Disclaimer: If I won the lottery, maybe I could ... possibly ... in the future ... maybe ...

I am never going to own Harry Potter.

A/N: Wonder what this chapters going to be about -rolls eyes-

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Chapter Nine: Into the Pensive

The moonlight blanketed my face in light as I sat by the dying fire, the legs crossed and my hands placed neatly in my lap.

It was almost midnight, but I wasn't tired in the least. If anything, I was a bit agitated. I hadn't seen Lupin in over a week. I wasn't … bothered by it, or anything, I was just … intrigued. He had so far been basically living in the Headquarters, and suddenly he just … disappears. All Sirius would say is that we are the Order of the Phoenix, and we have duties to fulfill. Big help that was.

Only when the fire sparked and finally died, covering me in darkness save for the moonlight, did I actually notice it. A small glow, coming from the corner of the room, trapped between two heavy looking books.

This was the library. It wasn't really odd to see something like that. I assumed it was an enchanted book. However, I stood up and decided to check it out anyways. What did I have to lose?

The light seemed to become more and more white as I neared it. Well, walking into the white light is never a good sign. I was a few feet away when I realized it wasn't coming from a book. It was coming from a large, dome shaped object. I suddenly realized I was holding my breath, and sighed. I moved the two books that were covering it away. I gasped. It was a Pensive!

The memories were swirling fast and colorfully inside it. I stretched my fingers out, almost touching it. Who's was it? I doubt many people had them, never mind just leaving them out like this.

The white light sparked, and I narrowed my eyes. I could almost, almost see the images swirling around in them. I stretched out my fingers again, ready to touch the surface …

No! I pulled away. What am I thinking? These are someone's memories. I can't just go snooping around.

…

But it could prove to be very interesting.

No! It's dishonest!

Oh, they'll never know.

It's still dishonest.

God, when I have I ever had a conscience? Go away.

No!

I don't care what you say. You're just a little voice.

You're very mean.

Mwahaha!

Funny.

Go die in a hole … oh, that's right – you can't! You're not alive! You don't have a body! Hah!

Fine. Go and invade someone's privacy. See if I care.

Ok.

Wait, no!

But I took a deep breath, and dunked my head in the foggy surface. Immediately I found myself on the floor of something or other, out of breath and feeling quite dizzy.

I looked up at the scene. It was Hogwarts. I seemed to be on the Quidditch Pitch. People on brooms were whizzing around above me. However, my attention was drawn to the two people standing beside me, watching the people on the brooms. One of the figures I recognized immediately. The other, I had never met, but knew who it was on concept.

"God, I hate flying," said Lily Potter, her arms crossed firmly over her chest, and her foot tapping impatiently on the ground. "Why are we even watching this?"

"Because your wonderful James Potter is up there, giving the performance of his life," answered a much younger Remus Lupin, smiling slightly. My heart pounded as I stared, awestruck. His smile was still the same.

"Oh, right." Lily smiled at him. Lupin seemed to blush, but Lily didn't notice. My eyes widened as I watched him look at her, the expression in his eyes not actually familiar, but easy to place …

"Oi!" One of the flying figures swooped down towards Lupin and Lily, his dark black hair flopping around in the wind. "Lily. You should join us up here." He winked, and she wrinkled her nose.

"James, I hate flying. You spent five years stalking me. You should know that." I smiled wistfully, and watched as Lupin laughed. Lily looked at him, smiling, but James had eyes only for Lily. My hearts gives another loud pound.

"Sorry, darling," he attempted to kiss her on the lips, but she turned, so he only got her cheek instead. He looked slightly disappointed, but Lily pretended she didn't notice.

"Prongs!" Sirius called from the sky. He's passing the Quaffle between him and another man, whom I can only assume is Peter Pettigrew. I wrinkle my nose in disgust.

James swooped back up into the sky, and Lupin and Lily turned back to each other.

"You should have let him kiss you," Lupin is saying, looking suddenly spiteful. This time, I think, Lily did notice. "Would have made his day."

"I'm not ready for that yet," she said, looking Lupin hard in the eye. He's determinedly looking in the other direction. "We've only just started dating. I still haven't fully recovered from hating his guts."

"I suppose then it's hard to have a civilized chat with me," Lupin said wistfully. His eyes darted around the stadium, finally stopping on the exact place where I'm standing. I feel quite funny, knowing he's looking right through me. "Me being a Marauder and just as bad as him."

Lily looks suddenly solemn. "You were never like him," she said softly. He finally looked over at her. Her eyes widened, and they both adapted the same expression. They looked lost, unaware of what's going on around them. They start to near, before a loud, "That was my eye, Padfoot!" awakened them back to reality. I suddenly feel very relieved Sirius decided to be an idiot and accidentally punch James in the eye while trying to grab the Snitch.

There was a long silence. Lupin stared at his feet, while Lily fiddled with the buttons on her sweater. "I have to go," he said finally, standing up.

"We should talk," she replied, also getting to her feet. No, I thought, breathing heavily. Talk is bad. Talk is stupid. Just sit down; please sit down, please, please.

"No," said Lupin, without looking back. "I'm fine, we're fine, really. Bye."

She stopped, her eyes looking suddenly over bright, and turned away, looking determinedly over at James.

Lupin doesn't look back.

As the memory begins to fade, I realize I'm being stupid. This is the past. The past.

The next few memories go by as just flashes: a little pale boy trying to climb a tree, a grown-up Remus Lupin reading the article of James and Lily's death in shock, a present-day Lupin drinking the Wolfsbane potion painfully, and a toddler smiling up at two tall, brown-haired people, presumably his parents.

