Note: Sorry about the delay in posting this chapter. Life has been a bit hectic lately and time has been in short supply. Thanks for sticking with me so far.

The Gift of Life – Chapter 7

John ran his hand through his still damp hair and opened the door to the infirmary bathroom. Carson was waiting for him just outside, leaned casually against the wall as he talked to Marcy. The doctor stopped mid-sentence at the sound as he and Marcy turned toward the colonel.

"Colonel, you have a visitor. Let's just get you back to bed first, though."

John stood staring at the dark bruising around Marcy's right eye and the slightly swollen lid. At least what he could see of her actual eye looked okay.

"Colonel, back to bed and then you can gawk," said Carson lightly, taking Sheppard firmly by the elbow and steering him across the room.

Marcy giggled, which somehow seemed to lift a load off Sheppard's shoulders. He allowed himself to be helped back into bed, the much desired shower having used up all his available energy. As soon as he was settled, Carson began hooking the IV line back up to the hub of the catheter in John's hand.

"Carson, are you sure we can't just dispense with that? If I'm well enough to take a shower, I should be well enough not to have an IV." John watched with distaste as Carson finished hooking him up.

"Is that your professional opinion Colonel Sheppard?" Beckett made no attempt to hide the annoyance in his voice. "You have yet to keep much more than a little broth down and, while your liver and renal functions are good, it takes a while to get over the effects of coming that close to a total shutdown. How about we let me decide the course of your treatment, being as I'm the one with an actual medical degree?"

Sheppard nodded sheepishly. "Sorry . . . just hate those things and . . . I'm sorry."

Beckett's expression immediately softened as he patted Sheppard on the knee. "It's all right, Colonel. I know you don't like the IV, but if I didn't feel like you needed it, it wouldn't be here. I know you're feeling better, but you still have a ways to go and there's no need to rush it. You visit with Marcy and I'll be back in a bit."

John nodded, staring at the IV line taped to his hand. "Okay . . . thanks." He looked up to find Marcy watching him, a small smile just turning up the corners of her mouth. "What?"

"You're so predictable."

John snorted. "Am not." He looked at her for a second before sighing and rolling his eyes. "Okay, so I am. Sue me." They both chuckled for a few seconds before he looked back to her, once again staring at her black eye. "Marcy, I'm – "

"Don't you dare say you're sorry again. You've already apologized an obscene amount of times. Anyone would think you'd cut my leg off or something. I've been a military nurse for a while now and I've had worse, believe me. And sometimes from lucid people who knew what they were doing. It was more my fault than yours. I was careless, didn't do what I knew to do."

John shook his head. "There's no way me punching you in the eye could be your fault. Anyway, I . . . " He trailed off as she pointed her finger at him and shook her head, warning him not to say it. One side of his mouth turned up as he brainstormed on what to say. "I . . . uh . . . wish I hadn't hit you." He broke out into a full fledged triumphant grin.

Marcy crossed her arms. "Okay, slick. Besides, you did me a favor. After some ice and a few Tylenol, I felt a lot better and still had the whole day off. Kelly and I had a nice picnic and walked out to the east pier to get some sun this afternoon. So see, you actually did me a favor."

John smirked and shook his head again. "I doubt that, but thanks for the pep talk. I appreciate that you came to see me. You didn't have to do that."

Marcy shrugged her shoulders. "Just remember to be extra nice to me in your near and future visits. And now I have blackmail material. If you don't cooperate with me over the next few days, I can just tell people that you knocked me around."

John looked somewhat horrified for a few seconds before it registered that she was kidding. His face finally relaxed at the gleam in her eye and the distinct sounds of snickering. "Oh, whatever. Just . . . " His expression sobered. "Give me some warning next time . . . please."

Marcy nodded and placed a hand on his arm. "I will. And I'm sorry I startled you. I'll be back on duty tomorrow and maybe we could just look past this fiasco and both be a little more careful."

John smiled and nodded. "I'd like that."

Marcy seemed relieved, letting John know that she had apparently been worried about the incident, about him. He was touched that she would worry about a patient after the patient socked her in the eye. But that was what made the doctors and nurses of Atlantis special. Except for the odd transfer that didn't fit in and usually didn't stay long, they all took the care of their patients very seriously. They made each person feel like they were important as an individual.

"Hey, I better let you get some rest before Dr. Beckett gets me. I'll see you tomorrow and you do what they tell you. We have to get you back on your feet so can go torture Dr. McKay."

