I feel better now. God, I don't usually react this way. But they don't usually explode. And…I kind of broke a rule. It's a stupid rule, I know, but I've never broken it before.
Don't kill anyone who hasn't already committed murder himself. Downright retarded rule, actually. Boss didn't approve. Neither did Bats. For different reasons, of course.
And here I am feeling guilty about killing a man who was going to kill me and my friends and a few other people for good measure. Damn, would I really feel better if I had let him kill Lexy before I took off his head?
But he exploded. His head! His head exploded!
God.
We put Lexy in Harley's bed next to the Scarecrow. She probably needs to go to a hospital, but what kind of explanation would we give? Freak tetherball accident?
When he saw her, Scarecrow grabbed her and wouldn't stop snuggling. Now she's in there crying again because her best friend has to get stoned out of his mind to want to hug her.
Eddie is a nervous wreck. I think it's all this blood on me. Harley changed into civvies right after we cleaned the kitchen, and Ivy is still in the shower, but I'm kind of stuck like this.
His face exploded.
God.
In the morning, I'll take the kiddies back to Lexy's apartment. I think it's about time for me to be hitting the old dusty trail. I hope the boys will be good enough to take care of Lexy until she's feeling better. She's going to want someone around.
I suppose I should try to get some sleep. Everyone else is. But I never could sleep well in a house full of strangers. I mean, I know that somewhere out there in the dark is Poison Ivy, who doesn't like me and wants me out of her house, the Scarecrow, who doesn't like me and is in no state of mind to understand the concept of restraint, and Lexy, who doesn't much like me and would be no fit backup even if she did.
And right next to me is Eddie, who doesn't like me and is completely terrified of me, too.
I don't know why Harley thought it would be a good idea for us to sleep together on the fold-out couch. It wouldn't be the first time she's tried to play matchmaker with a couple of friends, if that's what she's doing, but she should know by now that it never ends well.
He's scrunched up over in the corner, as far from me as he could get without falling off, sleeping fitfully. Bad dreams.
Well, people like us don't last long by sleeping soundly.
--
Damn uncomfortable crying in this mask.
I was just sitting there, watching him sleep, thinking of the past and wishing I could do something good for a change. I don't know what impulse drove me to reach out and touch him, but I did. I stroked his tousled brown hair and thought of Mark. I never cuddled with my boy. I never petted him or soothed a skinned knee or rocked him to sleep. I wish to God I had.
I could feel a change in Eddie right away. All I was doing was brushing his hair with my fingers, but he seemed to melt under my touch. He went very still, the wrinkles in his forehead smoothed out, he even stopped hugging himself and let his arms fall to his sides. I wonder how long its been since he had anyone to comfort him. Other than Lexy.
Thinking of her, I felt it was time to sing. I never sing. I hate my voice. But it was time to sing.
"Lullaby and goodnight, let your…brown eyes close tight." (Funny, as obsessed as I am with eye color, I never noticed Eddie's. I just sang brown because that's what my mother sang to me.) "Fair angels are near, so sleep without fear. They will guard you from harm with their dreamland's sweet charm. They will guard you from harm…" That's when it hit me, hard.
My short-term memory may be nearly photographic, but my long-term memory is shit. I can't remember my mother's face or my father's laugh. I can hear the Joker's laugh, sure. I can see my mother's hair framing any number of black masks.
They died while I was out playing jewel thief. They died, and I hardly noticed.
The last thing I ever said to them was that I was too busy to leave school for a visit to Bludhaven. Then I went away to find myself, and they were killed by bad fish. Fish.
I'm never going to see them again.
So, the next thing I knew, I was crying and hugging Eddie like a teddy bear. Didn't even realize I'd woken him up until I felt him struggling to get away from me.
So, great. Now I've scared the hell out of Eddie and myself. I have this desperate urge to go home, and I don't even have a home to go to.
I think I'm just going to hang out in the bathroom until they're ready to go.
--
Harley may not be the brightest, but, as always, I'm going to miss her. She's really not as dumb as she appears to be, just a tad shortsighted and delightfully mad.
Ivy, I think, is a good influence on her. I wish them both the best.
Back at Lexy's apartment, Scarecrow is finally coming down off his high. He's still trying to do the E.T. thing to her bruised face, though. Boy, is he going to be pissed, later. I believe he actually loves her.
