I know the formatting was wonky on the last chapter. Break tags aren't creating breaks. Annoying. Trying to figure out a new word processor. Also, coming up on serious work, serious classes, an serious best-friend-getting-married. I will be extremely busy, I want to finish this fic (about 5-6 chapters left) but updates may not be weekly like they were over the summer.
Be kind about my typos, It's late.
Chapter 25- Threats
"C'mon Black, it's not even that late…"
"It's too late for you to be out of the common room," I replied, unmoved by begging. "Five points…and get a move on or I'll make it more."
"But I have to go the library…" begged Cailean Dresden, a Slytherin third year who already had a reputation as a charmer, a reputation he was clearly trying to work on me, giving me a beseeching look from behind eyelashes that made the younger girls sigh.
"The fact that you left your holiday homework until the night we got back to school is not my problem, Dresden. The fact that you're out of the common room is, so let's go."
Not without some uncomplimentary muttering about prefects thinking they ran the world, he relented and walked with me back to the common room. For a Slytherin, he was unusually friendly and high-spirited, and a moment later had stopped scowling and tried to engage me in conversation, which surprised me as younger students didn't normally.
"Where's Lestrange? Don't you usually do patrols with him?"
"Forget it, Rabastan isn't going to let you off the hook either."
He shrugged. "Yeah, I know. I just figured you might have got him alone and hexed him."
"What?"
"Well, I mean you're not the type to fight, being a lady and all," he said quickly, as though that might have offended me. "But I don't figure you'd just let him say anything."
"What do you mean?"
He glanced at me, and then suddenly started to look uncomfortable. "Oh…you weren't at the Armstrong's New Year's Party?"
"No, my Uncle died and we didn't go to many parties. Why?"
He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked pointedly at a blank spot on the stone wall. "Oh...uh…nothing. I was just being stupid, you know? Just a dumb kid, I don't know anything."
Though young, he was anything but dumb and clearly realized he had gotten himself into a conversation he didn't want to be in.
"Tell me," I said, in a voice unconsciously learned from my mother, who could speak mildly and still make it a command.
"Listen Black, I don't want trouble with you or Lestrange, okay?"
"I won't tell him who I heard it from. Tell me, Dresden." I was willing to pull my wand on him, but I didn't have to, he took a deep breath and spoke very quickly as though to get it all out in one breath.
"Just at the Armstrong's party he said that he'd seen you being awfully friendly to a mudblood, and he thought your parents would put a stop to that especially because your cousin turned out to be such a blood-traitor and they should take a lesson from that," he finished quickly and bit his lip, giving me a "don't kill the messenger" look.
"I see…" I said calmly.
"Didn't seem like anyone believed him really…" he said hesitantly.
"It's no big deal, Rabastan is not known for his insight," I said easily as we got back to the common room, and gave the password. "Get to your room, and I swear if you try to sneak out again I'll take a hundred points, and your housemates will eat you alive."
It was an especially effective threat in Slytherin, and he looked like he believed me and scampered for the stairs. I didn't go to my room immediately, knowing my roommates would be still awake desperately trying to finish holiday homework that they had left as well, but was instead for a moment grateful for the darkened silence of the common room. I shouldn't have been surprised, I suppose, but I was. I considered Rabastan a friend, and was a little hurt that he had talked behind my back rather than asking me directly, but more than that worried about just who he had talked to. I had seen him give me curious looks a few times the previous term, but I had never put it together. Since he'd said I was "being friendly" with a muggle-born and not "Andromeda was snogging a muggle-born in the library," I figured he hadn't accidentally seen anything particularly shocking, probably just seen me talking to Ted and took his own conclusions. Despite my comment to Dresden, he wasn't stupid.
That was in my favor, he would know what I meant when I reminded him what might happen to a boy who started rumors about Bella's sister. Satisfied with that plan, I was going to go to bed, when-
"Andromeda."
Bella was sitting in an armchair quite near the fire, but it had burned down so low she was hidden by shadows, and so still and silent I hadn't even seen her. When I turned, she was perfectly still except for a red-tipped fingernail tapping against the armrest of the chair. I felt a flash of foreboding. She knew. Narcissa had followed through.
