Fluffiest fluff that has ever fluffed. And yet despite that this was actually the bitchiest chapter yet. I have re-worked it so much that not a single word remains from the original version, which is no loss because that version was bad, and it's kind of randomly tossed together scenes that have been rattling around my brain.

Chapter 26 - Three Words

"I love you" is a relatively short and simple phrase, easy enough to say. I say it all the time now. To Dora, every time she leaves the house, because she has a dangerous job and we live in an uncertain world. To Ted, for a million reasons every day. However, it was not something we said in the Black family. In some cases it was understood…I knew Bella and Cissy loved me, I knew Sirius and Regulus did, without anything having to be said. Our parents certainly never said anything of the sort to us, and I assume they didn't to each other. Bella liked to talk tough, but her claiming that she didn't believe in love was perfectly in line with the family. Blacks trusted family, and believed in blood and power. Love was giving away power to someone else, it was a weakness, and Blacks did not accept weakness.

I couldn't say exactly why it was on my mind at the beginning of that summer, except that I was beginning to wonder how you knew you were in love, and if you were, how you let them know. It never occurred to me it was as simple as just saying it.

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Andy- Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron at noon. I need your help with something. It's important! -S.B.

When I first saw the owl, I thought maybe it was from Ted. But once past that disappointment, I was curious as to what Sirius needed that was so important, and what he could possibly need me to help him with.

It was surprisingly easy to get out of the house without getting caught. I have no idea what Bella had been up to the night before, but she had an excruciating hangover and when I stuck my head in her room to see if she wanted a potion for it, told me to get out and "stop shouting dammit" before she hexed me. Narcissa was nowhere to be found, so it seemed no one would even notice my absence.

"Is anything wrong?" I asked as soon as Sirius strolled into the pub. He gave me a blank look.

"Wrong?"

"You said it was important."

"Oh, it is. My mates are no good for this sort of thing...it's a girl thing... and Marlene is in Germany with her parents, and I wasn't sure if it's the sort of thing to ask her to help me with or if it would feel like I was pressuring her or something...anyway, then it occurred to me that you're a girl."

"As flattering as it is that you've known me for seventeen years and only just figured out I'm a girl, I have no idea what you're talking about..."

He beamed at me. "You're going to be the first person to see my house."

For a second I thought he meant Grimmauld Place, which I still thought of as his house, and which I had seen a thousand times. "What?"

"You know Uncle Alphard left me a bit of gold?"

"Yes..."

"Well, naturally, you know me, I was planning to spend it all on booze and loose women..."

"Naturally..."

"But then I realized I can't live with the Potters forever, as much as they've been great. So, I bought a house. Well, a flat actually, but it's big."

I stared at him. It was so responsible, and adult...and entirely unlike Sirius. It came as a shock to me that he was an adult, even in the eyes of the Ministry. And indeed, that I very nearly was, I would be seventeen in only a few days. Somehow, we had grown up without my even noticing.

"But the thing is," he went on as I tried to process it, "I don't have any furniture. That's what I need you for. Girls are good at that stuff, knowing what matches and all that."

In fact, I knew nothing about such things. The only two places I had lived...my home and Slytherin, were much alike in furniture and decoration- heavy, dark, cold, and heavily featuring a snake motif. But apparently it was one of those things- like dresses, make-up, fixing ties and cufflinks, and food preparation- that I was supposed to understand just by virtue of being female. I could hardly blame Sirius for this assumption, as I freely assumed that men had some inborn talent when it came to fixing broomsticks and killing bugs. Since he seemed so terribly pleased with himself, and was ready to spend, I didn't want to rain on his parade.

In reality it turned out to be fun. Sirius was easy to please, his only requirement being that it was "nothing at all like Grimmauld Place" which simply meant avoiding silver and snakes. For a man with a flashy Gryffindor side, Sirius had pretty good taste, and I correctly assumed that any place he lived would ultimately end up with the same atmosphere as the place he felt the most at home- the Gryffindor common room. I was probably very little help aside from pointing out when things clashed horribly, but I think in reality he'd just wanted company, and obviously having seen less of him in the past year, I was glad to provide it, I'd rather missed him. He was in an exuberant mood, and his enthusiasm was infectious.