John rolled his eyes. "I think it's the other way around."

"Looks like a two way street from where I'm standing," Marcy said. "Take it easy, Colonel."

"Thanks and good night, Marcy," said Sheppard to her retreating back. She waved at him over her shoulder without turning around, bringing a smile to his face. Although he still felt bad about hitting her, somehow he didn't feel quite as guilty as a before. Letting his head ease back against the pillows, he closed his eyes. If he didn't hate being in the infirmary so much, he'd actually like it. How was that for irony?

"Colonel?"

Sheppard snapped his head up, realizing from the heaviness of his lids and the shock of the intruding voice that he must have dozed off. "Yeah?" he said sleepily, still not sure who had addressed him.

"Are you all right, lad?"

Sheppard rubbed his face a few times and then looked up at Beckett. "Yeah, I'm good. Guess I must have dropped off for a few minutes. What's up?"

Beckett nodded and looked around, spotting a chair and pulling it up beside the bed before plopping down in it.

"If you're sitting, that means we have something to discuss," said Sheppard warily. "I'm guessing either the DNA test or my little meltdown this afternoon."

Carson pushed out a deep puff of air. "Both actually. Kate was a little worried about what happened. She said she probably pushed you too hard too soon. She wants to try again tomorrow, but she said to assure you that she'd take it a little more slowly."

John winced and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "I don't guess I have any choice in this, do I?"

"Actually, you have a little. You can tell her to wait a few days, to give you more time to deal with it yourself. But you can't put it off indefinitely."

John sighed loudly and shook his head. "And that just pushes back how long it will take me to get cleared. Tell her to come back tomorrow." He laughed, low and bitter. "Maybe she should come before lunch, though."

"All right, I'll let her know. Part two is that I got the results of your DNA test back."

John looked up at Beckett, frowning even before he heard the verdict because he was pretty sure there were no good answers. "Okay, Doc, what'd you find?"

"There has been a small addition to your DNA."

Sheppard let his head fall back against the pillows, staring straight ahead, but not really seeing the infirmary. "Wraith?"

Beckett sighed. "Probably, but to be honest, I can't say for sure. It's a smaller sequence than what Teyla has and, although there are some similarities, there are some differences as well. Due to the timing of its appearance, it almost certainly came from your friend, most likely when he was restoring your life. It'd be very easy to insert the genetic sequence while restoring life back to your cells."

"Great. Now I'm what . . . part Ancient, part Wraith? Hey, and let's not forget I was part bug for a while, heck, I was mostly bug for a while. I guess that makes me the biggest freak in two galaxies." Sheppard laughed out loud as he closed his eyes and shook his head. "At this rate, I won't be human much longer. I'm not sure if I still am now."

"Now, colonel, it's not all that bad. You're still human, for sure. You just have a few little additions, that's all. And we both know Rodney is still jealous of the Ancient addition, even if he won't admit it."

Sheppard nodded, slowly and reluctantly. "Okay, I'll admit that now that I've kind of gotten used to it, I would probably miss the Atlantis connection. And I would definitely miss flying the puddle jumpers."

Beckett nodded and smiled. "There, not so bad after all. And the bug DNA is all gone, I've told you that on numerous occasions."

John frowned slightly and cocked his head a little to one side. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," Beckett said confidently.

"Only fools are positive."

Beckett's eyes widened and he snapped his fingers a few times. "Oh, wait, I know this one . . . you've told me before . . . Moss Valley, right?" Beckett grinned proudly.

Sheppard just frowned deeply in disappointment. "Ah, you were so close. The movie is Fern Gully. Moss Valley? Honestly, Doc, where do you come up with this stuff?"

Beckett snorted and crossed his arms. "Well, I'm sorry that I have better things to do than keep up with all your movie and cartoon references."

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes as the mood slid back into a more serious one. Sheppard finally took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before turning back to face Beckett. "So, what does this new sequence mean exactly?"

Beckett shrugged his shoulders and raised his hands in an expression that said he didn't really know. "I'm not sure, but I can make some observations and guesses."

Sheppard nodded. "Okay, observe and guess away."

"Since the strand is much shorter than Teyla's, I'm guessing you can't connect with the Wraith like Teyla can."

"That's one small favor," John murmured.

"I'm thinking it serves as either just a connection to the one Wraith and possibly only under special circumstances or that it may just be a marker. It may be a way for him to seek you out and communicate with you or it may just mark you so that if another Wraith tried to feed, he would know that you had been restored by a Wraith. It may be some combination of all these."

