Diamond in the Rough
It was late that evening when Tim finally returned home, and he could feel the muscles in his shoulders tensing as he unlocked the front door. He knew that it was time to get this mess with Kate worked out, one way or another.
Fortunately, Kate was still awake, sitting on the couch with her legs curled under her, sipping at some tea and flipping idly through the channels. "You're home!" she said, putting down her tea and patting the couch cushion next to her. "Come sit down with me."
Tim did as he was asked, slumping down into the couch cushion as if he wished that it would swallow him up whole. Kate curled up next to his side, and Tim obliged her by placing his arm around her shoulders.
"I missed you today," she said in a low voice, absently running her fingers across Tim's abdomen. Tim reached out with his free hand and placed it over hers. He needed to concentrate, and as his conversation skills regarding big-important-talks-with-the-significant-other were already poor to begin with, he didn't need the added distraction of Kate's seduction.
"We need to talk," he began.
"About what?" Kate had intertwined her fingers with his, and was caressing his thumb with her own.
"About last night for starters, but more importantly about things in general."
"Things in general?"
Tim repressed a sigh and retreated briefly into himself, recalling a conversation with Calleigh not too long ago.
"If you're going to fight," she'd said, "stick to one topic and be specific. Fighting about unnamed generalities does neither party any good, but it can cause a lot of damage."
"Well, actually just one thing specifically, but it's a pretty big thing."
"And that thing would be…?" Kate wasn't making this easy for him as she snuggled up closer to him and squeezed his hands, tempting him to just forget about the entire conversation.
"Your need to change me."
"Change you?"
Tim shifted in his seat. Kate's parroting was wearing on him, and he wanted nothing more than to be able to stuff all his thoughts back inside himself. But Calleigh's words from that morning were still ringing in his ears, so he pressed on.
"How far are you going to let this go, Tim? Your bike? Your friends?"
"Yeah, Kate, change me. Look, I know I'm not the best dresser and my interior design skills suck, but that doesn't mean that you can just waltz in here and totally redo my whole life without consulting me."
"Timothy, you're the one who invited me to live with you."
Damn. He hated it when she was so level-headed, and he hated that he'd been the one to recklessly pursue her and still wanted - still needed - her badly even in spite of recent events.
"I know, Kate. But it would be nice if you would at least ask me before you remodeled my entire life. And for the record, I despise knit polos, so please don't ever make me wear one again."
Kate laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "You're this upset over a polo?"
Tim gritted his teeth. She was making him sound ridiculous. "No, I'm upset over the way you act when I protest any of these changes. You – you've just become so damn unreasonable about everything."
And there was the accusation.
Calleigh had told him time and time again to avoid statements like, "You are so..." because their accusatory nature always put the other person on the defensive. She was not going to be pleased when he relayed this conversation to her tomorrow. He could see her shaking her head, watching the way her golden hair shone under the light, and saying, "Tim, what are we going to do with you? Didn't you listen to anything I said?"
Tim did listen to what Calleigh said, more than she knew. He clung to every word that fell out of her mouth. He just wasn't so good with the follow-through.
Why does everything with you always come back to Cal?
Kate stiffened in his arms, pulling Tim out of his thoughts and back into the present situation.
"Maybe we need a break," she said coldly. It was Tim's turn to stiffen. Instinctively, he pulled her closer to him.
"Kate, babe, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it."
"But you said it."
"I say a lot of stupid things, Kate. You know that."
Kate remained silent while Tim racked his brain for more to say. Kate was reserved by nature, not prone to chatting aimlessly. It was something Tim liked, except during times like this, when Kate withdrew into her self, refusing to speak, and Tim found himself unable to keep the conversation (or argument) flowing.
Are you sure you like the silence? Because I know a certain blond who tends to be rather chatty, and you don't mind that at all.
Cal's different.
How so?
Because she's Cal.
You sure do think about her a lot.
I spend the majority of my waking hours working with her. Of course I'm going to think about her.
Hey, pal. I've seen your thoughts about her, and they are definitely not work-related.
Shut up.
Tim groaned and lowered his head, trying to shut out the voices. He wasn't sure when he'd started talking to himself like this, but he genuinely wondered if he was going crazy. If he wasn't insane yet, the constant bickering of the two voices in his head would eventually send him over the edge.
Tim started back-tracking. He had been ready for this conversation to end before it even began, and now he was in full-blown retreat. "Kate, I'm sorry. Let's just forget about it, okay? You know I'm going to say stupid things, no matter how hard I try not to. All I'm asking for is that you ask me before you make-over my entire life. You know I'm going to say okay ninety percent of the time."
Kate sighed. "Look, Timothy. You're a great guy. But you're definitely a little rough around the edges, and all I'm trying to do is polish you up some. You have a lot of potential under that rough exterior of yours, but if this is going to be a serious relationship, you're going to have to change some things."
Tim exploded into a quiet rage. "Look, Kate," he spat out through gritted teeth. "This rough exterior is who I am, all the way down to the core of my being. I'm never going to be someone who wears polos and khakis and plays golf with my country club buddies after work. I'm not your all-American guy, Kate, and if that's what you're trying to change me into then you're fighting a losing battle. I can't be carefree and fun and amuse myself with trivial entertainment. I see too much of the dark underbelly of life at work, and it affects me. It flows over into who I am as a person. I'm always going to be that brooding guy who rides a motorcycle and looks just dangerous enough that you know your parents would never approve. Look, Kate, I'm willing to do a lot for you. You can rearrange this entire apartment to your heart's content and I won't care. You can drag me along to your fancy dinner parties and I'll go, because I know it's important to you. You can even dress me up in fancy clothes, but it's not going to change who I am, and one of us, if not both, is going to end up disappointed. I'm just not that kind of guy, and that's something you need to come to terms with."
Tim's anger dissipated as quickly as it had appeared. Kate remained silent, and Tim forced himself to remain silent as well. It was her turn to speak. Kate let out a long sigh and then spoke, a resigned tone to her voice. "We definitely need to take a break. Maybe a permanent one."
"That seems a little drastic, doesn't it?" Tim asked. He was thoroughly confused.
"Not if you're going to be completely unwilling to compromise on anything."
"Kate, I just told you that I was willing. All I'm saying is that you can change my exterior all you like, but it's not going to change who I am on the inside."
Kate's next words were laced with ice. "Then I guess that's it. If you're not willing to change for me Timothy, there's no point in us continuing this relationship. I thought that if I accepted you for who you were in the beginning, then eventually you would be willing to change. But I guess I was wrong."
"Fine," Tim said, standing up. Part of him was wanting to beg her to stay, but his rational mind knew that if she stayed then it would only be a matter of time before they had this argument all over again. He grabbed his jacket and keys and headed for the door. "You can stay here until you're ready to leave. I'm going to Eric's."
"Tim, this is your apartment."
"You don't need to be out by yourself at this time of night trying to find somewhere to stay." Tim walked out the door empty-handed and shut it behind him before Kate could say anything else. He had more than one set of spare clothes at work.
TBC…