Narcissa was hardly the type to make idle threats, and so for the rest of the holidays I was waiting for something to happen, the explosion, the drama. Every time someone walked into a room I expected them to say something, every time my parents so much as looked at me I froze in sudden terror, expecting a slap, or even more likely a curse. From every side I was expecting lectures about honor and disgracing the family, and yet there was nothing. I stayed out of the way, avoiding both her, and my parents, hoping that the old adage of "out of sight, out of mind" would be true.
By the time the end of the holiday came and we got ready to go back to school, I wondered what she was thinking. I knew she couldn't have told my parents, because they would not have kept quiet about such a thing. Since it was unlikely she had forgotten, I had to assume she had decided not to tell anyone. I wondered about her reasons, but I would have been a fool to mention it, and so I was merely thankful the rest of the holiday passed in relative peace.
Bella spent the last part of the holiday in France, invited by Elizabeth. Or that is what she told our parents. I don't doubt that Elizabeth was there, but I doubted she and Bella were interested in the same things. My parents were not stupid, but I imagine they recognized the time they could control Bella was well past, and indeed they probably thought they had no reason to worry- she might be the one who raised the most eyebrows, and yet she managed to get away with it, and they were sure she had her priorities straight.
I was, for the first time, glad to be separated from her. Despite my brave words to Ted, she had scared me more than any of her violent rages had. Somehow, it was far more terrifying when she was quiet and entirely aware of herself…calculating. I really did believe she wouldn't hurt me intentionally, but she was so reckless with the kind of magic she played with that it was hardly out of the question she would encounter unexpected , and very likely dangerous, results.
She had come directly to the station with Elizabeth, and we'd hardly had a second to talk, but now I knew without a question what Narcissa had meant. She didn't mean she would tell our parents, for while they had the power to punish, their opinion meant little to me. She had meant she would tell Bella.
"I didn't see you there," I said pointlessly.
She didn't answer me immediately, but I could feel her eyes on me.
"We need to talk," she said finally, in a soft voice, and my fears were confirmed.
"Bella, it's late, and I'm tired," I began, but she didn't even bother to acknowledge that comment, merely cut me off by standing and starting to pace in front of the fire quickly, dark hair flying each time she turned, her restless movements throwing strange shadows around the room.
"You know, it's not unusual, or particularly condemnable, to have a sort of…interest…curiosity…even a fascination…about things that are forbidden. I understand that. Merlin knows I understand it," she said gently, and glanced at me and hardened her voice a little. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I've been thinking of other things lately, that's my fault, but Cissy wouldn't lie, not about something like this."
I didn't bother to deny it, watching her warily, not entirely sure she wouldn't whirl and curse me.
"You're not the first pureblood woman to fall into this trap, you know. It's exciting, unknown…it's happened to others. But not you Andy, I won't let that happen. You're better than that. There's no room for you to make mistakes now. Not at your age, not after the blood-traitor has made everyone wonder about our family's honor…" She shook her head slightly. "If you want a fling Andy, you can have almost any boy. You're beautiful, and you're a Black."
"Bella, it's not…"
"I don't care what it is Andromeda, but I can tell you what it looks like. It looks like you're a muggle-lover, a blood-traitor. You can't throw away your future and your reputation on something like this."
"It's none of your business who I'm friends with," I said, knowing my voice did not sound nearly as brave as I wanted it to.
"That's what I don't understand…you've never been like Sirius…you're not friends with mudbloods. Granted, the McKinnon family do tend to be muggle-lovers, but you're not like the blood-traitor who felt like he should cozy up to every pretty little mud blood girl who looked his way. The boys you've gone out with- Avery, and Davis, they're decent, pureblood men. That's why I can't believe you'd waste your time with a mudblood. I assume you're bored, I assume you're toying with him, but you must remember how it looks, Andromeda."
She turned back to me and I saw her wand in her hand, tapping nervously against her thigh. She followed the direction of my gaze for a second, and then met my eyes. She broke her path pacing in front of the fire, and strode over to where I was still standing frozen halfway to the stairs.
"So what to do about it? Cissy thought Mother and Father ought to be told, but I don't. They'd take you out of Hogwarts, you know. That would ruin everything. Ruin your future. That's not what you want, is it Andy? You're smarter than that, and I told Cissy there was no need for that, that you'd do the right thing if we just talked about it." She was dangerously close to me. "Whatever is going on with that mudblood Andy, end it," she said, as if it was that simple, and I suppose to her, it was. She reached out and I almost flinched away, but she just tucked a stray curl behind my ear. "I would never hurt you. You know that, don't you Andy?" she leaned closer, so that she was speaking only an inch from my ear. "I would never hurt you, but I will kill him if I have to."