"So when the Wraith was in my dream, he may have actually been in my head?"

"Possibly, there's no way to be certain at this point."

"But you don't think I can communicate with the Wraith the way Teyla can?"

"No, I don't."

John looked at the wall across from him as he thought. "You know, there is one way to find out."

"No!"

Beckett's sharp retort surprised John. "Doc?"

Beckett shook his head. "You aren't strong enough and you haven't dealt with the trauma of any of what's happened in the last week. You need to get your strength back before you try something like contacting the Wraith."

"Doc . . . you said it probably wouldn't work anyway."

"I know perfectly well what I said, colonel. There's nothing wrong with my memory or my hearing. I used words like probably and maybe for a reason. We don't know. You aren't to try anything until you're stronger and only then with monitoring. Is that clear?"

"Okay, Doc, okay, you win. We'll try it later." John was a little surprised at the strength of Beckett's reaction to his suggestion.

Beckett relaxed and his smile came back. "I don't want you to worry about any of this. We'll get it all sorted out eventually and none of this makes you a freak. Changing the subject, do you feel like eating anything?"

John wasn't really hungry, but he wasn't feeling sick either. He knew he needed to eat if he was ever going to get rid of the IV, much less get out of the infirmary. "Yeah, I could eat."

"Good. Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon were going to bring you some supper and it's just about time for them to get here."

John nodded. "Doc . . . don't tell them. I think it needs to come from me."

Beckett nodded. "It's up to you, colonel I can tell them if you want."

"Just send them my way and I'll talk to them."

"All right, I will. Let me know if you need anything." Beckett got up and headed for his office leaving John to contemplate his newest problem.

Less than half an hour later, John's three teammates showed up with a tray of food for him. They brought vegetable soup, a few crackers, and four dishes of red Jell-o. John looked at the tray before him, his eyes wide.

"Uh, guys, how much Jell-o did you think I needed?"

Rodney rolled his eyes in exaggerated fashion and sighed loudly as he grabbed a plate of the wiggly dessert. "Oh, please, you can't possibly think we brought all of this to you. I got some for all of us so we could at least eat dessert together."

John grinned slyly at McKay. "I thought you were going to save me pie."

McKay shifted in the chair he had settled in and mumbled something incoherent as he stuffed his mouth full of Jell-o. He made a point of being obsessed with his food and completely ignored the eyes that he knew were on him. When he had practically licked the plate clean, he finally let his eyes drift up, hoping he wouldn't make contact. Hazel eyes, touched with understanding, pierced his.

"I take it you heard about . . . what happened with Kate?"

McKay swallowed hard and nodded. "I knew I should have stayed. Talk about getting your license from a Cracker Jack box."

John grinned. "You better not let her or Carson hear you say that."

Rodney shrugged his shoulders. "She's too pushy. She should have given you more time."

John rubbed the back of his neck and moved his head to one side, stretching his tired muscles. "She was just trying to help."

Rodney's mouth dropped open and blinked slowly a couple of times. "I'm sorry . . . I thought I heard you defend Kate Heightmeyer."

"He is right, Dr. Heightmeyer was just trying to help," offered Teyla.

"That may be, but she pushed too hard too fast and Sheppard was the one who suffered."

"I'm fine, so could we just drop it?" asked Sheppard sharply, his face lined with tension.

Silence filled the room as the three friends eyed Sheppard. Rodney finally held out his hands defensively. "Fine, you're right. Not my business anyway. Consider the matter dropped. Eat your soup before it gets cold and Carson pokes us all with something sharp for disturbing your dinner."

Sheppard picked up his spoon and dipped it into the soup, feeling very uncomfortable at the way his little scene from earlier had now developed into a new scene. He ate the soup, not really tasting it as he thought about how out of control he seemed to be right now. He had to pull in his emotions and his fear and his anger and get back on track. Looking down at the sound of his spoon clinking on the side of the bowl, he realized the bowl was empty. At least Carson would be happy.

John looked at the Jell-o for a few seconds, but decided he was too full. Pushing the tray table away from him a bit, he leaned back against the pillows. He found it hard not to smile at Rodney eyeing his uneaten dessert. "Rodney, would you like my Jell-o?"

Rodney licked his lips, but still looked uncertain. "Are you sure?"