Ultimately, we ended up back at his new place drinking beer and rearranging the furniture to (in his words) "maximize the positive energy." A neighbor girl with an obvious crush stopped by, and on Marlene's behalf I scared her off with the kind of deadly look that only a Slytherin woman can manage. Eventually, he tired of rearranging things and we sat on the tiny balcony as it got dark.

"So how goes the debut of the ice princess?" he asked idly, passing me yet another beer, which I didn't decline although I was starting to feel rather pleasantly fuzzy.

"Don't call Narcissa that Sirius, you know it's not true."

"I think the longer she plays it for Malfoy's benefit the more true it becomes," he said with a shrug.

"She knows what she's doing. Don't underestimate her Sirius. She isn't stupid."

"I know that. Black women are many things but rarely stupid. I don't expect Lucius Malfoy does. And she'll become exactly what he wants. How's that for love?" He glanced at me, and I must have looked unhappy, because he smiled. "I'm so sexy when I'm insightful. And how goes your love life, darling?"

"None of your business, coz."

"Are you blushing?" He grinned. "Do we need to have a little talk about the birds and the bees?"

"Try that and I'll throw this drink at you."

But Sirius was grinning at me in the way he did when he thought he knew something I didn't.

"He makes you happy."

"Yes."

He sighed, as though that was the answer he expected but it didn't make him all that happy.

"Andy…you know Bella better than possibly anyone. Do you really think she's going to make an exception to everything she believes passionately just because it's you? What are you going to do?"

I blinked at him, wondering why I had to do anything at the moment.

"You only have a year of school left? What are you planning to do? Marry whoever your mother and father want and be miserable? Marry properly and have a fling with him on the side? Somehow I don't see him putting up with that either. And we haven't exactly got the kind of family that will disagree with your choices but love you anyway." He sighed and took the empty bottle from my hand. "This one really is all or nothing Andy. Another drink?"

"Sure, why not?" I replied, and then called after him as he went inside. "You've really got to stop this "being mature" Sirius. It's really just depressing."

He stuck his head back outside and grinned. "I can try. Shall I tell you all of the dirty puns on "head girl" I've come up with to torment Evans next year?"

But when he came back, I was still thinking about what he said, and had to ask him.

"Do you regret it Sirius? Running away?"

In the past year, we had avoided the subject in a sort of unspoken agreement. He didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to make him. We were not a family for heart-to-heart talks anyway, but since he had started this one I figured maybe a year later he'd have enough distance to have thought about it.

"Well…I'd be lying if I said it's as simple as it looks. If the Potters weren't so bloody brilliant about letting me stay I'd have been in a bad way, right? If Uncle Alphard hadn't come through for me Merlin knows what I'd do about money. I miss some things, I miss…" he stopped abruptly, but I suspected he'd been about to say Reg. "I miss having an identity that didn't really need any more explanation…but the short answer is no. I don't regret it. I had to do it. I just realized I could keep fighting them, knowing they were never going to change, or I could take back my own life."

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"No, no, no, that's terrible. Cissy, that's just not a color you can wear," Bella shook her head gently, looking sympathetic. Narcissa frowned in the mirror. It wasn't that she looked bad, she never looked bad, but pastels were her strength, and bright jewel tones were not.

If I thought Bella had caused drama when it came to her sixteenth birthday, that was nothing compared to Narcissa. It came as no surprise that Narcissa felt that choosing exactly the right gown was important, but after two weeks where absolutely everything she found was totally wrong, it was wearing thin, as was my patience with her.

I felt detached from it all. Nobody could have said Narcissa and I were still fighting. We were civil to each other, even friendly. To anyone around us, we were quite the same as we had always been. But then again we were also two girls who had been raised to act properly even if it meant lying through our teeth. The only person who might have noticed a chill between us was Bella, and she wasn't paying enough attention to notice. Maybe it was just me, but I came to realize, and ultimately accepted, that Narcissa and I would never be close again. We couldn't go back.

But it was expected that I would want to be involved in her sixteenth birthday. While not nearly as interested in clothes and general appearance as Narcissa, I liked pretty dresses too, and somehow it was easier to go along and pretend to enjoy it rather than coming up for a reason not to do so. And the truth was that it was this…being the center of attention, being admired, being spoiled, was exactly what made Narcissa happy, and despite everything I did want her to be happy.

