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The Gift of Life – Chapter 9

Marcy handed John two Tylenol and a cup of water as Carson finished raising the head of the bed. "Thanks," said the colonel, tossing the pills in his mouth before downing the drink.

"Colonel, I expect you to let me know if that becomes more than the average headache," said Carson firmly.

Rodney snorted and shook his head. "Oh, please, think about who you're talking to here."

John glared at Rodney and then frowned. "Not helping, Rodney."

Rodney shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, if the shoe fits . . . "

"Still, not helping." John squirmed in the bed, trying to get comfortable as he adjusted the covers around him. "I've really got to get out of here soon." He stilled as he looked up to find Beckett staring down at him with his arms crossed.

"In that case, you might want to try following your doctor's advice occasionally."

John scooted down further in the bed as his face flushed slightly. "Uh, yeah, about that . . . I'm sorry, doc. I just kind of . . . got to thinking about it and the next thing I knew, I was there."

Before Carson could respond, they were all distracted by Elizabeth entering the infirmary and making her way quickly over to John's bed. She looked worried, which only made John feel even more guilty.

"All right, Carson, what's this about John contacting the Wraith? I wouldn't have expected you to let him try something like that so soon, not to mention the fact that I should be kept in the loop when anyone around here feels an urge to contact the enemy."

Carson sighed. "I told him not to attempt it, actually, but apparently he thought he knew better. When I came to tell him Rodney was here with his lunch, we couldn't get him awake for several minutes. Apparently he was checking out his connection to the Wraith by visiting him on a hive ship."

"John!" Elizabeth's stern voice brought glances from the other two patients in the infirmary and a couple of the nurses. "What were you thinking? You not only could have endangered yourself, but you could have given away Atlantis."

"The connection isn't to Wraith in general, like Teyla, it's only to the one Wraith from the planet. I went to him on the hive ship, not the other way around. I know better than to give Atlantis away." John's tone and expression were definitely defensive in nature.

"How do you know for sure it's not broadcast to all Wraith in the area?" asked Rodney.

"Uh . . . I tried that already and it didn't work. Plus, the Wraith told me it was only between me and him.'

"You tried it already?" Elizabeth closed her eyes and set her forehead in her hand while closing her eyes. "John, sometimes . . . "

"Look, Beckett was already pretty sure it wouldn't work before I tried it. I just . . . I've been a little freaked at having Wraith DNA on top of Ancient DNA, you know? I had to know if there was a connection." John needed them to understand why he had done what he had. He hadn't had any intention of endangering Atlantis, or even himself. He just had to know where he stood in this whole mess.

Elizabeth stared at him for several seconds. As the fear and anger began to subside, she could see that his expression was pleading for her to understand. While she knew she could never truly understand what he was feeling, she could imagine the hurt and confusion that was probably there. How could she stay mad at him? "All right, John, I guess I can understand the need to know. It doesn't mean I approve or think it was particularly smart, but I can empathize with your reasons."

John breathed out a long, deep breath. "Thanks. I plead diminished capacity from . . . uh . . . my recent near death experiences." He sighed and ran his hand through his already unruly hair. "Actually, I don't think that's far from the truth. My thoughts seem to be a bit muddled lately."

Carson patted John on the shoulder. "I think we can definitely understand that reaction, Colonel. Just promise me you won't try that on your own again."

John nodded. "Okay, Doc. You got it."

"Well," said Rodney. "The least you can do is tell us what happened when you met the Wraith."

John nodded and recounted everything that was said between the two, ending with his realizing he was back in the infirmary.

"What would you have told him if we hadn't pulled you back?" asked Rodney.

John picked at the edge of the blanket. "I don't know."

"You need to figure it out before we step through that gate again."

"I know that," snapped John. He took a breath and then looked up at Rodney. "Sorry, I'm just . . . on edge a little."

Rodney looked around at the tray he brought and then back to John. "I think you're lunch is cold. You want me to get you another?"

John craned his neck, trying to see the tray. "What did you bring me?"