John smiled, feeling a bit of the tension from earlier dissolve at the return to what was a normal conversation for them. "Go ahead, I'm not eating it."

Rodney nodded and picked up the small plate. "Well, we wouldn't want it to go to waste."

John watched as Teyla and Ronon exchanged a look. Taking a deep breath, he decided it was time to tell his team what Beckett had discovered. "Carson got the results of the DNA test." Rodney's hand stopped halfway to his mouth and then dropped back down to the plate.

"They showed a small addition to my DNA that is probably from the Wraith. He said it's smaller and slightly different from the Wraith DNA that Teyla has, so he isn't sure what the implications are yet. He thinks it may be either a small link to that one Wraith or just a marker saying I've been previously fed on and saved. We won't know for sure until we explore a little, and he's not ready to let me do that right now."

Rodney sighed and his features relaxed. "Thank goodness for that. At least Carson attended an accredited sheep herding school."

Ronon frowned heavily and pushed off the wall he had been leaning on. "I guess there's no way to get rid of it?" The idea of a Wraith even touching him, let alone leaving something behind in him left him almost shaking with rage.

"No," said Sheppard quietly. "Not outside of killing me." He looked up at the former runner, his face sad as he wondered if his friendship with the big guy had just been irrevocably compromised.

Ronon growled as he paced, causing even Teyla to look on worriedly. She could almost feel the heat of his rage radiating into the room. Looking to John, she worried about how he would view the Satedan's anger, if he would assume it to be directed at him. She did not want to see anything come between their friendship, feeling that they both needed it.

"Next time I see Kolya, he's dead," mouthed Ronon between clenched teeth.

"Not if I see him first." Teyla looked from John's cold eyes to Rodney to see him looking almost as pale as she felt. There was something in John's voice she had never heard before, and it sent a wave of shivers down her spine. She moved over to stand closer to John's side and take his hand in hers.

"You must not let your anger consume you. You're too good for that. Whatever happens, we are your friends and we will stand by you. The addition may mean nothing. If does have some impact, it could turn out to be a good thing at times, just as my ability to sense the Wraith can be positive. We must have faith and stand together, and the rest will come."

John looked into her wide, dark eyes and he believed her. He knew these were his friends and they had proven they would stand beside him. He just had to hang onto that and quit letting his doubts get in the way. Suddenly all the fears from the day seemed less important. They weren't gone, but they at least seemed manageable.

"Thanks," he whispered, his voice rough and barely audible. Teyla smiled and leaned her head forward. He copied her motion so that their foreheads touched. He looked back up as a strong hand clasped him on the shoulder, almost knocking him over. No need to see who that had belonged to. Then Rodney appeared beside Teyla, looking uneasy and out of place. He finally settled on giving Sheppard a light pat on the opposite shoulder from the one Ronon had just smacked. John finally realized that it didn't really matter if he was a freak, he still had the best team in the galaxy.

oOo

John lay staring at the ceiling through the darkness of the nighttime infirmary. He wasn't sure how long he'd been awake, but it had been a while. He'd awoken from a nightmare with a silent gasp that hadn't attracted any unwanted attention, only to find he couldn't bring himself to think about sleep again. He wasn't sure what was worse, the old nightmare about being fed on, or the new one that had appeared tonight, in which he turned into a Wraith and proceeded to feed on all his friends.

He briefly wondered about whether he could contact the Wraith, the way Teyla had been able to in the past. Carson seemed pretty sure he couldn't. Looking around the infirmary, he only saw one other patient and one nurse at the desk on the other end of the room. He turned on his side, his face away from her.

John took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes, concentrating on reaching out to the Wraith the way Teyla had explained that she did. He thought about the inside of a hive ship and made his mind conjure up images of ships he'd been on in the past. When that didn't work, he thought of contacting a Wraith and talking to him. Focusing his every thought on making contact with his enemy for over thirty minutes did nothing but give him a headache and make him tired. When he finally gave up, the relief was overwhelming.

He smiled as he flipped back over on his back. Carson had been right. There wasn't enough DNA to set up a connection with the Wraith in general. He was too tired to explore the other option, so he decided to save that for later. Of course the real question was, how was he going to explain to the good doctor that he knew he couldn't connect to the Wraith because he'd already tried it, against doctor's orders? He almost chuckled out loud. Surely they had figured out by now that he had a slight tendency to disobey direct orders. John was still smiling when he drifted off to sleep a few minutes later.

TBC