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Chapter Four: There's A Thin, Thin Line Between Love and Hate

I have no clue how this happened. Really.

This whole day has been like a flash of light. All I remember is getting up, and now suddenly it's dark and I'm stuck in a closet with Lupin.

I think he's asleep. His head is hung between his legs, and I think that sound he's making is a snore. I'm really not sure. I don't want to poke him, either. I think he's annoyed at me. I did, after all, get us trapped in here.

Ok, so maybe I do remembered a bit of what happened. Or a lot. Whatever.

Lupin has just twitched. I think he's convulsing now. I really, really wish I had paid more attention during my Healer-training days. He does not look healthy. Come to think of it, I mused, as the candlelight flickered over his lined face, he never looks healthy. I think there's something serious wrong with him. I tried asking Sirius about it, but he had pretended he hadn't heard me. Twice. And he is really bad at pretending.

"Tonks." Oh, my God, he's awake. My eyes shot up. Lupin remained still. Oh, no. He's still sleeping. Hm … but he's mumbling about me? Is he dreaming about me? Ooh –

No. No, no, no. I don't care. Really I don't.

God, I hope he's not mad at me after this. Now that I think about it, what I did was pretty stupid.

"Sirius, you're a sod," I said conversationally, over dinner.

Molly glared at me, and looked protectively at Ginny. Oh, please. Ginny was about as innocent as Sirius is intelligent.

"Why, so?" my dear cousin replied, just as conversationally.

Before I had a chance to reply, the lights flickered, and finally died out, blanketing as in complete darkness.

"Sorry!" I heard Arthur Weasley's voice call from down the hall. "I blew a fuse!"

"A fuse?" Molly screeched back, sounding quite irritated indeed. If anyone could have seen me, they would have noticed I was shaking uncontrollably in my seat, my teeth chattering. "What do you mean, a FUSE?"

"Er …" One could almost hear her husband's embarrassment from the distance. "You see, dear, I decided to try and … hook up Grimmauld Place to the Muggle electricity system, as there's a lesser chance of us being discovered if we don't use as much magic …" but Arthur's voice had died down to the point of a squeak. Anyone within a hundred miles could feel the fury radiating off his wife. Everybody took a large step back, awaiting the explosion.

"ARTHUR WEASLEY!" And there it was. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYING AT, WITH MUGGLE FUSES? YOU COULD HAVE GOT US ALL KILLED! AND NOW WE'RE STUCK HERE IN THE DARK! ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON YOU …"

But we never did get to see what Molly would actually do as the room was temporarily illuminated.

Lupin was standing in the corner, his face shadowed by the flame. "I found a candle," he said hastily, obviously not enjoying the feeling of numerous pairs of eyes on him.

He looked at me, and his eyes widened. "Are you all right, Tonks?"

I stopped chattering my teeth only for a moment to say, "I should probably tell everyone, I'm j-just a teensy bit afraid of the dark," I nodded wildly, my breath racked with shivers. "Uh, y-yeah, see, what happens is I start freaking out, and hyperventilating, and I can't stop talking, and I start running around, I can start to not breathe, and I can't think, and I can't see, and I can't hear and I can't feel and I can't smell and oh-oh…oh, dear," I shut my eyes tight, trying to think about anything other then the darkness. Ooh, Remus Lupin. No! Darkness! No!

And then I lost it.

I faintly remember jumping up, running around the room and screaming at the top of my lungs. The next thing I knew, I was trapped here, in a tiny little closet, with Lupin. I think I started flailing around, caught hold of him, and dragged him with me into this closet. Soon after this, we discovered it locked from outside. And, apparently, no one cared enough to open it up for us. Stupid pigs.

Lupin stirred, and I looked at him again. Back, years ago, when we first made our … acquaintance, I had guessed him to be about twenty or so, not so far off my own age of seventeen. Now, though … he looked at least forty. Either he looked incredibly young before, or he looks incredibly old now, or he's lost somewhere in between.

Somehow the old thing turns me on.

Sighing, I turned my head and stared at the wall, trying to block out any thoughts of him. I was being silly. I hardly even knew the man, save for a few embarrassing encounters. I had no idea why I was feeling this way. Any psychiatrist would probably tell me I was trying to hold on to any shred of my past, but I couldn't see why. My past was something I didn't want to remember. I wasn't that girl anymore. I knew I wasn't.

"Tonks?" I glanced up. This time he was, in fact, awake. He looked even more ill in the pale candlelight and my heart throbbed for the man.

"Yeah huh?"

I barely restrained myself from banging my head against the wall.

He smiled. He always smiled. I wondered if he was patronizing me. I got that a lot.

He didn't reply, however. He just turned, the light mixing all his grays into the rest of his hair, turning it a quite interesting murky green. I stared, lost in thought, at it, before he spoke:

"Have you ever been in love?"

What an odd question.

"No," I replied thoughtlessly. I didn't need to think. I have never been in love, and I never will be. Bah humbug. "Have you?"

"No." He looked pensive for a moment. He would make a good professor.

"You would make a good professor."

"I was one."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Radical." And I thought I was doing ok. "Er – why aren't you now?"

