Disclaimer: Rinse, wash, repeat.
A/N: I (unfortunately) still don't have a beta, so I'm sorry for any mistakes there may be.
Chapter Five: Memories, Memories
Hating Lupin
PLAN 1 (Letters didn't really seem to be working)
-Slam the door in his face. Twice.
-Burn his sausages.
-Give him a manicure while he's sleeping.
-Let everyone know he's a virgin.
-Slip something into that weird potion Molly's making for him. Then figure out what it is.
-Tell him Sirius is in love with him (might as well know the truth).
Day One
10:01 AM
Saw Molly mixing that gross potion. Asked her what it was.
"Oh, don't you know, dear?" I blinked at her. "I suppose not, then. I'm afraid I can't tell you. You'll have to ask Remus, dear."
Fat chance. She looked the other way for a second, and I slipped in the vial of paprika I stole from Sirius' spice garden (he said he needed a hobby).
10:05 AM
Starting to feel bad about slipping in paprika. Could've messed up the potion. And what the hell was it for?
10:10 AM
Am talking to Charlie. He's holding this huge caldron in his hands, and it's splashing around everywhere.
Me: What the bleeping hell is that?
Him: A sticky potion.
Me: A what?
Him: It sticks things together.
Me: Got that, thanks.
Him: -splashes it around some more-
Me: Watch where you're going!
Potion spills all over both of us. I scream at him, then suddenly lose my balance and topple face first onto Charlie, accidentally kind of kissing him.
Oh, bugger, that can't mean …
10:11 AM
All right, it's official. Charlie and I have our lips stuck together. I have now realized me worst fear. Being eternally stuck kissing Charlie Weasley. I'm going to die.
10:12 AM
Oh, my God.
10:13 AM
Yep, I'm sure now. To make matters worse, he is now … excited.
10:14 AM
I have managed to slap him over the head while still making sure nothing over then our lips get stuck.
"Boo fidiot!" I scream.
"By story!" He returns, red-faced. I think he's crying.
"Do oold ee!"
10:16 AM
Kill me now.
10:25 AM
All right, so we've managed to make it up the stairs, without sticking anything else. Charlie is fortunately much less –excited-, and more wanting-to-die.
"'Ake eet hop!" he cried.
"Fut up!" Hopping uncomfortably around the troll leg umbrella stand, I got us to the door of my room.
I had no idea what to do now. I couldn't touch it, or we'd get stuck. I didn't even know why I'd come up here, rather than to avoid –
"HAH!"
-Sirius.
Next thing I knew, my darling cousin was about two inches from my face, laughing his ass off. "What happened?" he roared through tears of laughter.
"O, lad yur aving oh mufft un!" I shrieked, trying desperately to free myself from Charlie.
Charlie, in turn, slapped me.
"Ooh an't lap a url!" I cried, and slapped him back.
Thus began the slapping fight, which caused Sirius to start rolling on the ground with laughter.
By the end of it, I had managed to stick my hand to Charlie's eye, and his to my arse. Don't ask.
Just then, Lupin came out of one of the rooms. He looked really ill.
He took one glance at Sirius wetting himself laughing, Charlie and I crying while basically molesting each other, and sighed. I thought for a moment he looked a bit jealous, but it turned out to be disgust.
He raised his wand at us.
I screamed. "On't ill us!" I said, and starting flailing around. Charlie started screaming as well, and we began running around in awkward little circles in the progress.
10:43 AM
It's all Lupins' fault.
Turns out he wasn't actually going to kill us, but unstick us. Unfortunately, now, after Charlie and I freaked out, we're all stuck in one big sticky ball, with Sirius attacked to Charlie's leg, and Lupin hovering right under my chest. Needless to say, I wanted to die. I've been becoming quite suicidal these last few days, I've noticed. I blame it on Lupin.
"Leese, leese oove or ead a itto," I begged Lupin, whose head was resting…well, yes.
"I ould eef I ould!" he returned, quite snarkily. I scowled. I hate him.
11:12 AM
We've managed to waddle downstairs, but Charlie was complaining about how heavy Sirius was, so we had to stop.
"Eet's not eye alt!" he shrieked. He sounded quite womanly. "Eets 'ers!" He slapped me on the knee. I collapsed, dragging Charlie's face down with me, and sticking us onto Lupin's leg.
"I ever ooh ooh ere oh afleaic," commented Lupin, and I was sure I saw a tiny smile.
I want to cry.
11:13 AM
Am now crying.
11:14 AM
Sirius slapped me again and told me I was getting tears on his robes.
11:15 AM
Bugger him, I'm crying anyways.
11: 35 AM
"Oouldn't neeone ave een us eye now?" whined Sirius, tugging at Charlie's pant tug, which made the whole group shake. I slapped him. He slapped me back. Lupin groaned. Charlie burst into laughter. I hate him. I hate everyone. I'm going to become a mass murder and kill them all. That'll teach 'em. Mwahahahaha!
11:45 AM
Decided murder might not be the best plan. Decided to just take out all my rage on Lupin and my evil-awesome-wonderful-ingenious plan. Mwahahaha.
11:46 AM
Note to self: get a new evil laugh.
11:47 AM
I apparently said that out loud. Sirius suggested "bwahaha!" I said it was too girlish. He slapped me. I slapped him back. Lupin groaned. Charlie burst into laughter.