She insists that I stick around for a little while, at least grab a nap and have something to eat before I go. Fine. I'm feeling antsy and I want to be off, but, hell, I'm not even sure where I'm going next.
--
Questions to ask yourself:
What's more important, life or death?
Why is seven a lucky number?
What is the color of vengeance?
Why was help so close when it was needed?
Why were you there?
Why are you here?
Who else knows the answers?
Thanks for your help.
E. Nygma
--
Eddie…you clever little bastard. I'm going to miss you.
Didn't open this notebook again until I was long gone from Lexy's place. I drove all the way out to the burbs to visit my brother. Parked in front of his house. Opened my notebook to make some notes, and saw handwriting that didn't belong to me.
I'll have to ponder it later, though. I'm going in.
--
Well, Eric sure was surprised to see me. I should have changed first. I didn't mean to scare the children.
Last I checked, he had two babies. Looks like number three will be here any day now. Michael is five now, Hilary is three, and Eva is so grotesquely pregnant, I suddenly don't want to have a baby. Eric is going bald. Isn't he too young for that? He's 27. He's gained weight.
They all crowded around the doorway, staring at me. They didn't invite me in.
"I just wanted to say hi," I said. They kept staring. "I know it's been a while. I thought it was time."
"You gots blood on you," said my nephew. His mother shushed him.
"Liss, are you hurt? Are you here because you need help?" He looked like he was dreading my answer to that question.
"Since when have I ever needed help with anything? It's not my blood." A mixture of relief and disgust on his face. "I brought presents."
"We don't want them." Eva and the children didn't look like they agreed with him.
"Before you get all high and mighty on me, big brother, ask yourself if you'll be able to put three kids through college, working a job like yours. I can afford it now, but when I die, I can't legally leave you anything I've earned. Or stolen, whatever you want to call it. I consider what I do a job, and I'm good at it, so I want you to let me help out my nieces and nephews, just because I can." (I'm not really that good at it, am I? But I've had my success. I guess that's almost the same thing.)
"Are you planning on dying any time soon?" he asked.
"Yeah, I am. People like me have to plan on dying soon."
"You could retire."
"Tried it. Didn't work out. I'm not cut out for your kind of life. I tried teaming up with Batman, too. Didn't work out. I'm not going to change my evil ways."
"You're friends with Batman?" the kid asked with this look of hero-worship in his eyes.
"Sure am. You want me to tell him you said hi?"
"Wow! Do you know Superman?"
"Mmm-hmm. And Wonder Woman."
"And Aquaman?" Well, I never met Aquaman. But the kid wasn't waiting for answers. "And the Flash? Green Arrow? Green Lantern? And the one with the wings? Are you a superhero, too?"
"No, I don't have any superpowers."
"Neither does Batman," he said with a satisfied smile.
I hope he's not too disappointed when he finds out what I really do.
I gave my brother the keys to my car.
"Go get your presents. If you don't like yours, you don't have to hold onto them, but at least let the kids keep their toys."
While they were opening up my trunk, I pulled that disappearing act Bats taught me. Now I'm taking the bus back to Gotham. Always back to Gotham.
I should have known my brother wouldn't be happy to see me. We've never been all that close. But I'm glad I saw him, and I'm glad I got to meet the kids.
Now, back to business, I guess.
Thanks, Eddie.
What's more important, life or death?
Does that mean…that the survivors were the target of the attack? Were we allowed to live for a reason? A message? A punishment? A reward? Who were the other survivors, and what do we have in common?
Why is seven a lucky number?
I don't know. I never believed in that kind of thing. I'll have to get some help on this one.
What is the color of vengeance?
I don't know. That's a weird one. But the light I saw in the sky was green. Does that mean anything?
Why was help so close when it was needed?
Because…they knew what was going to happen?
Why were you there?
I was ready to retire. I had my child. I wanted to take us over to England where we could live in peace. I wanted us both to have a normal life. No capes, no masks, you know?
Why are you here?
Because Superman saved me.
No. That's not right. It was Wonder Woman who saved me from drowning. Superman saved me from falling, later. But Batman is the one who really saved me.
Who else knows the answers?
I guess I'll find out. I'm on my way to the Batcave.