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I didn't sleep that night, that particular closing remark replaying through my mind over and over. She meant it. By the way she said it and what I already knew, I would be stupid if I didn't admit I knew deep down she had killed before.
I hadn't spoken to Ted since I had left his house so abruptly, and I regretted that almost immediately. I had been angry, frustrated, and confused, but it had not been a particularly helpful or mature way of dealing with it. I hadn't seen him on the train despite Marlene telling me to stop being such a bitch and go find him and apologize. Her carefree attitude about the whole thing annoyed, me, but then she and Sirius had seemingly bigger fights on a weekly basis. She said, with a level of insight I didn't give her credit for, that it would have been a bigger problem if Ted and I didn't fight, at least we were being honest with each other. While I wasn't ready to see it in quite such a positive light, it did make me feel a little better that she didn't see it as a great tragedy.
I had seen him at dinner, albeit from a distance at his table, but there simply had been no way to speak to him. The first night back at school after the holidays, even the shorter Christmas holiday, was nothing but chaos, a last minute rush of finishing work and finding still-packed books and "Where's my…" and "Can I…" and the upset in routine led to short tempers and made it, in short, a bad time to be a prefect. Just keeping order in the Slytherin common room and getting my own things in order left me with no time and energy, and certainly not the clarity of mind to deal with making up with Ted.
I hated apologizing, but I knew perfectly well as soon as I calmed down, that I had to. I didn't intend to back down, I still thought he didn't understand Bella like I did and he probably never would, but I hadn't handled it well. There were some things we might never agree on, but I was willing to make an effort nonetheless.
Or that was what I had been thinking, and what I had meant to say when I saw him again. Bella's warning changed everything.
I could tell him, he already knew that Narcissa had said something once. I could tell him Bella knew, I could tell him exactly what she had said, but…well, he claimed he had had learned a few things about me over the past few years…I had learned a few things about him as well. He wasn't going to give up because it was what Bella wanted. He wasn't going to give a damn what Bella wanted or what my parents wanted or what the entire pureblood world wanted.
The only thing he would really care about was what I wanted.
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I didn't fall asleep until nearly morning, overslept and was late for potions, and was in a particularly nasty mood all morning. It was impossible to avoid Ted given that he was in most of my classes, and strained silences would have been far too taxing, so I was rather glad when he caught up with me after lunch, luckily when I was alone, having snapped at anyone who tried to talk to me.
"Could I interest you in skipping Ancient Runes?"
I turned, startled, and then for a moment couldn't help smiling, because it was him, because it was exactly the kind of thing he would say, and because I had missed him.
"Are you suggesting a prefect should skip class on the first day of a new term?"
He pretended to consider it for a moment. "Yes."
"Okay."
The only way to skip class at Hogwarts and still avoid Filch was to get out of the castle, so by tacit agreement we walked toward the lake. It was cold enough to sting color into my cheeks but not particularly uncomfortable at a brisk pace.
"I'm sorry," I said abruptly, and awkwardly. "That I laid all that on you and then just walked out-"
"I know it wasn't the best time to attack you about how you deal with your sister, I'm sorry about that, that's not what you came to me for," he admitted.
"The point is…" I took a deep breath, the rest of the words catching in my throat. I couldn't do it, I absolutely couldn't lie to him. I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him, but I had come to my decision the night before. I have to do this. It's not fair to him to drag him into my life. Bella meant what she said.
"The point is," I began again, "this can never work, we were being stupid to think it could."
He didn't answer for a moment, and when he did he sounded tired. "Where is that coming from?"
"What do you mean? The only thing we learned from any of this is that we're coming from totally different worlds…"
"Four months ago you said you wanted to be with me, and a week ago you said you didn't want to end up like your Mother and her friends. What's changed Andy? You've done a complete one-eighty in a week."
"It's too hard. I'm not like Sirius, I can't just walk away from my family. I can't have them hate me and ignore me. The best thing we can do is just end this now before anyone gets hurt." Before you get hurt. "It's just easier that way."
"You've never taken the easy way out."
"My family isn't gong anywhere, and they're not going to change."
