Logan on the Couch, a law and order: ci fanfic

"Logan on the Couch"

Usual disclaimers apply.

Timeline: Any time into the Logan/Barek Season Five. In fanfic-land, immediately after "The Elusive Ten". Some serious stuff to counteract Elusive Ten's levity.

oOo

Excerpt from "The Elusive Ten"

Logan looked straight ahead, afraid to face Barek. "Sorry about that," he mumbled. "I had no idea she was lecturing in Logan 101."

"I dunno," Barek mused, "I found it quite… enlightening." She slid her legs off the seat and turned to face him. "But if you're that good, I'm surprised no one's tried to put a ring on your finger."

Logan rolled his shoulders, more embarrassed than he could ever remember. "I guess I was lucky no woman wanted to go prospecting," he said, trying to make a joke of it.

"No… you're just lucky I'm not doing any digging…"

Logan nodded, expecting nothing less. Carolyn was too smart to go for him.

Looking out his window at the non-event that was their stake-out, Logan froze, not believing his ears. He could have sworn Carolyn just whispered something.

Something that sounded like…

"…yet."

oOo

Carolyn studied Mike's profile in the cabin of their vehicle, knowing she would have to delve deeper if she were to even come close to understanding what had just occurred between Casey Tremayne and him.

The other detective was back in role, checking out the clientele as they left the nightclub and staying out of the bouncer's way, seemingly unconcerned at how completely she had humiliated Mike.

"Why did Casey say stuff like that?" Carolyn asked him, not hiding her surprise at the other woman's malice.

Mike looked round in disbelief, hope flashing across his face. He misunderstood her, thinking she figured Casey made it up, but Carolyn knew better.

"I meant," she said gently, "why would she make a point of bringing up your history together in front of your partner?"

Mike's hope died and he shrugged before looking back through the windshield. "I dunno. Maybe she was bored."

Carolyn shook her head. "When a woman suffers at the hand of a man, she wants him to suffer too. What did you do to her?"

He tensed, eyes fixed ahead. "Me? Nothing! We lost touch, that's all."

"When?"

Mike swung his head round, his eyes hard. "Do we have to do this now?"

Realizing a raw nerve had been touched, Carolyn pulled back. "It beats passing the time talking about baseball," she joked.

Mike hunched his shoulders and looked down at his hands in his lap, twirling his ring round his finger. "When…when they kicked me to the island…"

"You never kept in touch after that?"

"No. I didn't see the point."

Carolyn stiffened, his typically male answer touching a nerve of her own. "Oh. I see. Just when a woman thought you would need her love…"

"It wasn't love…"

Not surprised, Carolyn revised her supposition. "Well, when she thought she could give you understanding and compassion, you shut the door on her."

"You heard her!" He thrust a hand toward the front of the car. "We were 'fuck-buddies'! That's it. Nothing more."

Carolyn waited, giving him time to calm himself. "You wanted more?" she asked softly.

"No! Hell, yes…I don't know. I never wanted…"

Nodding, Carolyn could imagine how the situation had been so misread by both parties. "But what did you need?"

"I needed to get my career on the advance, not get shunted to Staten Island."

Determined he wasn't going to detour her, Carolyn brought him back on track. "I'm talking about your personal life here, Mike. It wasn't Casey's fault that you got transferred. Your own actions–"

Carolyn braced herself, riding his resentment as he rounded on her. "I know what I did, okay? I don't need to be reminded."

Looking out her window, Carolyn saw Casey bypass a drunk patron who was trying to get her attention. "You going to make it up to her?" she asked, turning back to Mike.

"Who? Casey? Hell, no. That's all water under the bridge. Well…over the bridge." He gave a deprecating laugh.

Carolyn didn't smile at the joke. "Then make it up to yourself."

Mike did a double-take, his eyes wide. "How'm I gonna do that?"

"The next relationship you have with a woman…make it mean something."

"Hey, I don't…have relationships with women. They come…" He stuck out a hand, palm up, then made a small passing gesture. "…they go."

Carolyn shook her head sadly. "You ever been burned?"

"What is this, Barek?" he snarled, his temper flaring. "You playing Olivet now?"

"Just curious," she said, ignoring his anger, knowing it wasn't personal. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. But this is part of my make-up, Mike. I'm a profiler. This is how I become a good one. Talking to people, learning how they tick–"

"Making judgments," he gritted.

"No judgments." She shook her head. "I ride with you, don't I? I haven't asked for a transfer. In fact, I like working with you, Mike. I just need to know the man I spend so many of my waking moments with."

Carolyn curled her legs up under her again, and concentrated on their surveillance. The silence stretched between them as she watched more patrons come in and out of the nightclub, Casey moving amongst them with sassy nonchalance. She did her 'job' well, approaching several of them only to be rebuffed.

"She's good," Carolyn observed. "She can pick her mark. She doesn't approach anyone who might accept her offer and blow her cover."

"Yeah, she was good," Mike murmured.

Carolyn swung a sideways glance at him, and he held up his hands in surrender.

"That wasn't innuendo," he said quickly. "I just meant Roysen and the other guys had nothing but praise for her work. A lot of the guys tried to have her partner up with them."

"But not you."

"No way."

Carolyn noted how quickly and adamantly he answered that one. "Why not?"

"Partners and lovers? No way."

Carolyn nodded. "I s'pose you're right."

The silence this time was more companionable and Carolyn sighed and shifted her position, needing to stretch cramped muscles.

"Now who's fidgeting?" Mike asked.

Carolyn smiled. "Touché."

She sighed again, then closed her eyes, relying on Mike to keep lookout for a while. She hadn't learned much but it was a start, and it reinforced how close, still, Mike's demons were to the surface.

"My mother."

"Huh?" Carolyn's eyes snapped open, rapidly thinking back to what had been said.

"You asked me if I'd been burned," Mike mumbled, his voice sounding almost contrite. "I guess you could say the woman who did the best roasting was my mother."

"You told me," Carolyn said, remembering his admission during one of their first stake-outs. "She stoked the fire with alcohol."

Mike's jaw ground against his teeth.

Treading carefully, Carolyn accepted his invitation to reopen the discussion. "You going to blame all women for her misdeeds?"

"I don't blame women. I just…keep my distance."

And he wouldn't look at her when he said it.

She threw an idea out to him, gambling on his reaction. "You use them for what they're good for, and keep them at arm's length the rest of the time."

"I didn't say that."

You didn't have to. Keeping her voice even, Carolyn prodded a little more. "You need to overcome that attitude, Mike."

He swung his head round, teeth bared. "You trying to 'fix' me, Barek?"

"I spent two years of my life trying to fix a gambling addict, Logan. I don't beat my head against a wall twice in one lifetime."

He nodded, satisfied. "Good, 'cos I don't need fixing."

"But you need loving." Carolyn felt her commitment to their working partnership slip, as something else replaced it. "Everyone does. You can't deny yourself that. If the opportunity comes along…take it."

"I'll take that under my belt, Barek. Thanks."

Carolyn pressed her lips together, her eyes narrowing. "Now, that was innuendo, Mike. I didn't deserve that."

"Then I owe you, Barek. You can get me back another time."

oOo

A/N: I'm going to leave that scene there. Mike wasn't very nice about it, but I figure he's had two women on his case in one night, so I'll forgive him for the prickles. Carolyn did in fact, get her own back with him…in "Ocean's Two"…so I guess, in present fanfic land, they're even now. :-P