Chapter 33 - Lightning Bolts of Karma
Months later
Bella smoothes a hand over the large bump in the mirror. None of her clothes fit. She walked in one day after a shift at the school library and found the maternity clothes stacked on her bed. The note said…
Sick of seeing your belly skin under your tiny shirts. For crying out loud, do something about it!
Bella rolled her eyes but smiled. Alice is warm caramel inside that tough outer shell.
They were her clothes when she thought she'd have Jasper's babies.
Bella tried them all on, her teeth sticky and gooey with said caramel-stuffed chocolates she hides in her drawer.
She sighs now, knowing this one will suffice for today.
Perfect fit.
She looks at her reflection, and she's this person she didn't think she'd be. She cries. It happens a lot. All she can do is appease the girls who won't take 'No' for an answer. Bella begrudgingly leaves her apartment to meet them at the cafe. Something she rarely does these days.
She's not out much. She doesn't tell anyone that she hasn't been to her classes either, but for the library shift to pay for rent or Alice would kill her.
Jen and Lauren were so surprised when they found out months back. Ben's mouth hung open when he realized the hurling in the trash can was just morning sickness. Her belly was too pointy to hide when they'd meet at the café; Jameson unintentionally walking in with her every time. He didn't bother correcting the assumptions. He'd just pull out his books and get to work on things that were more important to him; finals. Everyone takes his stress and reserve as what it is; a med student about to have his whole world turned upside down. To his relief, with the exception of Ben patting his shoulder that first time, the group doesn't bother him. He didn't have to lie … technically.
But he sure didn't lie to his mother. She's the one person he wouldn't lie to about something so life-changing.
He said, "Mom, it's not mine. You understand?" And she did; her Jameson, being the product of the same mistake. A love affair while she was still engaged to another. He doesn't know who his father is since she never married. But they're a team. They're happy. They travel and do everything together.
"It's complicated. An unfortunate circumstance. A … celebrity is involved. I can't say much beyond that. Do you trust me?" He added. And she does.
He'd promised to tell her the truth one day. He said it was worth it. His mother loves romance and mystery, so she bought it. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and shook her head at the absurdity. She knows her son and Bella hadn't been an item for a long time anyway. She'll wait this out patiently. They both have this strong bond that could never break. She trusts him.
But she did warn him, as any mother would, a patient caress of his cheek, but with a nervous hand. "Protect your heart," she said.
He let that sink in.
Jameson looks up from his books now and watches Bella. She's quiet. Definitely more reserved these days, lost in thought more so. It's rare she's here. She's stopped coming, and it's obvious; she cradles her belly like it'll fall off, even as she sits on a secure couch in the cafe a few feet from him.
The gang talks and are loud. They joke about what she should name the baby. Bella just smiles but doesn't contribute. Her red eyes sunken, telling him she definitely goes home and cries them out.
She's not herself anymore. She keeps the happiness and the fear all to herself. He knows this for sure the day he witnessed it. Her slight gasp, the gentle palm of her hand, finding that spot where the baby kicked for the first time. He was there to see her press her lips together and keep the wonder to herself.
She's alone in all of this. He could rip that man's head off if he were here now. Hermit, weirdo, faultless, or not. To Jameson, a man takes care of what's his. End of story.
But he keeps those thoughts to himself.
They're both keeping things.
The hour is up. He must leave to get to his next class. He usually packs up and wordlessly leaves. A general goodbye to the group, but none directed to her, nor a kiss on her cheek. It just doesn't feel right anymore. He's but an associate to Bella now. No one seems to notice, and he can't seem to believe it's sorely overlooked. The attention now is not on him, but a mother to be. This lie is effortless.
This time, when she sees he's about to leave, she doesn't look away like times before, her eyes are wide as she struggles to stand from the couch. She wiggles this way and slides this way, but to no avail. He doesn't want to, but he's a weak fool who can't watch her struggle. Not like this. Jameson reaches out and easily pulls her up by the elbows.
"Thanks." Her cheeks redden. "This damned weight is killing me. I'm a beast," she mumbles sheepishly, pulling on her new shirt.
He thinks that phrase people say about glowing mothers is ridiculous. But, today, he sees it. She's beautiful.
He takes back his hands and pockets them.
She doesn't look straight into his eyes, but she does say, "May I talk to you?" He nods, pissed at himself for looking at her today, really looking at her. He leads her outside.
"Look," she says straight away, "I know this has gotten out of hand, and I feel like shit. I want you to know that I don't take this lightly. Just give me time to tell Charlie. I … don't know how or when, but I promise you I appreciate your silence." She pauses to breathe, her lip wedging hard between her teeth to hold back her cry. "But that's just it," Bella says, exasperated. "You're too silent." Her voice breaks at the end.
Jameson stares confused. "That's what you wanted to tell me?" He shrugs. "I thought this is what you wanted? For everyone to believe I'm an irresponsible shit who'd do this to a woman and walk around with my head held high."
Bella frowns. "Well, I mean, when you put it that way…" She lets her hands fall at her sides.
She lets silent tears just slip like they do all day. It's non-stop. Bella looks beyond tired and stress.
"You have to calm down. This isn't good for the baby."
"Stop saying 'the baby.' It freaks me out." she says between her teeth.
"It's what it is, Bella. Stop ignoring the inevitable."
She's the silent one now. Her eyes glazed, a trembling hand rubbing her forehead. She watches anything else but him. "I can't be here anymore, James. I can't be like this. I need to go back and find him. I need to leave."
He narrows his eyes. "Okay. And what the hell do you plan to do? Hike all of Maine to find him in your condition?"
He watches her shrug. "If that's what it takes. What else should I do? Do I have any other choice?" She stares at him intently.
Jameson holds himself back from yelling. No, he's pretty sure the howls down the sidewalk is yelling. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he finishes saying.
"Absolutely not. Kidding would be asking." She sizes him questionably. "What, you'll hike with me every morning and night while Charlie's in the cabin blissfully unaware?" She chuckles slightly. "This is not yours to judge. I have to do something. I can't just … sit here, waddling like a fool through life, carrying this … this," she says gesturing. But there it is, the slight, tender cradle of her belly with her secure arms, just so.
She watches as he's about to burst into an angry tangent, red ears like when he's mad, pale lips forming a snarl. But he stops himself. Jameson looks up to the sky per her stubbornness, hands at his hips, a heavy sigh. Almost like Charlie did when Bella broke the news about the pregnancy. Bella wonders if that helps. The sky must have all the answers.
She glances up from where she stands to see if she can spot what he sees.
"You know what," he finally bursts. It makes her start, looking back at him. People walking by take a glance. "Count me in," he adds with a pointed finger. "Because the day I see that piece of shit, I will rip his balls right out of his sack and feed them to him. I'll get a moment alone with him, and you will do nothing to stop me, or I'll tell Charlie who he really is. Hell, I'll tell the entire fucking camp who he really is!"
"No. You won't," Bella says blatantly.
He gets close, really close. "Oh, I will. You want a deal? Well, this one is mine. I'll meet you there after finals," he says with a smirk on his face. He walks away.
If the sky could speak, it would tell her this was a very bad idea, and she can't back-paddle this. She kicks herself and her stupid mouth for sharing her plans. She knows this is part of the many, many consequences.
Bella doesn't look up at the sky for the rest of the day, the week, or the month. Not even to check for rain or lightning bolts of karma.
….