"They weren't going to change last week either."
"Ted look, I never lied to you. I said we should take this one day at a time because I was never sure it could happen, and we gave it a shot. You've always known who I am and what I am. I'm a Black, I'm a pureblood witch. It's not a world you can just ignore, and you can't understand it…you can pretend you do, but you'll never really get it, and all this has just illustrated that."
That was harsh, I knew that, and I expected him to get angry. I wanted him to get angry because that would make it easier for me. He remained perfectly calm, which only frustrated me.
"And that's what you want? To live in that pureblood world?"
I shrugged. "It's who I am. I guess I'm getting that now. There are good things about pureblood traditions too, you know. I guess this rebellion thing was just…that. It was fun, but we were silly to think it could last. You just can't be what I need."
I couldn't believe the words actually came out as I wanted them to. I was never a good liar, and I hated everything I was saying, and yet making it possible was that I could nearly hear Bella in my head- I will kill him if I have to. The look in her eyes. She will. You can't take that chance.
"I see," he said evenly, and we walked in silence for a few moments. "If that's what you want Andy, then I'll respect that."
"Thank you."
I turned back to the castle, because I couldn't manage it for a second longer, I couldn't keep my face in that cool, unaffected expression, and I couldn't cry in front of him.
"Andy?" he said, before I get even a few steps away. I stopped, but I didn't turn back, because if I did he would see my face, and he would know it was all a lie. "I'll respect that, but I don't believe you."
I have never wanted anything more than to turn around and bury my face in his shoulder, but I walked back to the castle with perfectly even steps, not rushing, and not looking back.
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I had been strong enough to walk away from him, but I hadn't reckoned with the fact that I'd have to see him in nearly every class, or that my friends would have opinions on the subject, and were not the sort to keep opinions to themselves.
"You're an idiot," said Sirius simply, falling into step with me as I left the Great Hall after dinner, which I had not eaten. I was hoping to just go back to my room and hide in my bed behind the curtains. Just for the night I needed to be alone, and I didn't need criticism.
"Duly noted," I muttered, hoping if I agreed he would go away.
"You broke up with him?"
"Glad to know he felt the need to tell you that."
He grabbed my shoulder, hard, pulling me around. "Don't do that Andy. He didn't tell anyone until Marlene asked him flat out, and you know that's not his style." He took a deep breath, about to really lay into me, when Marlene appeared around the corner.
"Sirius, I told you…" she began, and then took his arm. "Come on."
"I'm trying to…"
"I know, love," she said quietly. "I know what you're trying to do but this isn't something you can fix." She glanced back at me and gave me a soft smile. "If you want to talk, you know where to find me."
The only other person who dared to talk to me that night was Narcissa, who came creeping into my room and drew back the curtain around my bed where I was ostensibly studying. I hadn't turned a page in about twenty minutes.
"Are you all right?"
Childish perhaps, but I gave her the silent treatment.
"I'm sorry Andy, but I had to," she said, her voice more vulnerable than I had ever heard it. I wanted to ask her why she had to, but I knew the answer would be something about purity and tradition and what was proper that no longer seemed as important to me as it once had. Narcissa didn't move, apparently resolved to wait until I decided to talk to her. In a way, I was still mad, I hadn't forgiven her and there was a part of me that never would, something had changed between us that wouldn't go back. On the other hand, a part of me knew she had really just forced events to an inevitable conclusion…if it hadn't been her it would have been someone else, I already knew Rabastan had been talking. Even if we had managed to keep it a secret until Bella left school, someone would have eventually told her, and told Mother and Father. In her own way, Narcissa had done what she thought was best, forcing me to end it before Mother and Father found out. I thought for a second maybe it was better that I'd been forced to end it before I got in too far, but then I knew really it was too late for that already.
"I don't want you to be unhappy Andy, but you know that never could have worked. People were starting to talk, you know."
"I don't care what people say."
She bit her lip, and then shrugged and said again softly "I'm sorry Andy," before letting the curtain fall closed and leaving.
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With that much drama on the first day of term, I needed some time to simply get back into the rhythm of school, and I was glad to focus on classes because that gave me something to think about that distracted me from my own sullen mood. It was comfortable, and I imagine that term my school work was better than it had ever been, even the teachers commented that I was outdoing myself.