Maybe because I was happy, and surprisingly enough I was. It would be ridiculous to say the rest of the term had passed without drama, there had been plenty of it. But it wasn't serious, it wasn't death threats from Bella or the threat of being taken out of school by my parents, but just standard teenage drama that seems so dire at the time and so insignificant a week later. Quite a few people (not least our daughter) have been known to say they can't imagine us fighting, but we did. About silly things, about ridiculous, childish things. We were both under stress, trying to figure out exactly what we wanted, from each other, and in general from life. The conclusion we kept coming back to was that we were happier when we were together than not…and most of the time that was enough reason to make up.

I didn't expect to see him over the summer, we had decided it was too hard and too risky, but he cornered me on the train back to London and said he just might surprise me, and I was quite sure he would.

Narcissa flung down the robes in frustration. "I look dreadful in everything!"

Lying on her bed, having lost interest hours before in the robes now strewn across the floor, I rolled my eyes. Narcissa knew, and it was perhaps the one thing she never questioned, how beautiful she was. Comments like that were not because she needed to be reassured, I think, but merely that she needed to hear it from us.

"Don't be ridiculous Narcissa, you're beautiful in everything," I said automatically, and she accepted that, but put her hands on her hips and frowned at the robes covering the floor. The one thing Narcissa couldn't wear was white, she was too fair, it washed her out. Her best colors were pastels, pale pink or ice blue. She had refused pink, for though while it was perhaps her best color, she thought it too girlish, and she wanted people (I suspected in this case "people" meant "Lucius") to see that she was grown-up. Besides that, she was choosing gowns that were, even to my inexpert eyes, not well cut for her. She was more delicate than Bella or I, and simply could not pull of the deep necklines and décolletage that drew male eyes to Bella (and myself, on the rare occasions I chose to take advantage of that).

What she finally settled on, to the relief of everyone in the household, was a diaphanous material that could be either blue or silver depending on the light. Her hair was piled up high, curls escaping playfully, diamonds winking at her throat and ears, and a slight, pleased smile at all of it. Our parents could not have been more pleased with how she finally looked when she was ready. There was no question that Narcissa was the most beautiful among us, and they looked at her like another possession that their friends would admire and covet. It never seemed to bother her, and maybe that's why it never seemed to bother her that Lucius seemed to regard her the same way- he loved to show her off.

Bella uncharacteristically fussed over her, adjusting hair pins that were perfectly fine or picking at a non-existent loose thread on her gown. While I would have been slapping away her hands, Narcissa seemed to understand where this was coming from- she was the little sister and Bella couldn't quite accept she had grown-up. That dynamic, that Narcissa was a child to be protected and fussed over, would never disappear completely even when Narcissa was a woman with a child of her own.

Since my parents were relatively sure who Narcissa would marry, the ball was a formality, as well as an opportunity to consider all possible matches for me. While I still had a year left of school circumstances were hardly dire, but Bella and Narcissa had made their wishes so incredibly clear that I seemed quite a puzzle, with no attachment to any available men (at least in the universe they were aware of). According to the gossip of house elves that I overheard, my parents were beginning to wonder if I intended to be "difficult" about the whole thing.

The house looked particularly lovely that night, lit by candles, but also draped with sprays of flowers- orchids and white Peruvian lilies. Two more crystal chandeliers had been moved in so that they caught the candlelight and sent spots of color around. My parents' friends were understandably impressed, and Narcissa was glowing that it was all for her.

I enjoyed myself more than I expected to, actually. My mother began by pointing out in a would-be casual voice every unmarried pureblood man between fourteen and forty, but was soon distracted by showing off Narcissa, allowing me to spend the evening with people I actually liked. Shannon was finding herself in much the same position as me, her parents pushing her to make a decision about who she would marry after Hogwarts, and her reluctance to deal with that had brought us back to having enough in common to be friends again, if casually. Hadrian showed up about an hour late, and sidled in trying to look inconspicuous, until I cornered him on the stairs.

"Late?"

"Mhm, yeah, sorry, I had a thing."

"The same thing that left lipstick on your collar?"

"Damn, really?" he said, rubbing at it ineffectively.

"Stop that, you're making it worse," I slapped his hand away and cleared it off with a slight wave of my wand. He straightened his collar carefully.

"Thanks."

"No problem, obviously your evening has been more interesting than mine," I admitted.

