Disclaimer: The usual.

A/N: Thank for reviewing, everyone. heartsdesire456: I'd already written this chapter beforehand, but I'll be sure to keep your advice in mind for the next chapters.

Chapter Three: When The Tough Gets Going, I Give In

The Plan to End All Plans:

PLAN C

Become friends with Lupin.

Get to know the REAL him.

Do not flirt with him.

Do not imagine him kissing you.

Do not think bad thoughts at all.

Realize he's not as great as you think he is.

Move on, and forget about him. Forget about everything.

After these are completed, stop talking to him.

Hit Sirius.

NOTE: All actions MUST be completed before the end of this month, because I say so.

I folded up the small piece of paper, and stuck it in my bra. Just in case.

I ran down the stairs, careful not to trip. And, to my surprise, I didn't. MWAHAHA! Maybe I've finally overcome –

…Damn troll leg!

Struggling to my feet, I nearly ran face first into Sirius.

Half glad it wasn't Lupin (I seemed to be running into him too much lately) and half amused at the surprised look on his face, I remembered my plan. With glee, I punched him soundly on the nose, and then legged it to the kitchen. I wouldn't put it past Sirius to hit a girl.

Everyone was sitting down to breakfast in the kitchen, and I gleefully joined them, slipping into a seat between Ginny and Charlie.

They seemed to be having a conversation over me, which proved to be quite interesting.

"—Dragons rule," spoke Charlie, his nose stuck in the air.

Ginny stuck out her tongue. "No! Cats rule!"

"Dragons." Charlie folded his arms childishly in front of his highly muscular chest, which I took to staring at. It almost scared me.

"Cats."

"Dragons."

"Cats!"

"Dragons!"

"God, only such a boy would like something as stupid as dragons!"

"God, only such a girl would like something as muggley as cats!"

I strongly suspected he made up that word.

"Cats!"

"Dragons!"

I wondered faintly how this conversation was started.

"CATS!"

"DRAGONS!"

"KELLOGGS!" I cried.

The whole table seemed to silence, and stare at me.

I hung my head. I just couldn't resist. How I loathe myself.

Ah, well, despite my acute embarrassment, the battle of anything-but-wits beside me seemed to have died down. Ginny and Charlie had now just resided to glaring in opposite directions.

Just then, Sirius stumbled into the kitchen, a large ice pack on his nose. He looked like he had been bleeding. Ooh, I had got him good!

Sirius spotted me, and bared his teeth. Uh oh. "YOU!" he bellowed, running towards me. Thank God, despite my clumsiness, I was nimble and fast. I jumped up and sprinted down the hall, Sirius at my heels.

I have to admit, I was quite scared. I could see why the Azkaban people could believe he was a mass murderer. He looked, like, beyond mad.

After running what felt like a marathon, I tumbled head on into something cushy and soft. Something I wanted to stay in forever …

It just also happened to be Lupin.

"Hide me!" I screamed, and dived behind his back.

Lupin looked quite bewildered, and I thought I heard a squeak of fear as he realized the whizzing ball of black coming towards him was Sirius. Luckily, though, he was a gentleman, and took the brunt of it. Or perhaps it was because he was frozen in fear and I was holding him steady from behind.

After a few moments, I think Sirius finally figured out that it was Lupin, not me. He stopped abruptly, and gaped at the limp body of his friend, lying sprawled eagle on the floor.

"Did I do that?" he squeaked in my direction.

"Nah, I think when he tried to dive out of the way he hit his head on the banister." Sirius really sucks at beating people up. He wasn't even really punching or anything. He had been doing some sort of weird tribal-like dance with Lupin. It was very odd.

"I killed him!" he cried, his voice still annoyingly high.

I rolled my eyes. "He's fine, look." I kicked Lupin's chest idly. He didn't move. I kicked him again, harder. Nothing. Panicked now, I began rapidly kicking and shaking him. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

"Tonks! Stop it!" Sirius pulled me off him. I wrestled for a moment, but then relaxed. Oops. I think I gave Lupin a black eye.

"We did kill him," I squeaked, my voice even higher then Sirius'.

"We have to hide the body," rasped Sirius, picking Lupin's limp form up and slinging him over his shoulder.

"Wait, Sirius, don't –" I sighed.

"What?" he said, throwing Lupin back down to the ground harshly. We both winced.

"Now you've got your fingerprints all over the body," I explained, defeated. Bugger it all.

"Oh." Sirius looked down sadly at Lupin for a moment, who was looking very pale indeed. I guess that happens when you die. Suddenly feeling very guilty, I started bouncing on my heels.

"Come on, let's take him upstairs," I whispered, and Sirius picked him up again. We quickly climbed the stairs, and set him down on Sirius' bed.

I locked the door quickly behind us, and peered down at Lupin on the bed. His face was drawn, and you could see every line and scar. His tawny hair was scattered all over his face, covering his eyes. He looked quite cute when dead …

God, I was sick.

"All right, um, um, um," I was hopping up and down, and shaking uncontrollably. "Sirius!" I cried in hysterics. "What do we do now? Oh, my God! Sirius! I've never killed someone before!"

"Well, neither have I," snarled Sirius in reply.

"No need to be snarky," I retorted.

"God, do you ever shut up?"

"No, I don't! Are you ever nice?"

"No, I find sarcasm works fine, thank-you-very-much!"

"That's because you're a loathsome son-of-a-OH, MY GOD, HE'S ALIVE!" I had just noticed Lupin's chest rise. Oh, thank God, thank God.

Sirius sighed in relief, and collapsed against the far wall.

I sat on the bed beside Lupin, who seemed to be grumbling in his sleep or something. "Well, what do we do now?" I asked, still quite on-edge. "He needs … some kind of help …"

"CPR?" suggested Sirius, now on his feet.

"Yes! Yes! We need to re-habilitate him!" I said, feeling proud.

"All right!" Sirius jumped up and began to do mouth-to-mouth…a bit to eagerly for my taste.

Suddenly, Lupin's eyes popped open.

"YES!" I cried, clapping my hands. "It's ALIVE! It's ALIVE!"

Sirius didn't seem to notice, until Lupin, very harshly, copped him over the head.

"Oof," said Sirius, rubbing his head. "It worked!" he added, noticing finally that Lupin was awake.

Lupin raised an eyebrow. Not sexy, not sexy, not sexy … "Er, what was that?"

"You were dead!" I shrieked. "We killed you!"

Sirius glared at me. Oh. Damn …

Lupin looked appalled. "Oh. Er." Without another word, he stood up and ran from the room, looking quite scared indeed.

"You blighting idiot!" screamed Sirius and bitch-slapped me. I suppressed a giggle. "Now look what you've done!"

"He would have found out anyways," I said, dismissing it. "Or did you not want your boyfriend knowing you almost did him in?"

Sirius blushed.

I tried desperately to ignore the sinking sensation at the possibility of Lupin being gay. Stop feeling that, stop it, stop it, stop it.

We made our way downstairs in silence. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Or maybe not.

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