I really had expected Marlene to be angry with me, or at least to give me a lecture similar to the one Sirius had started- that I was being stupid. Instead, she talked about everything but that. Sometimes I caught her looking at me like she wanted very badly to say something, but she had decided, and laid down the law to Sirius, that it was something I had to figure out on my own. Sirius contented himself with glaring at me and muttering, and while it annoyed me at the time, I could imagine that without really knowing it himself, he saw something in me that made him think that maybe his choice to defy the family would be right for me as well.
Having taken care of the minor problem of her sister being seen with a mudblood, Bella seemed to be enjoying her last term. Teachers had pretty much given up on controlling her, but no one doubted she would show well on her exams. Without sneaking around, I was spending a lot more time around Slytherins, and a lot more time around her, and she seemed oblivious to my mood. Since she always seemed to sense what I was thinking, I assumed she was ignoring it. Narcissa knew well enough to stay away from me.
The term seemed to drag by, and I wasn't sleeping well, and so mostly tired and lethargic. I knew friends were worried about me, everyone from Marlene to young Cailean Dresden (who had decided I was the woman of his dreams and soon I would realize it) were making none-too-subtle inquiries about my health. I was just exhausted by trying too hard not to think about anything that mattered. I was blinking and yawning at breakfast one morning, and I didn't see how it started, but Ted would tell me later it was entirely an accident, he didn't go looking for trouble. I heard Bella's voice behind me, raised slightly in annoyance.
"Damn it, are mudbloods born without the ability to watch where you're going?"
It was a little girl who had gotten in her way. I had no idea who the girl was, clearly a first year, and I couldn't imagine how Bella knew anything about her parentage. The child was a Ravenclaw, Bella had been walking between the two tables, and honestly, if the little girl had apologized and run off, it might have been let go, but she stuck out her lip.
"You stepped on my foot," she said to Bella, as though she expected an apology for this.
"Awww, poor little baby…did that hurt?" Bella murmured gently, mockingly, and while the child looked perplexed by this response, I knew the danger signs. Unfortunately, as I swung out of my seat, someone else spoke first, from the Ravenclaw table.
"Back off, Black."
Ted, who happened to be sitting a few seats down from where this little exchange was taking place, had decided to step in on behalf of the little girl, or perhaps just because he didn't like Bella. It hardly mattered, for I expect when the idea presented itself, she felt like she had a reason to engage him, and she saw an opportunity to teach him a lesson. She smiled slowly.
"You don't want to make this your fight, mudblood."
He swung around and stood up, and I stood as well, seeing all too well where this was going. "It's easy to pick on first years, hm?" he said. Bella's amusement vanished, and I sucked in my breath. He had no idea how stupid that was…nobody could say, or even imply, that Bellatrix Black was a coward. She pushed the little girl out of her way, no longer interested.
"You think you're really something, don't you…" she said softly.
"Bella," I began.
"Andy, shut up," she snapped. Ted's eyes flicked to me briefly, but I'm not sure he even saw me.
"I'm not afraid of you, Bellatrix," he said simply, and I thought, at least at that moment, he meant it.
As so many other possible crises at Hogwarts ended- a teacher intervened. Dumbledore, who was really the only teacher Bellatrix would ever mind- although she might call him an old fool in the presence of others, it was widely rumored that even Lord Voldemort feared him. It sounded ridiculous, but despite being an old man with a slightly absent-minded and vague air about him, Dumbledore was extremely powerful, and in reality he missed nothing.
"Good morning…is there a problem, Miss Black?" he said pleasantly, as though he was asking Bella about the weather. She turned, and rather surreptitiously pocketed her wand again.
"No," she said simply, leaving off "Sir" as an intentional but not too obvious insult.
He smiled benevolently. "Good, one does like to start off the day on a good note, and nearly time for your first classes to begin, so everyone really ought to be getting on."
Bella glared at him for a moment, as though thinking all the things she desperately wanted to say. Perhaps she had been told not to engage him, perhaps she just knew it wasn't her place, perhaps she knew she couldn't win, but she just gave a short nod and turned away. There was almost a palpable relief in the hall as people slowly started to breathe again and gather up their things to go to class.