"That must be part of the evil look your Dad gave me when I came in. He thinks I'm cheating on you."

"Shall I slap you or something? Just for effect?"

"That won't be necessary, but Serena Pritchard is giving me hopeful looks, so please dance with me," he grabbed my hand, and said Serena Pritchard gave me a deadly look.

"How sad, our entire relationship is based on avoiding people we don't like…" I sighed, with false drama. He smirked.

"You have a boyfriend Andromeda, I imagine he'd rather have you dance with me than someone who's trying to put moves on you."

"Many have tried…" I said idly, then added, "Who says I have a boyfriend anyway?"

We had been exceptionally careful the rest of the term, I had made a point of never speaking to Ted in class, indeed never speaking to him unless I knew we were alone, and while the secrecy annoyed him, he might not have believed me about Bellatrix, but he did believe that my parents would take me out of school if it got back to them. Aside from Marlene, and by extension of that Sirius, I was pretty sure no one knew we were back together.

"I'm not an idiot Andy. You were an unbelievable bitch for the first two months of term, and then suddenly out of nowhere you were your usual perky self." I smirked, I was not and never had been perky. He went on, "so I had to assume that you and whatshisname patched things up. I do have to commend you on being much more careful though, I didn't catch you once."

"Good to know you're stalking me."

He shrugged. "I still don't think it's a good idea, but if you're determined, then it's probably better if your sister doesn't know about it. Just not sure where you see it going ultimately."

"I try not to think that far ahead. Live in the moment, Hadrian."

He glanced beyond my shoulder, and suddenly grinned widely. "Well, I hope whatshisname is willing to fight for you, because his competition is coming this way…"

"Oh no," I made a great show of burying my face in his shoulder as Cailean tapped me on the shoulder importantly

"May I cut in?"

I said "No" at the same time Hadrian said "She's all yours, mate." Cailean looked enormously pleased with himself, and offered me a hand.

"You know you should be nicer to me. I'm a good guy to know," he informed me, looking smug. "I've got connections."

"Well, next time I need a favor from the ten-year-old crowd, you're my guy. And if you move that hand any lower you're going to lose it."

"First of all, can't blame a guy for trying. Second, I'm fourteen. And third, I guess that means you don't want to what I heard about you."

I was curious despite myself, and he knew it.

"If you ask nicely, I might tell you."

"How about if you tell me, I won't hex you?"

"That sounds fair. Nothing important, just I heard your parents talking, and they want you to get married."

"No kidding? If you think that's news you don't understand the world we live in."

"But they said that since you're not seeming very interested in any particular boys, they ought to choose for you. And your Mum was saying she's decided on someone."

I froze, and he smiled and tugged my arm to make me keep dancing. "So you don't know everything, huh?"

"Who?"

"Marius Flint. At least that's what your Mum said, because he's related to your family way back, and they're quite pure, though not as rich as they used to be. Your Dad looked real confused and asked if you were graduating, and your Mum said no you had another year of school, and he said there's no need to rush it, but that would be a good match if you were agreeable to it, and he would start speaking to them about it."

I shouldn't have been surprised. And while there's great drama to the idea of my parents plotting my marriage to an 80-year-old abusive monster, that was hardly the case. Marius was one of the younger Flint boys, probably no more than five years older than me, and not disfigured or particularly horrible. Distantly related (Phineas Nigellus had married a Flint girl) but not closely enough to raise eyebrows or produce children with extra limbs. Considering I'd had the misfortune to be born a girl, and a younger daughter as well, it was actually quite an excellent match for me. Furthermore, it would hardly be a case of me being dragged into a church and married to a stranger, we would just be tactfully pushed together at social events and expected to see the wisdom of such a match. That was simply how things worked out. It had worked out nicely for Bella and Narcissa. Indeed, it had worked out for Blacks for generations...why should I be any different?

"Andy? You all right?" Cailean asked, giving me a concerned look.

"I'm fine."

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Because I turned seventeen over the holidays, I had to go to the Ministry to take my apparition test. I passed it on my first try, and earned a beaming "Very good, Miss Black" from the tester. My father, who had taken me, was obviously pleased by this and took me to lunch at Alderton's, which was the restaurant in Diagon Alley for the pureblood set. Having never actually spent more than a few minutes alone in my father's presence, this was more alarming that exciting.