Rodney grinned. "Real food this time, not that broth and Jell-o stuff you've been eating. They had chicken and dumplings today and it was actually pretty good."

John's expression lit up. "I love chicken and dumplings. Do you mind?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, of course I mind, but since you've probably worn yourself out visiting your friend, the life-sucking enemy, then I guess I'll do it anyway. Be back in a few minutes." Rodney picked up the tray and headed out of the infirmary.

John grinned as he watched his teammate leave. Looking up at Elizabeth and Carson, he noticed them smiling as well. "Carson, I don't suppose I'm ever going to get out of here?"

Carson snorted. "You'd think that after recent events. However . . . your test results are looking good. Everything is pretty much back within normal parameters. I'd like to monitor you a bit longer, especially after your little unauthorized trip, but if all stays looking well, I'll probably let you go the morning after tomorrow."

John nodded. "Thank goodness. No offense Carson, I appreciate your taking care of me and everything, but I'm ready to get back to my quarters and have some privacy. This whole deal with the Wraith DNA isn't exactly helping."

"Aye, I understand Colonel. No offense taken."

"How about I keep you company until Rodney gets back with your lunch? I haven't seen you much lately. You look like you're feeling pretty good." Elizabeth sat down in a chair as she spoke and Carson gave a small wave as he wandered away.

"I am. I'm feeling well enough that staying in bed most of the day is driving me nuts."

"Just be patient. You'll be out of here and back on missions in no time." Elizabeth took a deep breath, her smile slowly fading away. "You really scared me this time. I didn't see any way out of this one . . . I was sure that you were . . . "

"But I'm not. It's okay . . . I'm okay. I guess someone's watching over me." John smiled, trying to cheer Elizabeth up even though he knew how she felt. He'd been sure that was his last mission as well. Fortunately, fate seemed to have other ideas.

"That they are, John Sheppard." The smile returned, if a little forced. "I'm certainly glad you have a guardian angel, because if anyone ever needed one, it's you."

oOo

John tried to push his hands in his pockets before remembering the scrub pants didn't have any. "Dang," he muttered as he walked down the hallway.

"Forgot about the pockets again, didn't you?" asked Kelly, walking along beside him. She'd seen his hands moving up and down the side of his thighs, searching for the pockets that weren't there.

"Yep. You'd think I could remember something simple like that as many times as I've worn scrubs in the last three years."

"Did you spend this much time in the infirmary before you came to Atlantis?"

John snickered. "No, not quite this much time, although I did visit once or twice."

"Yeah, I bet," replied Kelly, grinning widely.

They looked up to see McKay round the corner at the end of the hall, coming to a sudden stop a few feet away when he saw them. "Colonel? Why are you wandering the halls in your scrubs? Are you escaping?"

John rolled his eyes. "Yes, Rodney, I'm escaping. That's why I brought a nurse with me, so I would be sure and get caught."

Rodney stood with his mouth open for a few seconds, eyeing Kelly. "Oh, yeah, right. Well, I always did think you were one taco short a combination plate."

"Well, thank you, Tigger," said John as Rodney fell into step beside them.

Kelly snorted as she looked quizzically at the two friends. "I'm not sure I want to know why the two of you know so many cartoon references."

"Why are you out here?" asked Rodney, ignoring Kelly's statement.

"Carson said I could walk down to the balcony for a few minutes and stretch my legs, but he made me bring an escort," said John, nodding his head over toward Kelly. "But at least she's good company."

"Thank you," said Kelly. "I think."

John opened the door as they reached the balcony. Kelly paused before walking through. "I can leave you two alone if Dr. McKay will promise to get you back to the infirmary."

McKay nodded. "Yes, yes, of course, I'll bring him back on one piece."

Kelly grinned at the two. "Okay, but don't stay too long. Dr. Beckett doesn't want the colonel to tire himself out."

"I'm fine," said John adamantly. "There's nothing wrong with me any more."