My first class was potions, and as I sat through it, barely listening to Slughorn, I got more and more angry. To an extent at Bella, but I had gotten to the point where nothing she did could really shock me. I was angry at Ted. He, of all people in Hogwarts, ought to know what she was capable of. Ought to know because I had told him. He knew what she was capable of and he knew that as a muggle-born and as a muggle-born who had the audacity to talk to me, she was just waiting for him to give her a reason to focus on him, and now he had.
Unfortunately, we had all the same classes, and while he slipped into potions a few minutes late, he was walking into defense just behind me, and I turned around and stopped him in the doorway. "Are you out of your mind?"
He blinked at me, and then said incredulously, "You're mad at me?"
"Mostly because I assume you're not as stupid as you made yourself out to be this morning."
"I was just supposed to let Megan go up against Bella?"
"If Megan is stupid enough to go up against Bella, then she's not going to make it at this school very long…"
"That's not the point…"
"Yes it is, you made yourself a target not only for Bella but all of her little minions…"
"Don't be stupid And-"
"I'm not, do you have any idea how damn-"
"Miss Black! Mr. Tonks! Is there a problem here?" Professor Summers, despite being shorter than both of us, seemed to loom over us, and we realized too late we were the only people left in the hall. "That was not a rhetorical question," she added when neither of us answered. "Is there a problem here?"
"No, Ma'am."
"No, Ma'am."
"Good, then there will be no problem with you both serving detention tonight, as you are both late. Now, would you like to join the class or would you prefer the rest of us wait while you finish your conversation?"
"Sorry, Ma'am."
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I could feel Ted's eyes on me all day, and as usual I felt bad for getting angry, and yet not unjustified. It was on thing for me to try to talk Bella down from violence against some hapless child, I was her sister and someone she might listen to. For a muggle-born to do it was nearly suicide. It was still the talk of the school by dinner time that night, when we were finally released from an interminable transfiguration lesson. I hung back to wait for Marlene, and as we left Rabastan and Mulciber were walking a few paces ahead of us. Rabastan had been given to running off his mouth that term, saying mostly things that I recognized from Bella, which meant he got them from Rodolphus. Since Cailean Dresden had reported he had been talking about me, I had been avoiding him, but I couldn't avoid hearing their conversation.
"…to Bella Black, if you'd believe it," he was saying. "The mudbloods at this school have no idea what's waiting for their kind out in the real world. Getting entirely too bold," he leveled his wand at someone a few meters ahead, at Ted. "And that kid needs to be taught a lesson…" he grinned, clearly thinking he was the one to do it, right now.
Both Rabastan and his brother were big guys, and he was easily five inches taller and fifty pounds heavier than me, but I took him completely by surprise, and slammed him against the wall by his throat. Once there, he didn't move because my wand was pressing into his ribcage.
"Holy shit, Black!" he gasped before I pressed harder and cut off his voice.
"Do not interfere with the affairs of my family," I said evenly. It was to my benefit at that moment that I looked so much like Bella. He looked nearly paralyzed by fear, but then nodded, eyes wide. Feeling in control, I leaned a little closer. "And if I ever hear you talk about me again, I will have your blood."
I twisted my wand slightly, so he winced, and then released him. He stumbled away, giving me a look of wide-eyed shock, and then backed away quickly with Mulciber, massaging his throat.
Marlene echoed him with "Holy Shit, Andy…"
A few paces away, Ted had paused with Frank at the disturbance, and rather than looking horrified, he was wearing a slight smile.
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"Idiot," I muttered aloud as I was walking to detention an hour later.
"Who's an idiot?" piped up a voice behind me. I turned to find Cailean, my constant shadow now that he had decided on me as the future mother of his children.
"You are. Not today, Dresden. I'm not in the mood to deal with you."
"Oh, your muggle-born friend, he's an idiot, huh? Yeah, I know…" he nodded knowingly.
"Don't talk about things you don't understand," I snapped.
"But I do!" he replied, sounding hurt. I felt bad.
"Cailean, just not…"
"No, really! Yeah, he's an idiot, but if he's willing to stand up to your family…heck, that's pretty cool, and pretty brave, right? That's something." He shrugged again, and then gave me his trademark smile that sent the younger girls to pieces. "If you don't marry me, you should marry him." Stellar. I was getting romantic advice from a thirteen-year-old.
"Don't be stupid Dresden. And get lost."
"Sure thing. Considering you kicked Lestrange's arse I don't reckon anyone's going to mess with you now," he snickered, scampering off as I entered the defense classroom.