"Andromeda, we have decided we really must consider your future," he said, all business.

"I never would have guessed by Mother throwing me at every man under sixty," I replied, and then immediately bit my tongue, irritated with myself for speaking without thinking. To my surprise, he smirked, almost but not quite a smile. I think, deep down and in a way he would never admit under pain of death, my father actually liked Bella and I (he always seemed perplexed by Narcissa). The qualities he admired in men- boldness, conviction, strength, and intelligence- could be found in his daughters. Had we been boys, he might have loved us and our lives would have been very different.

"Well, a good marriage is of utmost importance to a pureblood woman. You do not show your sister's inclination to study further, which is surprising to me as you have always been far more studious."

"I'm not Bellatrix and I don't intend to be, Sir."

My mother would have slapped me for impertinence, but I knew my father appreciated direct and honest. In fact I did want to study further, just not to study the same things that Bella did. She was going to France and Germany when we returned to Hogwarts. It was not actually stated but understood to further study the Dark Arts, as certain European nations were much more accepting of such things than Britain. I wondered, in the momentary glow of parental approval, if I might be able to be honest.

"Slughorn thinks my N.E.W.T. grades will be sufficient for whatever I wish to do," I said, a bit hesitantly. I knew my mother would shoot down the idea of my having any sort of employment, but I wasn't so sure about my father. He had simply never been there enough for me to gauge his opinion on anything. If he was allowing Bella to pursue the Dark Arts in Europe, might he let me pursue Healer training here? He rarely interfered with our mother's rules, assuming she knew better how to deal with girls, but when he did speak, his word was law in our house. I took a deep breath and simply gave it a shot. "He thinks I could easily get into Healer training."

He blinked at me, and I suppose I felt rather encouraged that this did not trigger an immediate explosion. He merely shook his head briskly. "Horace Slughorn must be insane to think such a thing. You are clever enough certainly, but the sorts they get in St. Mungo's? No, it would hardly do for a pureblood woman to be exposed to the kind of degenerates and mudbloods that come in there."

And that was that. I really should have known better than to try and bring it up. Doing something I actually wanted to do with the approval of my family was never going to happen.

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"Andy…slow down. Andy, love…brake…no, that's the accelerator, the other one…"

Not many people would expect that I am an excellent driver. Ted would probably not use the term "excellent", in fact tends to go with "bloody insane" which he really ought to reconsider as it doesn't make him look like a very good teacher.

As that summer drew to a close, I realized the benefits of apparition when one is trying to carry on a relationship behind everyone's back. I saw more of Ted that August than I had even at school, and the driving lessons came about when he realized I was afraid of muggle cars. A Slytherin fifth-year named Hugh Bulstrode had seen a muggle film in which lots of muggle cars crashed spectacularly and burst into flames. This he described in the common room in great detail accompanied by enthusiastic sounds effects, and led most of the Slytherins, who had little experience with muggle things in general, to assume anyone who got in a muggle car would end up in a fiery inferno. Ted was rather surprised I didn't share his enthusiasm that he had his sister's car for the summer while she did an exchange programme in Italy ("she has no interest in art, she just wants to drink wine and get hit on by men named Fabio"). Eventually, the story of Hugh Bulstrode and his re-enactments of muggle car crashes came out, and after laughing until he cried, Ted decided the best way for me to get over my fear was to learn to drive myself.

Not only did it work, but to both of our surprise I loved driving. I learned to navigate London's narrow streets and busy roundabouts, and learned the countryside around my own home was beautiful. We played at living in a world where Hogwarts and wars and pureblood families did not exist, even if for just a few hours in hot, hazy summer afternoons. We drove out into the country, miles from anyone muggle or wizard with blankets and picnic baskets.

True, there is little question as to what two teenagers will do when alone together, but Ted never pushed me to do anything I didn't want, and for some reason I hadn't adopted Bella's cavalier attitude on the issue…I just wasn't there yet. Somehow, that didn't seem to matter.

"School starts soon," he said unexpectedly one afternoon. We were lying on a blanket spread out on the grass. A perfect summer day, and as he spoke I had actually been dozing off, drowsy with the heat and quiet.

"Hm, don't remind me." I propped myself on my elbow to look at him. He looked as sleepy and relaxed as I felt. "Bella won't be there."