This is the rest of my life.
11:56 AM
Starting to get hungry.
11:58 AM
"I om ungry," announced Sirius.
12:01 PM
We are all very hungry.
12:34 PM
WE HAVE BEEN SAVED!
Ginny Weasley came out of the kitchen, saw us, screamed and ran away. At first, we thought she'd ditched us, but luckily, she came back with her mother. And a camera. We are never going to be able to live this down.
Molly performed a quick spell (probably the one Lupin had been about to do) and suddenly the stick just left. Like the smoke after a fire dies. Like the shiver when warmth comes. Like – oh, whatever.
WE'RE FRIGGING FREE!
12:35 PM
Am running through the house as fast as I can. Lupin and Sirius are chasing me. They call it revenge.
12:46 PM
Am feeling quite sore. Forgot my wand, and Sirius cursed me bad. Even Lupin cursed me once or twice. And I thought he was a gentleman. They are not gonna live this down.
12:50 PM
Am resuming Plan 1 – Hating Lupin. So far, I've just spiked the potion. I would have had most of it done by now, too, if it hadn't been for – excuse me for a moment.
1:05 PM
Have totally kicked Charlie Weasley's scrawny little potion-spilling arse. Also had a bite to eat.
1:12 PM
Have found Lupin lying on the couch, asleep. Have brought my manicure kit. Let the torture begin.
1:15 PM
Victim woke up halfway through filing his nails. He blinked at me. I smiled innocently. Am quickly thinking up good excuse.
1:16 PM
Nothing yet.
1:17 PM
The innocent smile thing seems to be working well.
1:18 PM
He has finally asked me what I'm doing. I said I was praying.
Praying!
1:19 PM
Victim laughed in my face and left. Damn. His. Stupid. Sexy. Guts.
1:29 PM
Have decided I will resume manicure at night, after slipping something into his hot chocolate so he won't wake up. Fwahahaha!
1:30 PM
I think I will resume 'Mwahaha'.
1:51 PM
I have told Ginny Weasley Lupin's a virgin. She said 'ew' and walked away. Must find someone else to tell.
2:10 PM
Have told Arthur Weasley Lupin's a virgin. He nodded sadly at me, and told me knew. Tehehehehe.
2:58 PM
Have told Fred, George and Ron Weasley Lupin's a virgin. Fred and George told me if I was looking to deflower him, I should be gentle. Slapped them soundly. Ron promptly ran away, looking quite green.
3:27 PM
Lupin has asked me why everyone is giving him sad looks.
I told him it was because they wanted him bad.
3:28 PM
I don't think he believed me. Eh, it was close enough anyways.
3:45 PM
Sirius has found out what I've been saying, and questioned me. I told him it was true. He got this wild, twisted grin on his face. I didn't need to see that.
4:00 PM
Told Charlie Weasley Lupin's a virgin. He was the only person who didn't believe. I asked him if it was from personal experience. He blushed.
4:01 PM
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
4:39 PM
Lupin is giving me suspicious looks.
4:59 PM
Have told Molly Weasley Lupin's a virgin. I think she giggled. It was very wrong.
5:04 PM
Found Hestia Jones wandering around aimlessly, and told her. Her eyes went really wide, and she ran off in the other direction, scary smile on her face. I think I've set loose a monster.
5:15 PM
Sat down for dinner. Hestia was looking hungrily at Lupin the whole time. Lupin didn't seem to notice. He was trying to avoid sympathetic looks from Arthur and Molly. Sirius was sneaking glances at him every so often.
Best dinner of my life.
5:29 PM
Lupin has cornered me.
5:30 PM
He is demanding to know why Hestia tried to rape him in a closet.
5:31 PM
I asked him why I would know.
"Don't even try to act innocent," he accused, narrowing his eyes. I tried not to smile.
"I am innocent!" I pleaded.
"No, you're not." He had his arms on my shoulders, and he was glaring at me. Except it wasn't really a glare. He was too nice to glare. "What did you say?"
I licked my lips, trying to think of something good. Lupin raised his wand, and before I knew it, I saw my memories flashing before my eyes. Me as a little girl on the swing in my backyard, my parents smiling down on me as I changed my hair colour for the first time ever, Charlie Weasley telling me a boy named Jacob liked me in fifth year, me kissing Jacob, me kissing Bill Weasley, me kissing –
"Stop!" I screamed, and it stopped. The room came back into vision, along with Lupin, standing a few feet from me, his eyes wide. Please, please God he didn't see that. "You – you broke into my mind!"
Lupin looked down. "Yes."
"How dare you?" I shrieked, and I saw guilt cloud his vision. "Those are my private thoughts! You just can't do that! How dare you!" I pushed him roughly on the chest, feeling for a moment how incredibly skinny he was. But I didn't care.
I ran from the room, not wanting or waiting for him to reply.
5:45 PM
I'm lying on my bed, the whole situation racing through my mind over and over again. I should actually be angry at Lupin for breaking into my memories. It was a nasty thing to do, and normally, I probably would. But I just couldn't be. He had been so, so close to seeing that memory of us, all those years ago. If he saw that …
I turned around on my bed, facing the wall. I rubbed my forearm hard, as though trying to scrub the tattoo right off my skin. I just wanted this day to be over.
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A/N: R&R? (also: any OOCness on Lupin's part will be explained next chapter, if you haven't got it already).