"Well, Dr. Beckett just wants to be sure before he releases you. Now can I trust you to behave yourself and come back to the infirmary in a few minutes?"

"I'll be good, Kelly. I promise."

Kelly squinted her eyes a few seconds, studying Sheppard carefully. "All right. I'll see you back in the infirmary." She turned and walked back down the hall as the two men made their way onto the balcony.

John leaned against the railing, sucking in a deep breath of fresh air. It took several breaths before the infirmary smell began to dissipate. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon and several colors streaked across the sky, almost like multicolored ribbons. John hadn't realized how closed in he had begun to feel until he got a taste of the outdoors again.

"How are you doing? And don't just say fine or you're good. Give me a real answer."

John looked over at Rodney, seeing the worry on his face and reflected in his eyes. "I'm actually doing pretty well. Labs are pretty much back to normal and I feel pretty good. I get tired faster, but other than that, I'm ready to go. Beckett said he might release me day after tomorrow."

Rodney shifted his weight, but kept his gaze firmly on Sheppard. "That's good . . . but that's not what I meant."

"Oh," said John, looking back out to the ocean. "I'm better. I still have nightmares, but not as often. If I think about it, I can still see him standing over me, I can still feel the pain of him feeding off me." He shuddered involuntarily, catching himself off guard. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that or not be afraid of it happening again. But I don't think of it as often and I can get through the day without wanting to flip out now."

They stood in silence for several minutes, enjoying the soft breeze and the company of a friend as the light slowly faded away. The balcony doors opened and they turned, expecting Carson or one of the nurses. Teyla and Ronon came through the door.

"Colonel, it is good to see you up and around," said Teyla, a smile widening as she neared Sheppard. "Kelly told us we could find you here."

"How was the trip to the mainland? I hope you got everything settled," said John.

Teyla nodded as she and Ronon joined them at the railing. "Yes. I'm afraid it is an old dispute between two families that reappears every few years. We have it settled, at least for now. Halling and Jinto send their warmest regards for your return to health. Jinto wants you to visit soon and play football."

John grinned. "That's a good idea. I haven't been to see them in a while and Jinto's developing into quite a player."

"I played with him for a while, but it wasn't the same as playing with Colonel Sheppard," said Ronon. "It seems I don't know all the rules and the cool moves. And, I didn't just get my life restored by a Wraith. I think you have your own following now."

John sighed and looked down, shaking his head. "Why did you tell them?"

"I wanted to find out if any of my people had ever heard of such a thing happening before, but none of them had. They were . . . amazed."

Ronon grinned at Sheppard. "Be prepared for quite a welcome the next time you go. You may have women offering to have your children."

"And that would be different how?" asked Rodney.

"Guys, this is not funny. Now I can never go back to the mainland again," lamented John.

"It is not as bad as Ronon makes it to be," assured Teyla.

Ronon laughed out loud. "Yes it is."

"Crap," muttered John.

"Hold it," said Rodney, holding his index finger up as he raised his other hand up to his radio and nodded. "Okay, keep your pants on. We'll have him back in a few minutes. He won't break, you know." Rodney paused and frowned. "There's no reason to get ugly about it. I said we'd be there in a minute."

Rodney lowered both arms and looked around at the others. "We have to get the colonel back to the infirmary before Carson comes after us with large needles and probes and such. Come on Colonel."

John didn't want to go back, but he didn't feel like fighting with Carson and he was getting a little tired. "I'm coming," he mumbled as he headed for the balcony door, his team right behind him.

oOo

Carson closed the door to Elizabeth's office as he and Kate took a seat. Elizabeth waited for them to get settled before beginning. "Okay, Carson, why don't you begin? John's been out of the infirmary for a week. How is he doing?"

Carson nodded. "Aye, he has. I did another round of tests yesterday and everything looks good. His results are all normal and he's doing well regaining his strength. I even let him jog with Ronon this morning and he was fine afterward. Physically, he's almost good as new."

Elizabeth smiled, pleased that her second in command was healthy after his close encounter with death. "What do you suggest as far as going back to duty?"