Lupin blushed. He actually blushed. I giggled. He stared. "I, um, resigned."

"Why?"

"Long story?"

"How so?"

"Merlin you ask a lot of questions."

"I need a lot of answers." Ooooh I'm good.

A pause. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"It's personal."

I chewed my lip for a moment. "If I tell you something personal, will you tell me?"

Lupin narrowed his eyes. He looked like a turtle like that. A huge, overgrown turtle. Hehe.

"All right." He stared at me, as though trying to find a flaw in our bargain. Did this man take everything seriously?

"Actually, I'll show you." I stood up, and Lupin looked frightened for a second. Oh, great.

Scrunching up my face in concentration, I felt my appearance change. Long black curls framed my face, but they were the best thing. My eyes were a dull brown, my nose almost hooked, and my lips way too big for comfort. Blah.

Lupin eyes had gone round. "Is that your true appearance?"

"No, I just think looking like an overgrown bird is hot," I replied sarcastically. Lupin didn't seem to hear me.

"You look beautiful."

I think I just died.

Now it's very quiet. Oh, my God. I should say something. Yes, I should definitely say something. I should compliment the man. Yes, compliments.

"I actually think sexy-eye brow raising is very attractive."

Damnbloodybuggerdarnhellchickencrap!

"I'm honored." He smiled. I blinked. He had very white teeth. He should be on a Crest White Strips commercial.

"You should be on a Crest White Strips commercial." I am officially deranged.

"What?" He looked confused. Quite sexy, I admit. Not at all like Sirius when he's confused. Sirius adopts a more chicken with his head cut off kind of look. Poor sod.

"Muggle thing," I sighed, and started biting a hangnail. No! Stop it! I whipped my finger out of my mouth, effectively flinging spittle all over Lupin.

Oh, fuck it all.

"Ohmygod! I'm sorry!" Looking slightly deranged, I waddle-crawled over to him, and attempting to wipe the spit off his face. He looked in shock or something, but attempted to beat me away, insisting he was fine without my assistance.

"No, really."

"Tonks, please."

"I'm…"

Suddenly a flash of bright light fell upon our situation. Blinking up dumbly, I saw a dark figure, light illuminating the sides of his body, his hands thrust out before him. My mouth dropped. God! He had come to save me!

"What the hell?" Damn, God sure sounded like Sirius. "What the hell are you doing, Tonks?"

I suddenly realized, to his point of view, I kind of looked like I was raping Lupin. Oh, fantastic.

Lupin was blushing furiously as I pushed off him, glaring in God's general direction. "Some help you've been!" I spat.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What, do I look like God or something?"

As I scowled and stalked upstairs, I just realized Lupin had never told me his 'personal' problem.

Damn it.

---

I was awakened at one in the morning by a loud knock at the door. Pissed off, and slightly dizzy from sleep (never a good combination) I stumbled towards the door. A very drunk and very giddy Sirius met me.

"Do you want to play truth or dare?" he cried/slurred, jumping up and down like a fat boy getting cake.

"What?" I said, distracted by his eyes. They were red and swollen, like two big puffer fish had decided to land on them. "Were you crying?"

Sirius ignored me. Shame. "Truth and dare!" he exclaimed once more, and this time grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the hallway.

It really wasn't fair he was about twice the size of me. I looked longingly back and my gloomy, ugly, comfortable room as he pulled me down the stairs and sighed. Dramatically.

When we reached the sitting room, I saw a few other very tired-looking people and one extremely drunk Charlie Weasley. Oh, joy.

"Didyagetsmorepeopleserious?" said Charlie, all at once.

"Tonks!" exclaimed Sirius.

I looked over helplessly at the people. Everyone seemed to have drifted back off to sleep except Lupin and of course Charlie and Sirius. Of course.

I sat down in one of the chairs. "But I don't want to play," I whined. No one heard me.

"All right. Tonks! Truth or dare?"

I vaguely heard Sirius' words. I felt like a thirteen-year-old girl. I was playing truth and frigging dare.

"Truth," I said, pretending to not feel it as Hestia slapped me on the thigh in her sleep.

"Who do you like?" asked Sirius, giggling like a little girl.

"Your mom," I replied. Sirius frowned. I don't think he got it. "Truth or dare?" I directed at no one.

"Dare," Lupin replied. He was looking at me, eyebrow raised sexily.

I frowned at him. He was doing this just to bother me, I swear. "Go kiss Sirius."

Lupin stared at me, his eyes as round as saucers. Hah, not expecting that one, were you? Mwahaha! I feel all-powerful! I feel …

My mind stopped blank as I felt a pair of lips brush softly against mine. Lupin backed away, eyebrow raised again. "Close enough, you're his cousin," he said softly, smiling.

Duh … ? My eyes were wide, and my mouth was in a perfect 'O' shape, I was sure. I was probably drooling, too.

Lupin smiled at Sirius, who looked quite sober and jealous, but it was subtly directed at me. Damn him! That was unfair! I hate him! I hate him!

He was soo not going to get away with this.

Next, in chapter five -- Tonks devises a new plan. Again.

R&R?