Ted wasn't there yet, but Professor Summers was, and greeted me as though I wasn't in trouble, but then "tsked" at me sadly.
I'm disappointed Andromeda…it's not like you to cause trouble, and your work this term has been exemplary. What's going on?"
"Nothing, Ma'am."
She looked at me shrewdly but didn't say anything else until Ted arrived, not even glancing in my direction.
"Well, as I think writing lines would be a waste of your time, although your time ought to be wasted since you wasted mine, I can think of something more useful for both of you to do."
"Something more useful" was essentially filing, and while perhaps helpful to her, was mind-numbingly boring and the silence was absolutely deafening, until she stood.
"If I need to step out for a moment, can I trust the both of you to keep on with that and not be at each other's throats?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
She looked skeptical, but then nodded and left the room.
As soon as the door closed behind her, Ted spoke. "Just brilliant, do you have any idea how much homework I have tonight?"
"And that's my fault?"
"That we're stuck in detention? Yes. You're the one attacked me outside the classroom-"
"Because you were being stupid and shouldn't get involved-"
"Bellatrix doesn't run the world Andromeda, or even Hogwarts, and it's about time someone stood up to her-"
"I don't care about "someone," I care about you!"
He blinked, and I realized what I'd said. He stared at me, as though he couldn't really believe that's what I'd said either. I turned away quickly, back to the task, not looking at him.
"Andy…"
Was I really so weak that even his saying my name made my resolve waver?
"Why did you attack Lestrange today?"
"He's been talking about me since the holidays," I lied. That had been going on all term and I hadn't given it much thought. I had acted when he pointed a wand at Ted's back, and Ted was not such an idiot that he didn't realize that.
"You really need to stop using your family as an excuse," he said finally, as though it were just an offhand comment, a throwaway remark.
"Excuse me?"
"That's exactly what you're doing. I know you don't agree with what your family believes but it's a hell of a lot easier to say you can't take any risks because they won't approve. Put it on Bellatrix, so you don't have to admit that you're scared of getting hurt. Because you're not like them Andy, I know you at least that well. And it's easier now to be exactly what they want, but what about in ten years? You don't agree with them, I know you don't or we never would have gotten this far."
I crushed a piece of parchment in my hand, pushing it too hard into the drawer and felt the sting of a paper cut. I looked down at my hand, at a little spot of blood, and that was the thing…blood.
"It doesn't matter," I said. "It's blood Ted. I am who I am. My family isn't going anywhere and they're not going to change. You don't know how dangerous that is."
"I don't care…"
"I do! Do you have any idea how terrifying that is? To think I could be the reason that reason someone goes after you? I can't live, wondering every day, waiting to hear that you've disappeared, or been killed."
"It's a fucking war Andromeda, everyone is taking that chance every day, and you're not exactly safe from it either, are you? Does it occur to you that maybe I'm scared too? There are no guarantees, I get that. It's my choice to stay in this world, and it's my choice if I want to take the chance of being with you."
"Bella said she would kill you," I stated simply. Maybe I was running out of arguments, maybe I was just tired of arguing, but I laid out the truth.
"I can-"
"No Ted, you can't!" I cut him off, voice rising, before he even got the words out. "You can't handle Bella! You can't take her! I know her a Hell of a lot better than you do and I know I can't take her. She knows magic you've never even imagined and even if you could you wouldn't. She'll hurt you…I can't…I can't be the one who's responsible for that…I can't…" I shook my head, biting back tears, hating such an obvious sign of weakness. I looked down at my hand, where blood was still seeping from the tiny cut. "I can't change who I am."
"I'm not asking you to," he said quietly. "I'm asking you to take a risk despite who you are."
A tear escaped, which I wiped away roughly, almost viciously, leaving make-up in a smear on my cheek. He was biting his lip, watching me.
"Andy…"
Damned if it wasn't something about the way he said my name. I turned into him and he knew I was going to, his arms around me. He kissed me, tangling a hand in my hair, but not asking anything more at that moment than that kiss. It was brief, light, easy, but somehow more than it had been before, more of a commitment, an acknowledgement of "I can accept this about you."
I stayed in his arms, resting against him, until a sudden voice brought us back to reality with an embarrassing jolt.
"That is not what I meant when I said not to be at each other's throats," said Professor Summers from the doorway, but she didn't look very angry.