My hair was braided, falling over my shoulder, and he reached up and tugged off the elastic, unbraiding it with the kind of concentration and care usually reserved for diffusing bombs and performing surgery.

"And what is your fascination with my hair anyway?"

"It's pretty, and it smells nice," he said simply, and then went on to answer my earlier comment. "Bellatrix won't be there, but Narcissa will, and the rest of Slytherin…and the rest of the world."

"I know. I'm sorry Ted, and I know it's ridiculous and difficult, all this secrecy."

"Yes, it is," he said with a sigh, twisting a lock of my now unbraided hair around his finger. "I don't like it, I don't like not being able to talk to you, not being able to touch you. But I figure, if your family wasn't what they were…if there hadn't been your parents and Bellatrix and Narcissa and Sirius, if you hadn't been in Slytherin, you would be a totally different person."

"You're a strange boy, Ted Tonks."

He smiled. "So I've been told."

"Why do you put up with all this drama?"

He looked surprised by the question. "Because I love you."

I think I stopped breathing for a second. "You…do?"

He laughed. "For someone who pulled off an O in Arithmancy you can be remarkably thick, Miss Black. Yes, I do." He pulled me down and kissed me, effectively cutting off any answer I could have come up with.

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I arrived home that night relatively early, ten or so. The door to Bella's room was open, and I could hear both of their voices in there, and so I wandered in, feeling somewhat unsettled and wanting company. Bella was sitting cross-legged on the bed, Narcissa in the armchair in front of the French doors, open to the summer evening. Bella looked at me a little too closely when I came in.

"Bit late, hm?"

"You know what they say about people in glass houses, Bella?"

"Who were you with?"

"Hufflepuff Quidditch team. And I don't mind telling you, I am exhausted."

Narcissa giggled, but Bella scowled. "Don't be vulgar Andromeda. You clearly had an enjoyable time, in any case," she added, with a smirk.

"What makes you think that?"

She didn't answer, so Narcissa did.

"Because your shirt is inside out, Andy."

"Must have been that way all day," I lied ineffectively.

Bella started to say something, reaching up to run a hand through her hair, and I never heard what she said, because my attention was caught by The Ring. An enormous diamond on her left hand- I know she lifted her hand so that I would see it, but it was pretty much impossible to miss. I knew the Lestranges were rich, and liked people to know it, but the thing had to be five carats.

"Bloody Hell, you could bring down a full-grown dragon with that thing."

"She's engaged!" squealed Narcissa, no longer able to contain the news.

"Yeah, thanks Cissy, I gathered that," I murmured, as Bella deigned to let me have a closer look at the ring. It was actually tasteful and simple if you could get past the fact that it was so bloody huge.

"We're not going to get married yet, of course," she said. "I'm still going to Europe, I won't get married until I say. Rodolphus is fine with that of course, but he just thought it would be better if it was settled before I went…" she wrapped her arms around her knees, looking rather young for a moment.

I was torn. On the one hand, Bella was my sister. I loved her and wanted her to be happy, and this made her happy. I should be pleased for her …and I was. But Rodolphus had been right when he had accused me of not liking him. He had never been anything but charming to me, and indeed he was highly-regarded in the pureblood world for being intelligent and capable. I still didn't like the effect he had on Bella.

But her eyes were sparkling, and she was talking idly, rambling about their plans…she seemed like any other girl excited about her recent engagement. Maybe, for her, if she was so certain she didn't believe in love, then having someone who at least understood her was the best thing. I did think Rodolphus understood her, at least as well as anyone did.

Narcissa and I let her talk herself out before leaving her alone, but as I was going to bed she caught my arm and pulled me back.

"You've been gone a lot lately. You haven't forgotten?"

I knew she was asking if I was seeing Ted again, if I'd forgotten her threat of the previous term. This time, I lied unflinchingly and convincingly.

"I haven't. Haven't you heard Mother and Father talking about Marius Flint? Well, that's fine, but aren't you the one who said I ought to have a bit of fun first?"

She smirked. "That's my girl." She squeezed my hand. "You know, even if I get married, I'll still be a Black first, and you were my sister long before I met Rodolphus." She kissed my forehead, and then released me.

And that was how Bella said she loved you, but I could still hear Ted's "because I love you" ringing in my head.