"I'd recommend three or four days of light duty to ease him back into the work schedule and then, barring any setbacks, a return to full duty. He's itching to get back to work."

Elizabeth nodded and rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know. He's been down here about twenty times in the last two days to ask me if we'd talked about that yet. He made it perfectly clear that he felt like he was ready and wanted to know what our problem was."

Carson chuckled. "That's our colonel, all right."

Elizabeth turned to Heightmeyer. "Kate, what about his mental status? Do you think he's ready?"

Kate crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap. "Actually, he's doing remarkably well. I tapered our talks off when he was released, but he seems to have made excellent progress. You know he doesn't like talking to me, but he did seem to make an effort to cooperate, at least for him. I've noticed he seems less tense and can talk more freely now than when we began. I've actually been getting most of my useful information from the observations of others. He's having less problems with nightmares and he seems to be handling daily activities without getting sidetracked by the thinking about what happened. I think Carson's assessment fits right in with what I'd suggest. I would like one more visit before we clear him for full duty, but other than that, I think he's ready."

Elizabeth smiled at the two. "Good. I'll call him down later and let him know."

"Elizabeth, there is one thing I'm a tad concerned with," said Kate. "He's mentioned on a couple of occasions that if he and Kolya ever meet again, he'll kill Kolya. He seems very adamant about it."

Elizabeth's expression hardened. "Can you blame him?"

Kate took in a deep breath. "No, I suppose not, but he's so fixated on it, that it scares me a little bit. I even asked him if he would kill Kolya if he was unarmed and he said yes."

Elizabeth pursed her lips and looked at her desk a moment before lifting her eyes to meet Kate's. "I should probably tell you that if Ronon had found Kolya when they rescued John, we had pretty much agreed that he would kill him."

Kate seemed shocked, sitting with her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. "Elizabeth . . I don't understand."

"No, you don't," Elizabeth stated firmly. "You weren't here with that man when he tried to take over Atlantis during the storm. You didn't see the greed and hate in his eyes as he threatened to kill you and your friends. You didn't see him coldly torturing John for something he knew he couldn't have. He is a cold blooded killer and he'll stop at nothing to get Atlantis and I firmly believe that he'll come after John again, and possibly Rodney or myself. Men like him never stop. He needs to be eliminated and I'll not stand in the way of anyone wanting to carry that out. We won't chase him down, but we'll act when given the opportunity."

Kate took in a deep, shuddering breath. "I never thought you'd say anything like that."

Elizabeth looked sad, her eyes moist. "I never did either . . . until now. Did John say anything to make you think he'd go after Kolya?"

"No, nothing like that. He just said if he ever came across him again, he'd kill him. I thought it was odd that he still hasn't decided if he could kill that Wraith, but he has no doubts he'd kill Kolya."

Carson cleared his throat. "Well, the Wraith was being used, just like the colonel was. And the Wraith did end up helping him escape and saving his life. When you think of it, the Wraith was a lot more compassionate than Kolya ever was."

"I guess I never thought of it that way," said Kate.

"If there isn't anything else, then I'll call John and tell him the good news," said Elizabeth.

Carson and Kate both shook their heads and stood to leave. "Good. I'll tell him three days of light duty and then he is to check with both of you for final clearance to full duty." Elizabeth stood and walked her two guests to the door. As she stepped out into the control room, she saw John standing beside one of the consoles, talking to the tech on duty.

"Waiting on anything in particular?" she asked as he gave her his patented lop-sided grin. Elizabeth was relatively certain that she'd never been so glad to see it.

"Nothing special, just hanging around. Why, do you need to talk to me?"

Elizabeth couldn't miss the hope in his eyes. "As it turns out, I do. My office." Without looking back, she turned and headed into the room.

"Yes," John whispered. He was making the final steps to getting things back to normal and he was positive that was just what he needed. The only thing he lacked now was figuring out the answer to the Wraith's question. He still didn't know if all bets were really off. He wasn't sure if he ever would.

TBC

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