I feel myself falling, before I land painfully on my knees, surrounding in darkness. I shakily stood up, feeling along the walls carefully. I suddenly touched something that was not wall-ish at all. In fact, it felt quite –

"Lumos," said a voice just before me. A light flashes and brightens the room right before my eyes. I backed away slightly, trying to readjust my eyes. Standing before me, at the doorframe, is Sirius. He lowers his wand, and I quickly take in his appearance. Definitely post-Azkaban. His hair is matted, his faced worn and his eyes haunted. "What are you doing here?" said Sirius to the blatant emptiness.

"Thinking," replied the emptiness. I jumped. No one's there! Quickly moving towards the couch, I lean over the side and see Lupin, sitting on the floor, staring into the cold fireplace.

"About?" Sirius crosses the room and sits down beside Lupin. He looks quite cross. His lower lip was stuck out, and he was staring flatly ahead. Basically a pout.

"Things." Obviously Lupin was not in a talkative sort of mood.

"About?" Obviously Sirius wasn't getting that.

Lupin looks at the far wall, chewing tentatively on his lip. "I'd rather like to be alone, Sirius."

"Moony," Lupin suddenly looked very annoyed, "I don't want you to be alone." Sirius' voice was soft. I actually, unexpectedly and slightly disturbingly, felt bad for him. He was trying to there for Lupin. He wanted to be noticed.

"Sirius," Lupin's emphasis on the word was obvious, "that's not your call to make. I really need to think." Seeing Sirius' face, and misinterpreting it as friendly concern, his tone softened, and he smiled slightly, "I'm sorry. And I'm fine, really, if that's what your thinking. I've just …" His eyes go up to the ceiling and back again, "had some … unnecessary thoughts I need to evaluate."

Sirius was silent for a moment. It looked as though he might get up, before his eyes snapped to Lupin and he spoke, "It's about Tonks, isn't it?" His tone was harsh, and accusative.

My heart stopped cold. Lupin looked as though his had done the same. "What?" he managed, looking very guilty indeed. Guilty of what, I wasn't sure.

"Your thoughts," Sirius practically spat. Actually, he did … I grimaced as I wiped a glob of spit off of my robes. "Your thinking 'unnecessary thoughts' about our dear Tonks here, aren't you?"

"Wha-why would you think that?" Lupin jittered, his hands clasped very tightly together on his lap.

"Oh, come off it, Lupin," snapped Sirius, standing up, and pacing around by the fireplace. He looked livid.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lupin told him. Personally, he didn't look very convincing.

Apparently, Sirius didn't buy it either. "You're an awful liar," he accused, wringing his hands together. Lupin watched him, blanched.

There was a moment's silence, where I was sure one of them would hear my heart pounding in my chest. "I don't know what you're talking about," said Lupin, breaking the silence, and staring unblinkingly into Sirius' eyes. He was getting better at it.

"Fuck!" There was a loud bang and I saw Sirius had wiped everything off the mantle onto the ground. Lupin stared at the mess, and Sirius swore again loudly. "I've seen the way you look at her, Lupin, we all have!"

Lupin raised his eyes. He looked incredibly calm, especially since everything around me seemed to be spinning in circles and I could hardly breathe. "Sirius, you're not –"

"I'm not what, Lupin?" Sirius yelled, coming closer to the man, and staring demonically into his eyes. Hell, I was scared, and I was more than a few feet away. Lupin didn't blink an eye. "Huh? She's my baby cousin, Lupin! I mean, you even met her yourself when she was just a toddler." Lupin looked slightly taken aback. "It's sick," raged Sirius, standing up and walking away. He glared daggers into the mirror before him, his hands balled into fists at his sides. It was only a matter of time before Sirius punched that mirror into pieces.

Lupin eyes were closed, and had one hand risen to his forehead. He looked so calm, peaceful. I wondered if he was sleeping. I resisted the temptation to go and pinch him. "I don't know what's come over me, Sirius." His voice was soft and … guilty?

Sirius said nothing, but his hands relaxed. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding.

"Whatever feelings I have towards Tonks are merely a passing fancy." Even as Lupin spoke what was probably the truth, I couldn't help but feel as though I had gotten stuck halfway through Apparition, my middles squashed together by a rubber tube. "I don't know what's come over me," he said again, looking completely sincere. "But it will stop. I know I'm being silly. I have no desire to pursue a relationship." Lupin snorted, earning a glare from Sirius, "And, well, honestly, she would never dream of having one with me." He smiled slightly at his 'crazy' statement, while Sirius looked almost worried.

"Of course she wouldn't," Sirius whispered. I don't think Lupin even heard him. "Still, Moony, fourteen years," he shook his head wistfully, "that's way too young." Sirius didn't even look convinced. Lupin did.

"I know. I'm being silly." I think Lupin had a habit of repeating himself. "I'm sorry."

Sirius smiled smugly. White-hot rage filled my body suddenly filled my body, and I tried to look away.

"Does everyone really pick up on my feelings?" Lupin asked, worried. No, I thought sullenly.

Sirius shrugged. "I should go," he said, his voice fading. As the memory began to fade to black, I caught a quick look at Lupin's face. He looked drawn, exhausted and guilty. So, so guilty.

Just as I could see the makings of another memory forming, I turned quickly, bashing into something squishy, soft … and smelling like mint chocolate. That was weird …

I gasped at the tall figure standing before me.

"Any particular reason why you're looking through my memories today?" Remus Lupin asked, eyebrow raised.

Oh, shit.

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