

Alice stands back. She's not getting any closer. Her mug hangs from her hand as she watches this …. atrocity.

Bella takes another large bite. Her mouth was still full. The mayo oozes out of the sides, a tomato slice plops onto the wax paper. The sub is bigger than her head, is what Alice thinks. She's thinking a lot of things at the moment. Including what the fuck is this and what the fuck is wrong with Bella?

Bella stops chewing to look up. Alice lifts an eyebrow. "Can I … borrow a Coke?" Bella asks through muffled words.

Alice tentatively goes to the fridge to grab a cold can. She pops the lid, making it fizzle. She places it by the ungodly sandwich.

Bella chugs, chugs, chugs, and then sighs. She hiccups a burp.

Then she cries.

"Fucking Ben," she says through tears, the sub tightly in her hands. Bella has grown a liking to double mayo, double disgusting subs Ben loves. And she can't stop the urges. She hides it. She buys the sandwich and runs home to devour them.

She wails. Alice rolls her eyes. "What the fuck is all this?"

"I'm pregnant, that's what!" There it is. First slip.

Alice gasps audibly. "Oh, fuck."

"Yes..." Bella lets it trail with a trembling chin. "That's what it takes. A good, old fashion fucking. Fuckkk!" she howls.

"So, like, Ben? Bella, I thought you had somewhat better taste than that. I mean Ben, Ben? Eek."

"No!" Bella slams a greasy palm on the table. She gives her a sharp, watery look. "A fucking hermit living in the fucking woods. That's who!"

Alice is confused, and a tiny bit revolted.

Bella lays a hand on her forehead. "That was mean. I love him. He's all mine, but he isn't, and he's far, and..." She sobs and takes another bite. "Oh, God, I love him," she says through bread.

"Jesus," Alice says, a cringe on her sour face. "Get a grip."

Bella nods and chews. "Okay, yeah. Like you wouldn't be FLIPPING OUT!" she shouts. She flings a piece on the table.

Alice shrugs. "I wouldn't. I'd be taking my ass over to a clinic like I have many times before."

Bella looks up, surprised. "How many … times?"

Alice stares at a wall lost in thought for just a moment. "Two." But she seems to recover quickly. "They were Jasper's."

Bella is quiet to that revelation. The Jasper story. The sensitive one. The guy who got away. Then came back, then got away again. The forty-year-old artist from Greece who Alice met at a foreign exchange thing. She won't ever say it, and neither would Bella out of fear for an aggressive Alice. But he's the love of her life.

Bella swallows hard, drops the baguette. She sighs.

"That's depressing."

"It's reality. You move on. You get over it."

"No one is as fortunate as you with such high tolerance or dismissiveness. How do you live with that?"

"It's a decision, and you go with it. It's no one's business. It's about self-care and maturity. Do what's best. Do what makes you happy. You'll be buried alone, not arm and arm with anyone else."

"Dang. Brutal." Bella stares shocked. "Who the hell did you wrong?"

Alice shrugs like it's how it is and leaves the kitchen.

Bella lets that spread in her mind like double mayo.

Maybe it would be best. What could she possibly do? Raise the child in a cabin; live her entire life in a vacation spot while she tries to find a lost father?

The doorbell rings. The other worry that bubbles in her belly is incarnate at the door. Jameson has been MIA for weeks now. He looks at Bella, then the bundle of a sandwich. Bella doesn't miss it when his eyes glance at her still-flat belly.

"Go get dressed."

"Why?"

"Because I'm betting you haven't gone to the clinic to get checked. Have you?"

Bella is sheepish. "Maybe I don't want to." She pokes a stray pickle.

"Well, it's not about you anymore. It's about prenatals and … bacteria-free, clean-eating." He looks pointedly at the table.

She motions toward her lunch. "It's just veggies on turkey."

"Cold cut turkey, with possibly millions of harmful bacteria that could harm the baby."

The baby.

So nonchalant. So true to words and their meanings. He always was a Scrabble champion.

She lets her shoulders drop. She buries her face in her hands and cries some more. "I didn't even know that. I'm already killing it," she says muffled.

He rolls his eyes. He doesn't know why the hell he's here. Everyone has asked where Bella is, and he hates that he's the person they ask. So, he came. Might as well. He can't ever run away from this.

"Calm down. All this isn't healthy for it either. I'll be in the car."

The road is icy. Winter at its worst. Times like this, all Bella can think about is if he's warm enough. The tears trickle down to her chin silently as she stares at the city passing by.

What if he dies? Freezes up in his bed, a still, cold body when dawn breaks. She'll never see him again, never get the chance to tell him about a human they made. She lets her eyes shut to keep the panic at bay. She's felt this before, every winter it's the same. This time it's something more.

Her heart breaks.

