Lord Cynic: "This was a really bad idea…"
Mashu: "At least we can cross this off the release schedule now."
Lord Cynic: "Good point…" (listens to music) "I'm turning Japanese, oh yes, I'm turning Japanese, I really think so…"
Mashu: "Uh… do you know what the song really means?"
Lord Cynic: (bluntly) "Yes."
Mashu: "Okay…"
Lord Cynic: "We own nothing. And it's still a month away before I can get Ultimate Ninja…"
Missing in translation
"Hey Hinata! Have you ever, y'know, gotten fresh before?"
Hinata thought the entirety of her body's blood was being used to fill up her face, because not only was she blushing up a storm, but her arms and legs felt numb. She summoned up all her courage and willed her muscles to raise her head so she could timidly look at the inquisitive expression on Naruto-kun's face. The confusion that graced his whiskered features as he tilted his head sideways curiously caused hers to immediately lower to its previous submissive position.
"Um… er… ah… that is…" She dared a glance at Naruto-kun and ducked her gaze when she found him still staring expectantly. "N-No," she managed to squeeze from her vocal cords. "I-I haven't, N-N-Naruto-kun."
"Hmm…" Naruto-kun's face scrunched into a distorted version of a thoughtful expression as his eyes squinted, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth thinned. Suddenly, his (dazzling) blue eyes snapped open as his mouth curved into a dubious frown. "What about your team? Y'know, Bug Boy and Dog Breath?"
Hinata somehow blushed and paled simultaneously. What was Naruto-kun thinking? Her and Shino-kun? Her and Kiba-kun? … All three of them, together? She shook her head as firmly as she ever did and quietly objected. "N-No, N-N-Naruto-kun. Never."
The frown surprisingly flipped into a (delighted?) smile. Hinata flushed.
"Good!" Naruto-kun declared. "If they try anything funny, just call for me. I'll make them pay! Especially the flea bag…"
Hinata's heart fluttered and threatened to fly out through her mouth. Did Naruto-kun really mean that? He had sounded fierce, as if he was protecting her from a hated foe. Was… was he… did he…
"Your old man probably wouldn't like it either, eh?" Naruto-kun added, pulling Hinata from her reverie. "I mean, he's a jerk, a real big jerk (Hinata gasped slightly) but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want you hurt by those two."
Hinata nodded dumbly, knowing that her father would indeed throw a fit (and a fist) at anyone who would dare do such a thing to either of his two daughters. Even if his oldest was a failure… No, she wouldn't give up! Not when she had Naruto-kun to inspire her! Her sweet, brave, kind-hearted, handsome –
"Me and Sasuke do it all the time." W-W-What! "He usually starts it, too!" Naruto-kun added with a grumble. W-What was he saying? Why was he saying it? "Then we usually go back and forth until Sakura-chan gets involved." He shuddered unbeknownst to Hinata, who was in the process of hyperventilating. "She really hurts…"
Hinata had to stop this now, while she was still conscious and sane. Naruto-kun was starting to scare her now. And he looked like he intended to say more.
"N-N-N-N-Naruto-kun," she stammered with quiet hysteria. "P-Please stop."
"Huh?" Thankfully, Naruto had the basic observation skills to detect Hinata's distress. He peered closely at her, causing her heartbeat to escalate rapidly. "Hey, don't worry." She relaxed somewhat when he flashed her a trademark foxy grin. Of course, he had to be talking about something else. He didn't really mean "getting fresh", not like that. No, that could never happen. Naruto-kun and Sasuke-san weren't like that. And Sakura-san… she'd never condone such a thing. Never in a milli – "I usually come out on top!"
Thud
Whatever Naruto expected, it wasn't Hinata fainting. And it showed. He immediately went into a panic, jumping around and flailing his arms wildly and pointlessly. Amidst his frenzy, the minor rational aspect of his thinking deduced that it was most probably something he'd said, but which part? In his mind, what he'd been asking her and what he'd been talking about was normal for him.
Wasn't that what "getting fresh" meant, after all? Or did it mean taking a bath… no, that'd be stupid… not the way he'd heard some old pervert hanging outside the women's bathhouses talk about it. He'd made him pay for being such a lecher in any case.
But what was he supposed to do with Hinata now? He couldn't just leave her there, and people would start having fits and threatening him if he carried her around the village. Damn…
"Hey, Naruto!" Oh, thank the ramen gods, someone who could help! Even if it was Dog Breath and his mutt. "Have you seen Hinata? We've been looking for her everywhere." The mutt, er, Akamaru, yipped in his way of agreeing.
"Oh, uh…" Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "Heh…"
"Naruto." Naruto and Dog Breath (er, Kiba) nearly jumped out of their skins at the creepily monotone voice that belonged to Shino, a.k.a. Bug Boy. Said sunglasses-wearing boy stepped into view, his face ever a mystery (since he covered it up all the time). He seemed to be looking at normal as ever, and Naruto could never tell the difference anyway. Why then did he seem to be buzzing? "What happened with Hinata?"
Oh, right. Damn. "Well, uh…" Naruto racked his brains for ideas, but all he could come up with was, "She fainted!"
"That much is obvious."
"Just what the hell did you do this time?" Dog Breath demanded, glaring at Naruto. His mutt growled threateningly, and Naruto was glad his pants were sturdy enough to withstand bite marks… hopefully. If it ever came to that.
"I… well, I…" The blond sighed inwardly, and figured he'd better get it over and done with. Besides, what was the worst that could happen? "Hey, what does "getting fresh," mean?"
The other boys face faulted into the dirt, leaving Naruto wondering what was wrong with his question. Bug Boy recovered quickly, as he usually did, and Naruto thought it was better not knowing what was beyond the sunglasses. Especially since the buzzing was getting louder. What was wrong now?
"What the hell kind of question is that?" Kiba all but screamed, jumping off the ground and grabbing a startled Naruto by the collar. The whiskered boy blinked obliviously.
"Well, I thought it meant getting into fights," he started to explain. "But then when I was talking about Sasuke and Sakura-chan, Hinata fainted. What's up with that?"
"Naruto," Bug Boy spoke, with a definite edge in his voice, "I will assume you have been educated incorrectly in the term "getting fresh". It does not, as you have thought, mean getting into fights. It is very different."
"No joke!" Dog Boy agreed. "No wonder Hinata fainted! She thought you were talking about…" For some unknown reason, he blushed and looked down, releasing Naruto. "Well, that is…"
"Huh?" Naruto was bewildered. "What's up?"
"What it means," Bug Boy began to explain, "is to have relations with someone."
"Relations? Like, family or something?"
"Idiot!" Dog Breath yelled, getting in Naruto's face again, "it means to have… to do…"
"Do what?" Naruto still wasn't getting it, and it was confusing the crap out of him.
"Sex!"
Time stopped. Bug Boy's buzzing stopped. The wind stopped. The pounding of a pervert near the bathhouse stopped.
"WHAT!"
Naruto started incredulously at Dog Breath, then at Bug Boy, then at Hinata. If it meant what Dog Breath said it did, then he… and Hinata… and he'd said…
In all things cruel and ironic, he failed to notice his body falling limp onto Hinata's as his brain shut the rest of itself down completely.
Thud
The End (cough
Lord Cynic: "I'm not even going to try to explain this."
Mashu: "Good idea…"