The front desk calls her name, the hallway echoes as she walks toward her impending doom. She pees in a cup; she lays on a cot and gets tickled by a wand over her belly. Jameson sits by her, arms crossed. She watches him instead of the screen after the technician asks if he's excited to be a father. He didn't answer. His Adam's apple moved, nothing else. He was still.

A hum from the technician breaks the silence. Then a whooshing sound through the speakers. "Bingo," she says smugly, proud she found it in record time. She offers a grin to a very serious, very pensive pair. Her grin quickly fades. A good throat-clearing softens the blow and the awkward exchange.

She occupies herself with tapping buttons to grab images and watches them print. All the while glancing at the couple who've just been given bad news.

Bella simply stopped breathing the moment she heard the heart. This satisfyingly overwhelming feeling took over her chest. She gripped her sweater close to her breasts and forced herself to breathe.

That's his, and that's hers. Theirs. They made something together.

Her eyes fill with stars, just like the ones they laid under; spent, naked, completely familiar with the other.

Elation leaves her shocked into silence, even after the heartbeat is gone and the technician moves around getting things done. She won't show the joy that bubbles up inside. Not while Jameson sits close. She keeps to herself.

Alice was wrong. There's nothing Bella will ever do to get rid of it. It is reality, and she'd never be able to move on if she hurt the baby.

The baby. Hers and his.

Bella snatches the printed images from the technician's hands. She presses them to her chest as she gets her clothes back on and walks out. Jameson silently in tow.

The technician lets that grin appear noticing the mother's joy. Well, one of them is happy.

The sound of the heat blaring in the car is loud, nothing else is.

Jameson just about felt his heart deteriorate when he heard the heartbeat. At that moment, he didn't know why he thought offering this trip would be a good idea.

He lets out a breath now and hits the turn signal harder than he should, while pressing the accelerator harder than he should.

His foot grows light after the car zips through streets for a few blocks. His instincts telling him to drive slowly; to calm down. A Baby on Board sign from a passing car severs him. He rolls his eyes at every responsible bone in his body. He hates himself.

"I know you hate me right now; I'd ask nothing else of you after this, but could you take me to Dad's, please? I don't want to take the bus," she asks. She can't wait. Might as well do this now while she's out and has the nerve.

He glances at her. She's sure.

When he parks at the front of the house, they sit in the car like they both know words need to be exchanged. Bella waits. Jameson speaks. "How did you meet him?"

She's dreading this.

It's a valid question, considering the history, the myth, and the mystery.

So, she tells him about his first 'hello' on a trail. And she adds that it was never meant to happen. He hides from people purposely. Bumping into her was a mistake. Yet, he couldn't stop watching her as Sam explained who he was as he stood far away through the trees.

"Who wouldn't want to know more? I was bored, it was summer, and it clicked. I knew I had found the most wanted man in a legendary story. Like, how intriguing was that?"

Jameson is silent, but he gets it. He'd probably be curious too. He puts himself in Bella's shoes. If the hermit was a woman, would he have followed her, too?

He shakes off his reverie. The thought is ridiculous.

Reading his skepticism, Bella rushes to explain more. "I fell and hit my head on a rock when I saw him after a week of looking. I'd lie to Mom and Dad. I'd tell them I was with the girls or with you. I walked through the woods at night to find him, and when I did, I fell and hurt myself, like an idiot. He was nice enough to tend to me. Crazy, nosy girl waking up in his living space. I thought I'd faint. I had found the hermit, and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."

"You couldn't have told me?"

"So you'd lecture me? Tell me it was too dangerous?" She shakes her head, responding. "It would've been dangerous for him. It was my secret to keep."

Jameson shrugs. "So, what did he want?"

"You mean me? Because he wants nothing but peace and quiet. It's why he isolated himself." Bella sadly looks out the window. "I … forced this. Tempted him. Sought him for my own benefit.

"I'm … a horrible person. Mom was right. I'm selfish, and I hurt people."

Jameson doesn't respond to that. Bella's heart sinks. Silence is Jameson agreeing.

"I always imagined an older, insane man. Senile. Some criminal with crazed eyes," he says instead.

Bella dabs at her lips with fingertips remembering Edward. His strong arms. The feel of his hips against her legs, curled around him. But mostly his chest pressed to hers. No, his lips. Definitely every kiss.

Bella squeezes her eyes shut, cringing, to keep the longing at bay. She'd like to say to Jameson that he's not even close, that Edward is young, lithe, and the most gorgeous intuitive man she's had to herself. She would have him forever if it were up to her.

Jameson's heart sinks this time. Silence is Bella not agreeing.

"He's incredibly intelligent. All he does is read. Security systems, even after all these years, he knows how to decipher without difficulty." She waves a hand. "He installed that sugar bowl guy's system correctly after he left. It was all wrong. He told me himself." Bella can't help but let a grin softly come to her lips. She sighs. "He's … different."

"He steals." Jameson deadpans.

"And he wouldn't do any of it if he didn't need to. He hates what he does, but he'd do anything to be alone." Bella shrugs. "Read up on it. Nothing short of a monk's ritual. There are many like him, James. And one day I'll find his family, and I'll tell them he's safe and alive."

Jameson glances over at a serious and determined Bella. Icicles seem to cascade down his spine. You think you know a person until you don't. It's boggling.

"Will you find him? Tell him?" he asks.

Bella's stomach curls at the impending hurt that process will likely bring her. "If he wants to be found."

Charlie is surprised when the two are standing in his yard. He's checking the car, hood up, greased hands. He peeks around and sees them coming closer … solemn.

Charlie's stomach drops. Somethings wrong. He knows his daughter well enough to know her confident self never looks hunched over like now, eyes averted, red, like she's been crying for days. The familiar expression she used to have when Renee had passed.

"What is it?" he asks. He doesn't waste time.

Jameson gently touches Bella's back as he lets her lead. A supportive nudge. Bella looks at him, and sheepishly gives him a smile.

"Ah, you know. Just … stuff." She instantly regrets this. Maybe if she runs now … "I wanted to see how you were."

"Well, good. I mean ..." Charlie shrugs a little. His hands wiping on a rag.

"Great! See you this weekend, then."

Jameson stops her from walking away. He spins her in her heels.

Charlie digs a fist in his hip. "Just get it out," he says. He thinks of all the scenarios, but none make sense if she's come with a boyfriend. "Can't be worse than being knocked up. How bad is it?"

Bella cuts her wide eyes to Charlie, a terrified stare.

Charlie lets his mouth drop. He takes a step. "Are you serious?"

"I … guess it's worse," Bella replies. She juts out her arm toward him, the little square photo. "Congrats. You'll be a grandfather." She turns and walks to the car.

Charlie looks at Jameson to explain this really bad prank.

It isn't. The boy is red, looking away.

"Bella, you come back here!" He's so angry now.

"Nope," Bella says loud enough.

"C'mere!" he says, pointing. Bella hasn't seen him this pissed in a long time. Her heart tears apart. She walks back, partly because he's scary when he's like this, but James won't unlock the car door.

"You do this to me after all that's happened?" Charlie yells.

"To you?"

"You promised you'd take care of yourself. To her. She's not here anymore, Bella! She can't clean it all up."

Bella freezes, shocked. So, that's what her father thought all these years. Mom, picking up all her mess?

She gives him a good, hard look. "You better watch the next words that come out of your mouth, or I swear, you'll lose me too."

Charlie can't speak to that. He sucks in a breath.

"You think I wanted this?" she yells back. "Depressed, community college students don't plan for this, Dad! Neither did you and Mom when you were just as young. But, here I am! Here we are! What the hell else should I do? I move on. I raise it. That's it!

"You can have a part of that or not, it's up to you." She waves an arm. "James, unlock the door, we're leaving."

Jameson sighs. He catches Charlie's darkened eyes. He does this double-take.

Charlie is looking at him furiously. Jameson's blood drains from his face, paling. He begins to shake his head, to explain that this is a mistake, that the child is not his.

"And you! I thought better of you. You're in medical school! What have you done to yourself? What in hell will you do now?"

Jameson raises a hand. "Sir … I'm sorry, but ..."

"You apologize? To me? Apologize to your future! That's what you should do. Who the hell do you think you are, huh? I respected you, boy. Now you've disrespected my daughter and me!"

"Leave him alone. You don't know what you're saying," Bella yells.

Jameson holds her back. He watches the angry man make big assumptions. But it's futile. He's here. He came. It's obvious this is what everyone will think.

"You know what? You're right. I shouldn't apologize to you," he says to Charlie. "Because it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, much less you."

Charlie lets his hands fall at his thighs with a heavy sigh. The little photo in his hand still. He looks down at it. He closes his eyes and calls down all the saints.

"What in the hell am I going to do? I can't take much more than this. A man can only take so much!" he says, trailing away, fists to the skies like he's talking to God himself or Renee. He fights this out alone like a mad man.

It's possible no one on earth is listening to Charlie's rant. Maybe the birds up on that tree by the garage, or the sneaky raccoon that's been tearing into the trash bins for days now. Anyone, but Jameson and Bella. Those two are staring at one another.

Bella heard what Jameson didn't say. Her lips part and so does her heart.

She's thinking he's just saved her life. He's thinking … well, he doesn't know. He didn't correct this. He let Charlie believe he's the other irresponsible partner to this crime he thinks has been committed.

Jameson takes the brunt. Jameson can't believe it himself. But he does know this; Bella is still his first love, and he can't, for the life of him, stay away from this extraordinary story Bella is whirled in.

He has to see this puzzle piece find its place. Like starting a movie, then finding out it's a car wreck—but it pesters, it moves fast, and you've already settled in and pressed play.

He must see this to the end.

….